Develop your own rationality

[Frédérique]

In the minds of many people, outside of our community, MtF crossdressing is an irrational activity. Why on Earth would a male want to dress as a female? Has he lost his mind? Has he lost his rationality? How can crossdressing and effeminate behavior be seen as a reasonable thing for a male to engage in? It makes no sense, unless (of course) you’re actually doing it, but how does one explain the rationale behind the dressing? Do you ever think about these things? You must…

I would suggest that “reason” is a term worthy of discussion, open to interpretation by anyone who walks (or avoids) a pre-determined or pre-aligned path. Someone who follows the dictates of sound reason would, I feel, have a lot of problems with the urge to dress, and yet NOT to dress, when prompted by desire, would be completely irrational. Something inside has to express itself, since it is part of who you are – why suppress these natural urges? Looking around, I can see a lot of irrational behavior that is accepted as normal and reasonable, while we are not allowed to enjoy our own personal, inherent dictates. BTW, reasonable means “not foolish.” Let’s check out this word rationality via Wiki…

“A rational decision is one that is not just reasoned, but in some way optimal, given the available information, in terms of achieving a goal, and individuals or organizations are called rational if they take rational decisions in pursuit of their goals. Thus one speaks, for example, of a rational allocation of resources, or of a rational corporate strategy. In this concept of "rationality", the individual's goals or motives are taken for granted and not made subject to criticism, ethical or otherwise. Thus, rationality simply refers to the success of goal attainment, whatever those goals may be. Sometimes, in this context, rationality is equated with behavior that is self-interested to the point of being selfish. Sometimes rationality implies having complete knowledge about all the details of a given situation.”

Sounds good so far. We are interested in goal attainment, correct? We seek to step out of our male personas and put on something a little more…comfortable…and thus feminine, for whatever reason. The goal is to be happy, and to many outsiders this pursuit of happiness is selfish in the extreme – do they, or can they, understand our reality, or our rationality? I think not. We have knowledge of ALL the details of our given situation(s), and we are still discussing these details endlessly, on this site, according to our purpose as outlined above. But, it all gets rather muddy when morality is folded into our little soufflé of reason:

“…a good rationale must be independent of emotions, personal feelings or any kind of instincts. Any process of evaluation or analysis, that may be called rational, is expected to be highly objective, logical and "mechanical". If these minimum requirements are not satisfied i.e. if a person has been, even slightly, influenced by personal emotions, feelings, instincts or culturally specific, moral codes and norms, then the analysis may be termed irrational, due to the injection of subjective bias.”

Translation: you are allowed to be yourself, but there are rules you have to follow, and MtF crossdressing just doesn’t fit into any accepted societal context. According to those who shape and maintain moral conduct, it is an unreasonable “activity” (or whatever one wishes to call it). Turn away from “culturally specific moral codes” and you will be paired with irrationality, my friend. Tell me:

Is crossdressing irrational, meaning inconsistent with the dictates of sound reason? Is it unreasonable to wish to be happy? Seems like a reasonable goal to me, and highly rational at that. Aren’t we supposed to pursue happiness?

Is crossdressing foolish? Does our urge to dress imply perversion, or a weak (or fatuous) mind? I insist it takes concentrated effort and a strong, healthy mind to crossdress, and complacency is certainly not an issue…

Is crossdressing absurd? Are we automatically opposed to perceived notions of propriety and truth? What about our own self-evident truths, and our own idea of what “correct” is supposed to be? Also, how can conformity be a good thing, since individuality often gets crushed? You must “come out” in some way – you can’t avoid yourself…

Is crossdressing preposterous? Are we inverting the order of things with our appearance and adopted feminine characteristics? I submit we are not, but, as an inveterate crossdresser, I think a lot of the problem with being accepted in society has to do with the accepted CD presentations in the media. It must be ridiculous, because you’re joking, right? You can’t be serious! Guess what – I am serious, not preposterous. I may be an inversion of someone’s idea of gender, but that’s no reason to laugh at me. I’m trying to pass, not fail…

Is crossdressing ludicrous? Huh? Is it idiotic? No, unless you’ve started off dressing as a joke, looking for the nearest exit back to your idea of reality. Is it unthinkable? Obviously not, since we are all here thinking about our own crossdressing, meaning how to do it, when to do it, where to do it and why we do it. And yet others are wondering why we do it, too. What gives? Strong emotions are involved, of course, but I think we are just doing what comes naturally – it can’t be stopped and shouldn’t be stopped, for to do so is tantamount to killing ones’ reason (or rationale) for living. Is it irrational to be happy? Is it rational to be unhappy? The capture of happiness is a thoughtful, reasonable activity, and I dress to be happy, period…

Since few people understand the reasoning behind crossdressing, and they assume it stems from a lack of reason on our part, we need to develop our own rationality and carry on unhindered. We have found this curious oasis where the genders merge and co-exist in bliss – what could feel more right, at least in terms of contentment and peace? I dress to exist as one being, together, a complete (and happy) expression of my psyche. To this end, I insist that crossdressing is rational, and welcome to my own rationality – please tell me about yours…
:whew!:

[Rebecca Sue]

Excellent post. At times I've wondered how something that makes me feel so whole could be unhealthy and yet I would listen to society and thought "there must be something wrong with me".

Now I've come to believe that those of us that feel the Urge are still resonating from the frequency of a previous lifetime. I believe that souls are both male and female and we live life as either sex. Those of us that have a need to express ourselves as a member of the opposite sex do so because it is part of who we are and for whatever reason we are lucky enough to be in touch with it.

Reincarnation and the Law of Karma explains a lot of life's mysteries.

[sissystephanie]

In the 60+ years that I have been a MTF CD I do believe that I have developed my own rationality! As I have said many times, I have no desire whatsoever to actually be a woman! I just like to dress like one, so I do!

Is my crossdressing irrational? No, because it does make me happy!!

Is my crossdressing foolish! Certainly not, since I spend time making sure that I am properly dressed enfemme when I go out! That is not a foolish action!

Is my crossdressing absurd? No, because I am being myself and doing what I like, rather than doing what the public wants me to do!

Is my crossdressing preposterous? Again the answer is a definite No! As I said above, I am doing what I like and being myself! There is nothing preposterous about that!

Is my crossdressing ludicrous? Definitely Not! I dress to make myself happy and it works! In fact it has worked for many years now! I don't dress for sexual reasons, or for anything else other than to be happy. I just like to wear feminine clothes!! Frederique said it very well!!

[Jane P]

I really like the post Frederique. Sometimes I feel like a dog chasing it's tail , going round and round in circles in my head with these thoughts of how I can possibly justify feeling the way I do about crossdressing.

What I long for more than anything in this regard , is if it would become a non-issue for me. I mean it is a non-issue for me if you or anyone else in the world presents themselves in any way they wish to. But , I look at myself , and it is the source of great turmoil.

It also seems to me that even with those who accept this part of themselves , or proclaim to , that this turmoil still doesn't go away. They are still trying to convince others that this is okay, and there is still some insecurity within , that someone will tell them it isn't .

As I write this I am still that dog chasing it's tail , making myself dizzy with conjunctive thoughts still swirling through my brain in search of the answer I am searching for.

Be happy if you can , I guess.

[JohnH]

I simply like to wear what I want to wear.

I for one am sick and tired of seeing everybody wear pants virtually all the time. The only time I get to see women wearing skirts or dresses is at church on Sunday morning. I don't want to be part of the everyday crowd all the time. I also feel a lot more comfortable in skirts instead of pants for obvious reasons of the male anatomy.

[Donna June]

What a wonderful post. I wish all those struggling with being CD / TG could read it....Using the word 'absurd' brought to mind something I was thinking about recently. Absurd is in the eye-mind of the beholder. I work with people who if they saw me at church raising my hands to praise God would say "what a fanatical wacko". If they saw me in a dress they would say "weirdo". Yet, they will go to a football game, be half naked in Winter temperatures and paint their body green and white (for the Jets) and for them it's totally normal. Now I think that is absurd, but if they enjoy it, not hurting anybody, go for it. Sorry if I got off subject, again a very insightful post.

[zoe m]

Good post. To me it seems irrational that most men are so afraid of appearing "feminine" or thinking it would be "unthinkable" or just terribly uncomfortable to wear women's clothes. It's a fear many of us are better equipped to deal with, because we have no choice (if we want to be happy) and we are the stronger for it.

[Wen4cd]

Crossdressing is definitely irrational, foolish, absurd, and preposterous.

But Freddy, you're being too nice. It's also obsessive, harmful, and causes great suffering to you and those around you, is a waste of time, and stems from personal compulsion and delusion. It's addictive, and uncontrollable. You will force your loved ones into territory they did not ever think they would be forced to contend with, and make others hurt.

Rationally, you should really stop it immediately, but you won't, and when faced with truth, you're already forming denials, based in irrational concepts, such as 'self.'

This is because there is more than one level of truth, and another is that everything that makes life truly worth living, is irrational, foolish, absurd, and preposterous.

Love is obsessive, unhealthy, and induces intense suffering, but we know that to live without it is equal to death. Faith is irrational. Hope is absurd. The esoteric value of the intangible is that it is preposterous.

Toss a coin into a fountain, or look for a shooting star, go find Santa at the mall, and pray for deeper irrationality. Every crossdresser has a male aspect who serves and worships the Goddess of Love in all sorts of ways. Pray she beats, tortures, and burns that icky rationality out of your heart, and forges the firm 'delusion' of love in its place.

It's only a little sting, and you'll feel much better. :devil:

[Tima]

I’m trying to pass, not fail…

I love that line! :)

I think I was born with my rationality for crossdressing, and it didn’t take long before I was trying things that were at odds with being a “normal” boy. So, in that sense, I don’t think about it too much. It all seems very natural to me, an external expression of who I am and how I wish to be approached, but I don’t think everyone can appreciate such a simple explanation. I see no irrationality in the act of crossdressing, but the reaction to it is irrational in the extreme. How do people rationalize keeping the genders far apart? Is there something going on that I’m not aware of?
:eek:

[Sophie86]

[FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="2"]“…a good rationale must be independent of emotions, personal feelings or any kind of instincts.

Emotions are data points that should never be ignored. Of course, just because we feel something doesn't mean it's right, but often times the first sign that our reasoning is erroneous is that negative feeling we have about our conclusion. It's a good indication that we need to think smarter.

Personally, I don't need a reason to do something that I enjoy. I would need, instead, a reason not to. I haven't found a reason not to crossdress that isn't based on what other people might think, and I don't think that's a good enough reason to deny myself that happiness.

[Karren H]

Its really hard to develope let alone defend a rationale when you don't know why you do something? And don't care...

[vikki2020]

"On this curious oasis". Nice description,freddi! I think your last paragraph speaks for me quite nicely. As far as being rational, who's to say. Times and attitudes evolve, in both directions. Crossdressing is surely nothing new, and there was probably a caveman that slipped into his wife's animal skins, while she was out gathering! I do believe we are coming out of a repressive era, and moving forward as far as acceptance goes. Females can dress in any way they choose, as masculine as they want, and it is considered chic, and incorporates in to the designers new styles. You can see the products aimed at men today, grooming tools, lotions, and even eye make-up for guys! All inching their way into the mainstream. Hard to say when or if dressing as you please will be considered "normal",but I don't think we need to rationalize it anymore, personal freedom is our right! There are plenty of accepted behavior out there, that not everyone agrees with, and our time is coming!

[Pythos]

What an awesome well thought out post. I so wish the "norms" would read AND understand this kind of thing.

However, nearly nothing we humans do is "rational"

It can be said my flying is irrational. It is risky, expensive, VERY harmful to my pocket book, and I do it because I love it, certainly not for the pay :)

[suchacutie]

My byline is "Making a Life for Tina". Just a little over 5 years ago there was no "Tina", as far as my wife and I knew. Yet, she was certainly there, hiddened under all the maleness that seems obvious to everyone who interacts with me. More than that, she appeared very suddenly, and within 72 hours had a name and the beginning of an existence.

For me the "why", i.e. the rationale, is very simple at one level. I have a burning need to know who she is, this feminine side of me that had existed for 5 decades under wraps. She obviously has affected my life and to not want to understand her is, frankly, absurd!

Obviously there are many ways to go about understanding her. My wife is a theoritician, I am an experimentalist. Put those two approaches together (as we have for almost 40 years) and Tina, a separate entity, is born. By letting her live her life, giving her as separate an existence as possible (we work with the same data base but apply the data differently!), we can take the direct route to understanding who she is. My wife can speak with her directly, talk about being a girl WITH Tina, and can talk about Tina WITH my masculine side. My wife gets to assess the theory and I get go experiment with the practicality.

To us, this seem totally rationale, logical, and successful.

Thanks so much for this thread!

[Lorileah]

Generality time:
Males reason, females are more emotional. We all know that this isn't a truism because there are many emotional males in the world, but still you hear this. I have read a couple posts recently where the OPs are trying to reason and justify their need to dress. Men, in general, in western society, are taught to be logical and reasonable to function.

Cross dressing is an unusual clique, a minority that has such huge variations and reasons, that the question is asked "why do do that when you know it will make life difficult?" Other minorities can point to physical and biochemical reasons. As of now, we cannot, so it becomes apparent to outsiders that we "choose" this. In a logical sense, it makes no sense. We all want and need to fit somewhere. So let's make it an emotional issue. Why do some wear red all the time? There is no "reasonable" purpose (unless you are hunting). Why do some follow fashion trends? Short skirts have no real logic to them (most men prefer their women without skirts). It caters to the inner soul. one of the things that we point to as being "human" over being a "beast" (again that isn't true or animals would not do somethings that are for all intents just for their pleasure).

We are pleasure seekers and we are comfort seekers and since we are not in a survival mode in the strictest sense, things that are pleasurable and comfortable get a higher priority. There is not rational reason except, it feels good. Living your whole life on logic and reason may make you live longer (or at least feel like it) but living your LIFE will be more rewarding

[Frédérique]

But Freddy, you're being too nice.

I can’t help it, Wen – I have a praying girl avatar! :heehee:


This is because there is more than one level of truth, and another is that everything that makes life truly worth living, is irrational, foolish, absurd, and preposterous.

I think you have neatly summed up all the things I wanted to say, without all the excess verbiage (on my part). Yes, life is preposterous, which is precisely why crossdressing is rational and necessary – it makes life worth living. Not for everybody, of course, only for the ones who don’t take life so seriously. I know you know this, and you know I know that you know, you know?
:eek:


What an awesome well thought out post. I so wish the "norms" would read AND understand this kind of thing.

Thanks very much! I was thinking today that the OP is too vague, but if I don’t leave room for discussion I will defeat the purpose. Basically, it’s all about that misused word “irrational.”


We are pleasure seekers and we are comfort seekers and since we are not in a survival mode in the strictest sense, things that are pleasurable and comfortable get a higher priority. There is not rational reason except, it feels good. Living your whole life on logic and reason may make you live longer (or at least feel like it) but living your LIFE will be more rewarding

Yes, I agree – if you’re a pleasure seeker (as we most definitely are), life becomes rewarding via exploration, just trying to find something that “feels good,” and right, and it’s different for everyone. I’m truly lucky to be irrational in the extreme, living in my own adopted rationality…

[eluuzion]

Here is my concise reply...

“How to Appear Rational” in one easy (unethical) lesson…
Just make a statement that is connected to a justification, using the word “because”.

Example: (you want to cut in line at the copy machine)
“I need to make this copy now, because the boss says he needs it ASAP“.
It is a rational statement to others, and thus so are you…so they let you cut in. lol.
(stop here if you want to stay awake, :heehee:)

Ok, Here is my boring acedemic rendition...reply::heehee:

I loosely define “being rational” as… “having the ability to appear sane when your behavior falls within the socially accepted definitions of being otherwise“…lol

The concept of “Rationality” is comprised of a few integral influential components:
- Norms
- “Expertise” & “Explanation”
- “Justification”

Norms
Rationality is a incremental point of measurement. It is meaningless without defining the ruler that contains the points of measurement.

In this case, the “ruler” is called “Social Norms”.
“Norms” are rules a group uses for appropriate and inappropriate behaviors, values, etc.

There are various types of “norms” but there are three that really apply to the topic of this thread…
-Injunctive Norms: Behaviors which are perceived as being approved of by other people.
-Subjective Norms: Expectations that influential people have about how we will behave.
-Personal Norms: Standards we have about our own behavior and actions.

Failure to follow the appropriate “rules” (norms) of the group (society) often results in being criticized and/or ostracized by the group (society). When this also applies to our “personal norms”, we proceed to “beat ourselves up”, lol.

Expertise & Explanation
If we can explain something, we can appear to understand it. If we can understand something we can appear to be able to control it. If we can control it…we appear to others to have “power”. This “power” influences our credibility in a group.

This “power” is displayed to the “group” via our ability to argue with logic instead of with logical fallacies. Doing this successfully also gives us the additional beneficial ability to persuade others.

In short…the group perceives us as being “rational”.
When we are perceived as being rational to others we are making it easy for them to “predict” our behavior and that makes everyone feel “safe” to be around us. In other words…they “trust” us. (accept us).

Back to “rational” or “irrational” behavior…

Justification/Rationalization (how to use an anchor as a life preserver, lol)

People want to “fit in” and be “accepted”. This forum is full of threads with evidence that supports that statement. Desperation breeds justification. Desperate people do desperate things, including deceiving others as well as themselves.

For people who are desperate to “fit in” and be “accepted” by others and themselves feel the need to “justify” their behavior. (If they can justify it, they will appear “rational”. If they appear rational, they will be “accepted”). The end justifies the means and the insanity game begins…

The objective of the game is to convince others (and yourself) that your behavior (which you do not understand yourself) is “rational”.

This “game” has led many (famous/powerful) people down the road to self destruction. Before you know it, you are explaining the justification behind Watergate…lol.

“Nothing is a bigger waste of time than doing something well…that does not need to be done at all”.

Rational vs. Irrational?
Some questions simply do not have the answers we hope for. Some do not have any answers at all. The only questions we are required to answer are those we ask ourselves. Some do not require any. The only person we have to prove anything to in life is ourselves.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to “perception”.

I do not know if I am rational or irrational because it has no relevance to me. I am happy and that is all that matters in my world.

:o hey, I warned you to stop reading at the beginning...:o

:love:

[Gerrijerry]

Ok now that I read all of this I am sure I was correct to do what I did. Stop crossdressing and just live as a woman. So there you go. Problem solved I am no longer a crossdresser.