To be Gay, or not to be?

[katrinakat]

I consider myself, more straight than bi. But sometimes I think it would be easier to be gay rather than straight. I could totally be myself!....But I love women. What do you think? What would be your ideal choice? Be honest, think about it, would being a gay cross dresser be less of a hassle than a straight CD?

[NathalieX66]

I like women, I like women's clothes, I like femininity...sometimes I want to be a woman.
I'm afraid I would be more happy being a lesbian even if I ever made a transition into femaledom, but that's just me.
I have plenty of gay friends but I can't relate to them. I am me and I can't speak for anybody else.

[hhdave]

Katrina, you bring up an interesting question, something I've wondered myself. I love women too, and I don't really find myself attracted to guys. I guess I could be slightly bi, and I wouldn't say that I would never consider being romantically attached to a guy. I guess if I met a TS I wouldn't be opposed to a relationship. But yes, I could see how it could be less complicated being gay and a CD instead of being straight and a CD. Just my $0.02.

[Karren H]

I don't think it would be any easier to be strait or gay and crossdress... I've chatted with gay cd's who have the exact same issues straight cd's have. In a relationship with a guy and afraid to tell him that he likes to crossdress fearing he will dump him and run... Sexual orientation doesn't mater... Crossdressing complicates everything and anything... Imho.

[Georginamilnes]

Hi darling,I considered myself more straight than gay once,until,yes until my friend saw me dressed and asked if I would go to bed with him,I didnt hesitate in saying yes,why not. Since that day I have found that being gay is so much better than being straight. Also being a crossdresser allows me to feel more feminine when I can satisfy a man in this way. It gives the meaning of being a crossdresser,for me anyway,the ultimate fullfillment of why I dress.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am Gay and on my opinion is a lot easier to be gay than CD..now if you ask me if is less hassle than be an heterosexual CD I think is the same hassle. The only positive thing about it is that people assuming you are Gay are always right:)

[sissystephanie]

I have been a CD longer than most of you on this forum have been alive! I certainly do like women, and I love their clothes! That is why I am a CD!! But under the satin and lace I am still a man, and proud of it! I am not Gay, and never will be!! If that is your thing, so be it! But it is not mine, and never has been or will be! Being straight and a CD has never been complicated for me, because I know who and what I am!

[Danni Bear]

Katrinakat,

to be gay or lesbian or bi or straight is not a choice. neither is being a woman or man. all are individuals and all are different. being gay or lesbian does not make it easier to crossdress nor does it make it harder. Sexual preference is for the most part not dependent on your gender or gender expression.

be who you are and let the labels go. they serve no purpose except to divide and diminish all. to seperate all from each other.

[juno]

Well, it might be easier to be gay. Public awareness of homosexuality is much better than for transgender. I think it is because trans people blur the lines that people think divide them from the gender-variant people.

Personally, I like femininity for myself and a partner. If there was ever a chance of me being interested in a male, he would need to be feminine. I can totally understand two MTF women as a couple, but I'm not sure that would count as gay. (I am married, so don't think I am looking for offers.)

[LitaKelley]

This is a confusing question... If you're straight, meaning a man that loves being romantic with a woman, then your crossdressing "MAY" become an issue in that relationship as your female partner wants to be with a man.

If you're gay, meaning a man that loves being romantic with another man, then your crossdressing "MAY" become an issue in that relationship as your male partner wants to be with another man as he's not attracted to women, nor men who dress as women.

If you're a woman in a man's body, and you wish to be romantic with a man, then you're not gay.

If you're straight and only like women sexually, yet you transition and continue to be sexually romantic with women, then you're now gay.

But nevermind all that.. you are who you are and you like what you like... it does not matter what others think...

[melina]

very good! that is why i am here. I am straight most of the times. I shave my legs and run to keep the weight in check. I adore the female and sometimes, most of the time strive to be more like her; however I was born male, and I am male and female too,,, yes Melina is me too, she is more of me in 40+ than ever before. Gay, Bi, who cares I am gay/Bi when dressed and Gay/Bi masc, but I must add the CD is the most difficult to entrust, we are so finicky it sucks because we can help each other, but tooooo cautious

MY two cents
Melina

[Byanca]

And when you are TS, a woman and find men intriguing. Then it's hetero again. This seems dependant if one value identity and self more then what is between the legs. I know I do, and consider myself hetero, and slightly lesbian. But these things are not very explored. But I have had wonderful evenings with men. Open doors, pay the taxy, it's all very nice. Love it. Another T sounds very interesting, but dunno where too find one.

[MJ]

how we each think of ourselves is complicated I'm GAY the bottom line

the real problem is the cross-dressing. or better still the fear of being found out you cross-dress why is it so bad that would be a great thread

[Sophie_C]

For what I've seen, this idea of it being 'easier' when it comes to relationships isn't how it works. Almost all gay men want to be with a person who looks like a man, especially in the bedroom, whether it is some butch bear type or a 120lb twink (whatever they're into). Now, in terms of accepting behavior outside of the typical masculine "norm", sure it's accepted more there, but I feel like they get tired of too much femininity after a while. It's like it can go only so far as being some flair or attitude and the drag thing is sort of novelty, and when it's all done, they want it done.

Sorry, anything trans or crossdressed is left for the margins, everywhere, still, now...

[Christine Abrams]

This is a confusing question... If you're straight, meaning a man that loves being romantic with a woman, then your crossdressing "MAY" become an issue in that relationship as your female partner wants to be with a man.

If you're gay, meaning a man that loves being romantic with another man, then your crossdressing "MAY" become an issue in that relationship as your male partner wants to be with another man as he's not attracted to women, nor men who dress as women.

If you're a woman in a man's body, and you wish to be romantic with a man, then you're not gay.

If you're straight and only like women sexually, yet you transition and continue to be sexually romantic with women, then you're now gay.

But nevermind all that.. you are who you are and you like what you like... it does not matter what others think...

As they say on Fark, "came here to say this, but LitaKelley beat me to it."

[Pythos]

I just like women too much. I like how they look, in some ways how they act.

I don't hold a candle to how a woman moves when she walks. I look like a clumsy doof compared to a woman.

I love their syles too, but this is mostly a social restriction.

I couldn't even be intimate with Mana sama (a Japanese musician who can pull a very feminine appearance, who's work I greatly admire). I just don't like the male physique, I can barely stand my own...though I do like some features of mine.

I have tried being with a male, my best friend, and I was enfem...it did not work. He found me appealing, but I just did not find him attractive. LOL.

The great maker had fun wiring my brain. :)

[Frédérique]

I consider myself, more straight than bi. But sometimes I think it would be easier to be gay rather than straight. I could totally be myself!....But I love women. What do you think? What would be your ideal choice? Be honest, think about it, would being a gay cross dresser be less of a hassle than a straight CD?

I would prefer to be a homosexual crossdresser, but I wonder if dressing up as a woman would be really necessary for some kind of sexual expression on my part. Here in 2010, I’m not sure that there is a need for a certain type of dress, and if I were a homosexual male, why would I want to dress like a female? Who am I attracting? Gay males who would prefer to be with an effeminate male, in effeminate dress? If I’m “out” in terms of sexuality, why dress to express myself clandestinely? I just worry there would be no need for crossdressing, at least in a flamboyant, fun and obvious manner, but I know I could still be bisexual and dress to a certain degree – I’m doing that right now, as a matter of fact, and I’m happy…
:)

[eluuzion]

I think being gay would be easier. No, straight. I mean bi would. Then again, nothing is "easy". Wait, my ex was. Ok, I don't think either would be advantageous over the other. But attraction to CD/TS does entertain both attraction to females and curious attraction to just the physical parts of male.

Hmmmm, I used to be indecisive on this issue but now I'm not so sure.

Ok, I have made my decision. My final answer on this one is that I am not sure. of anything really...

More experimentation is required...jury is still "hung" on this one...:heehee:

It is kind of like a "Mr/Ms. Potatoe Head" puzzle in my head right now.

:love:

[Janice Lester]

I don't think being part of a minority within a minority is going to make it easier. As others have said its not really about the dressing, its about the fear of being seen as different than the majority.

[mklinden2010]

I consider myself, more straight than bi. But sometimes I think it would be easier to be gay rather than straight. I could totally be myself!....But I love women. What do you think? What would be your ideal choice? Be honest, think about it, would being a gay cross dresser be less of a hassle than a straight CD?


Gosh, don't ask me.

I was just standing here waiting for the bus...

[Angel64]

I am bi but never been with a man. I am only attracted to men sexually. I am attracted to women in all aspects. I know this sounds weird but its how I feel.

I guess you are not alone; I feel the same way.

[Eve II]

I guess I would be Bi. I wish what we are didn't really matter - but a big or small part of each of us knows that there are times when it does and it always affects us. I wish we could go out fully dressed whenever we wanted. When we did go out, we didn't even think about it. It would be like ," Oh, I'm going to wear jeans with a tube top - No, I'll wear a dress"
and when we did, people would only notice if it was "Hot" , just attractive or OMG, what was that person thinking!" Everyone who has read any of my post knows that I have a bra fetish. I would love to be able to not think twice about instead of wearing a skirt on a certain day,to wear my man pants and shoes, but highlight my breast with a wonderful pushup bra. If some guy/gal was attracted by that look and my personality, we could go out. I've lately change my thoughts on sexuatility, now I think "Why Not". Isn't it really about sharing with another person and pleasure? Didn't the ancient Greeks, Romans and before eperience it? Probably some prude who could write, said that god (little letters because I don't think he was really talking to GOD) told him it was bad and everyone went along with that. Sorry for the rant - Now, no question Bi.

[KayleeDahl]

If you're straight, meaning a man that loves being romantic with a woman, then your crossdressing "MAY" become an issue in that relationship as your female partner wants to be with a man.

If you're gay, meaning a man that loves being romantic with another man, then your crossdressing "MAY" become an issue in that relationship as your male partner wants to be with another man as he's not attracted to women, nor men who dress as women.

If you're a woman in a man's body, and you wish to be romantic with a man, then you're not gay.

If you're straight and only like women sexually, yet you transition and continue to be sexually romantic with women, then you're now gay.

But nevermind all that.. you are who you are and you like what you like... it does not matter what others think...

I subcribe to your reality :)

Hugs
Kaylee

[rocktheplank]

I am bi but never been with a man. I am only attracted to men sexually. I am attracted to women in all aspects. I know this sounds weird but its how I feel.

I'm bi and I've been with a man before, but never just a man, always with a woman too. Im not gay because I know in my heart I've never liked a guy like I like a girl. I know exactly what you are talking about. I'm not really attracted to a guy like "oh he's hot", its pretty much just a sexual in the heat of the moment kind of thing.

I don't know if it would be any easier to be gay or not, I feel like you may still struggle with the same problems that we already do. I don't think the grass is any greener on the other side.

[darla_g]

Ok i'm not gay so i guess i have no basis of comparison but I would assume that either being gay or hetero and wanting to CD is going to be an issue.

GGs here may not agree but I have been told that some women (I'm talking GG here) don't like CDing because they may not be attracted to women and even understanding that it is their BF/husband/partner under all the makeup and clothes. They may also have issues with another "woman" in the relationship. Like i said this is what i have been told.

I assume for gays there is also an issue. I would assume most male gays are not attracted to women or else they would be attracted to them and that would obviously switch their sexual preference. I assume there will be exceptions for each case, but just my opinion.

[Vickie_CDTV]

It is probably the same for both in terms of a meaningful, long term relationship. At least there are male admirers for gay TVs, there is no large pool of GGs looking for a straight TV.

[Sarasometimes]

The thing is you don't truly have a choice! These urges/desires are bred into each and everyone of us. The urge to crossdress is not something we choose, it is something that we feel we need. I think the greater question is that if you could choose to be gay, bi or straight you need to add the option to crossdress or not to it. The simplest form of existence is mainstream, a straight non-crossdressing male is my answer. As Karren says (here I go again agreeing with Karren, must be that common hockey player way of thinking) crossdressing complicates any relationship.
Few people, outside of ourselves can comprehend why we feel the need to go through all the effort to put on uncomfortable, restrictive, sometimes hot clothing and spend time doing our makeup, when society doesn't expect us to. I must admit, on the surface it does sound a bit difficult to understand. The part they are missing is that it is an ingrained deep seated basic need otherwise we would take the easy way and just wear pants.

[MJ]

did it not occur to you that gay effeminate men like other gay effeminate men i do ....but i'm easy going i might add

and gay guy's like gay guy's

then there's the gay guy who like the gay effemimate men and so on etc, etc, etc

[Janice Lester]

Of course Gay men are just as diverse as the rest of the population in their likes, dislikes but I would still suggest that masculine gay men are the "blue eyed blonds" of the LGBTQ world.

[Tammy V]

I now realize I have fought being gay my entire life, however, I love women too much to be purely gay and I am bisexual. I was 43 before I realized (admitted to myself) that I am bisexual and still the only time I will or want to be with a man is when I am fully dressed. I do not think being a gay crossdresser would be an easier, but I would have enjoyed being a drag queen.

[flatlander_48]

Going back a ways, I thought I was gay. Once I sorted that out, I got fairly comfortable with the notion. However, it eventually occurred to me that I was still definitely attracted to women (physically, emotionally). It was sort of a revelation to consider the idea that one could be attracted to both sexes. We bisexuals are all over the spectrum, but somewhere around 50/50 is about where it sits for me.

So, how does CDing fit into all of this? That seemed to be a relatively easy step. I was already thinking of myself as "other than". That is to say, other than a straight male. It was hardly a speedbump from there to a CDer.

So, how does all this sit from a straight or gay perspective? I don't think you can generalize as to whether being a CDer is easier or harder as a function of sexual preference. It all depends upon the individual, where they are and what their path was to get to where they are. Given all of this variation, it my not be worth spending the time and effort to consider the question...

[Shananigans]

Katrina, stop worrying about it. Just be you. Sounds like you are bisexual with a preference towards women. I consider myself bi, but I would prefer being in serious relationships with men. So, maybe I have a male preference. Who cares one way or the other? I don't. At the end of the day, you can call yourself gay if you want to...but, you know deep down you like it both ways.

I personally think it would be more miserable trying to be something that you are not. I think being gay is difficult...I think being straight is difficult...I think being bi is difficult...but, the most difficult thing of all is trying to be something that you are not.

xxoo

[Vikki Vixen]

I definately think being a overt gay man who crossdresses is a lot more acceptable to the general public than a hetro man crossdressing. One of my gay friends attended a gay pride event in drag recently. Our co-workers know he is gay as he is very very camp and openly gay, he does not normally crossdress but when they found out he was in drag they did not bat an eyelid or make any negative comments. Although I am totally hetro I wonder if I could get away with crossdressing in public if I acted openly camp, I am sure I could.

[Bethany-x]

I'm bi.

Took me alot of time getting used to really, considered myself straight but liked to crossdresser but now i'm definetly bi, love both :) haha.

[tricia_uktv]

But we are all bi, straights as well. Its society that tries to make us what they want?

[Kaz]

Gosh, don't ask me.

I was just standing here waiting for the bus...

????????????????????????

[Kaz]

Katrina, stop worrying about it. Just be you. Sounds like you are bisexual with a preference towards women. I consider myself bi, but I would prefer being in serious relationships with men. So, maybe I have a male preference. Who cares one way or the other? I don't. At the end of the day, you can call yourself gay if you want to...but, you know deep down you like it both ways.

I personally think it would be more miserable trying to be something that you are not. I think being gay is difficult...I think being straight is difficult...I think being bi is difficult...but, the most difficult thing of all is trying to be something that you are not.

xxoo

Some of us live in a world that was yesterday, or rather that will soon be yesterday... The earth is moving and I am hopeful that these issues will disappear...

In the meantime... CDs are a strange and wierd bunch of aliens!

[deebra]

Yes because the person that saw you and was interested enough to make contact would want you to perform all the things he saw in the female, that being you. It could take CDing to a much more feminine level. See georginamiles posts and the change it made in her, for the better!

[darla_g]

i was discussing this with my GF and she had some addl thoughts regarding gay men and CDs. She thought that a CD partner might be the perfect "cover" for a guy who wanted to be me with another man, but out in public they might look like any other hetero couple. But back at home with all the clothes off things might be all different.

i suppose thinking about it MJ is quite correct. there probably are gay guys that like effeminate men or maybe they are bi and really like the look and touch of a woman. So that works for them. I suppose at some level i was thinking that most guys would want a masculine athletic type, but maybe that was just my thoughts. I really hadn't pondered that much, just glad i have a GF who tolerates me.

i suppose there is that whole aspect of the general public thinking that everyone who CDs is gay anyway.... a classic misconception

also i liked the sentiment expressed by Shananigans

[joannemarie barker]

Just go with the flow and find someone you're attracted to be it a man or a woman.I sway from liking girls to guys and vice versa.right now I have deep feelings for a guy who I've been intimate with one crazy night but who now insists he's straight.maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and find a girl,who knows

[Shananigans]

In the meantime... CDs are a strange and wierd bunch of aliens!

People are strange (to quote Jim Morrison). I think sometimes y'all feel like you are weirder and more on your own than you really are. There are some "interesting" quirks to some CDs...but, I find that most people have pretty interesting quirks. I think most of the time y'all try to dissect everything and come up with a reason, a label, and an explanation for your behaviors...but, sometimes it just is what it is and you have to just be yourself and make yourself happy instead of looking for other people to give you an explanation that probably will not scratch the surface of your true self.

P.S.

That sounded really hippie, but I stand by it.

[bridgetta]

if one wants to be a dentist when they grow up.. and they go to school... and become a dentist.. then they are a dentist.. but really.. they are not a dentist..

[busker]

I consider myself, more straight than bi. But sometimes I think it would be easier to be gay rather than straight. I could totally be myself!....But I love women. What do you think? What would be your ideal choice? Be honest, think about it, would being a gay cross dresser be less of a hassle than a straight CD?

Katrinakat, isn't this a contradiction? There are 3 distinctions here 1) straight e.g. likes women exclusively 2) gay e.g. likes men exclusively 3) bi directional e.g goes in either direction with some variation in percentages from 1 to 99.
Isn't a gay crossdresser really a bi-sexual person? whose percentages vary the same as a straight bi-sexual (no pun intended).
If gay men or lesbians are straight, then their preference would be exclusively straight gay or straight lesbian women. As you start to deviate from the "norm", then the description has to vary with the percentages somewhat.
In fact, is there a straight crossdresser? according to this forum, the answer seems to be NO if we look at the statistics on the threads dating CDs and a number of other threads dealing with CD's prefereing sex with another cd when they are dressed as a female--the classic description of a transvestite (i.e a man dressing as a women to have sex with a man or a closet gay seeking sex with another gay man. Humans are so good at rationalization or finding ways around the self-evident truths.
Unfortunately, there seem to be no purely straight gays on this forum to answer your question, but then it wouldn't make sense to that person would it? because they would not be here if they were straight gay. The answer for them MIGHT be that just being gay was problem enough in a world that doesn't tolerate anything but straight male or female inhabitants on this planet.
Is it better to be rich and anonymous or rich and famous where you can't do anything for fear of your life, wealth or whathaveyou.
You are asking a question that can't be answered becauseif you are not the "other half" of the equation, you cannot know what it is you are responding to.
Immovable object or unstoppable force---it's a trick question.
I wear women's clothing because I like the feel and freedom and whatever, but I CANNOT know what it is that women feel because I was born and raised as a male. NO chemistry or surgery is going to make my brain respond any differently.
(I've just opened my umbrella because I can already see the "rain" coming down. I am a bi person--Cassandra and Pandora at the same time.:2c::2c::2c::

[Angiemead12]

I dont think it gets easier on either side! I think these things too

[MichelleOBrien]

Honestly, it's no easier either way. Also, it's kinda unfortunate sometimes... but we can't really *choose* to be gay or not. Either we are, or not. But I'm sure we all think about this eventually.

[danielletorresani]

I had an online flirtation going on with another male CD for a while but nothing ever came of it. If I ever was with a man, it would have to be a fellow CD, and a very feminine one at that.

[Dannigirl]

I wonder if you ask because then people would say "oh that's o.k for him to do that, he's gay", as if it is a free pass to act as feminine as you like ? Easier, don't think so, I have a ton of gay friends, male and female (I am straight and work in the entertainment industry) and I always feel for them as they cannot walk around our place of work and enjoy the same "freedoms" that I do. Such as holding my wife's hand, putting my arm around her, kiss her good-bye when I drop her off in her area of work etc ... So while you might think it is easier I think it all comes down to just having the courage to say "screw what people think" and do what you want to do when you want to do it. Gay people go through the same issues straight people do, if you are self conscious/shy you are self concious/shy, gay or straight.

[Stephanie Anne]

I am not sure I like the assumption that "being" gay is a choice. That is just the same as saying "being" transsexual is a choice.

I choose to be a happy person. Everything else just is.

[MJ]

In the end it comes down to respect regardless of race, creed, color of your skin, gender be it real or implied or weather your gay, straight or bi.

Make love not war ...works for me

[Engendered]

In fact, is there a straight crossdresser? according to this forum, the answer seems to be NO if we look at the statistics on the threads dating CDs and a number of other threads dealing with CD's prefereing sex with another cd when they are dressed as a female--the classic description of a transvestite (i.e a man dressing as a women to have sex with a man or a closet gay seeking sex with another gay man.

I'm very confused by this post. There are lots of straight crossdressers, or are you using a different meaning for the word straight? :)

[cassie2]

ur all right
I love women but have a problem with liking men too
cant stand to be around men when dressed because afraid they will find me out
im straight and can live that way just fine

[girlalex]

I consider my self bi leaning more towards the straight side although i would love to go on a date with a handsome guy. yet this is something i would never do in drab. i would never go on a date with another guy in drab because i don't identify my self as a homosexual individual. I would need to look and feel feminine and because wearing female clothing makes me feel my self, going out on a date with a guy would seem right to me, which in a sense makes me gay. so am i gay or am i not? and this is exactly where im confused about my whole sexual oriantation.

[BiancaEstrella]

I consider myself straight.

I've considered dating transwomen of varying stages of their transition (pre-op, post-op, and non-op). Why things never worked out, I guess they have the crazy part down... lol

I couldn't date another crossdresser (although I have no problem letting a fellow CD know that they're gorgeous, when opinion is sought, as I've done here).

I wouldn't sleep with a transvestite.

I do not find masculinity attractive and would not be inviting to any approaches a man made on me, regardless of my outer appearance.

I'd say I'm 85% attracted to genetic women, 15% attracted to transwomen, 0% remaining for the field.

Regardless of which I wind up with, I would hope that she's accepting of the fact that I cross-dress. I don't think that's something that's really worth hiding.

[joannemarie barker]

I think sometimes we go around the houses to find an answer here too much.
Without meaning to offend anyone it boils down to one thing!
If the image of a penis excites you-have fun if not go find a nice girl.

[busker]

I'm very confused by this post. There are lots of straight crossdressers, or are you using a different meaning for the word straight? :)
In my mind unless being a CD is just a fetish or some non-sexual hobby of some sort, I think we are not totally "straight" males. I like women and if I were dressed and seeking a sexual partner, I would only seek a woman, and that would make me a "lesbian of sorts". In male mode, I'm only attracted to women. I don't much care for men in any state of dress and have for most of my life, avoided them when possible. Perhaps that means I don't like myself much either since I'm a male.
There are only "straight" cders on this forum by their admission--I have absolutely no way to verify that, and since I believe that human beings are so fabulously gifted at rationalization and justification, I tend to doubt the veracity of the stated preference-though soem have stated elsewhere that they too would be lesbians by choice. There just seems to be too much interest in dating CDs and right at the bottom of these very pages you will find links to cds by state, cd dating and tv dating links. That doesn't exist for nothing. search the web and most of the crossdressing websites seems dedicated to gay activity, search transgender and you will get a million hits of "trannies" "********" etc and 99 percent will be related to gay activity.
I still haven't figured out what went on in my mind 50 or so years ago that led me on this path , but while I consider myself a heterosexual male in drab, would I be a lesbian in women's clothing, or if I had been born a female? My alltime favorite part of sex was always cunnilingus starting in my teen years. Each to their own taste!:2c:

sláinte

[nicole12]

I consider my self bi leaning more towards the straight side although i would love to go on a date with a handsome guy. yet this is something i would never do in drab. i would never go on a date with another guy in drab because i don't identify my self as a homosexual individual. I would need to look and feel feminine and because wearing female clothing makes me feel my self, going out on a date with a guy would seem right to me, which in a sense makes me gay. so am i gay or am i not? and this is exactly where im confused about my whole sexual oriantation.

yes i agree im pretty much starting to think your way also.

[paulinescotlandcd]

For arguments sake let pretend I am a very strict vegetarian. However, at a friend's one night I am asked to try a large steak which has been beautifully cooked and most importantly covered in a delicious gravy. I just love the steak when it's covered in this gravy but could never eat in plain just out of the grill. Do you think after this I can still claim to be vegetarian if I continue to eat any meat providing it has a suitable sauce or gravy?
I can't fathom how two crossdressers having "girlie fun" one night can still view themselves as straight is beyond me. In the final analysis it's two blokes having fun i.e. gay

[WheatishCD]

to be honest when all dressed up i just need a women with that extra thing!! i don't consider it gay!!

[WheatishCD]

hi paulinescotlandcd, i saw ur flickr. i am jealous of you bitch!! (mods pls dont zap me for this). u have a nice collection. let me shop this weekend n make u feel J :) wait n watch ;)
always luv
reni

[paulinescotlandcd]

Thanks Asia, your jealousy has been noted :) - I will find the dress at some point in my life that when I put it on and look in the mirror I will look in my opinion like a woman. At present I still feel that I look like a bloke in a dress, all be it a very nice dress.

[neha]

i love to be female. what ever is feminine i like it. I am straight but i often dream of being a girl. I dream being taken for date and having fun with my guy. I wish to be a girl dominated by a guy. but in real life, i am not so sure in being gay. I am not interested to men at all. But when I am dressed up as a girl and when i feel so girly. If a male treat me like a girl, i will get layed for him. I cannot resit the feel a girl can get to be in bed with her guy and lying in his chest warm.

[Deborah]

I consider myself more TS so a 'gay' relationship would mean i'm straight :)

I know what you mean though, if i hung out with the gay community more i'd probably be more myself. I've basically reprogrammed myself over the last few years to fit into the norm.

[Dana]

Isn't it more about simply about being who and what you are?

[busker]

Isn't it more about simply about being who and what you are?
I think that is exactly what the original post was all about, and when we discover who and what we are, we will have to say what that is---OGM , a label--so that folks will know what and who we are. You may very well know those facts but keeping us in the dark does you absolutely no good as far as we are concerned. We cannot relate to you in any fashion without having some CLUE? N'est pas?
"I am what I am, simply works if it is for a cartoon character.

I would want to know if you were a cop in drag on an undercover mission.:2c::2c::2c:

[Kaz]

Still living... still learning... One day it will end... so until then...

[busker]

I consider myself more TS so a 'gay' relationship would mean i'm straight :)

So, does this mean that you are going to transition to female at some point? {Pre-op, post-op, no-op?) Otherwise, isn't the rationalization we do so well. It goes like this: as a male, if I wear women's clothing and I'm hot on a guy, I can claim TS or TG and escape the "gay" attribute, when one should say, I like this or that guy, to hell with phoney dressing issue, I am "gay" and be done with it. Or bi- or whatever. It's all about calling a spade a spade.

[B]I know what you mean though, if i hung out with the gay community more i'd probably be more myself. I've basically reprogrammed myself over the last few years to fit into the norm.


Being honest with one's self despite what the stigma that might attach to the admission. If you are a CD and know deep down that you have a feminine bent that will not go away, it is better to "suffer the slings and arrows" than hide in a closet for a lifetime. As is oft said here, happiness in one's life is paramount to success as a human being.

Similarly, if being gay is who you are, than self admission and acceptance is the only way forward. You may not have to tell all the world, but certainly there are some to be trusted with your frankness.

As I said earlier, we are great and rationalization and justification, if only to avoid actually being candid with our innermost being. It is facile to just say i am what I am--it means that either one has not thought things through or has not thought about things at all. If you go for a job interview, no future employer wants to hear " I'm just me"--he wants to know more about that "me" and that requires actualyl thinking about who and what we are. The label helps us determine a place along the spectrum of human variation.

Secrecy only leads to a kind of schizophrenia that makes life damnably difficult

[flatlander_48]

Folks:

Please remember that being gay is not just about who you go to bed with. It is who you go to bed with PLUS who you form romantic relationships with PLUS how you identify PLUS any number of other things. It's NOT just about Hide The Banana...

[CherryZips]

@flatlander_48

So someone can sleep with someone of the same sex and fall in love with people of the same sex and still not be gay? Other than bisexual what else could they be? Am I being dumb?

[flatlander_48]

@flatlander_48

So someone can sleep with someone of the same sex and fall in love with people of the same sex and still not be gay? Other than bisexual what else could they be? Am I being dumb?

No, you're not being dumb. The only point here is that there are a number of factors to consider. If you sleep with someone of the same sex, it's not an automatic that you are gay. There are lots of questions to be asked, such as:



Do you see yourself in a long term romantic relationship with this person?
Could you be attracted to others of the same sex, or just this person in particular?
Do you align yourself with gay politics?
Without hesitation, how do you see yourself?

How you answer these and other questions will determine where you are. It's just not as simple as many would have you believe. The thing is, people will always want to classify, categorize, segregate, etc. They're just trying to make it simple for themselves. In many cases, such as this one, the true does have a bit of complexity about it.

[maya1love]

Thank you flatlander_48 for your comment. As a gay male, I agree that being gay (or straight) is more than sex. If you are questioning whether you are gay, then ask yourself if you can see yourself long term in a relationship with a man. (This man may be masculine or feminine) Do you want to go to social events with this person, do you want to pay the mortgage with this person, do you want to have romantic dinners with this person? A good friend corrected me a few years ago by saying that "sexual orientation" is not really about sex, but who we fall in love with. So, who do you fall in love with? Yup, I like the fellas. Never been in love with a lady.

[Deborah]

"So, does this mean that you are going to transition to female at some point? {Pre-op, post-op, no-op?) Otherwise, isn't the rationalization we do so well. It goes like this: as a male, if I wear women's clothing and I'm hot on a guy, I can claim TS or TG and escape the "gay" attribute, when one should say, I like this or that guy, to hell with phoney dressing issue, I am "gay" and be done with it. Or bi- or whatever. It's all about calling a spade a spade."

Not sure where the above came from it was in post #67
Yes i'm no-op because i have children and it is my choice not to do anything. I'm hot on plenty of guys (as in finding attractive) whether i'm in women's clothing or not and i have no need to escape the "gay" attribute. What i really want to give a guy i don't have ;)

[joannemarie barker]

I could totally live in an ltr with a guy.I already live with a guy,just not in a relationship way :)

[StarrOfDelite]

I think it's probably easier, in the sense of having a dating pool, to be either a straight non-CD man or a gay man than to be either a Bi-CD or a straight CD. The men who prefer CD/TV ladies to gender girls or men are a relatively small part of the population, and the gender girls who are willing to even contemplate the idea of having a relationship with a CD are as rare as hen's teeth, at least in my experience. For the purpose of that answer, I'm using the terms Bi-CD and Gay CD as being sort of Co-Evals.

I think the original poster was just tossing an idea out for discussion, but I don't think for a second that we can consciously make our choices of who or what appeals to us sexually based on what is convenient. We are what we are psychologically and physically, whether it's nurture or nature which is the cause is irrelevant. A person is either going to follow his or her impulses and needs or not. For whatever psychological reasons which sit in my brain, I'm not nearly as interested in men when I'm in drab, and I'm not nearly as interested in women when I'm dressed, for whatever that information is worth. I am, however, happier now that I'm active as a Bi-CD than when I was married and both trying to hide my wardrobe and suppress my sexual impulses.

[MJ]

If the image of a penis excites you-have fun if not go find a nice girl.



Yup, I like the fellas too

[Madilyn A.]

Wow, this one peaked my interest. I read several of the comments hoping to establish more clarity on my position.........I have always been straight all my life. Over the last year or so I am attracted to pretty CDs..... I have never found the male image one bit attractive; however, in pretty female wrappings, I think I might be more than curious !

[shannontgcd]

Being a gay CD has its benefits, but its a matter of how you actually see men when you are in drab. I've contemplated this many times, so I know your situation. Is it more of a sexual turn on, or do you actually want to be with men?

[SallyS]

For some maybe it's not an easy question to answer?

I am a straight male with a wife and kids and have never had a gay experience.
As a CD'er I do THINK about what it would be like to have a physical relationship with a man, but as I am happily married I wouldn't want to complicate things, although my wife would probably say 'try it and see if you like it!'

For me I'm happy to keep it in my head...but that's today....I'm notoriously fickle, so who know's about tomorrow?

CD'ing in my younger days was more a sexual experience...now its something different???

So those who are, then great, those who aren't but might try it, then enjoy:)

[TianaCross]

well, being gay isnt a choice, as many have pointed out already. Personaly, im bi with a little more interest for women, especially when emotions are involved.

As for your question, i think that it would be ideal for u to find a fully supportive GG...then u can really be yourself ;)

[Lori Robins]

Katrinakat,

to be gay or lesbian or bi or straight is not a choice. neither is being a woman or man. all are individuals and all are different. being gay or lesbian does not make it easier to crossdress nor does it make it harder. Sexual preference is for the most part not dependent on your gender or gender expression.

be who you are and let the labels go. they serve no purpose except to divide and diminish all. to seperate all from each other.

What a great reply!!! I like females. Guys don't do anything for me (most of the time anyway) But I would really love to have a penis to play with other than my own!! I gave up ages ago trying to figure out what group I would fit in to and just be me. I think being a cd is about as confusing as it gets sometimes and any other issues, such as sexual prferences are just normal life issues.
My ideal choice?? Hhhhmmmmm to be me and not give a shit what anyone thinks (and they do the same)!!

[TracyBoy]

I wish that there weren't labels like "gay" or "straight"! I like people, male or female, for the person that they are. If they are nice, then I usually am attracted to them. I don't really care what gender they are. Physically, I'll admit that I am attracted to a person that has feminine appearances and mannerisms on the outside. But if that person is great to be with, then when it comes time to "take off the pants" then I'm right there just to make that person happy!

[BeingMyself]

Yeah, this is a tough question. I wish I could just change my life. We have all been dealt a tough hand. Well, I guess I'll speak for myself. My life has been very hard. I'm sure there are some people who have fully embraced their hand in life but I am not one of them. I think it would be easier to be gay though.
__________
When is (http://www.chacha.com/topic/when-is) the world going to be fully enlightened to the truth?

[lmildcd]

I can't really answer which is more of a hassle. I'm straight and like to dress up when I feel down in the dumps. I'm straight but am fascinated by she male porn. I fantasize about having sex with a she male. I guess its more important to being who you are. I'm straight, like she male porn, and like to wear women's clothes. I'm ok with this aspect of my life.

[flatlander_48]

Labels are important. They define differences and that is a good thing, IF Used Properly. However, it is often the MISUSE of Labels that create problems. For the most part, Gay and Straight people are alike. We want to enjoy our lives, we want to find good and rewarding jobs and we want to be surrounded by welcoming and caring friends and relatives; to name just a few things. However, in some ways we are MARKEDLY different. For gay people, who we find physically and emotionally attractive, and who we want to form relationships with, is different. Because of this, our lives, job/careers, homes and religious affiliations may be particularly impacted. A label is merely shorthand and a rallying point for a particular set of characteristics, in a gross sense. It doesn't even imply that we are all exactly like the label. However, using a label in a divisive way is driven by ones desire to be divisive; not the other way around. If we did away with labels, I really doubt that all the people who desire to be divisive would suddenly go away.

[sometimes_miss]

I've had this discussion with several gay people. The only thing that's easier for gays is dating, there are plenty of places for gay folks to meet other potential partners. On dating sites, there's a category for men looking for men, and women looking for women, and there are lots of people there. For us, there's nothing; no crossdresser-straight girl dating sites, no crossdresser-straight girl clubs, nothing; the one site that advertises crossdresser dating is inhabited 99.9999% by men, with a few fake female profiles to get you to pay for membership, you'll get female emails expressing interest until you pay, then they disappear.
Basically, the gay girls feel I'm lucky to be a guy, so I can date all those beautiful straight women that they don't have access to. They don't seem to get the problem that 'all those beautiful straight women' don't want anything to do with a guy who feels like, and often dresses like, a girl.

[IamSara]

I don't think it would be any easier to be strait or gay and crossdress... I've chatted with gay cd's who have the exact same issues straight cd's have. In a relationship with a guy and afraid to tell him that he likes to crossdress fearing he will dump him and run... Sexual orientation doesn't mater... Crossdressing complicates everything and anything... Imho.
Exactly!!! could not have said it better and I am a bi.

Sarab

[StarrOfDelite]

[QUOTE=sometimes_miss;2349011]I've had this discussion with several gay people. The only thing that's easier for gays is dating, there are plenty of places for gay folks to meet other potential partners. On dating sites, there's a category for men looking for men, and women looking for women, and there are lots of people there. For us, there's nothing; no crossdresser-straight girl dating sites, no crossdresser-straight girl clubs, nothing; the one site that advertises crossdresser dating is inhabited 99.9999% by men, with a few fake female profiles to get you to pay for membership, you'll get female emails expressing interest until you pay, then they disappear.


While I generally agree with your comments about it being easier for Gay men to find dates and hookup places, I think that it should be mentioned that Craigslist, fwiw, does have m4t and t4m categories. I certainly understand that a lot of people are frightened by the possibility of something going bad from Craigslist, but it does exist with specific categories. Also, I have met other TV/CD girls, and men on both Alt and AFF. You might have to sift through a lot of dross to find the good ones, but thee are a few out there. These are, obviously, Meat Market sex sites, and I would agree that trying to find a transgender category on mainstream dating only sites, e.g. Match, POF, or Yahoo Personals is impossible.

[Maria_1969]

Personally, I have no issue with anyone’s sexual likes as long as its legal…..

As for me, I do find the male body to be gross, especially hairy ones. My SO, does like to tell me fantasies about a man taking me when I am Maria and it DOES turn me on. However, I still do not see myself being with a man and I never looked at a man in a sexual way….

A feminine and passible CD or TG yes. I did play around with a TG about 12 years ago, she was HOT and extremely passible and we kept it to oral only.
Does this make me bi? The way I see it, I was with a hot woman with a big clitoris… I am attracted to most things feminine.

Maria

[Joyously 27]

To be Gay or straight is not a choice. We are what we are.

[SaraRider]

I am bi also I love women and am totally attracted to them and everything about them but I like so many like to feel attractive and wanted also which only makes it natural for me to being attracted to being held and taken care of.

[sometimes_miss]

QUOTING sometimes_miss wrote: While I generally agree with your comments about it being easier for Gay men to find dates and hookup places, I think that it should be mentioned that Craigslist, fwiw, does have m4t and t4m categories. I certainly understand that a lot of people are frightened by the possibility of something going bad from Craigslist, but it does exist with specific categories. Also, I have met other TV/CD girls, and men on both Alt and AFF.
Basically those are for T girls (genetic/phenotype males and mtf transexuals) and such to meet men. There are no women looking for TG males or CD's. Zilch. I've done a search on every dating site I can find. I've run identical ads on other sites, one mentioning crossdressing, the other plain straight. On the plain ads, I get plenty of responses; that alone tells me that there's nothing else about me that is repulsive to women in general. But on any ad that mentions crossdressing, all the responses I get are men and prostitutes willing to sell me their services. That's it. The percentage of women that even might be interested in us is so insignificant that for all intents and purposes, it may as well be zero.
And it's not so much that we all need a woman to take interest, or participate in anything to do with our crossdressing; it's that it seems such a repulsive characteristic to the very vast majority of women, that it stops any relationship with us, dead in it's tracks. In this sense, being gay is a much better situation.

[NathalieX66]

I've accepted that fact that being TG isn't necessarily connected to being gay. I have a couple of gay friends, and I've told them about this side of me and they still don't get it. In fact, they don't seem to care much. :straightface:
Ha, just as well......good friends they may be, I'm not attracted to them anyways. One of them takes the attitude that "a hard man is good to find".......good for him, I say. I'd rather be soft, and connect with the ladies. I can't speak for anyone else.

[Barbara Dugan]

Lately I've been feeling more gay than ever and my attraction and love to masculinity is stronger than ever and the idea of intimacy with any feminine individual either GG or transgender is a major turn off.
What confuse me somehow is when I am attracted to masculinity is when I want to be the more feminine I can be and I am talking about the whole feminine identity

[joannemarie barker]

Lately I've been feeling more gay than ever and my attraction and love to masculinity is stronger than ever and the idea of intimacy with any feminine individual either GG or transgender is a major turn off.
What confuse me somehow is when I am attracted to masculinity is when I want to be the more feminine I can be and I am talking about the whole feminine identity


Are you struggling with transsexual feelings?

I'm not ts but I kinda get what you mean though,although in drab I fancy CDs.when I'm femme though I tend to be attracted to more masculine men :)

[Enchanting]

I believe being a gay cd would be more publicly accepting/tolerated than those being straight cd. Being a gay man is not in the woodwork for me. I love women, especially my wife (who has no idea that I cd).
-Enchanting

[Crysten]

Well I work with an openly gay fellow....nice enough guy, I suppose, and totally open about his sexuality. No one seems to have a problem with it. If I was to come out as a crossdresser, however....the earth would stop rotating, the building would fall over, peoples heads would explode, etc. So I would imagine it's just easier all around if you're not a crossdresser, no matter what your preference in the bedroom is.