Nobody cares

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Nice topic, eh?

One of the most important things I have learned in my transition is that for the most part, nobody cares about hard it is..although its totally appropriate to share your difficulties with people, and to express your suffering, its NON PRODUCTIVE to do it over and over and over..it's hard to take this news

but
going on and on about how tough my childhood was, how lonely i felt, how guilty and ashamed I felt, how I never had a "real life" sexual experience, how I suffered from depression, how I humiliated myself by stealing things and doing things I regret, how I hurt the people I love, how I bitterly attacked people trying to help but instead were unknowingly hurting me...etcetc..

none of the above will ever get me a job, a boyfriend, or the respect and admiration of others, none of the above will give me equality, freedom from discrimination or guarantee my personal safety..it won't get my medical bills paid, and it won't get my prescriptions filled.

none of those things excuses me if i am unfair or bigoted to others, none of those things makes my point of view more or less valid than yours..none of those things commands instant acceptance from people around me.

As I've passed through transition, I look back on the phase where all I could think about was how much life sucked for me...how victimized I was by my own nature...

now i know that

a.) transition can make that feeling go away
b.) you have to let transition do its job

if you can't let go, if you can't do the 2nd part, you are stuck in an endless loop...a bad loop...and that loop will hurt you more than anyone else, and for the most part, people will walk away from you, while you sink deeper and deeper, and blame everybody else

it's hard to hear...but i've seen it many times

i want to live a productive high quality life ...we all have obstacles we are trying to overcome and crosses to bear...if you want to lay it on the line, share your life, and be open to advice and support, there are lots of people out there willing to invest in you...it may not always be the people you want, but that's life..

but I can't and won't "demand" anything, the world owes us nothing, but that's life too, and since you are the one living your own life, you will be the one who deals with the consequences of how you handle the very difficult situation of being trans..

guess what...as hard as it is on us, its hard on everybody else too. and everybody else has their own problems.... its not fair...but it is what it is.

[Phyliss]

THANK YOU

For a healthy dose of reality.
I have willingly embarked on this journey and I therefore have NO reason to whine about anything. I could have remained miserable not making any transition, but to be comfortable with myself I have decided to do this. No matter how tough it may get (and it will) I have no right to put my problems, as I see them, onto anybody else.

Thank you again for your insight and knowledge

[Bree-asaurus]

I always love reading your posts. Wise words!

[Karen564]

Yes, I agree......:hugs:

[kym]

you have a really good point sis. In my travels out of the house it seems that every once in a while I get a second glance from people. When i make a change in y appearance not many seem to notice, the shops I used to frequent in drab I now frequent all dolled up, and I get pretty much the same reaction all the way around: good to see the real you come out, you look so happy!! oh and tell your "brother we said hi.

[Kathryn Martin]

I echo your thoughts. Dwelling on how bad you have it will never solve the problems coming from and with it.

Constantly brooding over how special you are in the context of how difficult your life is is just a refined form of self pity. That never helped anyone be successful at anything. You essentially victimize yourself and then blame everything on everyone.

Thanks for the thread it's kind of overdue:eek:

:love:

[sandra-leigh]

I can think of a couple of people in transition that I know who really need to take those thoughts to heart. I won't be the one who tells them, though.

[CharleneT]

Well said !! I heartily agree with #2 and I'm not even near done yet !!

When I first came out I definitely over did the talking thing -- and learned pretty quickly that most were just being patient.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Katilyn,

Very wise words indeed, it's a hard thing indeed when you realize the past is etched in stone, and a joyful thing indeed when we can dream and work on a better today for ourselves and those around us. Well said !

[Chickhe]

People like to hear about the good stuff... what's new, what's exciting, what they like... nobody wants to hear about what your problems are unless you are asking them for help. It is the same if you are really in to a sport or hobby, no one else can relate unless you tell them funny or positive things about it. I am a big DIYer and I've got to say, it is the same thing if I describe how I fixed something...people glaze over, most only know how to buy prebuilt stuff and others who are experienced are bored because it is not a new story...

[Stephanie Anne]

guess what...as hard as it is on us, its hard on everybody else too. and everybody else has their own problems.... its not fair...but it is what it is.

My sister in law had to go out on her own at the age of 12 after abuse from her own father. She had to live on her own and never had a childhood and suffered at a far greater rate than I did for growing up. At least I can say I had some sort of childhood as hollow as it was.

She telling me her story and knowing how loving and positive she is really hit what you wrote at the end home.

We all have problems, it's how we deal with them and choose to live our lives that counts.

[Traci Elizabeth]

What is that saying, "You are your own keeper."

Transition in my mind is a lot more than just the physical and mental changes but a rebirth and opportunity to enjoy your life and move forward.

Kaitlyn Michele's comments about one taking the road of negativity on their journey is hardly unique to us as transsexuals. It can be seen in many facets of life from every mishap or cause of depression one goes though from Veterans who can never assimilate back into society to the abused soul who can't get out from under their pain.

And I do agree with Kaitlyn Michele's premise that we should put all those hardships behind us and move forward with grace and strength. Unfortunately, there are many who can never make that transition without at least a reaching hand, and even then may fall back into the abyss.

But as long as we have some desire to crawl out from under our weights, there is always hope. It may take 10,000 tries but each try brings one closer to their own peace.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It may take 10,000 tries but each try brings one closer to their own peace.


"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars
Look round the room
Life is unkind
We fall but we keep gettin up...over and over and over and over....."

Chrissie Hynde
Message of Love

[Jorja]

Well said Kaitlyn Michele. As Traci mentioned, transition is a rebirth of sorts. It is a chance to wipe the slate clean, get rid of all the negitivity in your life and start anew. When you come out on the other side the sun is still going to rise and set, there will be stars at night, and the grass isn't really greener but looks nicer from this side of the fence.

[Louise C]

I'm sure you're right Kaitlyn.

Coming to that conclusion myself.
The "outside" world seems to only want to hear it the once. Not again and again. It's possibly something that most have to discover for themselves......

[Inna]

Yeah but!
All this wonderfully depressive poetry would have never happened if not for such bad influence.
I guess I will have to result to writing some happy dandy songs or something ;-)

[Louise C]

:D :heehee:

[MJ]

If it's meant to be it's up to me

[katrinakat]

What a PROFOUND post! That really hit home for me. At this point I'm speechless, but I thank you.

You sound like an intelligent person with natural intuition. We all suffer in life, and those of us here!...have suffered
similar difficulties, although we're all so different. It's speaks well of us. We come from all over the world, different nationalities, different races, ages, different social economical statues, but we check our differences at the door embrace, those things that make us similar. And the support and love is evident in the posts and advice we apply to each other. I'm proud to be apart of this.

Peace and love to everyone! KatT

[Laurie Ann]

Kaitlyn outstanding post people taking personal responsibility for their lives. What a concept.

[Jorja]

Kaitlyn outstanding post people taking personal responsibility for their lives. What a concept.

Ya just can't get that any ol' place you know.

[Rianna Humble]

Kaitlyn,

Thank you for a timely reminder. Until I got my good news today I had been tempted to wallow in self-pity but as you remind us, that will not achieve a positive outcome for anyone or anything.

To me, the good news is that there are people here who are willing to support us as we take ourselves in hand, letting go of the past and moving on to the future. I know that I have appreciated all the support I have received here even when it was not always what I wanted to hear.

We have a fundamental choice to make (time after time) - do we want to be victim or victor? If we choose the former, then it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but if we are willing to be open and take advice then we can achieve the victory.

The only caveat I would bring is that although I am the one living my life, others have to live with the consequences of my decisions - family, friends and so on. I owe it to them to make the right choices just as much as I owe it to myself.

[Areyan]

i'm keeping that advice close to heart. i know i have negativity issues now because i am pre-everything :( not even on hrt yet, but if i am ever able to transition as i wish then please, someone slap me if i don't remember this post. the truth is, even though we can't choose our gender from birth, we have some choice as adults to change things. it's not a choice to be transsexual, but it's a choice to transition. i know some would say they were suicidal or felt they had no choice in the end - i believe this too, but it still remains a choice. either you do transition and face the consequences or you don't, and face the consequences. it does seem a bit moronic to make that choice and continue with the woe is me attitude. thanks for a well-thought out post.

[pamela_a]

Very well said Kaitlyn. I completely concur.


Kaitlyn outstanding post people taking personal responsibility for their lives. What a concept.

Laurie, I must echo your sentiment. Nobody ever gets anywhere waiting for someone else to do it for them

[Stephenie S]

Very nicely said. Thank you.

[Zenith]

Hmmmmmmmm I wonder if anything special happened to get you out of your "loop"...
:hugs: