Came out to sister and exgirlfriend

[Aprilrain]

Over thanksgiving I told my eldest sister. She told me she loved me and gave me a hug and said we've always been best friends. Her biggest concerns seemed to be our parents and the city I live in. She suggested I move to were she lives as it is a much more accepting place. I felt a little over whelmed the next couple of days but I think that was more from my marital issues than any thing. I have since talked with my sister again and had a very long and good conversation none of which was about my being TG so we're back to normal.

Out of the blue my ex girl friend called me today. Oddly enough we were both on long distance drives to far off places to do some thing we haven't done before that will likely change the course of our lives (you can't make this shit up) anyway we talked for a long time and finally I said "can I tell you something intensely weird?" of course who says no to a question like that so I told her. She told me she was honored that I would share that with her. She was glad that we were talking about very real subjects and not just mindless banter which she can't stand. We make much better friends than significant others.

I am going to tell my other sister in about a week when I see her.

I'm still not sure how to approach telling my parents, somedays I imagine just doing it and other days I'd sooner slit my wrists than tell them.

[Melody Moore]

I'm still not sure how to approach telling my parents, somedays I imagine just doing it and other days I'd sooner slit my wrists than tell them.

No you won't - because if parents can't get their heads around it & understand from the information that is now available then I don't think they are even worth knowing. If they really do love you then they will endeavour to understand even though at first it will come as something of a shock to them. When you do come out, arm yourself with some information about being transgendered/transsexual. I am sure there are materials you can get that will help them. There are videos online (http://www.videojug.com/expertanswer/how-to-come-out-to-your-family-and-friends-as-transgender/how-do-i-come-out-to-my-family-and-friends-as-transgender) to help you deal with your family & books such as 'True Selves (http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism-Professionals/dp/0787902713)' on this subject to help families. Give them time after you tell them to digest this information & prepare themselves for what changes are going to happen to you.

I believe the key to getting others to rethink their attitudes is to just stay
staunch in your beliefs & your convictions & never make any compromises.

Goodluck :hugs:

[Miranda09]

Glad to hear that your sister and ex-gf were so accepting. It's always a load off one's shoulders if you can share this side of your personality with someone close. It sure has helped me. As for your parents, it all depends on what kind of relationship you have with them and how open they are. That'll be something you'll have to gauge for yourself. In the meantime, enjoy life and stay happy. :)

[Kaitlyn Michele]

glad to hear you did that April..

take your time and think through "how" to tell your parents.... for example tell them together? tell one first? etc....if you can start thinking this way, it might calm down your anxiety about it ..

if you havent really decided to transition in the near future, you are under no pressure...also realize that now that you;'ve told your sister, you've lost control of the info regardless of your trust, this type of "secret" is just too juicy to keep sometimes...

[MJ]

I'm happy for you April. why not just ger it over with once the parents and your sister know your free from the stress and can move on

[Stephanie Anne]

It's great to hear how things went well. I know the anxiety of telling people like your parents. You probably need to tell them more for your sake than theres.

Don't listen too much to those who say not to compromise. Life is full of compromises and sometimes just because you may have a reaction you don't want does not mean they don't love you. Just prepare yourself for them to need time to adjust and try not to push them into a direction.

[sandra-leigh]

Don't listen too much to those who say not to compromise. Life is full of compromises

:yt:

My wife's reaction upon Our Talk was to tell me to "Be Safe" -- not that I was supposed to give it all up, not that she was enthusiastic about it, not that she thought she would be able to stand seeing me dressed, but concern about my safety. Since then, we have done numerous things together, including her going out to my club's annual dinners, including getting mani's together, shopping together, trading earrings; she likes when I get nice designs on my toenails, and so on.

So when my wife asks me to please not get my facial hair removed, I respect that. The hair is a nuisance even when I shave closely, and I've been advised that my shadow is my single largest visual "give-away". My therapists (plural) say that reasonably it shouldn't be any of my wife's business, just as it wouldn't be my business if she chose to shave or grow out any particular hair on her body. But I haven't gotten it removed or thinned. If she had "ordered" me, possibly I would have said, "Toss that, it's my body!" -- but she didn't order, she asked. And at least for now, if some beard shadow is all it takes to "lubricate the way", to make her feel comfortable that I'm still "the same person" even as she gives me her opinion as to whether a particular dress suits me, then that's a compromise I can live with (for now at least.)

[Rianna Humble]

Hi April,

I'm glad it went well with your sister and the ex girlfriend, that will help you when you consider who else you need to tell. have you thought of getting your sister to come with you when you tell your parents? Do you think that her acceptance might help them to come to terms with the news?


Don't listen too much to those who say not to compromise.

In some ways I agree with this and in others I don't. Yes, you do need to be prepared for a certain amount of give and take, but when it comes to who you are, there is a line that you should not have to cross. So in your place, I would want to be prepared to look for compromise if your parents have concerns for your well being, but still to hold firm the fact that this is who you are and what you need to be doing in your life at this stage.

:2c:

[Melody Moore]

Don't listen too much to those who say not to compromise. Life is full of compromises and sometimes just because you may have a reaction you
don't want does not mean they don't love you. Just prepare yourself for them to need time to adjust and try not to push them into a direction.

Stephanie - In the past I did have my reservations with April which she is fully aware of & we have had quite a discussion in PM.
What you said about preparing yourself & giving them time to adjust WAS covered in my original post if you look more closely....


If they really do love you then they will endeavour to understand even though at first it will come as something of a shock to them. When you do come out, arm yourself with some information about being transgendered/transsexual. I am sure there are materials you can get that will help them. There are videos online (http://www.videojug.com/expertanswer/how-to-come-out-to-your-family-and-friends-as-transgender/how-do-i-come-out-to-my-family-and-friends-as-transgender) to help you deal with your family & books such as 'True Selves (http://www.amazon.com/True-Selves-Understanding-Transsexualism-Professionals/dp/0787902713)' on this subject to help families. Give them time after you tell them to digest this information & prepare themselves for what changes are going to happen to you.From my 40 odd years of personal experience with battling Gender Dysphoria and how it
impacts on your personal happiness, you should never make compromises or sacrifices.

If April was a young 18-25 year old person and not very sure about what she wanted in her life, then I would
most definitely urge a lot more caution and to have some consideration for your parents if they were concerned
for your well-being - so yes some compromises might be necessary when considering what is in your best interest.

However that does not seem to be the case here from what I understand about April in her case - she seems very
mature & convicted in her decisions bout transitioning and she would not be at this point now where she is already
coming out to her sister and girlfriend. That is why I will say that when you've reached this point in your convictions,
then go forward without making any compromises or sacrifices or it will start to destroy you from the inside our even
more than ever before. I personally believe that April is the point we all get to where she is ready to test out who her
REAL friends & family are. There might be some causalities, but this is something that she should be ready to cope with
as well. From what I also understand about April she is under the care of a therapist who should be able to help her
through these difficult times without making any compromises or sacrifices to her personal happiness or right to live
the life she chooses. This is the 'make or break point for April and that is why I think she made this statement here...


I'm still not sure how to approach telling my parents, somedays I imagine just doing it and other days I'd sooner slit my wrists than tell them.As far as Im concerned I have given April the best advice she needs to now deal with this, the rest is completely up to her.

[Aprilrain]

Thanks everyone. I want my sisters to have some time to digest this information before I tell my parents hopefully they will see that I am essentially still the same person sans self loathing. My therapist and I agree that this is a good strategy. Of course my wife knows but she does not want the kids to know until they have to which makes sense. I could probably take this approach with my parents as well I just think people are going to start to notice things I.e. Hair getting longer.

Sandra-leigh my facial hair is the single most depressing aspect of my current physical form I can live with everything eles for now. But when I'm doing my makeup I feel like my shadow is obvious and that I have to use 10 lbs of makeup to cover it up. My wife asked me not to make any permanent changes to my body for 6 months but I couldn't agree we are separated right now so I just don't feel its any of her business. I've started laser but am considering electrolysis instead because I've heard of hair coming back after laser and its already going to take to long to get rid of it so I want to know for sure that I will never see it again.

[sandra-leigh]

It is not uncommon for people to start with a couple of rounds of laser, and then when the hair eventually comes back, to finish off with electrolysis. Laser is usually cheaper and faster. It is not immediate, though: you have to hit at least 3 growth cycles for it. And as you note, for some people hair done with laser will eventually return, but thinner. Not everyone's skin color and hair type is suitable for laser. (I'm told mine probably is good... at least until it grows more gray!)

Electrolysis is surer and supposedly permanent... and more expensive and more painful. If "get it gone and never ever see it again" is important, then electrolysis would be the better bet. The blender strategy would probably be significantly less expensive, though.