How to aproach

[Oilpainter35]

I was at the Wal-Mart yesterday and saw a person behind the deli counter helping another customer with their deli order. I looked at this person. Woman with fair hair, earings, long sleve turtleneck shirt. and jeans, with the ususal white meat cutters apron. Well I noticed that she had a tint of maleness, and her voice was rather low...not basey but in the low range. She was pleasant looking, and I so much wanted to ask her if she was transgender. I would love to chat with someone like her. As a semi mentor. Question and problem....DO I ask her if she is trans.cause what if she isn't? I do not want to embarrass her. I do not want to embarrass him either, which ever the case may be. I so much want to say something...Haven't and wont..I would love to hear what everyone has to advise about this......Thanks everyone.........Drew

[Tammy V]

Perhaps, if you find yourself in this situation again, you could strike up a conversation with her and maybe ask her out for a cup of coffee or something. I wouldn't be quick with the question is she trans or not, but after spending some time with her maybe she would volunteer the information, you could figure it out, or find a comfy moment to bring up the subject. Maybe you could first tell her of your expereinces as a cd and see what happens. Good luck!

[GingerLeigh]

If I were brave enough to go out, I don't think I'd want anyone to approach me and to tell me that I've been figured out. If I were actually a woman, I think I would be even more affronted to be thought of a male!

It may be a mistake to approach someone dressed in public that you don't know. But that's just my opinion. Maybe she'd really like to meet others?

Ginger

[MJ]

you may well want to be carful she may not be trans at all :slap:

[Kelly DeWinter]

let's see, so if you saw someone who looked or had a tint of (insert your sterotype) canadian, dressed (insert again) Canadian and spoke (insert again) Canadian, you would approch them to see if they would semi mentor you to become (insert again) Canadian ?

Consider dropping this , since it appears your reason for approching is based on a sterotype. and if as other posted pointed out, that this (insert) Canadian, may be offended and if you are wrong, may feel so bad the rest of the day that she might substitute american cheese for swiss cheese for her customers orders, which is a Cullinary faux paux this close to Thanksgiving


Kelly


P.S. No offense to our Canadian cousins ment. Eh ?

[Erica G]

I would not say anything, if she was in fact TG the last thing she probably wants is to be figured out. I would just let her go about her business and not say anything.Erica

[Juliemckay]

Be very careful... She has a bunch of sharp object at hand

[Juliemckay]

You would be better off finding a trans support group, than risking a beat down

[GingerLeigh]

P.S. No offense to our Canadian cousins ment. Eh ?


None taken, y'all. LOL.

ginger

[Stephanie Anne]

Always approach down wind. Never make direct eye contact. Avoid turning your back to your prey and never, ever raise your arms above your head. Oh wait this is not gorillalovers.net?

On a serious note, don't ever try and out someone for your own need for companionship. If you want to say hello, say hello, but don't ever ask a person if they are transgendered.

[AKAMichelle]

this is a tricky problem if you are dressed as a male, but dresssed you would stand a better chance of the coffee thingy.

[JohnH]

Be very careful... She has a bunch of sharp object at hand

You just might have some surgery to raise you voice - think about the castrati!

Aw shucks - it's too late in life after your voice deepened.

[Loni]

i have seen many a gg that "had a tint of maleness", and plenty of guys that had a "tint of girlness". both ways not cross dressing.
would you want someone off the street to walk up to you and say "arn't you a man"?
best to just start up a nice chat, about anything. never talk about anything related to cross dressing, just make a new friend. if she is she will let it out...maybe

so my response is to NOT ask her, just get along with life.

.

[Jilmac]

I had a similar encounter several months ago at my local FedEx terminal. I was there to pick up a package and had to sit in tha waiting area until it was located. There were two girls in the office next to where I was waiting and one had her desk in front of where I was sitting. She appeared to be transgendered and I so wanted to strike up a converastion with her but was afraid I might cause embarrassment to her or her co worker. I left the termnal without ever knowing but I still wonder.

[Karren H]

Leave her alone. If she is then she may be embarased more infront of her coworkers and if she isn't then you will be embarased so much and she will probably beat you to death with a turkey leg!! Just isn't worth it, imho.

[Annaliese2010]

I wouldn't ask either!

[Tanya83]

She could be a smoker.

But if you're interested, just keep going and make small talk. If something's there it'll happen but I wouldn't push it.

[busker]

There is a young TS working at a place I shop and I often see GG's and daughters looking in her direction and whispering, probably "is that a guy with boobs?" It can't feel very good to see people looking in your direction and see them obviously talking about you, so leave the person alone unless you want a date or make a friend. It must be difficult to be in a world that really doesn't want you or want to acknowledge your existence.
One assumes that there are TS and TG folk among us and they just want to blend in and be just like everyone else.

[MJ]

One assumes that there are TS and TG folk among us and they just want to blend in and be just like everyone else.

well said

[Melinda G]

Mind your business.

[PretzelGirl]

Leave her alone. If she is then she may be embarased more infront of her coworkers and if she isn't then you will be embarased so much and she will probably beat you to death with a turkey leg!! Just isn't worth it, imho.

I was thinking a pumpkin pie to the face myself. With whipped cream. But it probably is a no win situation most of the time. The person is TG/TS? Maybe they would actually like to think they are blending in and having a normal life. The person is a GG? Wow, I can't imagine how that would be perceived. Better left alone.

[Stephenie S]

So, have you got the idea yet?

Don't make assumptions about another person's gender. Period.

If you DO make assumptions, DON'T act on them. Just keep your mouth shut.

Now does this mean you can't speak to this person? Absolutely not. Go right ahead. Speak up. Want to get to know them? Just introduce yourself. "Hi, my name's Jenny. I just LOVE your skirt (blouse, nails, hair, shoes, whatever). Where did you get it?"

That's what you do when you want to know anyone, right? Slip back into male mode for a minute here. You're at the auto parts store. Guy comes in driving a whatever. It's got beautiful wheels, right? You go right up to him and say so. "Hey, my name's Mike. Where did you get those great wheels?"

You do it the same way. Your don't say, "Hey, my name's Mike. I noticed that you were a hetrosexual." You might get punched in the face if you did that, right?

Other people's sexuality is not up for speculation or assumption. It's just not a subject for casual conversation. And casual conversation is all that you are allowed with a stranger.

Compliments are always welcome. Compliment her clothes, hair, nails, or whatever. Talk about the weather. Complain about the idiot male who designed the lady's room with too few stalls. Talk about anything you want. But an assumed gender or sexuality is off the table, period.

Stephie

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah not a good idea to ask about if she is TG, but maybe try to grab coffee or something.

The TG disclosure thing might come later. Well, IF she is, and would be willing to share that fact.

Those of us TG trying to live as women tend to get annoyed with how often we get asked invasive questions. I mean at least have SOME idea of who we are first.

[Olivia2]

In my experience with the few TS women I have come to know...they want to be treated as women and not as TS so I would be very reluctant to approach them with the TS issue unless they bring it up themselves.

[tamarav]

I have been out in the public for a number of years and have never had anyone just come up to me and ask what I "was". As all of our sisters keep saying here, you might be the rudest person ever by just blasting in and asking if she was transgender. It might be a great curiosity point for you, and she may have heard it before, but why in the world would you do that to a possible sister?

You may just come up and tell her you really like her hair, makeup, whatever and maybe develop a conversation and as suggested invite her to coffee or whatever, but not just confront her. I would be tempted to do a leg sweep, followed by a groin kick and then ask what the hell you wanted to know for. But, that's just me...

[GirlyBits]

I had a smiler situation in the poker room i work at. There was a girl there who i thought was absolutely beautiful. Well after being there a few hours and listening to her and kinda studying her i realized that she was actually male. At that point I got more excited because that just made her even hotter! I wanted to approach her as she left the room but I thought wrong of it, especially considering i was at work at the time. So I did not and have not seen her since. This post has definitely given me some advice on what and what not to do in this situation!

[Katesback]

How about just treating the person like anyone else. I would be pissed if someone asked me if I was transgender.

[Tracii G]

I would just treat her with respect and go about my business.
Now if you frequent the place and run into her again just say hi and say something like I love your shoes or hair or thats a cute bracelet that may get the conversation started.
Compliments first always.
I have a few places I frequent in girl mode and have run into a few very nice guys/girls that never ask but I'm sure have figured me out.

[Kate Simmons]

I'm wondering why you see the need to approach her.:)

[Kendappa]

Just try to be her friend. Don't worry about whether or not she is TG.

[Chickhe]

Once on a trip to California, I was asked if I wanted American cheese on my hamburger and I asked what is American cheese? ...I got the rudest response, like I was from another planet... well, I am Canadian. Over here we put sliced processed cheddar cheese on our hambergers. I thought American cheese could be something special, with red white and blue stripes on it maybe, but it was just sliced cheese. So, don't ask the girl if she is sliced cheese, you will get an unkind response... you should know better than to ask.

[Annaliese2010]

I wouldn't ask either!I take that back. I mean I wouldn't ask if I was just curious "is she or isn't she?". But if I found her attractive or was drawn to her in some way, I would...not ask, but attempt to engage her in small talk and if that went well, I'd simply ask her for her phone# or offer her mine, telling her I'd like to get together for coffee tea or lunch sometime.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

By the nature of your post I'm assuming you were not dressed en femme. The only viable option here would be to visit her counter sometime while she's working and be dressed, and let her make any and all initiations towards you in regards to the topic. If you're not comfortable being out dressed in public, how do you think she'd feel if she were outed by a customer while she's working?

I'd also let the mentor idea go. Like others said there's support groups for that. This example is like seeing a guy drinking at a bar and thinking he'd make a good AA sponsor.

[danielletorresani]

Definitely a touchy situation. Has to be played pretty diplomatically.