What do you miss about your old life? (MTFs especially please)

[Areyan]

hi all :)

my question today is especially for the late onset MTF transsexuals, as i'm curious to know how hard it was to make the decision to transition in the end. if you've known about your trans status all your life and just been biding your time to get treatment, that's fine, but i'd like to hear from the ones who did not have the courage to live in their true gender for decades and/or simply ignored it and tried to live hetero-normative lives because it's relevant to my question...

so, without further ado - what cisgendered privileges do you miss about manhood? and have there been any nasty surprises for you in the female gender that you didn't know about before transition? please don't say none because i know it's not true, there are benefits/downsides to each gender. i'd like to know which ones you miss the most because you are unable to claim that same privilege now, and of course... heh, i'd like to know what "man" privileges i can look forward to...

[Victoria Anne]

Well I can pretty much bet you won't like my awnser to your question . Ther is one and only one thing I miss about my "old life" and that is making love to my wife Mrs.M . As to the cons of being a woman where do I start , it is infanately more difficult being a woman . The down sides of being a woman , loss of sleep for all the extra care , ie make up , skin regamine , hair care , choosing the right outfit and accessories . The unexpected , being treated like you are incapable of performing the simplest of tasks and being stared at all the time . Other than that ... can't think of anything . I'm just loving my new life being the woman I have always been .

[Stephanie Anne]

Your only man privileges you can look forward to is being able to pee standing up. Maybe a little less competition with appearance and the ability to blend in when looking like a slob.

[CharleneT]

Off the top of my head, I do not miss anything really. In fact I'm awash in happiness over what I have gained.

[Jorja]

I started my transition at 25 and had SRS 20 years ago so I guess I really don't meet your criteria of late onset MTF transsexuals. There are a couple of things I do miss though. The shear strength I had. I used to pick up an 80 pound bag of salt for the water softener like it was nothing. Now I struggle with it. Walking down the street and not being worried about that unsavory looking chatacter that has been starrinig at me for the last block. Being treated like I am stupid in an auto repair shop just because I am a woman. When in fact I can do a better job of repairs myself but I just don't have the time for it.

[Areyan]

great answers ladies... keep 'em coming. :thumbsup:

i just realised i was never that concerned with dolling myself up a lot and missed out on a lot of positive attention from others for hating this ritual so much... being treated like a second class citizen or "just a pretty face" - ditto.

@ Jorja - thank you, this is what i was looking for... there are practical things to being male that i look forward to... strength and being able to lift heavier things is another bonus!

[sandra-leigh]

I'm "late onset" MTF, but I am androgynous rather than feeling that I will completely transition. Maybe I'll get as far as 24/7 non-op, I don't know; I'll go a bit further towards female and that might be enough for me.

One of the things I feel like I am giving up is my friends. I have some friends from high-school that I still know and still visit when I am back in town, and I think I'm going to end up losing some of them. I don't have many other friends at all, not the "call up and see if someone wants to hang out" variety, so losing them is more than "an end of an era"; there is some grieving, including grieving for your own youth. On the other hand, I have to face up to the fact that in 20 years, only one of them has come to visit me, and they don't call me "just because". (My best guess is that one of them will be accepting, that another will have a fairly hard time, and a third will be indifferent but will take the excuse to drop the connection because we just don't have enough in common any more.) I will lose that privilege of "male bonding" that can last for decades.

I will lose the privilege of fathering children. It isn't a possibility anyhow with my spouse, but will I still be with her in a decade or two? If Clint Eastwood can become a father after 70... well, it's not easy to give up the hope.

As someone androgynous, I will lose the privilege of "normality". Going to the store with your wife and holding hands while you shop is not exciting but it is comforting, and it is those little day-to-day comforts that make us truly happy, not any particular dress or pair of shoes. I spoke to my gender therapist about feeling at times that this would all just go away and that I would feel "normal"; she asked, "What is normal to you?"; after some reflection on my life, I realized that my life has never been "normal" by the standards of other people, and probably would never have been even if these gender issues had never happened to me. But that is, of course, hard to say: especially as a "late onset", who can possibly decode what parts of my life might have been "normal" if I had been someone other than who I was?

I have the male privilege of walking nearly anywhere without fear of spontaneous incidents. I am not immune to teams of practiced muggers, but I don't have to worry about cat-calls and creeps following me or "she was wear'n high heels and a short skirt; she was ask'n for it!" grope or worse sexual assault. That's something I'll probably have to adjust to.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Areyan, I'm probably not far enough down the line to start missing things just yet, but then I was always a bit of a misfit as a man to start with.

Downside of this stage of my transition is that although I am generally accepted as a woman, when I open my mouth I still get referred to as "sir" or "mate" by some shop assistants.

One thing I am starting to see is something a lifelong woman friend has often complained about to me - people dismissing my opinion because it doesn't come from a man. When I was pretending to be one, I never thought that my gender validated my opinion but it does seem that in some people's eyes my new gender can invalidate my opinion :sad:

I wouldn't have the same problem as Jorja because knowing nothing about the internal combustion engine has nothing to do with my gender and everything to do with my ignorance of that subject. Maybe in a few months I will be able to come back and answer your question more fully, but right now I am more immersed in becoming the person I should always have been than in seeing things to miss from my old life. Sorry!

[Dawn D.]

Areyan,

I was going to say I only had one privilege I have missed until Victoria brought to attention the very real loss of that special type of intimacy one has between a husband and a wife. My wife would tell me in this instance though, that she enjoys just as much the level of shared comfort we bring to each other now as when we actually made love. I tend to believe her. After all, she has remained by my side even after transition.

A second miss, for me is this. I own a business. It is the same business that I have owned for more than twenty years. So, that extends well before my transition. What has happened is that when guys are dealing with other guys that they know and respect, there is not much if any at all doubt in the information being related to about a guys field of work. What I mean by that is, I have small machine shop and I repair and rebuild automotive and light truck driveshafts. That is all my machine shop does and has done since 1983 (before I acquired it). So over the past nearly thirty years a fair amount of knowledge about the workings of why a driveshaft fails, what it takes to repair it and why it needs balancing to operate properly is gained and subsequently trusted and respected by past customers and for the most part new customers too. You just don't start a business like this and "know" everything about driveshafts there is to know overnight.

What has happened though is the classical "Uhh, excuse me miss. You're a woman. What could you know about driveshafts?" is an extremely common misconception by a lot of customers that come into the shop now and I meet at the front counter. My wife used to get so PO'd when that would happen to her back when we worked together in this business (she worked here for nearly seventeen years with me). Now I understand a lot more about why she would get so upset! It's a form of male privilege. I now have to try really hard and with extra effort to talk to these customers with a much more in-depth discussion of their driveshaft problem than what I would ever have to do before transition. Just because I had the reputation and the expertise about my trade that garnered that respect from "one man to another". That does not really exist anymore.

I have to exclude though nearly all the previous customers who have known me before and after.

Having said all of this though, the decision of whether or not to transition was and is, still without any other outcome to be had. I'd still do it! I'd never go back. I'd rather die first. Though, was it a hard decision to make? Yeah. It was. Mostly though born of fear of the unknown. How are people going to perceive me? Will I get laughed at? etc., etc. None of which, had any validity. My life is so much better now than it was before.


Dawn

[Traci Elizabeth]

I probably fit the sample you are looking for perfectly. BUT despite you insisting there must be things I miss about being a male, I am sorry to let you down but I have NONE!

But I am perhaps of a different mind set than some others as I do NOT think there is anything a man can/could do (that I would enjoy or partake in) that as a woman I can not do.

I am not a 1950's stereotyped stay at home woman who wears an apron and a dress 24/7. Instead I choose to do what I enjoy doing regardless of the gender dominance in a particular activity.

For example, I am an expert marksman in many different weapon systems and would wager I could out shoot most men with ease. Is this a carry-over from my so-called masculine macho days? Not in a million years. I have always been fem and some of my best friends over the decades have been fantastic female marksmen themselves.

At one point in my life, I trained how to "kill" enemy combatants with your bare hands and I was maybe 120 pounds back then. So this perception that "it's a man world" (as James Brown would have us believe) is macho insecurities. There are no jobs or positions that women have not filled or do fill throughout the world.

Anything else about a male has no interest to me either.

But Victoria Anne made very good statements about some of the "extra" issues we as women have to deal with. Now, I happen to be one who enjoys looking as pretty as I can be but it is still additional work that a male for the most part does not have to deal with.

[Danni Bear]

Areyan,

I don't fit your target demographic precisley. I did transition at a later age than some. I also did present as more fem than male for many years prior to transition.

missing the male "priviledge or status" has never been that much of an issue or concern. Regrets though come from not being able to do some of the tasks that before I was able to accomplish easily. The hearing while around women "he wouldn't understand" is something I won't miss.

As to what I find as a woman can be extremely frustrating at times. The behavior of some men in their perception of womens abilities is ludicrus. At times I really believe that some have that old belief that a woman should be kept barefoot and pregnant, seen but not heard.

there are a lot of prejudices in the world, not only against women in general, but also those who through no fault of their making do not fit where their gender places them. The masculine girl or the effinimate man do not fit in a binary world. A TS male to female or female to male creates a stress that shatters many peoples perceptions of gender and their roles. How they react to them, some are positive but many more can be negative. That is the reality that we live in. miss some aspects, we all do. to go back and reclaim them,not on your life. there are perks and priviledges given to both sides of the gender divide.

Danni

[MJ]

i knew from a young age like 5 years old but i did not want to transition and back in the 80's there was no INTERNET and i did everything i could to be a guy royal British signals then a police officer i fell in love got married kids, but this gid just won't go away and @45 i could not take it anymore.... your question.
what cisgendered privileges do you miss about manhood?
in some ways i miss my guy friends, and i must be honest i miss the sex from a male point of view. after all for 21 years of marriage i had it whenever i wanted due to hormones the little guy died darn fast and since srs i have not had a chance to test drive the new equipment

and have there been any nasty surprises for you in the female gender that you didn't know about before transition?
woman are bitchy sometimes. and i so hate my look pretty ugly best describes me. thats an on going issue to this day, never good enough not even close i can pass for a fat ugly gay guy
i'd like to know what "man" privileges i can look forward to... looking at hot babes drinking beer telling fish story's checking out the hooter girls oh you can fix my car too

[Katesback]

I miss being able to pee outside when I am jogging or on a walk.

[Danni Bear]

I miss being able to pee outside when I am jogging or on a walk.

It's not as easy or convenient as a woman.:eek:

that is not to say it is not done :brolleyes:

[Traci Elizabeth]

I miss being able to pee outside when I am jogging or on a walk.


Just take a few steps inside the woods and drop your pants and squat.

[pamela_a]

Simply NOTHING.

As Traci very correctly pointed out there is nothing I can't do as a woman if I really want or need to do it.

Nasty surprises? You won't be surprised if you go into any situation with no preconcieved notions and an open mind. I've had things happen that I wasn't happy about but that's life.

[Deborah_UK]

I miss being able to call in at mum's.

I miss popping into the pub on my own for a quiet pint.

I miss some of the guys who I used to attend football (soccer) with (we all live in different parts of the UK and would meet up for matches)

But out of those three, the first is the one that brings me to tears.

[noeleena]

Hi.

For me iv not missed out on any thing , i have respect from male & female alike if not a heck of a lot more . what changed for me im counted as a woman i can still do what iv been doing for over 46 years ,

Nothing at all has changed in regard to my trade. wether male or woman. i can still pull rank . just because im a woman does not mean iv changed i have not. can i do a male role & woman role yes why not ,whos going to stop me
Of cause there are details things i can not do wether im male or a woman . i am being contray i know that im allowed to be, because im both male / woman. & nothing has changed that & thats from birth.

The ? that puzzles me is a male loses his respect, his athourty standing , & so on..... when he becomes a woman. that has got me , because that does not apply in my case. as i said i can pull rank when needed , i think we demean our selfs if we belive we are second class if we become women . why is it because women are 2 nd class i dont accept that or belive it , never ,

Men think some any way think they are better . they have it all not so, the problem is many / some women have & do allow them selfs to be door mats & men have pushed women down. if a man tryed that on with me hed know not to mess with me im not a girle girl . what im saying is im a very strong woman , what has made me this way. working in the building trade , body wise & no i did not lose my body strength, & mentaly stronger.

I know some women who can hold thier own with me in our make up its pretty much the same. oh thats not make up you wear...you have to remember we are not all the same. i know some women & men are just wimps soft & hey not every one is mentaly strong is that bad no of cause not . & should they be demeand because of that . no they are still lovely people .

Looking at the ? again was it hard to transition no because im part male / woman.

& I cant claim male to female

Really the ? is did i change from one to the other A big ...NO...if in the sence of surgery H R T & wearing womans clothes ,yes of cause ,

Im not a female because i can never carry my own child because my body is not able to..yet im still a woman . brain wired , yes.

The privilegs,

i dont belive iv lost any that are of any value , many are just the same as far as it goes . have i gained any , yes to be able to express my self as i should have before , & having total acceptance as a woman. the gains are there ,

...noeleena...

[Nicole_P]

My spouse :(

[Kathryn Martin]

I am with Rhianna in not being along far enough to give a full assessment. One thing perhaps is important to me regarding this question. I consider my situation as it is now (on hormones, anticipated FFS surgery, presenting female outside of work hours fully, date for social and work transition fixed) a biographical progression. So it is difficult for me to even conceive "missing" something.

[Frances]

I never peed outside. I always sat down on the toilet. I never went to the front of the line or took the biggest piece of the pie. I always fussed about my appearance and my hair. I never took more space than needed in elevators or looked women in the eye on sidewalks. I only looked like a man and played a low-key version of the part.
But...
I miss the people who used to like me, and I miss feeling safe walking down a street at night.

[Karen564]

so, without further ado - what cisgendered privileges do you miss about manhood? and have there been any nasty surprises for you in the female gender that you didn't know about before transition? please don't say none because i know it's not true, there are benefits/downsides to each gender. i'd like to know which ones you miss the most because you are unable to claim that same privilege now, and of course... heh, i'd like to know what "man" privileges i can look forward to...

Hi,
If I'm reading into your question correctly, think your more interested in the male privilege more than anything else..like what you can expect as a male?
But I'm not sure I can answer that well really....But think if nobody knows of your past as a female...you'll be in the boy's club for sure...& get paid better...

The thing is with me, I'm not sure I was really part of that club..even though I appeared as the manly man on the outside..and I did get paid well as a man....but other than that, I was passed over for invites to party with the guy's as I got older, it was never said why & when I did go, I felt very alone & outta place when the guy talk got going..so that was very uncomfortable for me..especially since I carried this dark secret about myself...

As far as things I miss about living as a male.......I cant say I miss much of that at all except for better pay & how easy it was for me to groom myself in the morning & throughout the day...whereas since I started living as a woman has proved to be a constant battle & stressful at times to keep my appearance up to par...it is no doubt a lot of work for me as I'm getting older ...plus going to college with all the younger girls can be rough if I'm not at my best at all times....so I guess I traded one stress for another...but regardless of that, at least I'm finally at peace with myself & much happier now..

And as far as something I never expected...The only thing that comes to mind is that I never expected to ever be treated like a piece of meat by men (yes, plural...lol)...their sexual advances can be a little too forward for me & that caught me off guard for a while at 1st...that was just something I never prepared myself for because I never expected anyone would ever want me since I don't view myself as attractive at all....but live & learn, I now handle those situations much better ....

That's about it for me, but maybe something else will come to mind regarding that male life...to be honest, it's a part of my past life that I don't think about..
Oh, I guess one other thing I can say is, I don't miss the lovemaking as a male at all, since that was a part of my anatomy that always felt so wrong & never thought it belonged on my body for as long as I can remember, ya, I used it, but got no pleasure really, just lots of emotional pain, so no, I don't miss it..


I miss the people who used to like me, and I miss feeling safe walking down a street at night.
I just saw this, & what I couldn't think of at the moment....
Yes, I miss that too..

[Sharon]

Off the top of my head, I do not miss anything really. In fact I'm awash in happiness over what I have gained.

Charlene's words ring true for myself as well.:)

[Jorja]

I miss the people who used to like me.

This got me thinking,,,, I really don't miss any of thoes people. I relpaced them with people who really cared about me and the people I really care about.

[Melissa A.]

There really isn't anything I miss, in terms of wistfully looking back and wishing I had it again. I was a very good athlete once, but age took that away before I began transition. Besides, while using the physical gifts I had brought me some measure of gratification, My jock self-image was just another way I used denial effectively for so long. Now I play co-ed softball in the summer because it's just fun. No expectations or trying to impress. As has been said, living in a large city, I sometimes feel nervous or vulnerable out by myself at night. And getting hit on, stared at, leered at, whatever, by random men is something I still can't get used to. Before transition, I had read many times that it's less about sexualization(though there is that) and more about power. You can't know how that feels until you actually experience it. Being physically weaker itself doesn't bug me. It's a little frustrating sometimes, but when I think of me a couple of years ago, and put on something sleeveless now, oh, the joy. :)

Oh, and everything you hear about male privilege is certainly true. Men now talk over, through, and past me like never before. Cretins!

Hugs,

Melissa:)

[Stephenie S]

Nothing.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

The strength and stamina. I tend to be more aware of where I am now and more concerned about my safety, as a man didn't need to worry about that as much. People do look down on you as a dumb woman, they treat you as if you don't know anything. Not having to be concerned about looks.

But I do like the fact that men also help carry things for me now, they open doors for me and are nicer in many respects.. But what I like the most being a woman is the way I feel about myself, the amazing friends I have now and the relationships I have with others.. :)