How would you handle this social situation ?

[Kelly DeWinter]

Now open to ALL members to post to !

I've read a number of posts from TG's first foray's out in public dressed enfem, so I thought it would be nice to ask GG's how they would expect the outcome from the following situaltions, that TG's enfem might encounter for the first time ......

GG's how do you react to the folowing situations ?

. Someone opening a door for you.
. Someone buying you a drink.
. Someone offering to buy you dinner.
. Someone sending a drink to your table.
. Someone asking you to dance to a fast song.
. Someone asking you to dance to a slow song.
. Someone holding your hand just a little bit longer after a slow dance (you KNOW what I mean! LOL)
. Someone brushing up against you on the dance floor.
. Someone giving you from across the room the 'look', one , twice, the third time ?
. Someone giving you from across the room the 'nod' ?
. What is your idea of small talk ?
. How do you disengage politely when there is no interest ?

GG's What do these mean to you?, how would you react?, what do you expect ? Pick one ,two,three or all and give us your experience.


This is ment to gain insight,wisdom, and advice from our GG sisters, and NOT to share non-GG experiences.


OK, since there was only 1 reponse ANYONE can post here.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I would probably not hold hands in public with a CD dressed in femme. I have done so when we were at a club but not when we were walking to and from the car. Being as I am no longer dating a CD, I won't be going to bars/clubs where these situations could arise.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Thread is Now open to All member to post replys

[Pythos]

You wouldn't hold hands in public, but you would in a club or bar? Hmmm. That speaks volumes. You didn't hold hands because?

I find that very curious. You would show affection to your SO only in certain situations. Can I ask, how would you feel if he did that to you?

I am not trolling, I am just genuinely interested in the logic behind this. I have a feeling it was "fear of the other" as in "oh my God, what will people think if they see me holding hands with this person?"

Really speaks a lot about our culture. In Eastern cultures men hold hands, but in the States, the land of the free home of the brave, two "women" (One GG and one CD) cannot hold hands.

Sad really.

As far as all the other stuff. I would be put off by a stranger offering me dinner or any other unsolicited item. The drink offer is customary, though the reasons for it are major suckage (get the woman tipsy to lower her inhibitions).

"The look" oh I swoon if a female of my liking does that. Oh are you crazy to think otherwise?

Dancing to a slow song, and the lingering release. I know I would like both of these.

Small talk....meh. It is what it is. A means of getting into more talk. However I really don't like "beautiful weather" or "How about them jets" or other such mundane conversation. I like it when someone starts a conversation with "I like your style" or "I love that skirt" or so on. "nice boots" has been twisted into something that I really wish it wasn't, cause there are times I am genuinely thinking "nice boots" and have no intention of getting into bed with the person.

Holding a door open is just common courtesy. The idea of the man holding the door open for the woman is actually one that is based of an insulting background. For a long time women were thought to be incapable of anything mechanical, and there for doors that swung back were beyond their ability. I like to have the door held open for me, when my arms are overloaded with stuff, I also love to trade off who holds the door open.

[Alice B]

Since I have some free time I'll take a stab at your questions. Understanding that I have been dressing only a few years, but do get out with my wife's permission. I had doors held open for me in both drab and dressed situations. It just consider it polite and say thank you. I have had drinks bought for me and sent to my table from other dressers and from gay men trolling. Again I just say thank you. I do not dance, so those questions are mute. And I've had "the look". I consider all of these to be compliments on how I look at the time. I've been hit on several times, but make it clear that I'm married and only interested in my wife. But, I've had some good conversations with these people once they understand that that is all there is going to be and are still interested in just talking to me. When I have someone that is uninteresting or a plane bore I simply excuse myself to go talk to someone I know. Only once have I had to leave because I could not get rid of the person. I enjoy the times I can go out dressed and can express my female side. I am confident in who I am, am good around strangers and love conversations with GG's that accept me presenting (or trying to) as a female. It took time to get to this point in my life and I am expanding my world and enjoying it. And the best part is that my wife understands I need to do this and that she has nothing to worry about. She has even given me the OK to go to Diva Las Vegas for 4 days.

[Dana]

I would probably not hold hands in public with a CD dressed in femme. I have done so when we were at a club but not when we were walking to and from the car. Being as I am no longer dating a CD, I won't be going to bars/clubs where these situations could arise.

Me, myself and I?

I'm not so much in presenting myself as a GG? Day to day?

I just like things that GG's like? That as GM I'm not suppose to even be interested in let alone like?

Girls like to have fun ~ and its FUN being a girl!

Reality is a concept and reality is and can be a "Bitch"

I wished I had the option of being a "Tom-boy" or being a "Jane-Girl"

But I don't! That's just so-called "reality"

[Albertine]

Someone opening a door for you: I share this action back and forth with all people. My friend, Teci (TG), often lets me go first and opens the door for me. I will not always let her do that because she is back in male auto pilot mode. A gaggle of women just go along and usually don't care who goes first or opens the door.

Someone buying you a drink/sending drink to table: I give my appreciative thanks and if I have the choice and know I've reached my alcoholic limit, I get something sans the alcohol. I may have a nice conversation with them or just nod to them across the room but by no means do I feel obligated to do anything else.

Someone offering to buy you dinner: I can't say a stranger has ever offered me dinner; it would be odd or under particular circumstances.

Someone asking you to dance to a fast song: Cool, I love to dance. Underneath my calm demeanor I'm a rock n' roll hippie chic! But, if I get a strong, negative, visceral vibe from the person, I politely decline.

Someone asking you to dance to a slow song: depends on their personality but usually not. Okay, if I think they're hot... maybe, but they have to be well behaved.

Someone holding your hand just a little bit longer after a slow dance (you KNOW what I mean! LOL): YUCK! I've had this happen so many times! The handshake that just won't stop. Or, they take one of their fingers and begin to stroke the inside of your palm a little bit... ick! This type of behavior crosses a boundary. Exit, stage left but only after I've told them they were out of line. I would prefer they say something like, "I'm really attracted to you," and have a conversation with me about it rather than use this sort of body language, it's disrespectful.

Someone brushing up against you on the dance floor: Okay if by accident, not if it's intentional, and you will know if it's intentional. My body is not a playground or a petting zoo for strangers without my consent. But for some reason, absolute strangers think they can do this. When I was younger, it used to trigger a freezing response in me. I would shrink away and try to hide from the person. This is a very common reaction with women. Alternatively, I've seen women behave just like men in this way as well and it has made men recoil too. Now, I get in their face about it by taking them aside and saying something. People who overstep the boundaries this way often use the cover of a public setting to get away with their egregious behavior, because who wants to cause a scene and draw attention to themselves in public?

Someone giving you from across the room the 'look', one , twice, the third time, the 'nod': Okay already, I got the message! If I'm interested in making their acquaintance, then I will make eye contact and smile back, nod, etc. Why is it that many guys can't read or don't want to read the body language of a NO? WTF? This is a common experience among women. Yes, occasionally someone is so shy that they can't express their reciprocal interest in the looker/nodder, but for the most part, that's not the case. I think it has a lot to do with the way men and women are socialized.

What is your idea of small talk: That could be anything. It depends on the context. Grocery store: Noticing the Jerusalem artichokes in their cart, "how do you prepare those?" In a club: Nice outfit, come here often? Are you enjoying the show? Is this among your top 10 of favorite music genre? At work, sometimes I have a question of the day for my co-workers. If the conversation has evolved to a certain level... and this is fun in a group, you could share one of your own, questions of the day.

How do you disengage politely when there is no interest: It was nice talking with you but I'm going to rejoin my friends or, it was nice to meet you, I'm going to continue floating around this evening.

Albertine GG

[tamarav]

This is my blunt opinion.

We are all (mostly) men. We have probably had interaction with real females at some point in our lives, heck, some of us are even married, (more than once) and we have obviously talked with GGs. So, my point is, do what a real woman in your mind would probably do.

If you are offended by males coming on to you, then going out is not for you. Men will hit on any two-legged woman, even a few one legged. Men are going to be trying to get you into bed, you have done the same thing. So, just react the way you wish and move on with life.

Men will try anything, holding onto your hands too long (how do you define that?), will try to touch you casually, will buy you drinks to loosen you up (as previously stated above), and just about anything that will get them what they want, sex.

So, if your idea is to go out and have fun as a CD, then find a place where you are totally safe. A gay/lesbian bar, a drag club or such. Going to mainstream clubs will invite male attention everytime, whether good or bad.

If you are looking to be offended, get prepared...

[dilane]

Hi Kelly,

I'm pretty much in agreement with Albertine, even though she's a GG and I'm a mere TG.

I go out clubbing and dancing every week, and my situation is a bit more complicated, because some guys know I'm TG, and some don't. The majority of GG's read me pretty quickly, do to their supernatural powers of observation and mindreading abilities.

All answers assume a guy is the "someone":

. Someone opening a door for you.
Cool, I'm passing.

. Someone buying you a drink.
If I'm not over my limit, I'll almost always accept, say thank you, and engage in a little chit-chat. I don't feel obligated to stay any longer than I feel, beyond a polite minimum. "Thank you again, I need to check in with my friends, see you later." If the person likely doesn't know my status, I'll keep it brief and civil. I don't want to lead anyone on if they might get upset if they realize I'm not the real deal.

. Someone offering to buy you dinner.
That's happened several times, I take it as "hey lets get out of here where I can romance you privately". I've never done it. If I were in the dating mindset, I'd want a separate date, done the traditional way of exchanging numbers/emails, followed by a date.

. Someone sending a drink to your table.
Same as someone buying me a drink, except I'll usually swing by and give my thanks if the person hasn't done so first.

. Someone asking you to dance to a fast song.
Usually no problem, unless he looks like a gangsta or has a menacing macho presentation. Although I've run into a couple of ex-gang bangers who've been "inside" (older and now reformed) who are very nice guys.

. Someone asking you to dance to a slow song.
No, unless we're already dance friends.

. Someone holding your hand just a little bit longer after a slow dance.
Haven't had that, but if they like me, they'll keep their hand on my back and walk me back.

One time, a stranger asked me to dance a fast song, and the band segued into a slow number and I stayed. He actually lean over and kissed me on the neck! Egads!! And he didn't know! I pushed him away gently (I don't want to make an embarrassing scene), and quietly walked away.

. Someone brushing up against you on the dance floor.
It's never happened except accidentally, or playfully with a friend.

. Someone giving you from across the room the 'look', one , twice, the third time ?
If I'm interested in talking with him, I'll smile and make eye contact. If he doesn't come over, he's probably pretty shy. If he comes over, we chat.

. Someone giving you from across the room the 'nod' ?
I consider that a bit rude. And it's never happened to me.

. What is your idea of small talk ?
I can talk and joke about anything under the sun, it's my curse. I usually start out with a slightly provocative observation and see how it goes from there.

. How do you disengage politely when there is no interest ?
Just like Albertine does, a little white lie (or the truth) about needing to talk to or check in with a girlfriend, etc.


-- Diane