Just found out my son is a crossdresser too

[jaych]

Hi All,

I have just found out recently my 14yo son like to crossdress too. I am scared for him knowing what I went thu at his age.
I never told my son that I was a CD, never dressed arround him, never talked bout it. So there is no influence on my behalf.
I have an extremly supportive Fiance(soon to be wife) who has known about me since day one. It was unfortunatly her that discovered my son was too. I think she was more embaressed than him. :o
We have talked to him about it and told him not to feel ashamed of it as long as he can "Do It" in his own private time. We have been op-shopping with him so he could buy some clothes of his own.
He has gone really quiet since we have found out. We dont encourage him as such but are totally are supportive if you know what i mean.

Has anyone else been thu this?? If anyone else has is in the same stuiation it would be great to hear from you. Good or bad. Or just other peoples thoughts would b great :)

Thanks :)
Jaych and Hay loves jach

[MsGreen]

Here's a study on kids of crossdressing dads:

http://krex.k-state.edu/dspace/bitstream/2097/303/1/AllisonReisbig2007.pdf
Here is a web-visible version: View via google pdf viewer (http://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrex.k-state.edu%2Fdspace%2Fbitstream%2F2097%2F303%2F1%2F AllisonReisbig2007.pdf)

On the most part they are pretty normal... results are on page 39. I suggest that you start reading there. You can skip sections like "methodology".

One of the kids interviewed was shocked, the rest took it easily. It looks like the kids watch their father's reaction to shape their opinions of it. If the father is conflicted, they don't like that this issue causes trouble for their father. If he's fine with it, they are too. There's a lot more to this document, I think you'll want to read it for yourself.

p55 has advice to fathers. Hmmm they say age 14 is a rough time and it was harder for the kids to hear about their father's crossdressing then... of course your situation is very different. Though, the paper attributes the difficulties to the typical challenges of adolescence, not to the revelations. I guess its a reminder that it's not always about the dressing -- his or yours.

Cheers.

[Tallulah Rose]

Being there for him, understanding and supporting is the best way. Even if he has gone quiet for the time being, understanding and love will minimise the bad stuff he goes through. I wish I'd had that when I was 'busted' by my parents.

Hope all goes well in the end.

[Gina X]

My son is 32 knows and even approves of my CD'ing. I know he buys femminine type underwear he has said cryptic things like "I'm more like you than you think" to me, but hasn't as such come out to me. I know at his age it would have been difficult for me to come out to anybody, so I guess if I leave him some space he will eventually "find himself". As an aside he has a very beautiful oriental GG girlfriend and seems pretty pleased with life in general HTH

Lots of love Gina x

[Joanne f]

At 14yrs old it is a bit of an experimental type of dressing and they can go on with a particular type of dressing or suddenly change for no apparent reason , i have found that it is best to just let them dress how they are happy to ,not encouraging or discouraging just quietly supporting them by not making an issue of it , most are happier to dress in their way and left to it rather than the parents making comments and embarrassing them although the odd "that looks nice never gos amiss.

[Andy66]

If your son is like many other 14 year olds, then he probably feels like crawling under a rock whenever you want to talk to him about certain things, including anything gender or sex related. Also, many kids think their parents have horrendous fashion sense. In his mind he may not even have been crossdressing as you and I see it - just trying a new style or whatever. No, really. I work in a department store and see that clothes are becoming more and more gender neutral all the time. I say give him space but support him as a parent should do for any 14 year old boy.

[Kate Simmons]

As long as he is assured he is loved and appreciated for who he is, I don't see any problem Hon.:)

[Jennifer in CO]

14 was when I spent my first extended time as a girl. I had an opportunity to go to my grand parents for the summer. As a naive child I thought that my grand parents wouldn't notice what styles I was wearing since they were so "old". Wrong. But they were very open and willing to work/talk with me and by the time the end of summer came, they even tried to get my parents to let me stay with them, enroll at a local school (as a girl) and "continue to help them out" they told mom and dad (all without telling mom and dad how I had spent my summer). Almost worked too...but M/D ultimately said no and I had to cut my hair and go home end of August... How cool were the Gp's?...When grandma died about 10 years later, on her bedside table was a photo of her and I from that summer. No one recognized me as the girl in the photo...

Jenn

[Briana90802]

The best advice I can give you is to tell him you are a CDer too. More than anything a teen wants to know that they are not alone. That there are others who share and know what they feel. To know that what they feel is normal. Kids kill themselves because they feel they're different and that no one could possible understand what they are going through.

The best advice, tell him about you. After all you joined this site to reach out to others and not feel alone. So here's a great opportunity for you to connect with you son.

[Spicie]

I agree with Brianna. It would certainly give him extra support and comfort knowing he is not alone, but I would also say it depends on your relationship. He might be upset, blaming you for his dressing, or it might be an incredible way to bond.

Jennifer, that's totally awesome about your grandparents. Like the bit about the picture on the nightstand.

[Jorja]

OMG, it IS hereditary!!! :D

All you can do is love him and let him know it is alright. Treat him like you would have wanted to be treated at 14. Let him know it is alright to come talk to you anytime about anything. If he asks, then let him know you are a CDer too. It might help you two bond.

[Pythos]

"We have talked to him about it and told him not to feel ashamed of it as long as he can "Do It" in his own private time"

I really really reallly hope you did not say this.

If I were in your son's shoes, this would make me think that you would not want me dressing around anyone else...including you. In the end, running a tremendous risk of making dressing a bedroom only thing.

Please for the love of God don't go and put that stigma on him and his possible style. My parents tried to do that with me and all it did was cause some resentment on my part.

Their limits were on my "tights" wearing. Mine was not even full on Cding.

[Lyric]

Yes, your son is lucky to have such an understanding parent. Just giving the kid plenty of space is certainly the thing to do, though. Maybe one day when he's more secure and things are more out in the open, you can open up about yourself.

And to Jennifer in CO:
Your story about your stay with your grandparents is one of the coolest stories I've read in one of these forums.

Lyric

[docrobbysherry]

Puberty and CDing at the same time? Sounds like a VERY DIFFICULT time for u and your son!

My 16 y/o daughter is going thru that time now. Without having to deal with gender or gay variations, it's hard enuff for her!

I have no suggestions for u, Jaych. But, hope it comes out well for all of u!

[NicoleScott]

"We have talked to him about it and told him not to feel ashamed of it as long as he can "Do It" in his own private time"

I really really reallly hope you did not say this.

I don't think we have been given enough information about the son's dressing desires and how he manifests those desires to say that the advice given was inappropriate. If the son is a gender identity dresser and wants to express his femininity tastefully in public, I agree with you and think the son should be encouraged. However, if he dresses for sexual pleasure, it's understandable that a parent wouldn't encourage wearing miniskirts, fishnets, and six inch heels out. Sadly, there are still people who would want to hurt him for that, and maybe the parent is just concerned for his safety.

[jaych]

Just to give you a bit more information.

My GG went to work, but come home sick one morning and found him dressed in ladies swimwear. As she is well aware, accepts and encourages me in my dressing she was quiet embarressed to find him as he was.

GG did not say anything to him straight away, GG actually come to me first. It was my GG that suggested that I should "Out" myself to him and let him know he is not alone. It was a very emotional night needless to say. Now that my son knows about me, it has made my life better, But that does not stop me from worring everyday about him.

Now that we know about each other we do not dress infront of each other. I dress for me and my GG. I know that my son has similar tastes in clothes as when we have all gone shopping together he has gone straight to the same clothing that I do.
I do not believe he is dressing to feel more femm, I think it is more for the feel of the clothing, the excitment and pleasure.

We do try and talk to him, we have told him that he should not feel bad and that it is not wrong to feel the way you do, However society may think that it is wrong and bad.

My son does worry about others finding out, especially his "real Mother" whom I know from my own experience will not accept him. My dressing that is the reason we are divorced, she did not like it and would never alow it. I know how hard it was for me growing up, I am now thankfull I have a loving and understanding GG for not only me but my son too. My GG encourages for the both of us to talk abou how we feel, if we are having a good day or bad.

So to say my son has a loving and caring family at our home and will be here for him thu the good times and bad, to help him grow up and know that he is not alone.

[TiffanyTgirl]

It has got to be hard. I don't wish to tell my son as I don't want to influence him. It has not been easy for me and I don't wish the kind of stress i have had on him. If he finds it on his own, then I will be supportive.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Wow, I can only say that he has two great parents who understand. Just at that age, he has something else to deal with which will make him stronger and hopefully the bond between your family will be strong. Thankfully he was not the son in a family of bigotry like many of us.

[Joanna Maguire]

Why not reveal that you were once a CD Or still are ? Then tell him about all your troubles and problems over the years! He then might tell you about his own fears and problem Its best to be honest. Is he shy ? Maybe you should show him this site ? I think he will continue being a CD He might stop being a CD for a while. But in my experience Once you are a CD ! Always a CD Who's feminine clothing does he wear ? His sisters or your wifes or a friend the ?Even if he does it in secret ? Wearing their clothing They will soon find out because of how the store their clothing. As I said Its best to be honest. Do not ask him to many questions, Just let him gradually tell you. Maybe over a period? Not all at once Be gentle and understanding.

[Roberta Marie]

Jaych,

It sounds like the 3 of you have things well in hand and are on the way to working things out. There are two things that I might suggest that you remember, though.

1. He is probably still trying to figure out all of this himself, something that is difficult enough for an adult. But then you through in those pubescent hormones and the mood swings, and the peer pressure to conform, and then all of the other things that go along with being a teen, like school, and figuring out about sex. Remember when you were that age, everything was about sex, from the neighbor's sports car to your bike, to your best friend's Mom, to the shoes the girl that sat in front of you in English class was wearing, to the girl that sat in fron of you in English class. That does not mea n that any of it will relate to sex in his adult life.

2. Just as it is important to let him know that you love and support him, it is important to be willing to listen, to try to understand. He may not be willing to open up to your or his step-mom, but it is important that he know that you both are willing to listen and try to understand him.

Grace,
Bobbi

[Josie M]

Here's a study on kids of crossdressing dads:

http://krex.k-state.edu/dspace/bitstream/2097/303/1/AllisonReisbig2007.pdf
Here is a web-visible version: View via google pdf viewer (http://docs.google.com/viewer?url=http%3A%2F%2Fkrex.k-state.edu%2Fdspace%2Fbitstream%2F2097%2F303%2F1%2F AllisonReisbig2007.pdf)

On the most part they are pretty normal... results are on page 39. I suggest that you start reading there. You can skip sections like "methodology".

One of the kids interviewed was shocked, the rest took it easily. It looks like the kids watch their father's reaction to shape their opinions of it. If the father is conflicted, they don't like that this issue causes trouble for their father. If he's fine with it, they are too. There's a lot more to this document, I think you'll want to read it for yourself.

p55 has advice to fathers. Hmmm they say age 14 is a rough time and it was harder for the kids to hear about their father's crossdressing then... of course your situation is very different. Though, the paper attributes the difficulties to the typical challenges of adolescence, not to the revelations. I guess its a reminder that it's not always about the dressing -- his or yours.

Cheers.

Thank you for that pdf link....Don't know if my son will be a CD, and he'd certainly have our support if he is. However, since his father is one, it's nice to have the info to decide how to approach it.

[jennifer easton]

give him a chance to talk to a therapist, you can do this with out telling him about you, after he finds out he's not a pervert and can gain some confidence and selfiesteam, then a conversation about you and his " hobby" or life style being one and the same, he'll be more comfortable with talking to you, he no doubt thinks he may be gay and has some questions about that aspect, and is embarrassed and worried as to what you think of him

[Hana22]

Hi All,

I have just found out recently my 14yo son like to crossdress too. I am scared for him knowing what I went thu at his age.
I never told my son that I was a CD, never dressed arround him, never talked bout it. So there is no influence on my behalf.
I have an extremly supportive Fiance(soon to be wife) who has known about me since day one. It was unfortunatly her that discovered my son was too. I think she was more embaressed than him. :o
We have talked to him about it and told him not to feel ashamed of it as long as he can "Do It" in his own private time. We have been op-shopping with him so he could buy some clothes of his own.
He has gone really quiet since we have found out. We dont encourage him as such but are totally are supportive if you know what i mean.

Has anyone else been thu this?? If anyone else has is in the same stuiation it would be great to hear from you. Good or bad. Or just other peoples thoughts would b great :)

Thanks :)
Jaych and Hay loves jach

I went through this from the younger partys point of veiw about 8 years ago. I remember my parents acting supportive at first and then declining in that support. It finally turned into a "you're not doing that in my house!" thing. He's probably quiet because he's embarassed and waiting for you to drop what he probably thinks is an act of reverse psycology. I know when my parents first found out they told my entire family as an attempt to shame me into stopping, under the pretense of "we're a close family we share everything." He's probably scared, embaressed, and expecting you to be passivly aggresive with your approach to stoping it. So you probably haven't reached him yet. Just keep doing what you are doing and he should come around :)

[Angiemead12]

What about introducing him to this website to show him he is not alone!

[TianaCross]

i think its important to let him know u support him but that its equally important not to influence him..i dont know what to say from a parents point of view as i dont have children, i can only say what i think would be the....the best thing for him.

let him find out on his own if hes a 'life long' cd or whatever.. anyway, as i understand it from your post, ure doing a great job & i can only congratulate u on that :)

I think u should just let him explore this as he feels he should... but he must know u support him no matter what. The idea with forums is not a bad one, but i dont know if it should be this forum as ure here and kids dont like to share space with their parents at that age ;)

[danielleb]

give him a chance to talk to a therapist....

I can't beleive it took 22 posts to get to this!:eek:
I know when I was around your son's age, I was caught, and rushed off that day to a psychiatrists office, surrounded by two angry parents. I wish I could go back and be in a nurturing enviorment, going to see a gender therapist!:daydreaming: I wouldn't suggest that it's something you need to rush into, allow your son the time he needs to feel comfortable around you again, and offer it as option to him if he wants. It's certainly a fragile issue to deal with for him, and he needs to do it on his own terms, not yours!
I kind of think that telling him about yourself may be more than he's ready to handle right now. He's got enough of his own thoughts to deal with, without worrying about exactly what you are!:straightface: He just needs a strong foundation and nurturing enviorment to move forward with his life, wherever it leads.:)

[karennjcd]

Wow so many different approaches to all of this. In my household it's just myself and my teenage son. He's 18 now, but I brought him up myself the past 10 years. I always wonder if perhaps he knows about my CD'ing but is afraid to bring it up. Teens will be curious, and I just don't know if he's entered my bedroom when I'm not home and observed that it contains a lot more female clothes than male, including a closet full of high heels.

So perhaps, did Jaych's son know his dad was a CD and was just emulating him secretly (until caught)? I mean it's possible, even if he might not have admitted such.

Karen :)

[VanessaVW]

14 was when I spent my first extended time as a girl. I had an opportunity to go to my grand parents for the summer. As a naive child I thought that my grand parents wouldn't notice what styles I was wearing since they were so "old". Wrong. But they were very open and willing to work/talk with me and by the time the end of summer came, they even tried to get my parents to let me stay with them, enroll at a local school (as a girl) and "continue to help them out" they told mom and dad (all without telling mom and dad how I had spent my summer). Almost worked too...but M/D ultimately said no and I had to cut my hair and go home end of August... How cool were the Gp's?...When grandma died about 10 years later, on her bedside table was a photo of her and I from that summer. No one recognized me as the girl in the photo...

Jenn

That's neat, Jennifer! I also had very supportive grandparents. I still think about them every day.

[Loni]

let him do his thing at his pace, no pressure to dress or not dress.

maybe leave this sites address for him to find?
a kid these days has far and away better access to info then we did as kids. he just needs to find his space, and growing up and learning new and different things is a hard thing to do.
but do not let on about your self for a number of years yet. after he has himself set say in 5 years maybe then talk about you.
but till then spoil him and enjoy your and his life.

life is short...