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tosbourne

11-23-2010, 07:21 AM

Hello all!

I've lurked in this and similar forums for a long time... but finally joined a few weeks ago.

Very long story short (which I've posted in New Member Intro's, found here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?142697-First-post), I am trying to quit. I've read countless threads on the subject - I know the lifelong success rate is very low, but there have been a few threads here and there that I've found where the original poster appeared to have gone on to have successfully quit.

I've answered why I am looking to quit in the thread linked above. Again, very long story short, I don't see anything wrong with crossdressing for most people - if it's something they're dedicated to and is an important enough aspect of their lives. For others though, I do believe it is damaging, and that support towards quitting entirely would be helpful for them.

So... just curious, who else out there would consider themselves actively trying to quit?

Karren H

11-23-2010, 08:05 AM

Not any more.... I've quit so many times in the past but always started again.. And I'm not dedicated to it I'm entrapped by it but I accept that I can't quit and it won't go away... Crossdressing overly colplicates your life for sure... And I truely hope you are successful!!

donnalee

11-23-2010, 08:20 AM

I am reminded of a Mark Twain quote concerning smoking;"It's easy to quit; I've done it hundreds of times."

BLUE ORCHID

11-23-2010, 08:22 AM

It's like the Mafia you can't quit your in it for life.

Orchid

Elizabeth Ann

11-23-2010, 08:42 AM

I continue to believe in the ability of human beings to adapt, and in the inevitability of change. I don't know if you can quit, or more precisely, how difficult it would be for you to quit, but these blanket pronouncements on this site that it is impossible irritate me no end. It is argument by anecdote.

The conclusion by members here that we cannot quit is a classic example of what is known as "sample selection bias." First, the people who participate in this forum are very likely not to be a random sample of all crossdressers, and are likely more committed to and tolerant of it than the universe of crossdressers.

More importantly, we no longer have in our sample those who might have successfully quit. It is a bit like the observation that building were better constructed in the 19th century than they are today. If you don't think so, just look at all those great old buildings still standing. Of course, only the great ones are still standing.

If I had to guess, I would say that yes you can quit, though I have no idea how difficult it would be for you personally. But to be fair, I don't have much evidence for my position either. I am projecting on the basis of the amount of change, truly fundamental change, I have seen in both myself and others.

Liz

Sarasometimes

11-23-2010, 08:44 AM

Shapeshiffter

11-23-2010, 08:53 AM

I did my best to suppress the desire for a long time. Now, I don't try anymore and my GF is much happier. She says I am a much nicer person and more fun to be with while dressed. I have no intention of trying to suppress it anymore.

KellyCD

11-23-2010, 09:01 AM

Honestly......I'm trying to quit to a certain degree. I used to have a more fem type body, and therefor i didn't look half bad and I was passable when dressed. But, I made a decision to try and stop......as much as I could at least.....

Since then I've went to the gym ALOT this year to not only get into better shape.....but to erase the "femness" i could get away with. If I dressed now....IMO i'd just look stupid. So that's my deterrent.

The only thing I can't stop is panties.....which is ok I geuss. My GF now knows all about Kelly's past and is supportive to the point where she has told me that I "have" to dress for her at least once. So we'll see where this goes I guess.

juno

11-23-2010, 09:16 AM

The disadvantages are artificial, created by other people. If you don't crossdress, then it is important to do other things that will keep your female side happy. There are many other activities to choose from. I started dressing late in life, but I have always enjoyed feminine things, like sewing clothes for my wife. However, I feel happier crossdressing and wish I hard started much sooner.

If you have a female partner, you can express a lot of femininity with her. Shop with her for lingerie and dresses. You will have fun, and nobody will ridicule you. You can wear a pink men's shirt and say that your SO bought it for you.

GingerLeigh

11-23-2010, 09:17 AM

Well I have been to several therapists and the consistent information is that my desire/need to crossdress is part of my gender makeup. I could deprive myself of that expression but not without a price. Good luck, each person's needs and wonts are individual and there is no one here who know you better than yourself. Do monitor you reaction to quiting. Will you become more hostile, less patient and easier to anger. If these things happen please rethink the benefits of quiting. I know that when I can't express myself this way for a period of time i get togh to live with. My fuse gets short and i stay mad longer due to the undelying frustration about not being able to dress. That is just my experiences. But I do wish you luck, Sara.

Exactly the same thing for me. I tried to quit many times. Each time started out fine. No problem. However it always anded up where I would become easily agitated, and became tough to live with. In essence I exchanged secretly acting as a woman to outwardly acting as a bear. Can you quit? Sure! anyone here can if they really want to. Will anyone want to live with you as a non-crossdesser? I know nobody would want to live with me in that state.

Ginger

Kelly DeWinter

11-23-2010, 09:41 AM

I have been, but my boss won't let me. Every day it's the same thing. get here by 9:00 ..... work ..... leave at 5:00 . Oh wait ... we're talking about our jobs right ?

Actualy I had enough of trying to quit for 15 years, including the accompanying purges, too much stress in that, Now i go with the flow. I fell stress free and my life is so much better. Anyone else feel the same ?

Christine Andrews

11-23-2010, 09:58 AM

Exactly the same thing for me. I tried to quit many times. Each time started out fine. No problem. However it always anded up where I would become easily agitated, and became tough to live with. In essence I exchanged secretly acting as a woman to outwardly acting as a bear. Can you quit? Sure! anyone here can if they really want to. Will anyone want to live with you as a non-crossdesser? I know nobody would want to live with me in that state.

Ginger

This sums up my experiences of trying to stop expressing myself and crossdressing. I felt agitated frquently and I would become increasingly wound up about petty things and generally be poor company. I also found that I withdrew more often and became increasingly apathetic. I may feel guily from time to time and feel trapped that I have to keep it hidden but the alternative of feeling like half a person, becoming moody, unpleasant and thoroughly miserable. Sarasometimes reference to
the undelying frustration about not being able to dress rings very true to me.

Crossdressing - exploring and expressing the feminine aspect of myself makes me happy, calm and balanced. It has motivated me to join the gym, watch what I eat and take better care of my health. Overall I am a better person for this.

For better or worse, I've learned that quitting is not an option for me.

Tosbourne, I truly hope that you succeed. Life is too short to be unhappy, going through the motions. Whether or not you succeed depends on you and your support network - it is something only you can answer.

Good luck and all the best!

Juliemckay

11-23-2010, 10:12 AM

I quit smoking, does that count?

I used to go in that little circle of dress> quit > purge > shop > dress. That got to be frustrating and expensive. Now I understand who I am much better, and I've learned to accept it. It's much easier now.

I did have a major purge this summer, but I was getting rid of things that either didn't fit or looked bad on me.

Amanda22

11-23-2010, 10:17 AM

I wish you the best of success trying to quit. I wouldn't know how because for me, it is impossible. Literally impossible. I love my femininity 100% and if I could take a pill to make crossdressing leave the core of my being, I'd flush it down the toilet. I hope you can be successful and happy.

Amy Lynn3

11-23-2010, 10:23 AM

I can only echo what Karren said. I have tried to stop many times, but the end results was the same. Now it pleases me very much.

kathie225

11-23-2010, 10:31 AM

Forced Abstinence
Just returned from a protracted business assignment, the circumstances of which made indulgiing in CDing totally impossible. I was fortunate to get a few shots at wearing panties; otherwise strictly drab. For approximately two months I was "forced to quit" by circumstances and while the mind set may be different than one wanting to quit, the sheer relief I felt upon wearing what I wanted to was indescribable and akin to what is reported after one has purged for a while and then resumed wearing femme. I've never wanted to quit, but can identify with some of the feelings experienced by those who do and then need to resume.
Good luck to all, Kathie

Rachel Mari

11-23-2010, 10:37 AM

I've decided that suppessing and not giving in to that urge (for close to 20 years) and looking back, has left me feeling only half the person has been there at times. Within the last couple of years, the urge, and need, has become so much stronger that it occupies much space in my mind. I'm tired of pushing her down and away.
I started counselling two weeks ago, but it's going to take some time yet to come to peace with it, if ever.
I don't want to quit. I wish I hadn't stopped and I was more out. I feel like I want to tell people and go out.
I think it's not a problem and there's nothing wrong with dressing if it doesn't hurt anyone. However, I do believe not dressing has effected me wrongly. I believe that I communicate less and by internalizing the frustration of not expressing myself fully has harmed me. I don't care about myself as much as I do when Rachel is more in the picture.
So can you quit? Sure. But what price are you willing to pay is the question.
Good luck and I wish you all the happiness.

JohnH

11-23-2010, 11:46 AM

I find the urge to cross dress comes and goes. Since I wore dresses for the past two days I was tired of wearing dresses, so I am dressed en homme with a polo shirt and long jeans.

I don't try to fight the urge to cross dress - I just roll with the punches.

Pythos

11-23-2010, 12:01 PM

Ah, another "crossdressing is a disease and therefore must be cured" thread.

PLEASE STOP THIS!!! It is not a disease!! The only thing that makes it wrong is that society is blind and stupid. Crossdressing does not make you drive badly (unless your hair gets in the way, or your heels are too high.) It does not make you beat your wife or whack your kids. It does not make you do incredibly stupid decisions when it comes to intimacy. It does not run the risk of giving you throat, lung, or other cancer.

The only main drawback to what we do is how OTHERs react. If we approach it like it is some kind of ailment, how the hell can we say it is not a bad thing?

TGMarla

11-23-2010, 12:04 PM

I've never really tried to quit, because deep down, I know I don't want to. I love wearing dresses, hosiery, and high heels (and everything else!) way too much for me to really put my heart and soul into quitting. I'd miss it immediately, and it would gnaw at me. I'm sure it's possible to walk away from it, much like smoking and other addictive habits. I wish the very best to anyone who tries and really wants to. But for me, I'm not anywhere near that point where I have any desire to quit.

Sarah Doepner

11-23-2010, 12:34 PM

It may be possible to stop crossdressing if you can find something that will replace the rewards you get from the activity with something better.

So far I haven't seen anything that can do it. I don't know of anything that would give me the same satisfaction, calm me down as much, provide a set of activities that are both very fun and challenging, allow me to explore myself and my relationships from a unique and positive perspective, help me understand my own sensuality - particularly in touch and smell, open the other feminine half of the world and allow me to stay in touch with a community as wonderful as this one here. If you can come up with something that wouldn't put me in jail or kill me, let me know.

JohnH

11-23-2010, 12:35 PM

Ah, another "crossdressing is a disease and therefore must be cured" thread.

PLEASE STOP THIS!!! It is not a disease!! The only thing that makes it wrong is that society is blind and stupid.

Thanks Pythos.

My sentiments exactly. Men's fashions have been dumbed down so much after the French Revolution that there is the urge for us to break out of the rigid conventions imposed on us. Before the French Revolution men had 7.5 cm (3 inch) heel shoes, wigs that sometimes were 60 cm (2 feet) tall, blouses with ruffles, and on and on.

What I'm saying along with others is the problem is not with the individual who wants to go outside the narrow confines of what is acceptable male attire; the problem lies with society. However, we have to work with the dysfunctional conventions imposed upon us.

I also say the plain fashion imposed on men is a violation of nature - look at animals where the male is more flamboyant than the female - lions, cardinals, mallards, peacocks, etc.

¡¡¡ CROSS DRESSING IS NOT A DISEASE !!!

Jane P

11-23-2010, 01:20 PM

I'll start with a bit of a rant. I find it rather amusing that anyone would take offence to a thread like this . The O P is not suggesting that anyone should quit or that anything is wrong with those who accept or embrace it . So relax , paranoia will destroy ya.

As far as the question goes. I would not say that I am actively trying to quit. I am actively trying to understand what it is that makes me have these desires and I am actively trying to keep these urges under control. I am finding the diversity of experience among the forums membership quite helpful in this regard. For so many it is about so much more than just clothes and I can't imagine the turmoil that they have gone through in their lives. The most recent that comes to mind is that of Danni Bear , who's story brings such an unfathomable dose of reality to why people are the way they/we are.

I would say if you do wish quit because it is something that you have fetishised (if that is a word) or is something that has become merely part of a masturbatory fantasy , perhaps try to refrain from masturbation while you are dressed so you might learn to disassociate the two feelings. Just a thought. as I prepare for the onslaught of condemnation.

Stephanie Anne

11-23-2010, 01:34 PM

I bet it feels asking here how to quit like asking how to lose weight at an all you can eat buffet. The compulsion can becoe an addiction. Does not mean crosdressing is inherently addictive and a sign of a disturbance.

the facts remain the same: The vast majority of transgendered people do not cross dress or transition because they are addicted. You may find that it is not possible to stop being who you are. Only by acceptance can you find out if it is a fetish, addiction, or a part of your normal makeup.

I tried so hard to stop being trans my entire life. Did not work. cross dressing was never a part of my life but I did it to try and figure out who the hell I was.

I hope you find out what you want and come to terms with yourself.

One thing I hate to tell you is that cross dressing for arousal does not mean much, especially if it was started around puberty and coincided with discovering masturbation. You either grow out of that, you learn to hate it, or you embrace that it is something that makes you turned on and work with it.

If instead, you come to terms with being transsexual, it is something quite a few of us started as while trying to figure out our gender.

Emily Ann Brown

11-23-2010, 01:34 PM

Quit what? Buying more shoes???

To save my marriage I went to a shrink for 6 months. All he did was help me see that the problem won't me...hahahahaha.

I one time meet a GUY he was bragging how he had quit and hadn't dressed for 3 years. He was the most unhappy person I have every meet.

Em

Zoie

11-23-2010, 01:37 PM

I gave up trying to stop doing it.. its a cycle of throwing away items and trying to force myself to do more dangerous macho things.. I've came to realise that I can still do the things I like and be myself too. Its in our makeup some of us I think where meant to be female yet got the wrong end of the stick so to speak. So its either live in a vicious cycle or accept who you are inside. I give props to those that can stop for good but I myself always go back to it and its worse the longer I hold off. :|

Kate Simmons

11-23-2010, 02:16 PM

I have actually stopped CDing. I no longer need to do it to enjoy being myself. The main reason I hang around here is to help others, not to quit or keep going necessarily but to just enjoy being who they are, whoever that happens to be. I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone else, just a person. I also still have many friends here who do still CD. If you would like to correspond for mutual sipport, send me a PM Hon. :)

katrinakat

11-23-2010, 02:44 PM

Best of luck, but this is as much apart of me as the color of my eyes. I could wear contacts, but I'd only be covering up what's natural. I've tried and failed now I accept myself....femme and all!

Amanda22

11-23-2010, 02:50 PM

Best of luck, but this is as much apart of me as the color of my eyes. I could wear contacts, but I'd only be covering up what's natural. I've tried and failed now I accept myself....femme and all!

Katrina -- you just described me to a "T". Resistance is truly futile, and just wastes time developing our femme side.

PretzelGirl

11-23-2010, 04:06 PM

So many variances in the comments and it just shows that there are so many reasons we do what we do. I am with Liz in that I think it is possible. It comes down to the reasons you do it. For many, it is a part of our mental make-up or if you go this way, our genetic structure. But for some, why can't it be "I wanted to try women's styles and now I have had enough". This would also mean the person may not be treating it like a disease but it was something to try and they have let it run its course. So when we have a question like this, we need to think broadly that there are many reasons for doing what we do and we need to provide the support needed.

For the OP, you may be able to quit and you may not be able to. The large majority say they can't and that shows that this isn't an easy path. It is hard to find people who have quit here because they probably wouldn't stick around the community. Denise shows that it is possible and there are probably many others out there. My advice, first keep an eye on your mental well being. As many here say, if it is ingrained in you, then it is stressful if you go without. You don't need the stress impacting other facets of your life. Additionally, there are thousands of stories of crossdressers quitting and throwing everything out to only start again. So pack your stuff up and place it out of sight and don't dispose of it. If you are successful, you are only out a little space. If you aren't, then you haven't thrown away all that money.

The best of luck to you and whether you are successful or not, I hope you end up on the path that makes you the happiest.

Olivia2

11-23-2010, 04:42 PM

The conclusion by members here that we cannot quit is a classic example of what is known as "sample selection bias." First, the people who participate in this forum are very likely not to be a random sample of all crossdressers, and are likely more committed to and tolerant of it than the universe of crossdressers.

More importantly, we no longer have in our sample those who might have successfully quit.Liz

I generally agree with this statement. I have been reluctant to bring up threads like this because I do not want to offend others on this forum. I've seen statements in the past that have stated that this is not a place for those who want to quit. I think it is a forum for all interested persons, those who want to quit, those who have no desire to quit, those who have accepted themselves and are at peace, and those for whom quitting is irrelevant (TS/TG persons and any others who identify outside my limited descriptors. As long as all are respected, than discussions like this can be useful for some of us.

If I had to guess, I would say that yes you can quit, though I have no idea how difficult it would be for you personally. But to be fair, I don't have much evidence for my position either. I am projecting on the basis of the amount of change, truly fundamental change, I have seen in both myself and others.
Liz

I know people who have reduced or curbed their "addiction" to pornography. I know of some who use internet pornography to find it very hard to control or eliminate from their lives, but have done so. Pornography in and of itself does not have to be inherently harmful. Nor does CDing. Some wives and girlfriends feel threatened by either and may feel they are in competition with their spouses interests or that it interferes with intimacy or it causes personal distress in the individual itself. In these cases, I think it should be examined. That is what I am in the process of doing for myself.

The disadvantages are artificial, created by other people. If you don't crossdress, then it is important to do other things that will keep your female side happy.

...there is the urge for us to break out of the rigid conventions imposed on us...to go outside the narrow confines of what is acceptable male attire; the problem lies with society.

I've been wondering lately, if wearing colors, and styles that are not overtly feminine but just outside the rigid "man box" might satisfy my feminine expression and reduce my desire to wear more stereotypically obvious feminine clothes, body sculpting, make up, etc. Lately, I've been wanting to get a pair of running shoes in a color that, unfortunately is only available in women's sizes. May be able to get a larger size online but this is an example of the difficulty in trying to do this. Society doesn't think it is acceptable to the point of not even making the colors available in traditional men's sizes.

I also wear my hair longer than what seems to be the accepted length for the majority of males I see around me, but as another thread recently discussed, people are not always accepting of this either, but I try not to let that bother me.

If you have a female partner, you can express a lot of femininity with her. Shop with her for lingerie and dresses. You will have fun, and nobody will ridicule you. You can wear a pink men's shirt and say that your SO bought it for you.

If she is accepting of things outside that rigid man box. Of course, if she is too rigid in her views, she may not be the best person to be involved with anyway.

Forced Abstinence
Just returned from a protracted business assignment, the circumstances of which made indulgiing in CDing totally impossible. I was fortunate to get a few shots at wearing panties; otherwise strictly drab. For approximately two months I was "forced to quit" by circumstances and while the mind set may be different than one wanting to quit, the sheer relief I felt upon wearing what I wanted to was indescribable and akin to what is reported after one has purged for a while and then resumed wearing femme.

I try to control it before I'm in a position to feel forced to do it by circumstances. Then it is far less of a problem for me when I don't have the opportunity to do it. I'm in a position now where I could dress far more than I do, but don't want to get so used to the idea that when I can't do it, I'm really uncomfortable.

Ah, another "crossdressing is a disease and therefore must be cured" thread.

PLEASE STOP THIS!!! It is not a disease!! The only thing that makes it wrong is that society is blind and stupid. Crossdressing does not make you drive badly (unless your hair gets in the way, or your heels are too high.) It does not make you beat your wife or whack your kids. It does not make you do incredibly stupid decisions when it comes to intimacy. It does not run the risk of giving you throat, lung, or other cancer.

The only main drawback to what we do is how OTHERs react. If we approach it like it is some kind of ailment, how the hell can we say it is not a bad thing?

I don't think it is a disease for many, but may be an issue for some, depending on how it plays out in our lives. I completely agree that some of the problem's are society's but we have to live in that society while working to change it. The trick is finding the balance between being ourselves and being able to live fulfilling lives despite society's limitations. Some people (not you, Pythos) on the forum seem to use CDing as a replacement for relationships and say they themselves are better looking than any woman they could ever meet anyway. Now if they are happy, fine. But I worry about myself getting this way and when I find myself getting resentful of society, and men and women who won't accept me, and women, because I see them as having more freedom than I, it really interferes with my life so I have to be careful when I get in this mode, because it can really take me down a rabbit hole. I'm still working on finding that balance and place of acceptance.

It may be possible to stop crossdressing if you can find something that will replace the rewards you get from the activity with something better.

So far I haven't seen anything that can do it.

Continuing to work on developing more open and nurturing relationships with men has helped me, but it sure isn't easy. I've found a couple of men's groups and men in 12 step programs who are much more open and vulnerable with each other than most men I know but it takes a lot of work to undo all that male conditioning (homophobia, competition, don't show vunerability, etc.) we have grown up with. I get the perception from the comments and support I see on this forum that for some CDing has allowed genetic males their first opportunity to be vulnerable, show care, concern, and empathy, and let their guard (or hair in some cases) down in front of other genetic males. Many of us have no really close male friends, especially as we get older.

As far as the question goes. I would not say that I am actively trying to quit. I am actively trying to understand what it is that makes me have these desires and I am actively trying to keep these urges under control. I am finding the diversity of experience among the forums membership quite helpful in this regard. For so many it is about so much more than just clothes and I can't imagine the turmoil that they have gone through in their lives. The most recent that comes to mind is that of Danni Bear , who's story brings such an unfathomable dose of reality to why people are the way they/we are.

I couldn't have said it better myself, except that I have all but stopped, even though I would not say I have quit.

I would say if you do wish quit because it is something that you have fetishised (if that is a word) or is something that has become merely part of a masturbatory fantasy , perhaps try to refrain from masturbation while you are dressed so you might learn to disassociate the two feelings. Just a thought. as I prepare for the onslaught of condemnation.

I have been considering attempting to see if my desire to dress could be separated from the sexual feeling associated with it but have not tried the experiment yet. Still trying to figure out just how much of it is a part of who I am and what has been imprinted within based on a lifetime of behavior.

I have actually stopped CDing. I no longer need to do it to enjoy being myself. The main reason I hang around here is to help others, not to quit or keep going necessarily but to just enjoy being who they are, whoever that happens to be. I don't think I'm better or worse than anyone else, just a person. I also still have many friends here who do still CD. If you would like to correspond for mutual sipport, send me a PM Hon. :)

Denise, I for the most part enjoy being here for the same reasons you do but am still not done figuring all this out for me. Probably never will, but need to find the self-acceptance. I may also take the liberty of PMing you in the future for mutual support.

Olivia

CherryZips

11-23-2010, 05:32 PM

If you were with a woman that loved you for your crossdressing would you stop?

busker

11-23-2010, 06:00 PM

Quitting has such negative connotations and may be the reason many people can't stop something that is not biologically required. Quitter is not a term of endearment, however, adults in control of their lives can stop any activity that has negative consequensces for them or their families.
I realize that AA is not 100 % successful but it does work. I have never quit smoking although I did stop about 10 years ago or so. I simply just don't do it now and over time I have found that I don't "NEED" it. Dealing with weight gain was a problem but that too is under control and I'm nearly what I weighed when I quit--165 lbs rather that 199 that I got to be. I just told myself," I'm not going to do it today".
Substitutes might help replace "NEEDS" but that is for the adult individual to find for themselves. Only children have no self control and can get away with it.
When your life or happiniess is in jeopardy, that you must take control and stop doing something that is negative.
ooopps, my soapbox just tipped over.

mklinden2010

11-23-2010, 06:05 PM

Quit what?

You is who you is.

Amanda22

11-23-2010, 06:16 PM

Quit what?

You is who you is.

Oh, that's good. At least for me, "quitting" would mean no longer living; there's no other way to not be who I am.

Jaydee

11-23-2010, 06:28 PM

It may not be a popular sentiment here, but I think that finding a way to stop, especially if CDing is causing other problems in your life is a worthy goal. It takes determination and courage and strength to face the long odds of success.

To steal Buskers distinction, I have stopped several times but have never been able to quit CDing. After reaching out to a therapist I have come to the conclusion that it is part of me that I cannot quit entirely. Instead I am working toward an accommodation that limits my CDing to a level I am comfortable with, and that I can still enjoy and accept without guilt or shame. As I near this equilibrium, I am calmer and happier, in every aspect of my life. CDing urges are no longer something I feel the need to fight to control.

To Tosbourne: If you decide to stop. My best wishes for you.

Jaydee

eluuzion

11-23-2010, 07:05 PM

Hey, for the right price, I could start or quit just about anything. How much do quitters make a year? :)

:love:

Michelle 51

11-23-2010, 07:31 PM

Its depends on how deep crossdressing is engrained into who you are.If its just a thrill or a fad there is a good chance you can quit and move on but if its an expression of the inner person you might control it to a degree instead of it controlling you but it isn't going away.

busker

11-23-2010, 07:51 PM

Oh, that's good. At least for me, "quitting" would mean no longer living; there's no other way to not be who I am.
Amanda22,
Without knowing your history, this sounds like you are either 24/7 or there is a serious transition up ahead. doesn't that make CDing something different for you? OR maybe it is not CDing at all (but just more appropriate dress). Perhaps TS is more appropriate to describe your feelings? The range of CDing here is rainbow-like but "if your life depends upon it" that would take it out of the realm of JUST CDing!

NathalieX66

11-23-2010, 07:53 PM

Quit?

meh.

Amanda22

11-23-2010, 08:31 PM

Amanda22,
Without knowing your history, this sounds like you are either 24/7 or there is a serious transition up ahead. doesn't that make CDing something different for you? OR maybe it is not CDing at all (but just more appropriate dress). Perhaps TS is more appropriate to describe your feelings? The range of CDing here is rainbow-like but "if your life depends upon it" that would take it out of the realm of JUST CDing!

I did not say "my life depended on it." I said it is "who I am." Those are two different things. To use the old analogies, suppose you have blue eyes, brown skin, or are left-handed. Does your life depend on it? No, of course not. But it is who you are to be blue-eyed or brown-skinned or left-handed. There's no way to be otherwise, unless you ceased to exist, in which case you wouldn't be anything.

Quite simply, crossdressing emanates from my core. That's how it is for me (in fact I said that: "at least for me"). Perhaps I'm the only person in the world like that? I'm OK with that. If CDing is a hobby for you, then great!

But if my situation causes you to conclude that I'm "beyond the realm of JUST a CDer", then that's your judgment. Please take care doing that to others, because people generally don't like being categorized.

Ria

11-23-2010, 09:04 PM

From what I've learned, we're "hard wired" this way... Lucky for us it's such a lovely thing to be inflicted with.

Amanda22

11-23-2010, 09:07 PM

From what I've learned, we're "hard wired" this way... Lucky for us it's such a lovely thing to be inflicted with.

I love your wording. I could have been hardwired as a sociopath. As you say, we are indeed lucky.

Roxi Loh

11-23-2010, 09:08 PM

I would never want to quit...its like quitting being me.

Amanda22

11-23-2010, 09:09 PM

I would never want to quit...its like quitting being me.

EXACTLY! I'm glad you and I understand that!! Thank you, Roxi!

Alice Torn

11-23-2010, 09:11 PM

I would agree with the poster who said we humans are adaptable. Circumstances can force us to adapt, such as going to prison, having roommates, a mate who hates it, the armed forces boot camp, becoming jobless, then homeless, starvation, war, severe illness or injury. Any of those situations would cause me to quit, but, under normal circumstances, I would find it very hard to quit. I have quit at at times, and I find as i get older, I am often just too tired, or lazy to dress up, but not totally quitting.

Danni Bear

11-23-2010, 09:21 PM

tosbourne,

I think that at one point or another everyone here has tried to quit or stop. This has proven to be impossible for the majority. Some do stop dressing to a very large extent sucessfully, others do not. stopping or quiting have different meanings to everyone. I have stopped crossdressing in the traditional sense. After transition wearing feminine clothing is correct, during RLE dressing as a woman or man is not crossdressing for either the m2f or f2m but changing the outward expression of your self. stopping or quitting any behavior is hard. this is true of any, be they destructive or not. Good luck in your endeavor and best wishes. Everyone here will help you in this and support you.

Danni

jjjjohanne

11-23-2010, 09:35 PM

I have quit three times. I quit for 9 months, 6 months, and for 2 years. Otherwise, I have done this for my whole life. In the times I have quit, I always frequently this stuff on my mind. In fact, each time I quit, I found myself getting into things in my Internet browsing that was never a problem previously. Part of me would rather I not dress. Part of me wishes I had never stopped if that means I would have never started seeking other stuff. Quitting is tough. It is sort of like you are quitting dozens of times per year. When the temptation comes, you wrestle with it. That is NOT a one time thing. Quitting is a lifestyle. It gets easier when you get out of the habit. It is easier not to dress (or go shopping since you purged) when doing so would twist your out of practice nerves into a knot.

Kelly Greene

11-23-2010, 10:21 PM

47 posts that all say essentially the same thing I think that says a lot.
I like some of the others and tried to quit only to learn that what I really needed to do was to quit trying to quit.

Aprilrain

11-24-2010, 12:28 AM

Uesed to quit at least once a week boy was that expensive! I am personally at the place where I will either miracuously lose the compulsion to be a woman (yeah right) or I will completely lose my mind from trying to surrpress it and do something tragic OR I will continue down the road of self acceptance and discovery.

I've often agonized "if god wanted me to be a girl god would have made me a girl right?" well it turns out that there is this thing called transgendered and THAT is what god made me. Now I wouldn't trade my best moments as April for a life time of ease and comfort cisgendered. Unfortunatly for me ease and comfort aren't my style. I prefer, life long view shattering, preconceived notion destroying, feel like your going to dye, life changing experiences at least once a decade. But that's just me.

Danni Bear

11-24-2010, 12:36 AM

Nataliebabe

11-24-2010, 12:47 AM

No one likes a quitter!

darla_g

11-24-2010, 01:00 AM

Noemi

11-24-2010, 01:19 AM

Dude you can quit. But quitting is on a One Day At A Time Basis. Than you can do it. I quit for many years, about 15 year, and like to think that I chose to dress again because inside there is a lady who needs to express herself, and it just feels so good, and I do get a thrill out of dressing. Than I quit every year and started again, now I am dressed and am enjoying it and have accepted that this is me and there is nothing wrong with me, dressing in fact completes me and I am happy.

I have quit ****ing heroine and cocaine and booze and cigarettes one day at a time for over a decade and have no intention of getting my pretty self involved in any of that false none sense again today. You can step away from Cding if you chose to, you have the choice and can stop dressing. Think it through and you will see that you can indeed stop dressing.

busker

11-24-2010, 01:37 AM

I did not say "my life depended on it." I said it is "who I am." Those are two different things. To use the old analogies, suppose you have blue eyes, brown skin, or are left-handed. Does your life depend on it? No, of course not. But it is who you are to be blue-eyed or brown-skinned or left-handed. There's no way to be otherwise, unless you ceased to exist, in which case you wouldn't be anything.

Quite simply, crossdressing emanates from my core. That's how it is for me (in fact I said that: "at least for me"). Perhaps I'm the only person in the world like that? I'm OK with that. If CDing is a hobby for you, then great!

But if my situation causes you to conclude that I'm "beyond the realm of JUST a CDer", then that's your judgment. Please take care doing that to others, because people generally don't like being categorized.

You said " Originally Posted by Amanda22 View Post
Oh, that's good. At least for me, "quitting" would mean no longer living; there's no other way to not be who I am.

I took that phrase to mean, your life depended on it--that is, living If you couldn'r dress, that day to day life was meaningless.
I haven't concluded anything about you. Just speculated about your place on the rainbow.
As I said, I don't know your history, and your above quoted reply seemed to indicate crossdressing was more that just a fad, fancy or whathaveyou.
No offense meant, I hope none taken. Enjoy.

Aleca

11-24-2010, 01:58 AM

One can stop and can quit CDing,it's all a state of mind but it always lurks in the back of my mind of oh how much better life could be if I could CD 24/7, even ultimately transition. What holds me back are usually marriage and church (I think that's the case with almost everyone who is held back). It usually leads to intense anger build up when I don't allow myself to dress up though. Thanks to my mother for overloading me with fear and worry issues growing up.

aya-chan

11-24-2010, 02:22 AM

I've tried to quit a few times, at least going for a certain period of time without CD'ing, but I always ended up starting again. Now I've just accepted that I do CD and I'll most likely be doing it for the rest of my life.

LitaKelley

11-24-2010, 02:29 AM

I'm trying to quit, but too much crap keeps coming up that requires me to be in guy mode, so quitting right now is impossible... so, I'll do the guy mode thing in moderation just for family shit over the holidays.. but as soon as the the holiday's are over.. HE'S OUTTA HERE... I had enough of him... I'm already going through all his clothes so I can purge them because I need the space for my own stuff

emilygielen

11-24-2010, 05:21 AM

I gave up giving up crossdressing...
Since I'm a little kid, I always knew that I was not normal! I used to crossdress couple of time then throwing away all my stuff persuading me that I was a real boy! But I always got back to crossdressing...

Now I've accepted it but I'm still not out to the world. I'm not the happiest boy/girl in the world, but I'm okay with that! At least I'm not hiding myself to me anymore...

CharlotteCD

11-24-2010, 05:36 AM

I'm on a 2 month break until my double leg fracture has healed, I am a week into it and it's getting to me already.

I quit for 2 years between 13 and 15 - i didnt even think about getting dressed, it just did nothing for me. Maybe it was the close calls as clothes were found or people came home unexpectedly. I started again with a monthly dressup then weekly for the past 6 months.

It is possible to quit, but as others have said - will you be happy?

Raychel

11-24-2010, 07:03 AM

I am very comfortable with my crossdressing, Enjoying my life, But I do have a plan for quitting, I am quitting cold turkey, The same day they put my cold dead body in the ground. From that day on I will no longer be buying new clothes or crossdressing anymore.

JennSC

11-24-2010, 08:53 AM

I can't afford to quit.... again!!! LOL How many of you, like me, have given away hundreds of dollars/pounds/shekels, whatever worth of clothing, only to see something in a store, on the net, on a GG, that you just HAD TO HAVE... AH, and once again a joyful slide down the slippery slope... WHEEEEEEEE!!!

Let's face it, honey, if you have been dressing frequently for more than a year, now matter what, you can't put the genie back in the bottle, you can try, you can live in denial, you can bag it up and give it all to Goodwill or the Savlation Army, BUTT.... the genie will poke her head out one day, the urge will hit, you will say to yourself, "I would look great in that," OR, "I would look so much better than HER in that," and there you go... WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I think that most of us who have been doing this for a while have been through the "binge and purge" stages multiple times, and with a little experience, wisdom, and most of all acceptance of who we are as our femme self enjoy and revel in the part of our soul that is "her." Mine is much more blended now, and even when in jeans and a t-shirt I subconsciously feel dressed. It is beyond sexual, it is my true gender..... TRANS! :heehee:

Good luck on the quitting, but I am afraid, that unless is was just a short-lived experiment, like Arnold, "YOU'LL BE BACK!!!" :brolleyes:

Kate Simmons

11-24-2010, 09:01 AM

The real key to "quitting" is the realization that CDing is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding who we really are. Many unfortunately, never get past the "window dressing" to see the real deal.:)

Amanda22

11-24-2010, 09:03 AM

Just speculated about your place on the rainbow.
As I said, I don't know your history, and your above quoted reply seemed to indicate crossdressing was more that just a fad, fancy or whathaveyou.
No offense meant, I hope none taken. Enjoy.

Hi busker, I apologize for being overly sensitive. You are right though, that crossdressing for me is (much) more than just a fad, fancy, or what-have-you. This puts me toward one end of the spectrum, for sure. It's so interesting how we're all quite different within our little group. I'm definitely not transitioning to becoming a physical female, and never will. For some odd reason, emulating a female while remaining in the body I was born with is "it" for me. It is the destination and feels exactly right. I think I'd probably fall into that last 1% of male crossdressers at the end of the spectrum, where going further would mean contemplating transitioning. Neither I nor my wife want any part of that...

Marilyn Beck

11-24-2010, 11:18 AM

So... just curious, who else out there would consider themselves actively trying to quit?

I am not actively trying to quit and doubt that I ever will. But quitting is an option that I continue to consider. While I enjoy CDing immensely, it definitely complicates my romantic, family, social and professional relationships, and it distracts me from participating in other life experiences. I wish my desire to CD would just go away, but that is not going to happen. For now, I have decided that quitting would involve too much effort and would make me very unhappy. Nonetheless, I continue to weigh the pros and cons of CDing, and I struggle to maintain a reasonable balance between CDing and other interests.

Erica G

11-24-2010, 11:38 AM

I quit trying to quit many years ago, at some point I finally accepted this is who I am and have been happy ever since.Erica.

Jane P

11-24-2010, 11:53 AM

Well I just don't get it! If I were trying to quit crossdressing the last thing I would be doing was joining a Crossdressers forum! I mean seriously ,,,

Oh goodness I feel so foolish now. I know I was not the O P and am a touch too sarcastic , but truly ,I did not realize the errors in my ways.
Foolishly thinking that gaining knowledge about something that affects me could possibly be of any use what so ever. When anyone who knows anything will tell you that only by keeping your eyes and ears closed to the world around you can you truly be happy with who you are.

Now that I know this I can easily get back to the real world and judge others accordingly. Thank you for helping me put my head back in the sand.

Kaz

11-24-2010, 12:00 PM

Hi Tosbourne,

I am joining the thread late but I am a late starter! I also had a full day today (GMT).

I really hope you succeed. The trouble is that most people here aren't trying to quit or have tried and failed, etc... Please do not be put off by any negativity, there are trolls everywhere these days! :sad:

A lot of people are looking for a model for this. For example, is this an addiction (so we treat it like alcoholism or nicotine addiction); someone on this thread suggested a link to masturbation, i.e. it is a "habit" linked to another and there is an association; there is the view that "it is who I am and I can't change"; and many others no doubt.

The thing is no-one knows! The vast majority of us who quit wind up returning. My only suggestion is that if you do quit and want to stay that way, you need to walk through a door that you will never ever want to go back through. You need to put yourself in a place where that urge to CD is truly unattainable should the urge come back. That will require a strong psychological block.

I am afraid I finally (after years of the usual purging, etc..) decided to feed the demon. I am hoping I will eventually gain control, but at the moment I am enjoying the acceptance and am happier than I have ever been. :battingeyelashes:

Kaz

11-24-2010, 12:02 PM

GingerLeigh

11-24-2010, 12:12 PM

Olivia2

11-24-2010, 02:59 PM

Well I just don't get it! If I were trying to quit crossdressing the last thing I would be doing was joining a Crossdressers forum! I mean seriously ,,, did you post that expecting support and encouragement?

If you want to quit, quit but I don't care to hear about it. [SIZE=4]

With all due respect, if topics sincerely generated concerning CDing can't be safely brought in here, where could one go? I'll repeat what I posted earlier which was buried in my earlier and too long post.

I think it is a forum for all interested persons, those who want to quit, those who have no desire to quit, those who have accepted themselves and are at peace, and those for whom quitting is irrelevant (TS/TG persons and any others who identify outside my limited descriptors. As long as all are respected, than discussions like this can be useful for some of us.

Just my opinion, I know, but I hope it is shared by others.

Marilyn Beck

11-24-2010, 03:16 PM

With all due respect, if topics sincerely generated concerning CDing can't be safely brought in here, where could one go? .... Just my opinion, I know, but I hope it is shared by others.

Well said, Olivia2, and I couldn't agree more. This thread is irrelevant for many, but it provides very useful insights for some of us.

sterling12

11-24-2010, 04:02 PM

OK, here is The Problem! You can "abstain/refrain" from dressing, but your still going to be a transgendered/transsexual/crossdressing person! We are kind of playing a game with semantics, but what ultimately counts is What is Going on Inside Your head! And, I think that you will find it impossible to "banish" The Thoughts, The Emotions, The Desires.

I think that you have A Gut Feeling, that to stop The Dressing will somehow make all The Bad Feelings go away. There certainly is NO Evidence that is going to happen. Yes The Accounts are anecdotal, but over and over again we read a personal story from hundreds of T-Persons, and it's always the same, "I quit dressing for years/months/days, but The FEELINGS never went away/came back, and now it's worse than ever!" So, to use your and many other's terminology, "quiting" is about certain to not stop all The Perceived Problems you associate with Crossdressing. Because you haven't Quit....your just not dressing!

What to do? Gosh, I'm not an "Expert" but the only thing I can imagine is a Compromise. Accept that in your Head, you'll always have feminine feelings, and if you don't express them through dressing, find some other alternative that WILL work to keep all The Brain Hassles under some sort of control. You try to completely expunge your femme-self, prepare for alternatives like anti-depressants, divorce, and things that could even be worse. Try to at least accept IN YOUR HEAD that "this is who I am!" Maybe you can make that work. Good Luck!

Peace and Love, Joanie

kristinacd55

11-24-2010, 04:03 PM

Well, if i could stop breathing and live I'd give up cding....... :)

Loni

11-24-2010, 04:18 PM

quit...well most anything is possible.
but why would you want to squash part of who and what you are? to be a cross-dresser - transsexual - (enter life) is just how we are hard wired.
but if you must change your self, then first you will need a support group of former (***) to help you.

just like stopping smoking you need support and to keep away from the areas and people who enjoy the subject.
it will be very hard. but good luck.

.

darla_g

11-25-2010, 12:56 AM

Oh goodness I feel so foolish now. I know I was not the O P and am a touch too sarcastic , but truly ,I did not realize the errors in my ways.
Foolishly thinking that gaining knowledge about something that affects me could possibly be of any use what so ever. When anyone who knows anything will tell you that only by keeping your eyes and ears closed to the world around you can you truly be happy with who you are.

Now that I know this I can easily get back to the real world and judge others accordingly. Thank you for helping me put my head back in the sand.

I apologize if what i said was misunderstand or if you thought it applied to anything you had said , but I am not clear what point you are making. Quite frankly I never read your earlier comment (the rant) until now.

This site is about embracing CDing and discussing related topics including people questioning their motivations for dressing. That is fine. This site is a refuge because as we all know CDing is not generally accepted within society.

What I objected to and what many others objected to then was this original statement:

For others though, I do believe it is damaging, and that support towards quitting entirely would be helpful for them. I reject this assertion entirely! You imply I am passing judgement, but that comment is a real slap in the face to anyone that finds CDing a form of self expression.

I still stand by my original statement; why would someone decide to join this forum if they truly feel that crossdressing is damaging? If that's the way he feels then I fail to see how joining this forum was a sensible choice. Everyone is always free to dress, not dress, or pursue whatever else they wish to do as long as they don't infringe upon anyone else.

sarahNZ

11-25-2010, 03:39 AM

I am trying to quit smoking but that's about it. I have long since learned that this is who I am and it will always be there, so why bother? honestly I will have better luck with my smoking... at least they can prove that is bad for me:heehee:

Saika

11-25-2010, 03:45 AM

I quit a year ago! you can do it hun! its very much worth it.

Lucy_Bella

11-25-2010, 05:58 AM

Can't quit who you are, you can act like who ya ain't but that always catches up to you one way or the other.. I , just like many others , tried and tried and no luck...Maybe in time a break through will happen in the medical field and it will be as easy as taking a pill..Until thenI will continue hiding in my closet..

Sharon B.

11-25-2010, 08:50 AM

I have learned a long time ago one can never quit, maybe slow down some never quit.

Missy

11-25-2010, 08:58 AM

some one asked me a question "How badly do I want it " so at what price are you willing to pay for it good luck

Dawna Ellen Bays

11-25-2010, 09:09 AM

I lost the urge to dress over two years ago, because I had LOTS to occupy my time. Now that I've been able to slow down a bit, the "urge" has come back in a BIG way (here goes a lot of money)!

I'm not trying to quit. If someone asked me "If you could live your life over again, would you wish NOT to be a CD?" The simple answer is NO. It's part of who I am. I may not be "out," as it were, but I enjoy those times I get to see "her" in the mirror.

Jonianne

11-25-2010, 09:43 AM

.....I don't see anything wrong with crossdressing for most people....

Tosbourne, obviously this subject can be a raw nerve here, but still you are welcome to ask and discuss it. Take in the replies that apply to you and just listen to the others.

Although I am not trying to quit, I would like to comment that I think you have a good attitude to start with. Crossdressing is not inherently bad at all, but like anything, it can be used negatively.

I think that if you want to quit, it would be best to approach it like nuns or priests do when they take a vow of celibicy. Nothing wrong with marriage or sex, but in their love to serve a higher calling, they put it aside. Not everyone can do that and it's not eazy for the ones who can. As a human, it will be a constant thought in the back of your mind and a constant struggle to keep it there. As a crossdresser, it will be just as difficult.

There are also situations where the crossdressing could be feeding some sort of addiction and has caused all sorts of problems, but usually it's a case where the person has not accepted themselves completely and cannot maintain any sort of balance in their relationships. That will take a lot of therapy to get through. In some cases, crossdressing could be a trigger for whatever addiction the person may have and going cold turkey on the cd'ing may be the only way to help stop whatever the addiction is. In that case, I would agree that being here on this site would not be helpful.

Otherwise, if you don't think that cd'ing is bad or could trigger an addiction, then some some of the forums here could be of great value to help you serve a higher calling.

Karinsamatha

11-25-2010, 10:36 AM

Quitting is not a option for me - I would be less than half a person. The world we live in is of many many different levels. from the individual who is "turned on" by dressing to the very brave people who have risked everything to transition to the man, or woman that they truly are. The damaging part of this is when a person continues to deny who and what they truly are. Which for many people leads to destructive activities.
I for one have no intention on for lack of better term mentally castrating my self. To fit in with societies norm??? I don't think so - I will be me and happy.

Amanda22

11-25-2010, 12:30 PM

Well, if i could stop breathing and live I'd give up cding....... :)

Well said! That describes me perfectly.

Jane P

11-25-2010, 01:32 PM

I apologize if what i said was misunderstand or if you thought it applied to anything you had said , but I am not clear what point you are making.

This site is about embracing CDing and discussing related topics including people questioning their motivations for dressing. That is fine. This site is a refuge because as we all know CDing is not generally accepted within society.

What I objected to and what many others objected to then was this original statement:

I reject this assertion entirely! You imply I am passing judgement, but that comment is a real slap in the face to anyone that finds CDing a form of self expression.

I still stand by my original statement; why would someone decide to join this forum if they truly feel that crossdressing is damaging? If that's the way he feels then I fail to see how joining this forum was a sensible choice. Everyone is always free to dress, not dress, or pursue whatever else they wish to do as long as they don't infringe upon anyone else.

Well Darla I will work with the same logic you are going with then. I fail to see why anyone would even look at a thread on quitting an activity which they embrace so passionately. Would reading such things seem sensible when quitting said activity was not something you would ever consider doing?

Tosborne did include a link to their introductory post in which they said they admired the bravery to live the lives they wish , talked about by so many members here. As well as his own concerns, all in a non judgmental way.

My point is that if society is ever expected to be accepting of the diversity that exists in the world then we should not , cannot , continue to isolate ourselves from those who do not wholeheartedly agree with us.
Reading accounts of other peoples experiences allows me and perhaps others ,to see parts of ourselves from outside of ourselves , and by doing so gain a greater understanding of myself and my motivations for doing what I do. In the course of reading I have come across many accounts of those who wish they didn't "have to" be this way. What I have learned ,We don't have to be this way , we "ARE" this way and the best we can do is deal with it in a way which serves us best. For some , we feel it would be best for us to not crossdress, for others , it is best to embrace it. And for all , it is part of us , or of someone we love.

neha

11-25-2010, 01:59 PM

I did start cross dressing since child hood. I used to take dress from mom's or sis's closet. But once i grew up i started to buy it from shop. But often i feel guilty and decide to leave it. So i dispose all the cloths and stay happy for a week thinking i did quit and now i am a great guy. But it had happend a hundred times. I cannot even imagine how many gorgeous heels and panties did i throw of in the bin in hope of quiting this crossdressing. I dont know how big I am addicted to it. Still i am a secret crossdresser. I do not do it often. But when i see hot girls around the streets i feel badly to be like them. So i head to store to get some gorgeous outfits and then started again.

I did quit last week, but today It forced me to buy some gorgeous outfits. I cannot be least without wearing my lace panties.
I dont think I can continue this after getting married. I dont know if I am right or wrong. But being all dressed up as a girl is simply superb.

Frédérique

11-25-2010, 08:25 PM

This site is about embracing CDing and discussing related topics including people questioning their motivations for dressing. That is fine. This site is a refuge because as we all know CDing is not generally accepted within society.
I still stand by my original statement; why would someone decide to join this forum if they truly feel that crossdressing is damaging? If that's the way he feels then I fail to see how joining this forum was a sensible choice. Everyone is always free to dress, not dress, or pursue whatever else they wish to do as long as they don't infringe upon anyone else.

I read the OP a few days ago, and I saw the “damaging” quote. At first I felt like writing a reply, but when I saw it in the proper context I changed my mind. I, too, don’t understand why anyone would come here to stop crossdressing, or even discuss that issue. That’s like trying to stop drinking by going into a bar! Just because crossdressing isn’t accepted within society is no reason to jump on the bandwagon and assume it needs to be stopped. Why not simply enjoy this precious gift? This is not an AA meeting, you know...

Not to beat a dead horse, but society creates these alternative expressions simply by rejecting seemingly incorrect behavior out of hand. There’s too much emphasis on innocent, yet “wrong” feelings, deflecting attention away from actual problems. Imagine convincing someone that putting on certain clothing is a crime against your gender – you’re not allowed to embrace a feeling that comes from within, but listening to voices other than your own, from the outside, is perfectly OK. I don’t think that’s right at all, but nobody listens to a representative of a lifestyle that involves sensory awareness (i.e. crossdressing)...

Christy_M

11-26-2010, 12:21 AM

Clearly there are a lot of opinions on this site about this topic. I can see there is logic and rationale or most of them. By you being on this site trying to understand yourself better through the experiences and opinions of others makes you like most of us on this forum IMO. I believe that the human spirit is capable of many things. If you choose to not dress en femme any more, you can do it. I do believe that it will take it's toll somewhere else in your personality. It really isn't like quitting smoking or drinking. Those things are addictions. I may have an addiction to buy strappy heels and may be able to stop, I cannot "quit" feeling like I need to express my feminine persona. That would be like "quitting" liking women (or men if you are gay or ftm).

Rebecca Sue

11-26-2010, 12:27 AM

I'm just coming out of a long hiatus - I missed being complete so now I'm back.

darla_g

11-26-2010, 12:38 AM

I read the OP a few days ago, and I saw the “damaging” quote. At first I felt like writing a reply, but when I saw it in the proper context I changed my mind. I, too, don’t understand why anyone would come here to stop crossdressing, or even discuss that issue. That’s like trying to stop drinking by going into a bar! Just because crossdressing isn’t accepted within society is no reason to jump on the bandwagon and assume it needs to be stopped. Why not simply enjoy this precious gift? This is not an AA meeting, you know...

Thanks Frédérique I agree with your point here and I thought you cited the same example I was thinking of as well.

mmandy31

11-26-2010, 06:30 AM

i 've tried quitting many times and i would clean out all my clothes and say this is it i am done.
after 3 days i would go shopping and see something i liked and buy it so i gave up trying to quit
It's hard to quit after 30 yrs

Christina2008

11-26-2010, 06:34 PM

Tried a few times, but it's became too big a part of me to quit now.

Southern Michele

11-26-2010, 07:00 PM

I thought I was the only one that "purged" until I read here that it was common. Fortunately for me most of my purges were simply easily replaced items. I began to ask after I purged, and went back to it, if I enjoyed the things I purged or the "hunt" for new things. Anyway, keep them, bury them, rent a storage room, put them in your mother's attic. You will come back to them. Now if you find out they were tacky, then give them to the Kidney Foundation and write them off on your taxes.

Jenniferpl

11-27-2010, 12:45 AM

Quitting is not an option. A day never passes that I do not think about dressing. Recently, I have been able to stop that inner voice which drove me to wearing bras 24/7. That was all I thought about. In the past, wearing a sports bra daily was common for me. Now I put one on and it is not long before I take it off. It just does not seem right. I am now down wearing panties, leggings, shirts and lipstick. The issue is how to live with crossdressing and not have it destroy your life. Cross dressing was fun and enjoyable when I single or married with young kids. Those kids are now teenagers and almost as tall as me. One of the rules I live by is not in front of the kids.

The older I get the less I care about what other people think or care. The only opinion that matters is my wife's and my kids. Having purged in the past and finding it solved nothing was not the answer. Realizing who and what I am has helped. Everyone on this site at one point in their life has wanted the urge to crossdress to go away. How they have dealt with that inner struggle has defined who they are. For me, acceptance has helped me find inner peace.

joanna marie

11-27-2010, 01:15 AM

I quit trying to quit

juligirl1984

11-27-2010, 04:33 AM

god I've tried to quit so many times. It just will not happen, I've quit smoking smokes. I do not drink lol! this is one thing that is part of me forever I believe. I guess I'm really a girl thats stuck in a mans body LOL!

Sarah Doepner

11-27-2010, 11:36 AM

Continuing to work on developing more open and nurturing relationships with men has helped me, but it sure isn't easy. I've found a couple of men's groups and men in 12 step programs who are much more open and vulnerable with each other than most men I know but it takes a lot of work to undo all that male conditioning (homophobia, competition, don't show vunerability, etc.) we have grown up with. I get the perception from the comments and support I see on this forum that for some CDing has allowed genetic males their first opportunity to be vulnerable, show care, concern, and empathy, and let their guard (or hair in some cases) down in front of other genetic males. Many of us have no really close male friends, especially as we get older.
Olivia

I've stripped the response to my question from a multi-quote as Olivia was addressing various comments. My suggestion was to find something that provided as much enjoyment, satisfaction and positive feelings as a potential substitute for crossdressing. I am fortunate to have a good core group of male friends with whom I can share the stresses of life. While that addresses some of what I get from crossdressing, it is only one facet of a complex set of behaviors. There is so much rolled up into the crossdressing experience that it seems to be more than the sum of it's parts, and that makes it very hard to replace with activities or behaviors that get at only one piece of this puzzle.

I went several years as my career and family were developing where I did not crossdress. All of that was very fullfilling and satisfied my needs, but I kept an eye out for something more all the time. Adventures, creative activities and work toward a better understanding of my relationships all were positive and meant a lot to me, but I still ended up crossdressing again. There is something very complex and, dare I say, seductive about this that I have been unable to replace with any other individual or group of behaviors. I guess I haven't been trying very hard either.

I have a question about alternative sites to this. When someone comes here as part of their effort to quit, can anyone direct them to a "crossdressers anon" site where the support they are looking for can be found?

Carmon

11-27-2010, 02:20 PM

Quitting

I remember the thrill of putting on my first piece of lingerie when I was in my early teens. However, I'm still in the closet and don't see myself going public anytime soon. Like many of my sisters, I've felt the occasional guilt of not doing the "Man Thing" and purged. I've finally come to realization that I really enjoy the life style and I don't care what others think. Being a CD make me happy and don't see myself quitting anytime soon. It great to know that there so many more like me who support this position.

Carmon

tosbourne

11-27-2010, 03:40 PM

OP here.... wow. I've seen quitting threads before but nothing like this one. There's a lot to take in. Some replies:

- Why would I join here if I was trying to quit? I figure who better to ask my questions to than the people who have far more experience with this topic. From my lurking here for many years, I've seen plenty of people that are in my predicament. The moment anyone here started trying on women's clothes with any regularity, we became crossdressers. Many are very happy with that, and as stated before, I'm not here to challenge them on that. In my New Member introduction I explained the high degree of respect I have for the community here, and am absolutely not here to cast stones or judge what makes other people happy.

I'm here because I want a better understanding of people like myself... who are not entirely comfortable with the urges they have. I think there are others out there like me. From my short New Member intro thread, I've already found one or two who might also be in my shoes.

Being here actually has helped my goal. It's helped me write down just what causes my urges, and it's taken a bit of the "taboo" nature away from them, which has actually been very helpful. Another poster likened my being here to a recovering alcoholic going to a bar. I don't see it that way, I see it as looking around for people who are involved in a certain activity and trying to connect with those who maybe aren't comfortable taking part in it anymore. But, comfortable or not, they're currently taking part in it, so this is the place to talk to those people.

There's so many other things in this thread to reply to, I need to go back and read it all first!

tosbourne

11-27-2010, 04:14 PM

Finally just read everything.... and I have a better answer to why I'm here: For all the many excellent, insightful replies I found in this thread. Thank you all!

I also can appreciate the annoyance that some members might feel when they see people trying to "quit" the "damaging" activity that they've come to love and enjoy. Although, I'm not sure a different web site could be as helpful. Throughout the web, this site seems to get far more traffic than others about this topic. If you put yourself in the shoes of a closeted, highly "guilty" feeling unsure CD... they probably aren't going to get the guts to join a low traffic, low reply web site. I know I wouldn't. I joined here because of the high quality of the community and it appears to have been a very good move in my quest to understand myself better.

That said.... would it make sense to suggest a "quitting" section of the forum to the mods?

ReineD

11-27-2010, 11:44 PM

That said.... would it make sense to suggest a "quitting" section of the forum to the mods?

No. There are far too many sections already. :)

Besides, I think the ratio of CDs who want to quit is low here.

Christina89

11-28-2010, 12:14 AM

i tried to quit a few years ago. but after a few month the urge to dress started coming back and i could stop it from starting

TabbyJames

11-28-2010, 12:59 AM

Been there, done that! Dont want to do it again. Tabby is a part of who I am and even my wife says that I am a much kinder and gentler person when I let her out.

danielletorresani

11-29-2010, 12:39 PM

I'm in a "quit" status right now...kinda. I purged everything earlier this year. Something snapped in my head and I just didn't want to do it anymore. In retrospect, I REALLY wish I kept my wardrobe and just stashed it away for a potentially rainy day. I had a damn good wardrobe built up, too... I don't dress up currently, but I love watching vids I shot of myself while dressed up. For now, that seems to be satisfying me. Though I still fantasize about dressing up once in a while, the compulsion hasn't been strong enough to start it up again.

t-girlxsophie

11-29-2010, 03:33 PM

I've never came close to quitting,even when It would have been prudent to do so,Who knows what circumstances may arise in the future,but I hope I'm dressing for many years to come.
Being a member on this site must help so many come to terms with any Issues they have.Even though I'm personally in a good place I have learned things on here that have helped me

:hugs:Sophie

Inna

11-29-2010, 05:17 PM

I have succumb to therapy lately, but for alternate reasons. Rather then quit crossdressing I am growing in embracing who I really am, a woman. However I am fortunate to encounter one of the leading gender therapists who is on the cutting edge of gender research. In her 30 year practice she encountered about 80% of patients never completed transition into womanhood because of peer, societal, work and other pressures and yet not a single one of them was able to relinquish feminine side of self.
I hope this helps in determining the odds of success and even though some of us are super strong and perhaps can withhold from dressing, such energy can devastate our psyche and rain havoc on our lives. I believe that embracing this feminine gift is so much more freeing and healthy despite what society tells us.

JulieC

11-29-2010, 05:21 PM

...but these blanket pronouncements on this site that it is impossible irritate me no end. It is argument by anecdote.

Fair enough, but....

More importantly, we no longer have in our sample those who might have successfully quit.

...If there were anyone who successfully quit crossdressing, we would know about it through other means than this forum. Such a revelation would spread like wildfire here, as there are a considerable portion of us (see OP for example) who actively WANT to quit and have failed, over and over and over again.

The absolute absence of any person announcing their successful quitting journey speaks volumes.

To the OP: Be careful. A number of people on this forum have reported psychological issues in attempting to quit. There may be real world implications for you, quite in the negative, in attempting to quit. I strongly advise you seek professional counseling in your attempt.

NicoleScott

11-29-2010, 05:48 PM

Cheryl J

11-29-2010, 06:04 PM

Not me! Ever! Never! No! Am I being too negative again?

happy2cd

11-29-2010, 06:16 PM

I have tried to quit a couple of times, but always drifted back in to the dress. Purging is expensive so I got a storage unit to keep the clothes away from my non-approving wife and kids. I wish I could dress more, but am able to dress a few times a week.

If I wanted to quit I do not think that I would come to this site since most eople have accepted themselves for the CDer they are and support their peers who find themselves in the same boat.

Good luck with the quitting.

juligirl1984

12-01-2010, 03:24 PM

IT COSTS TOO MUCH MONEY TO QUIT!!!! and just is a straight up lie to who you are... but I do see how you could keep it in check or controlled. just seems really unhealthy. ok woops sorry I just seen after I posted that you abouve me just said that! funny #&%! there lol.!

busker

12-01-2010, 04:36 PM

I don't think the question is whether or not you can quit. You can, but at what cost to your happiness? Many of us here have quit dressing and purged, but returned weeks, months, years, or decades later.
The question is: will the desire to crossdress stop because you quit the dressing activities? Again, for those of us who quit and started again, the desire never completely went away.
Maybe you can quit, but I'd bet against it.
I agree with those who get peeved when crossdressing is considered a disease that needs treatment (quiting).
If you're a crossdresser, then crossdress.

So then the question is
Is dressing the frosting on the cake, and what is the cake? Is dressing just the symbolic part of some other need? If one feels "complete" when dressed, that seems to me to express a different need that is hidden. Is it a way to recognize some feminine quality that can only be expressed by dressing. Is it the "rush"?
It isnt much different say than giving up desert. We are stilll able to eat to sustain ourselves but the desert is what finishes off the meal.
So in fact, what "quitters" want is some way to recognize what drives them to dress, accept that part and incoporate that into their regular lives, and NOT have to dress to show they are "different' in some way, e.g. men with a feminine bent, or with different wiring or ??????
It is possible to recognize something within oneself and not have to act on it.

naye

12-01-2010, 09:12 PM

I am always trying to quit but soon I restart again, so I am starting to think that I just wont be able to quit so I better start to accept who I really are and this will be with me forever.

Cari

12-02-2010, 05:42 AM

juligirl1984

12-02-2010, 06:23 AM

For me quitting is too expensive; Hard to explain but when I have quit I feel like Im out of balance or have a void.

Too make a long story short I dont like everything Ive done to fill that void.

Ive probably done more self destructive things trying to fill that void than I have filling it.

My goal is to find some balance; I schedule to time to dress and try to stick to a budget.

I feel the same way with the self destructive behavior filling the VOID... it's really sad and not worth it. funny how I tried to cover up something so harmless with something SO HARMFUL!!!!!!!!!! does not make sense.

Xandria

12-02-2010, 09:02 AM

i've tried quitting for all the wrong reasons, had EX g/fs ask me to quit.. i've tried because i thought it was normal.. went through a phase where i thought i was a woman in a mans body.. almost killed myself over a 2 year mess..and then one day it just snapped.. i dont give a crap what others think of me.. although going out in public i get noticed right away.. as i do my makeup in a not so subtle way.. but thats they way i like it :) and when it comes to dating.. i'm right up front with who i am, if she couldnt accept it.. i wasnt going to back down.. CYA! now ive found someone who begs me to dress as she wants to see Xandria more often :) her family is very accepting of it.. minus the men of course.. her sister helps me with my wigs :)

if you're going to quit.. make sure its for the right reasons.. what those could be.. is up to you.

Gia Villafana

12-02-2010, 10:39 AM

I had to leave all my stuff behind once, so it was a forced quit, I suppose. I tried to fight not getting new stuff, but it wasn't long and I was stashing stuff again.

sabrinaedwards

12-09-2010, 08:24 PM

As I have replied previously to others, I think that cross dressing makes me a better person. I have more empathy for others, I literally have walked in the shoes of others (high heels) and I am more open minded than others that I associate with.
Love, Sabrina

Angiemead12

12-09-2010, 08:27 PM

Not me!

Alex

12-10-2010, 10:16 AM

Not entirely true, a big drawback for me is finances. I spend far too much on femme stuff when I really shouldn't. I'm trying to get out of debt and buying new boots doesn't help. That and the societal thing both frustrate me. Sometimes I wish I could just turn the switch off.