Why is there a need for solidarity in the TS/TG Community?

[Melody Moore]

One thing I have really learnt about the Transgender/Transsexual Community is that it lacks solidarity and courageous people who will stand up for what they believe in and to be quite frank about it, this really grates on my nerves no end.

Last Saturday I attended the Transgender Day of Remembrance meeting with my local support group & solidarity within the TG/TS community was one of the topics we discussed. It was pointed out to me by my local social group organisers that some of the worst bigots we ever have to deal with are members of our very own community. And I'm afraid to say that I have to agree with those statements after my experiences with the TG/TS community. I'm not just saying this being a problem just on this forum, because I have seen the same type of division going on other forums & community groups elsewhere.

I am not saying that I am always right about everything because many times I have been proven wrong in the past, but there is a right way and a wrong way about going about it. Some people like to post pointless flames & personal attacks when a more constructive comment is all that is needed in getting a point across.

My agenda is not just a personal agenda, my main an agenda for the TG/TS Community as a whole. As you know I'm not afraid to speak my mind an tell it how it really is. I'm not one to ever pander or placateto the needs of others for fear of political correctness. I will say what people need to hear and not what they want to hear.

I am a former soldier so I am very much the team player. It has been part of my training to be the way that I am in order to protect the lives of others who served with me to complete our objectives with minimal causalities. In the TG/TS community there are many tragic stories to be told where our sisters & brothers have fallen and become part of the statistics of those who didn't make it & personally I don't like it, in fact I hate seeing that.

When I served in the army as an infantryman when I see a comrade fall, I would pick them up carry them if I have to in order to save their life because I knew that my brothers & sisters in arms would do the very same thing for me. We learnt to rely on each other and always be there for each other and that is what got us through the most difficult situations. We learnt to get through these very difficult & trying times by garnishing the energy & strength from others.

When I read the story about Ozaawindib (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ojibwe#Culture) from the North American Ojibwe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ojibwe) Indian tribe, I feel that I garnished some of her spiritual energy & strength because I can understand and relate to the issues that she was faced with as a transgendered warrior woman. I just wish that some people here could also be that strong & post a constructive comment that provokes thoughts & feelings about an issue rather than keeping the debate frivolous and light because those people are in fear of stepping on someone's toes.

Many transsexuals will disappear from the TG/TS community once they have had their Sex Affirmation Surgery and personally I think this is a very selfish attitude. So I am especially grateful for the post-op transsexuals that are still members of this forum and are here for those following in their footsteps.

I think its very selfish that people come here for the support, pour out their hearts to the community on their personal issues, garnish the support they need to get them through then disappear once their transitional journey is complete.

I think there is some very cowardly people here focused on their own frivolous personal agenda who don't have much time or consideration for the main agenda of the Transgender/Transsexual Community as a whole and only see some things I have stated recently only from their own personal point of view. Im afraid to say that while this bigoted self-centred attitude & division remains in the TG/TS community then society's awareness & acceptance of us isn't going to change as quickly as we might like it to.

Some people have been critical of me at times without realising that I am very willing to stand up & be counted for the entire TG/TS community as a whole. A few sad individuals who are well in the minority have condemned me for being so outspoken, but I can assure this community that many more members of this forum have sent me private messages of support and thanked me and that is what fuels my motivation and keeps me going.

I could just shut up and go sit quietly in the corner, but what will that really achieve? I will tell you what it will do... absolutely nothing for the TG/TS community. Right now I can tell you my own personal efforts have provoked a lot of thought & debate in the Australian TG/TS community after the story of another Australian transsexual soldier (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?142934-Another-Transsexual-Soldier) went to air recently.

I was inspired by a fellow soldier to come to attention & do something positive to help the TG/TS Community. So I wrote a letter to my Federal member of parliament who has since put the proposal forward to in Federal parliament establish a Bipartisan Cross-party GLBTI friendship group (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?142934-Another-Transsexual-Soldier&p=2322630&viewfull=1#post2322630) to address the needs of the GLBTI community in Australia. Do you know how good it makes me feel now to know that my government is now sitting up and taking notice now? :D

If you don't like what I got to say or what I am doing to help this community then flame me if you must, but just remember this.... 'United we shall stand, but Divided we will fall'.

[Kelly DeWinter]

One thing I have really learnt about the Transgender/Transsexual Community is that it lacks solidarity and courageous people who will stand up for what they believe in and to be quite frank about it, this really grates on my nerves no end.

Last Saturday I attended the Transgender Day of Remembrance meeting with my local support group & solidarity within the TG/TS community was one of the topics we discussed. It was pointed out to me by my local social group organisers that some of the worst bigots we ever have to deal with are members of our very own community. And I'm afraid to say that I have to agree with those statements after my experiences with the TG/TS community. I'm not just saying this being a problem just on this forum, because I have seen the same type of division going on other forums & community groups elsewhere.

I am not saying that I am always right about everything because many times I have been proven wrong in the past, but there is a right way and a wrong way about going about it. Some people like to post pointless flames & personal attacks when a more constructive comment is all that is needed in getting a point across.

My agenda is not just a personal agenda, my main an agenda for the TG/TS Community as a whole. As you know I'm not afraid to speak my mind an tell it how it really is.
If you don't like what I got to say or what I am doing to help this community then flame me if you must, but just remember this.... 'United we shall stand, but Divided we will fall'.
...

I hope you read this and think 2 or 3 days before replying.


One of the last things you have to imply is that members of the TG community lack courage or solidarity, The existance of this forum is tatamount to giving members a place to discuss items that bring unity to the community. Every day I read stories here that takes courage in just talking about the things that could tear families and relationships apart.

It's not WHAT you say that creates dissent, but HOW you say it and how MANY times you say it and that fact that you bring it back to the same issue, YOU, in the threads you reply to. If you were a little less aggressive, a little less "ME", then you would not attract peoples ire like a lightning rod.

On internet forums people sometimes come on incredibly strong , enD up thinking everyone on the forum is out to get them, then post something like this manefesto, which ignites a massive flame war, then one of two things happen, the moderators end the thread , chastis the OP, who then starts other threads until they eventually get themselves banned. The OP then leaves thinking that the whole forum is against them , goes to another site and starts the whole process all over again. This is at least the third forum you have gotten into ongoing disagreements with. When is enough , enough ?

My suggestion is to stop this before it gets out of hand, and stay on and remain a contributing member of the community.

Your views and opinions are valuable, but be a bit more polite on how you say them.

Kelly

. why is it you feel you are allways being taken out of context ?

[Felicity71]

I dont feel like standing united with you. it was probably your jab at "true transexual", and your dig at the crossdressers you so graciously called sexual fetishists.

[Melody Moore]

Allana, that's fine, but that was obviously taken out of context because never did I have 'jab' at true transsexuals I was defining the difference between those that are true transsexuals (diagnosed with gender dysphoria) and those that cross-dress or want to transition because of reasons relating to transvestic fetishism. But I also did point out that transvestic fetishism can sometimes occur with transsexuality, so I was not really dividing that part of the community just pointing out where many of us do differ. But I guess you missed all of those points or took them out of context as well.

[Lorileah]

Feel better?

There are a few of here who have trying to get people to stand up for the community but really it starts with standing up for yourself. And in my time here I have learned that is not going to happen. It is too broad a spectrum to get the people here on this forum together let alone the world community.

It is hard to stand up for something when you are hiding, from yourself or the world and most here seem content to stay in their cubbies and lament how bad the world treats them. So until that issue is resolved we can't begin to get together.

Then there is the issue of "us" verses "them". I admit that I am part of this because I see a real rift here. There are the straights and gays and there are the crossdressers and queens and then there are the ones who thin that everyone who has the urge to dress really wants reassignment. As I said there is a broad spectrum and really no impetus to become cohesive. Why should we? The majority here are invisible to the world. They come here to vent how badly their SO's treat them, how if they ever came out their lives would end, how no one understands them. News flash kids...all those things are our own fault and our own making. You lie to you SO from the start and then dump on them is a huge major meltdown and then wonder why they can't be on your side? The biggest fears we have are self made and perpetuated by our hiding (which I think is one point the OP was making) but if we don't accept ourselves it is hard to get together to be a group.

The post-op transsexuals who go about their business do so because in fact they are not part of this group anymore they are women. I would love for them to hang around, be our standard bearers but is we stick with your analogy f being soldiers, they have fought the war, they have earned their retirement. And yet we do have some post-ops who stand up for us, albeit reluctantly when they get positions that in effect "out" them as being post-op TS. Yes, they would make great role models, but face it, they aren't really part of "us" anymore. (I know a couple are reading this secretly and smiling because I too asked them a year ago why they would not stick around).

So until we get the majority here out of their safe little closets, we will continue to be a fragmented group. In fact one of the fragments is the "get out of the closet" group who wants us to be a group. Here in the US we cannot even get the TG community to rally to protect themselves with ENDA. The congress does not think there are very many TG's in the world because what they see are the TS's who go on to become women and the Drag community who tend to be too "out there" and scare the conservatives.

But I applaud your wanting something to happen. Things happened here when the groups decided they had had enough. Women's Suffrage, the marches from Selma and the south to DC, Stonewall. All brought people together in a fight. TG's in general didn't join the fight from Stonewall but instead sat back and rode coattails to get this far and are now being left behind as excess baggage. Read all the "I am not gay" posts here. It is too easy for many here to hide in plain sight.

[ReineD]

Melody, I don't know you well, but I do sense from your posts that you care deeply about this community and wish nothing more than to do what you can, politically and socially in order to further the cause and to help bring awareness to others.

But, it is good to remember that the TG community is not homogeneous. Not only do members differ in terms of where they're at along the TG spectrum, everyone's personality, socio/economic background, burdens, ability to give support, and even their most basic needs are different as well.

A key ingredient for keeping any community from splitting apart is for everyone to respect all the differences between each individual, even if they are not understood. This means to NOT structure a hierarchy of what's valid, or better, or truer, and what's not.

:2c:

[Melody Moore]

Lorileah

There really isnt anything in your post that I dont already understand and accept, and while there are those that are hiding in their little cubbies, or the post-ops that have melded into society I think they could all be doing a lot more by proxy to further our cause and their own. I have said it before that I'm not expecting everyone to start standing on a soapbox on their local street corner and shouting out 'Here I am!' or partaking in a GLBTI Pride street parade. I know that isn't exactly my type of thing either.

For the most part of it, Im a quite achiever, but have been described my many other people throughout my life as being a real mover & a shaker. Some of the ways that I help the local GLBTI & TS community is by being an active a member of Out! Cairns, my local GLBTI committee and attend meetings ever 2nd Wednesday night to help with the organisation of public events aimed at promoting acceptance & awareness in my local community. I am writing letters, as well as collecting submissions for formal proposals to be put forward to our government for the improvement of medical services & anti-discrimination laws and all this I can still do from the safe sanctuary of my bomb shelter.

Support from former members is needed just like how war veterans & former service personnel also support active servicemen & women in the armed forces and most of that support work is also done via proxy as well. So noone really needs to be out in the battlefield dealing with a lot of these issues. They only need to have their voice heard by the right people in the right places. So I think those that aren't so confident could be doing more by writing letters to members of parliament and putting forward their issues and concerns and getting a lot more done which serves not only to help themselves but the entire community.

Reine,

As with Lorileah you haven't put forward anything I am not already aware of and making allowances for. I am fully aware of the kaleidoscope of sexual & gender diversity that exists in society. While my personal focus is on the needs of the TG/TS & Intersexed community, there are others in my local GLB also working on the their own agenda as well. The proposal forward to in Federal parliament establish a Bipartisan Cross-party GLBTI friendship group (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?142934-Another-Transsexual-Soldier&p=2322630&viewfull=1#post2322630) takes this spectrum of sexual & gender diversity into account.

[ReineD]

Melody, you're saying that we aren't telling you anything that you don't already know. But you're still not getting what you're being told.

These are a few of the negative terms about the members of the community taken from just your first post in this thread: "lacking courage, grating on your nerves, bigots within the community, frivolous debates, selfish attitudes, cowardly people, frivolous personal agendas, inconsiderates, bigoted self-centered attitudes, and sad individuals".

It is people who use words like these that divide the community. You are a part of the problem that you wish to solve, and you cannot see this.

Why don't you just continue to do what you can in your own community, and then praise and encourage others here and elsewhere for the milestones they reach, no matter how small, and stop chastising everyone else for not meeting your expectations.

"Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation.” - Henry Ward Beecher

[Melody Moore]

I hope you read this and think 2 or 3 days before replying.

Why when I can answer this very quickly now.


One of the last things you have to imply is that members of the TG community lack courage or solidarity, The existance of this forum is tatamount to giving members a place to discuss items that bring unity to the community. Every day I read stories here that takes courage in just talking about the things that could tear families and relationships apart.
I am not for one minute thinking that some solidarity doesn't exist in the global TG & TS community, if you interpreted my post for
how it was intended, I am saying that there should be more of it by people working collectively together, not against each other.


It's not WHAT you say that creates dissent, but HOW you say it and how MANY times you say it and that fact that you bring it back to the same issue, YOU, in the threads you reply to. If you were a little less aggressive, a little less "ME", then you would not attract peoples ire like a lightning rod.
This is only your personal interpretation of my posts, if you read them a little more carefully you will see that the overall message that I am trying to deliver & contributing to many topics by way of expressing some of my own personal experiences to helps others to appreciate another point of view or feelings about a certain topic. My suggestion is that you stop over analysing what I have written as something about me and see it for what it really is in trying to help members of this community. I have already mentioned that I word my posts in a way to be more thought provoking & give others a perspective of how someone else might feel.


On internet forums people sometimes come on incredibly strong , enD up thinking everyone on the forum is out to get them, then post something like this manefesto, which ignites a massive flame war, then one of two things happen, the moderators end the thread , chastis the OP, who then starts other threads until they eventually get themselves banned. The OP then leaves thinking that the whole forum is against them , goes to another site and starts the whole process all over again. This is at least the third forum you have gotten into ongoing disagreements with. When is enough , enough ?
What makes you think that I believe this forum is against me? And besides I haven't been banned from any TG/TS forum yet. My post here is not a manifesto as you described it, its a call for more solidarity in the TG/TS community based on what I have also seen on other websites & support groups from disputes that haven't even involved me & I did make mention of that fact in my original post. I really fail to see where a lot of your comment even applies to me & my agenda as a member of this forum, I think this is more of a case of how you are personally interpreting my main message.


My suggestion is to stop this before it gets out of hand, and stay on and remain a contributing member of the community.

Your views and opinions are valuable, but be a bit more polite on how you say them.
And lets just consider for a moment who is calling the kettle black here and derailed a number of my topics of discussion?
I think you will find the majority of people who really know me find me to be open & honest, as well as considerate & polite.

[Stephanie Anne]

Solidarity can be one person making another person feel accepted and welcome. Solidarity comes from learning from our own mistakes and prejudices.

I have had and still have grey areas of thought like you do. I try and learn and understand to work past my assumptions.

One thing I have learned, am learning, and will continue to learn is that we are an extremely diverse group of people which is built on the cornerstone of tolerance.

From the occasional crossdresser to the stealth transsexual, we all share the same fears, isolation, and doubts. I fight for people to stop hiding from being transgendered but I am learning that pushing them out is not always the best way to instill pride.

We have a lot more solidarity than you know and way more support than you can imagine. For every story of apathy and indifference, there are thousands of action and acceptance.

[Tamara Croft]

Why when I can answer this very quickly now.

And I'm closing this very quickly.... and this is why...


And lets just consider for a moment who is calling the kettle black here and derailed a number of my topics of discussion?
I think you will find the majority of people who really know me find me to be open & honest, as well as considerate & polite.

This thread will quickly go off topic into a flame war. I am not going to PM you, this is not up for debate and next time think before you post something that pisses off members!!