to CD's who considered transitioning, but then decided not to

[Jay Cee]

I'm trying to figure out where along the gender spectrum I fit. I started CD'ing a few months back on a regular basis (with my SO's help and endorsement), and it has kind of evolved from an almost purely sexual thing to... I'm not sure how to put it. Kind of like "I'd be more comfortable as a female."

I don't dress up to the nines very often. Now I am content wearing women's jeans everywhere (sorry, Karren ;) ). I don't underdress very often. Most of my other attire is male. I paint my toenails, and remove my body hair. I've gotten my ears pierced, and not because I think it would look good on my male self. I feel envious of younger women for the gift they have been given, and admire older women and their clothing. But I'm not sure I want just to dress like them - I'm thinking that I want to be them. As I told my gf one time "I'm tired of being a guy. I know women don't have it any better. They just have it different."

So, is this "standard" crossdresser thinking, or is it something else? What have your experiences been? Have you been to the point of wanting to transition, and then pulled back to a state of being more accepting of your male self?

I'm sure I haven't given all the relevant information, so please ask for more info if it helps. I'm kind of down about all of this, and really very confused.

Thanks for reading

Jay Cee

[NathalieX66]

It's about being comfortable about who you are.

I was you ten years ago.

And I really really was considering making a transition back then

I now see myself as non-binary when it comes to gender. Most people see themselves as binary...either you are male or you are female.

Not me.

A transsexual (or someone who leans towards transsexual) is binary....only difference, unlike most folks, is they see themselves as the other gender.

If you saw me in person, you might think I was a bit androgynous. I have no problem with gender ambiugity. That is what I wish to be , and what I want to be.

I am a model for no one, except myself.

[Alberta_Pat]

Jay Cee;

I guess to answer your question, from my point of view, I have been dressing for quite some time now. I have wondered how my body would feel with the levels of hormones found in the female body. I have wondered about the sensations I might experience from a casual touch, or an intimate one.

However, I have never, not even once, considered transitioning. Through my association with a couple of groups in my area, I do know some who have considered transitioning, and a few who have followed through. It is not an easy choice, even for those who believe they were born into the wrong body.

There are some good counselling services in "the middle of Canada". Do avail yourself of them. They can help you to decide if this step is for you. Start with your family doctor, looking for a referral. You will be told of the options open to you, and the course of the transition. It doesn't happen overnight.

I wish you the best in this search to find yourself.

[StaceyJane]

I have given transitioning a lot of thought. There is a lot to consider.

I would suggest some counseling to help you sort out your thoughts. Seeking therapy doesn't mean you have started transition it just means that you are working to find yourself.

[sandra-leigh]

Have you been to the point of wanting to transition, and then pulled back to a state of being more accepting of your male self?

Yes, I was there just a few months ago, and not too long ago either, execpt a "no-op" kind of transition. And then I asked myself "What the #$@# am I doing? I sure don't seem to be putting my long term interests like future jobs at the forefront!" I spoke to my gender therapist and she said that it was good to pull back from things sometimes: then you know afterwards that whatever strong feelings are left over are important and not just situational.

That was also the session in which I said that sometimes I wish all of this would go away and that I would just return to a "normal" life. She asked me, "What is normal for you?" And I do have somewhat of an internal answer to that, but when I reflected before answering her, I realized that I'd never had those "normal" things, and so could not return to them anyhow -- that getting to "normal" would be probably even more a change to my life than accepting my gender ambiguities as real and long term. I've never been "normal" -- certainly not since grade 1, and not really in kindergarten either.

Anyhow, if you can afford it, I recommend having a few sessions with Jule Henderson, who is located on Arlington at Westminster (that's a Winnipeg address for anyone who might happen to be reading this.) And if you get more serious, then go and get yourself an appointment at Winnipeg Klinic (on Portage, two blocks east of Arlington), and see what they can do for you. Klinic does its own screening, and does not require you get any formal diagnosis before they will work with you.

[noeleena]

Hi.

Each one of us is different & how we see our selfs . i never, in the context of dressing was a dresser not even a T S or T V,
im no more or less than androgynous both male & woman yet i live as a woman & im accepted as one . for me it goes back to age 10 . & when you think both as male & female you dont have the same details as many of my friends have & are having if you like , changeing from male to woman. there is no progression as such. tho it may apper to be like that from dressing to tranistioning .for most of us we know . dressing can be a means to an end if you like . each one will see it a bit different .

In a sence i dressed for a while like any young girl growing up i was looking at how would the clothes & make up go for me as a woman from 50 on im 63 now. Basiclly it came down to what Jos ( s o ) said youll wear whats apropiate for my age & thats what iv done .
iv joined womens groups im just a part of socity like any other women . you have to live with other people & if you wont it you can be accepted .

Dont think,,oh dear , iv had enough being male & oh, ill be a woman , that does not work nor will it if your not wired as a woman you wont think as one , its a part of you from birth .

i do know of some men who think they can be women ... sorry it wont work because they are not women nor ever will be some may be able to act like women they are not women its just an act.

I deal with people all the time & with women on our forums , ( womens forume ) only women . there is a very big difference between men & women

Some have been dressing for a long while , & how they get to seeing them selfs ,

Acting as , dressing like a woman , is not the same as being a woman, think very carefully concerning your self how you really see your self get help talk about whats really going on , remember after surgery h r t & all thats involved in this there is no return so if after you say you made a mistake ,

i know you can go back to liveing as a male with out your former male parts.
as some have because they did not know who they were or them selfs .& said they did not fit in or accepted .

As an aside as pretty much every one knows i do not look femminine or much like a woman . those are people i see every day work with & join in with in our groups ,

one , im just accepted for who i am & 2nd as a woman , now most know my past no probs there. if you dont know much about this kid use my name on the net.

all the best.

...noeleena...

...noeleena...

[Rita C.]

I think that we all think about transitoning at one time or a nother, but only a small hand full do it. Even though I don't dress 24\7, down in side I fill that you don't have to dress full time to transition. The fellings of bing a female are with all the time. For me to dres full time, I would have to start my life all over (we know we can't do that).

[Kathryn Martin]

One of the big issues in finding out who you are, is the lack of assistance from those that are familiar with the issues. I am sure, JayCee, you have read a lot and have at least a firm impression on where you fall. That is a strong indicator but needs to be assessed in my view by someone who is capable of assessing. The fact that you are asking yourself these question says to me that you need some help finding the answers.

There are many Transsexuals who do not transition, because their biographical situation does not allow them to. Likewise, there are Transgender and Transvestite persons who transition, and some of those are successful and some regret.

The decisions are very complex and worth getting some guidance on making a judgment for yourself.

[Kate Simmons]

Well, I had these feelings most of my life even though I was a rough and tumble little boy. I never knew quite how to address them or what they meant. From reading different things I began to feel transitioning was my only option and fully intended to follow through with it once I got out of the Army. At that point I met my future wife, however, and decided to give the "guy thing" another chance. Like many I thought once I got married the feelings would go away. Of course they didn't. I finally told my wife after we were married two years and had two little boys. She did not take it well and almost left me. I started dressing in secret whenever I could. Eventually, once the children all left the nest, I came out openly and this was too much for my wife to handle, so she eventually left. I paid a hefty price but I had to resolve these feelings one way or the other and made many new friends in the LGBT communities. I went the whole nine yards and pretty much lived it but then realized I really did not need to transition if I accepted my own feelings and was not afraid to show others my true self, regardless of appearance. What I basically did was make the dressing a choice rather than a compulsion so it is now my choice to do it when and if I choose to. That's pretty much why I changed my mind as I'm now comfortable being who I am either way.:)

[Shareecd]

Jay Cee,
I went down the same path also. at first I started out dressing for the hot look and all that come along with it then something happened. I found myself feeling more like myself than any other time when I dressed. I read on one of the sites that a person can investigate this further by buying clothes not so risque and wearing them as much as possible. I found I was not only comfortable doing that but I alos longed for the hours to go by when I could be dressed again and again. I began seeing a therapist and talked to my doctor. to make a long story short with the support from my wife I was able to begin HRT two months ago. I love it and even spoke to my HR at work about it. It appears I work for one of the most accepting companies in the country. I am still taking it slow though. I joined a couple for support groups and always try to communicate with my wife. She has been out with me to a dinner last month with the local transgender support group here in my home town. I have yet to tell my family or friends that is why each step is one i will validate as I go along. Well hope this is not too much of a run on but wanted to share with you my experience as so many of the gurls here have done for me.
Sharee

Note: My wife came to not like the name I picked out for myself so she renamed at the dinner a few weeks ago, yep Jaycee Renee. Isn't that a hoot!!! Anyway I will still go by sharee on here for now.

[sandra-leigh]

Can I guess your answer? Yes: "Thanks, Hun, but I already bought some of those!" :D

[Aleca]

[QUOTE=NathalieX66;2335727]It's about being comfortable about who you are.

I was you ten years ago.
I now see myself as non-binary when it comes to gender. Most people see themselves as binary...either you are male or you are female.
Not me.
A transsexual (or someone who leans towards transsexual) is binary....only difference, unlike most folks, is they see themselves as the other gender.

I had the opportunity like Natalie here, eleven years ago and just like her also consider myself to be androgynous (neutral) in my thinking and in my dressing, whether it's male or female I don't go to either extreme.
If you saw me in person, you might think I was a bit androgynous. I have no problem with gender ambiugity. That is what I wish to be , and what I want to be.

I totally had the opportunity. At the time I first was hanging around all the TG sites online (1996) I had a trust fund of almost $300k. I realized now I could have taken that money and made myself to look so totally feminine that no one could tell a difference. Also my wife and I were separated by work miles and she was having enough of the CD issues and was thinking of leaving. Through my research and chatting with other TG's comparing and contrasting figured deep inside I was CD and that if I tried to transition I wouldn't get any farther than a few sessions of counseling (following the Benjamin Standards of Care). Work and my wife like most of you kept my inner person from emerging.
In 2007 thoughts of transition came back as again my wife and I were separated by work miles. I even sought gender counseling, did three sessions and got the exact result I felt I would get when I first thought of transitioning (the doctor saying I was CD with a sexual addiction disorder). Told my mom about me and in her fear of me transitioning spent 10 hours in three phone calls with me angrily urging me not to. It has been hard lately as I have all this time unemployed. The more I get out the more I want to push it but know I will always hold back because that is just me and how I was raised. The premise here is no matter how much recourse one has what matters is the self and what is at the core of your thinking.

I am seeing more and more stories of people "detransitioning." Which leads to the concept of "when in doubt leave it out." That and a recent suicide of a well known case of a man transitioning to a woman who tried going back to being a man to win back his wife.

[Spicie]

I know without a doubt that I'm gender dysphoric. I wake up every morning with kind of a shock that I'm a man (no, really EVERY MORNING). I had considered transitioning a few years back, and spent quite a bit of time worrying on it. Then something clicked in my head and I got it. I was a woman. I was also a woman who had alot of fun loving other women, doing manly things and enjoyed being a guy, I just sometimes wished I could take off the costume. In short, I was a woman who had really nailed crossdressing as a guy, and didn't have to pay for treatments.

I would still like to push my body a bit more towards the femme side, but I think it's going to be limited to permanent hair removal and aerobics. I just think I'd rather continue being a woman in a mans body than being a woman in a man's body that had been changed to look slightly more femme.

[Cari]

I reached a stage where I just needed to get some help and figure out where I fit in on the gender spectrum. I think thats perfectly normal; and I believe most CD's do wonder if they should transistion.

I had heard things like " once the genie is out of the bottle there is no going back" or " there are no crossdressers just individuals who havent transiitioned yet" which frankly was frightening.

The best advice I received was consider everything and talk to lots of people on the journey. Also that its a journey not a race its not a decision that needs to made right now.

I was very fortunate in that we had nights out and support groups in the area. Speaking with people along different paths and stages was very helpfull to me. Their openness and honesty was invaluable to me to figure out where I "fit" in. I spoke with people who had succesfully transitioned and happilly married CD's.

In my case I left the option of transitioning open; after speaking with people who had made that choice I realized that it wasnt the right road for me at that time or today.