Does anyone else feel polarised?

[Proteus]

Sometimes I see myself as a weathered adventurer, grizzled by the sun, wind and salt spray. The old man of the sea, Proteus. But then I want to be a woman, feminine, beautiful, graceful like a Nereid.

Does anyone else feel like they are having to compromise between their male and female sides? I can't really bring myself to shaving my beard, I wouldn't feel like myself in guy mode, and for me it takes a long time to grow it back. Legs need to be shaved at one point. Toenails painted, too.

Proteus was actually a shape shifter. That sure would have come in handy!

[JohnH]

I shaved my moustache off. I'm sorry to say facial hair is not compatible with the feminine look. Be glad that the clean shaven look is acceptable male grooming.

[Pythos]

Within in me there is harmony and balance. I am me. Neither male nor female.

Without me, the story is different. I am male, and present a male to androgynous appearance. I much prefer my fem/androgynous look, mainly because I like the clothing and hair :) I have tried to grow a beard, but I just don't like the look or the feel. So I am smooth shaven.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Nope not all all they are able to come and go as they please and they're in harmony with each oither....jsut let them be free and don't hold them back....

[Emily Ann Brown]

Years back, I grow a beard trying to be what was in my panties. I got tired of being the bearded lady in the circus. Now I need only one picture to show who I am and feel inside.

Peace is a great thing!

Em

[Raychel]

Years ago I had a beard. It made me crazy, red and real wirey, Shaved it off. Now the more I shave the more I like smooth skin, Face, legs and chest.

[annecwesley]

I can identify with this. In a real sense I have to be two (or more) different people. I suspect though this is true of all of us, not just crossdressers, though crossdressers may have a greater distance between their two selves - a real polarity.

I am beginning to explore the middle ground (which some here seem to find quite offensive it seems) by wearing a skirt out and about without even trying to pass as a woman. It sure as heck is a lot easier than what I read some of the guys here go through - no makeup, no shaving, no worrying about whether or not I pass, no worrying about anyone noticing my voice not matching my attire. And who's to know what I'm wearing underneath my kilt skirt or guy skirt anyway?

And when I'm in the privacy of my own home I can still dress from head to toe in as feminine an outfit as I choose.

[Rianna Humble]

No,I don't think I ever felt myself polarised, even when I was in denial. What little dichotomy I felt has been resolved now that I am legally Rianna

[Danni Bear]

methinks yon captain reads too much mythology LOL

Danni

[Joanne f]

Yes my female side is being compromised all the time , it is all very well being TG but for that to truly work you would also need to be a hermaphrodite , so how and you really expect to get a true balance .
( A shape shifter ) would you be happiest shifting to something or back from it .

[Jay Cee]

For years, I had some form of scruff, van dyke beard, mustache, or full beard. Now I run with the clean shaven look, and have no regrets. Maybe I don't look quite as manly when I am in drab, but then again, I don't much care either.

[Sarah Doepner]

I wore my facial hair for years believing it made it less likely that anyone would think of me as less than the masculine image I tried to portray. Finally I realized that the mustache was an accessory only, not my personality. Besides I would get lipstick on it or I couldn't see my lipstick after the application, yuccch!

When I shaved it off I explained it in a variety of ways, none of them related to my newly enhanced ability to apply makeup as I was crossdressing. Although it had been in place for years, but shortly after my face was liberated, everyone knew I was still the same. Well except me, I knew I was different, not needing to put up that false front to people who didn't have a clue in the first place.

I was the only one I was fooling, no one else cared.

[audreyinalbany]

I'm perfectly comfortable not shaving for days on end and being the archetypal guy; but when I get girled up, I want to be girled up. I don't see it as a big conflict. I like being a guy and doing guy stuff, but from time to time I enjoy being a girl. It's fun.

[KlaireLarnia]

Within in me there is harmony and balance. I am me. Neither male nor female.

Without me, the story is different. I am male, and present a male to androgynous appearance. I much prefer my fem/androgynous look, mainly because I like the clothing and hair :) I have tried to grow a beard, but I just don't like the look or the feel. So I am smooth shaven.

Said so well. I am the same. Inside I have a near perfect harmony where the two side of my personality meet and form the whole me. Both male and female parts of me play very important and different roles in my work and personal life and without either I am not complete.

On the outside I have to look male due to work and family. I prefer to be clean shaven naturally as I hate a lot of facial hair and this helps when I am in female clothes as there is nothing too masculine showing - i.e no beard etc. The worst will be some stubble from not shaving for 2 days but that is it.

As I do not try and present as a woman, I have no conflict in looks - I only strive to look (mostly) respectable regardless of what I am wearing at the time.

[Lynn Marie]

Me thinks this is one of those progressive things.

We all start with underwear and then outerwear, then shoes, and then maybe a few accessories and finally maybe a wig which must lead to makeup to complete the transformation.

The order may be different for some, and the the place where you are today maybe different, but the end result of total transformation is the only place for me. I have no desire to dress unless I can get dressed all the way. The feel, the look in the mirror, and even the step out the door is all dependant on the that total transformation. Once there, there is no going back to a bearded lady.

[Karren H]

Life is a series of compromises... Why should this be any different?? You can't have everything your way... Its just not possible. Personally it boils down to prioritize and scheduling. What engineers do best! :)

[Proteus]

It's only been 2–3 years that I've been crossdressing. Naturally it's not something I can figure out overnight.

I don't feel androgynous, I'd rather say I'm bigendered. I'm male AND female, not neither. And it seems I'm going to have to make a compromise.

I know I am a mariner. I'm definitely one of the old school. But it's still very male dominated. Having a girl in every port and all that (Or a t-girl, that's not a myth :heehee:). At the same time, a real seaman must be versed in both sewing and macramé. Really, gender at sea is a very interesting topic for future study.

I did pluck my chest hair this morning, though, it was unsightly regardless of gender expression.

[Karren H]

Yeah... Try being a coal miner.... There are a few women.... But in the dark and dirt its hard to tell.. A guy get caught with panties underground and I'll bet he never see the light of day again! Lol.

[Lainie]

Definitely polarized. Mustache for 38 years, CD seriously on & off for 15 or so, out in public dressed for a few years now. So I'm out to strangers but not to friends & family. Not a sustainable practice.

[Frédérique]

Does anyone else feel polarised?
Sometimes I see myself as a weathered adventurer, grizzled by the sun, wind and salt spray. The old man of the sea, Proteus. But then I want to be a woman, feminine, beautiful, graceful like a Nereid.
Does anyone else feel like they are having to compromise between their male and female sides? I can't really bring myself to shaving my beard, I wouldn't feel like myself in guy mode, and for me it takes a long time to grow it back. Legs need to be shaved at one point. Toenails painted, too.


Polarization seems to be a theme around here lately...;)

I’m happy to say I never see myself as purely male, fitting into those accepted or pre-determined roles that the word “male” connotes. I turn away from all that. Gracefulness is my companion at all times, and it (she) gently pulls me away from any residual masculine proclivities I may not know exist. Granted, it doesn’t take much urging, since the boy was subsumed a long time ago. She is beautiful, and tender, and must be obeyed at all times…

Not that it matters, but I’ve never had any facial hair. I have fair hair, so any beard I would grow would take ages. Nowadays I stick out simply by shaving – no beard “shadow,” either…

[NathalieX66]

I look dreadful in a beard. Everyone complains about it.
In fact everyone complains about how I look with 2 days of stubble including my boss, my mom, and past girlfriends....and I agree.
I am now on the track of getting permanent hair removal on my face to make my male self look better as well as my female side look more real. Yes, I am actually commited to doing it.

[docrobbysherry]

Because closet CDs DON'T NEED TO COMPROMISE!:devil:

Not in our choice of clothing, accessories, or worrying about what anyone thinks!:eek:

I keep ALL my facial hair, almost NEVER worry about makeup, and often dress like an expensive hooker!:D

Proteus, if u don't go out dressed, u can ALWAYS dress to please YOURSELF!:)

[Crystal Alberta]

I know what you mean about feeling polarized, though I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Compromise is a part of life. Personally, I find that I let my male and female sides wax and wane. I've been known to grow a beard and spend months looking like a grizzled mountain man. At other times I want to revel in femininity. I'm quite happy with both sides of me, and I try to make room in my life for both. The one thing I've found is that I prefer to keep them at least somewhat separate. That is, if I want to dress, I'll make sure I'm clean shaven first (face to toe, preferably), and feeling properly girly. I just don't feel comfortable dressing up when I look or feel like a weathered adventurer.

Crystal

[Debglam]

I'm perfectly comfortable not shaving for days on end and being the archetypal guy; but when I get girled up, I want to be girled up. I don't see it as a big conflict. I like being a guy and doing guy stuff, but from time to time I enjoy being a girl. It's fun.


Me too. To me, my CD is only a part of the whole me.

[Diane Smith]

I keep ALL my facial hair, almost NEVER worry about makeup, and often dress like an expensive hooker!:D

The really expensive hookers are indistinguishable from fashion models or well-paid businesswomen, in my experience!

- Diane

[Danni Bear]

I was not refering to the feelings of being polarized but to the reference made to being a Nereid ( sea nymph). One of the daughters of Neptune The god of the Sea in Greek Mythology. This is not something you see or hear much of in modern life anymore. I'm happy to see that maybe all the old learning is not going away.

Danni

[SusanLCD]

In male mode (which is most of the time), I don't feel strongly akin to the more macho world around me. I have never had a strong urge to participate in hunting, fishing, and other macho-ist activities, although I don't disapprove of those who do. It has just never interested me. The males with whom I prefer to socialize also tend to be somewhat moderate in their activities and attitudes (although I doubt any are TGs.)

For femme mode, I want to be as fully involved in it as I can be. My outfit, makeup, wig, etc. should be as complete as possible so that I can experience a small view of the world from a femaie perspective. One result has been a much-enhanced appreciation for some of the problems that a woman faces that are different from those of a man. (I won't be so presumptuous to think that I could ever see/understand them all.) As a male, I understood, but, never truly felt the perils of dark parking lots or the frustrations of trying to find fashionable clothing in "plus sizes."

Those 2 worlds are totally separate for me and, sometimes, the gap is so wide that I find myself frightened by the unresolvable differences within myself.

[Proteus]

This is not something you see or hear much of in modern life anymore. I'm happy to see that maybe all the old learning is not going away.

I was trying to educate a couple of young deck hands about the old ways, and maybe undoing some of the damage done after their superior gave them a lecture in homophobia, before moving on to why they should hate Filipinos. It's generally the ones who think they are just flipping burgers or pushing paper that are so insecure that they can't go a minute without stepping on someone, and this creates a major health and safety hazard for the rest of the crew and the passengers.

[Sophie86]

I go from woodsy-guy to lipstick lesbian. I've given up on the facial hair due to a skin condition, though. That, at least, has simplified things for me.

[Sophie86]

I was not refering to the feelings of being polarized but to the reference made to being a Nereid ( sea nymph). One of the daughters of Neptune The god of the Sea in Greek Mythology. This is not something you see or hear much of in modern life anymore. I'm happy to see that maybe all the old learning is not going away.

Danni

It's off-topic, but anyone interested in keeping the old learning alive for their children should PM me. I can send them a mythology reading list for kids. Some of the books also make good reading for adults.

[GingerLeigh]

Well, you could always shave it off and buy a false beard for everyday (kidding)! I understand being the weathered ol' salt thing. Masculine, traditional, hard. I couldn't even think of growing a "mo" for the Movember prostate thing let alone a full beard (several colleagues of mine are doing it) but it's your call. If you like it, keep it. My male side is saying "huzzah!" to you and your sea-dog-tar look. But I don't think you can expect the girl gurgling inside you to be as enthusiastic about it. For me (I know, its not for everyone) its more of placating both sides. It gives me more of a sense of balance.

[JohnH]

When I shaved my moustache off several people told me how much better and younger I look. I have had almost no criticism from people down in the Dallas area about my hair length, which is down almost to my shoulders in the back. The one man who criticized me later retracted the criticism.

[Jilmac]

Proteus, I used to sport a full beard, but that was all the years I spent in the closte. I believed the beard was my male identity but it also protected my face against harsh winter weather while working in the building trades. I'm out of the closet and the facial hair is a thing of the past and I'm feeling good about myself because I don't have to hide behind a male facade anymore.

[Proteus]

The thing is, I don't think it's just a façade. I got rid of that years ago. All the gay accusations during high school meant you couldn't even cross your legs, but now I act as feminine as I please in male mode.

[Emily_3]

never had a beard, (or much body hair for that matter), polarized i'm not, i've always liked the shaven look.
As for guy/femme time, for me there is no guy or femme time, it's just me wearing what I want/need to at any given moment in different situations.

:)

[AKAMichelle]

life is full of compromises and cd'ing is no exception.

[sterling12]

No, but I have this huge compulsion to feel like A Polar Bear! Some "Urge" comes on me and I just need to disguise myself as a huge, white, carnivore that hangs out on Ice Flows, and periodically heads south to terrorize Churchill! Then....at other times, I feel like an Accountant and desire to wear brown shoes!

Life is very tough with these split personalities. Don't know if I need to be in The Bear Pits, or hanging out by The Copying Machine. And, that's why I come around here, to offer and receive useful advise!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[suchacutie]

I used to think my masculine and feminine selves were as completely polarized as possible. Now I view it as separate, distinct, and free to be who they are in those presentations, but the whole point of the separation, for me, is that both of my "selves" are a part of me and as I begin to understand who they are I can mix them at whatever level I want. For me it is very important that my two gendered sides are allowed to have that freedom of individuality so that their identity can be understood and developed. I feel priviledged to be able to understand my self in this way.

tina