To the point that you don't care

[Rita C.]

Do you ever get to the point that you don't care if you get read in publice. What the big deal if you do get read, you are dressing to be your self and the world not going to come to a end. ( I'll stop for now, before some one pops my bra strap)

[sissystephanie]

Since I have been going out in public dressed enfemme, but with no wig or makeup, for over 5 years I am sure I have reached that point!! You are right! I do dress to please my self, not the rest of the world. As long as I am decently dressed, the clothing should not make any difference. And actually it hasn't! I do get compliments on my outfits, and asked where I bought a certain skirt or top, but nothing else. People don't really care!!

[Karren H]

I quit caring what anyone thinks of the way I dress a long time ago. Just one less thing to worry about....

[linnea]

If I'm out en femme, I'm at the point that I don't care or worry about it any more--it's a relief!

[Michelle James]

It seems as if the only time I think about it anymore is when I read a forum post posing the question. I didn't realize it until I read this one. Guess i'm making some progress.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Obviously I don't care if I get read, I present as a boy, *but* even on the rare times that I have gone out while putting the girl on, I've never once thought that I passed, I assume people are going to read me at some point. This isn't an excuse not to look my best, but it is a reason to relax and have fun and enjoy myself.

[Tricia Lee]

Do you ever get to the point that you don't care if you get read in public?

For the vast majority of us, that's the only way we are ever going to be comfortable going out.

I can't say I don't care, I just decided against letting it stop me from going out.

[Lena Teegal]

Do you ever get to the point that you don't care if you get read in publice. What the big deal if you do get read, you are dressing to be your self and the world not going to come to a end. ( I'll stop for now, before some one pops my bra strap)

I hope to get to that point.

[sandra-leigh]

I have had "zones of comfort", places where I feel comfortable (even knowing someone who knows me personally could easily wander by), whereas other places I might not be willing to be as blatant. Or to be more accurate, what I had was zones of discomfort, places I was reticent to go all out on, whereas pretty much everywhere else was fine.

For example, I had a "zone of discomfort" at a couple of stores two blocks away that I'd gone to from time to time over the years, places that knew the male me by sight, and I had a "zone of discomfort" at the corner store 4 houses down from me. I could walk right by that corner store, and down the sidewalk and in to my house, waving to my neighbours, but I knew the people in the corner store better than I knew my neighbours.

The zone of discomfort two blocks over "popped" a while ago, and I've been working on the corner store; I've now gone in there in dress and in skirt, but not so often. Though to be honest, I am still uncomfortable at one of the stores two blocks over -- not uncomfortable about "being read", but uncomfortable because the co-owning husband seems to like my femme appearance a little too much, if you know what I mean.

My only significant remaining zone of discomfort is my workplace itself, and be assured that I push the boundaries there. I would love to go to work in dress or skirt: I'm not uncomfortable about that part. I really don't think that all the people at work are so inattentive as to not have worked things out. "Being read" isn't the operative discomfort there, and even "coming out" as TG isn't it: the problem is in "getting over the hump". If I cause a "half-hour wonder", or trigger a "sensitivity training seminar", or an argument about which washrooms I can use, then the higher-ups are likely to take a pretty dim view of the loss of productivity that would result -- a dimmer view by far than of caring what gender I am as long as I get my work done.

[Lexine]

I broke this barrier when I first went out to Disneyland. I've posted this before, but doing this was a means for me to build confidence and to show me that it really isn't a big deal if I get outed or not. Nowadays, I think I've gotten my look down and no one bats an eye when I go places since I blend in well, but you bet that part of that is the confidence that I got by making mistakes and NGAF, to put it best :)

[vikki2020]

That is a hard line to cross sometimes, but when you do, it just makes everything so much easier, and enjoyable! Most people don't really care, anyway, at least in the large cities. Half of them don't even "see" you! Getting read, and still treated with respect is always a nice feeling!

[Nicole Erin]

What you fear is people's reactions.
Decent people either don't care or don't comment.
The ones you kind of need to watch out for are stupid hicks and groups of teenagers.
Keep in mind that any person who is alone isn't gonna have anything to say.

Tho I don't pass so well, I go out dressed as I want, which is mostly conservative, and I refuse to ask permission to be me.

[Kate Simmons]

When you get to the point of being comfortable being yoursef, it matters little what others think.:)

[Jilmac]

If I worried about being read I'd still be in the closet

[JohnH]

I got to that point when I was busted for public intoxication while going for a walk wearing a dress and carrying a purse. I had to spend overnight in jail before I was bailed out. The world did not end.

[Cari]

Im surprised that only one poster brought up being recognized !

I dont care if I get read as a guy in a dress but hearing someone call my name would kinda freak me out :-)

[Marie-Elise]

How do you think it would go over if CDs just decided to go out wearing skirts, dresses...whatever? Sort of overloaded the world with men wearing female clothing and going about their business?

I don't think the world would end. However, as someone else said, the hicks and teenagers would have something to say. Anyway, I have never been outside my house dressed as a girl. It's one of my wife's boundaries and even before that I was too worried about what people would say and think.

I salute everyone who can and do go out as women. You have my respect and admiration.

[LitaKelley]

I want to look like a girl.. I want others to see me as a girl... I put alot of effort into it... but in the end, I don't give a flying F if anyone knows, because most of them don't.

An observation I made while out several times en femme.... Men think with their dick.. women have brains... If and when I'm read, it's 99% of the time another woman.. Men on the other hand are dumb.

Naturally I don't want to be "read", but in the end, all that matters is how great I feel, how wonderful I think I look and how happy I am.

[Jason+]

I'm with John, SissyStephanie and Ryan on this one, to step out my front door is to be read as what I am; like Cari said "as a guy in a dress" or most often skirt when out of the house. :D The only perceived reactions I allow to shape what I do are how they will affect my family or job.

[Christy_M]

I can't say I don't care, I just decided against letting it stop me from going out.

This is how I feel except I haven't quite got to the point that it doesn't stop me, either. I do go out where I can be relatively safe from the hecklers but typically it is around strip malls where they have hich vacancy rates and the closest people are quite a distance from me. When I have ventured into retail establishments, I have a fifty/fifty success rate.

[Fran Moore]

That's the way I feel too Lita. In male mode, I'm not even aware if people are looking or noticing me at all, but I think it's totally normal for men and women to "look" at anyone presenting as female. The women are looking for one reason(s), and the men, well, we know why they are looking ...........:)
I want to look like a girl.. I want others to see me as a girl... I put alot of effort into it... but in the end, I don't give a flying F if anyone knows, because most of them don't.

An observation I made while out several times en femme.... Men think with their dick.. women have brains... If and when I'm read, it's 99% of the time another woman.. Men on the other hand are dumb.

Naturally I don't want to be "read", but in the end, all that matters is how great I feel, how wonderful I think I look and how happy I am.

[annecwesley]

I'm with John, SissyStephanie and Ryan on this one, to step out my front door is to be read as what I am; like Cari said "as a guy in a dress" or most often skirt when out of the house. :D The only perceived reactions I allow to shape what I do are how they will affect my family or job.

I've recently joined the ranks of the skirted men. I don't have to worry about being read, as anyone can clearly see I'm a man in a skirt - and I'm getting used to the strange looks - as well as the pleasant smiles. I am selective about where I go when skirted, as I want to remain anonymous and not have to explain myself to a coworker, friend or family member.

[Roberta Marie]

I think, if we were totally honest with ourselves, there are very few of us that "pass". Usually when we are not read it's because no one notices us or pays any attention to us. So, if you don't want to be read, try to blend in to the background, try to not be noticed.

I know I don't pass, I just don't care.

Bobbi

[Annie D]

The more that I am out in public, buying pretty things to wear that may be age appropriate or not, I have come to the conclusion that if the way I am dressing causes me to be "read" I don't care because I dress because it makes me feel good about myself not necessarily beautiful. I just smile and go on my way, just happy to be out and feeling good about myself.

[StacyCD]

As long as people treat me just like any other person, I don't really care anymore that some see a guy in a dress. When I'm out shopping, my money is worth the same as anyone else's.

[jjjjohanne]

I went out recently in a skirt/blouse/etc. in public as a man. It has really decreased my concern! Being obviously crossdressed and obviously a man forces you to be "figured out"! I usually go out in shorts and hose or womens' shoes/slacks/blouse as a man and try to be inconspicuous. It is stressful. But being outright obvious was somehow easier for me. It started out stressful but got easier. Maybe it is the same no matter what I wear and my memory is going... I don't know......

[susie evans]

don't worry about other people, they have more problems any way life is too short to worry about the small things , besides a girl has to get shopping there are sales to worry about , and clothes to try on

susie

[Hana22]

What you fear is people's reactions.
Decent people either don't care or don't comment.
The ones you kind of need to watch out for are stupid hicks and groups of teenagers.
Keep in mind that any person who is alone isn't gonna have anything to say.

Tho I don't pass so well, I go out dressed as I want, which is mostly conservative, and I refuse to ask permission to be me.

QFT. It's not the being read that's bad, it's the reaction that certain people will have. My stepfather was worried I might be attacked if read by certain demographs and he was right. Avoid those groups of people and you have no reason to be afraid. Most people will simply go the other direction if they don't care for it and have spotted you.

In my own experience it seems like the more confident and happy I become the more likely it is that I will find a heckler in public. So yes it does get to that point but it's uaully snuffed out at some point.

[Juliemckay]

I just got home. I went to the hardware store, FedEx, the Post office and the grocery store en femme. Skirt, mary janes, blouse, hose, make up... the whole she-bang. I think I was read... I think the guy at the grocery store noticed I was wearing hose... GG's don't do that LOL

[BRANDYJ]

I admire, envy and understand how some of you are, or can get to the point of not caring what others think or might say. But it's just not me and I will never get to that point. I think the more passable you are, the more you might lean towards not caring. But some of us know our limits and can't get past it.
Not to mention the risks involved with loved ones, friends, and jobs or careers at stake.

[rexy]

it has been a really long time since i cared about someone "reading me " . REALLY DON'T CARE I DO THIS FOR ME, I LOVE GETTING DRESSED !!!

[Lynn Marie]

If TX Kimberly gets read so often, then I don't stand a chance of passing and that's okay. My only concern is the perplexed look on little kids's faces. I'd rather they experienced CDers when they are a little older and more able to discern what they are seeing.

[sandra-leigh]

I think the more passable you are, the more you might lean towards not caring. But some of us know our limits and can't get past it.

It was the opposite way around for me: the first few times I got fully Dressed, wig and makeup and all, I thought I looked so different that surely people would think I born a woman. Instead they recognized me quickly, from a distance, in bad light. And when I say "recognized", I don't just mean that they figured out I was "some dude or other", I mean they remembered my preferred drink, remembered exactly where and when they had last seen me (as a guy) even though we hadn't even talked before. The ones that knew my male name easily recalled that to.

If you look at it from one perspective, it was the closet cross-dresser's nightmare: not only to be detected as a guy, but to be quickly known personally. It could have been crushing -- but it wasn't. It wasn't because those people who recognized me were not shocked, didn't stare, didn't shun me: instead they came over and welcomed me and spoke warmly to me, and spent time with me. Accepted me.

The more I went out and had people recognize me and yet treat me very well, the less I cared about "hiding". I wasn't "hiding" worth a darn, but I was enjoying myself. There wasn't much point in my being afraid of passing because (A) I didn't pass; and (B) people treated me better than as the drab guy. If life gives you lemons... they make a dandy hair bleach :heehee:


My only concern is the perplexed look on little kids's faces. I'd rather they experienced CDers when they are a little older and more able to discern what they are seeing.

I know what you mean: I worried about the effect that seeing me might have on children. I expected stares and kids tugging on their parent's hands and asking their parents why I was as I was. What I found, however, was that for what-ever reason, it didn't happen: for the most part kids find me uninteresting, barely worth a glance. Sometimes I get a smile. As far as I have been able to observe, they haven't brought me to the attention of their parents.

[PretzelGirl]

I know what you mean: I worried about the effect that seeing me might have on children. I expected stares and kids tugging on their parent's hands and asking their parents why I was as I was. What I found, however, was that for what-ever reason, it didn't happen: for the most part kids find me uninteresting, barely worth a glance. Sometimes I get a smile. As far as I have been able to observe, they haven't brought me to the attention of their parents.

I think it varies wildly with children and their early upbringings. I remember when I was first growing my hair out and it was near my shoulders. I had a time at Walmart as I was walking to my car there was a lady with a young boy (5-7?) and as I walked by he goes "Mom, that man has girl hair!". Now I can't remember having a single audible comment from a young child while dressed. Dressed I was probably close enough to expectations to not trigger a kid's comments but in drab with long hair, I presented something of a large variance.

[Shelby]

I went out today to our other building at the Apartment complex I live. Since it is winter, I was wearing my large men's winter coat. However, I was wearing girl jeans, top and of course a bra with forms. I encountered our Maintance Man, who was so annoyed that someone stole his shovel that he didn't notice what I was wearing. We stood in the lobby talking about his missing shovel and I totally forgot that under the bulk of my coat, I had boobs. It wasn't until I got back into my building that I unzipped my coat and remembered "Oh yeah, I forgot about you two."

[Melinda G]

It's not that big of a deal. The worst that can happen, someone might think, "That looks like a guy". But they still would not recognize you, or know who you are. If you are wearing a wig and some makeup, they aren't going to think, "hey,that looks like Fred from accounting, in a dress".:heehee:

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

Good timing on this thread... Its interesting for me in that this year in particular I have stopped caring what people think at all. I had a lot more fun going out as Embyrre at the Texas Renfest this year because I didn't get completely ready before entering the site. Instead I waited on the wig, and final prep until I actually got to the parking lot and put it all on in front of everyone that happened to be around. Nothing changed, I still went forward with a ready-to-play mindset and ended up having the most relaxing and enjoyable season so far.
Let what people think just.... go and liberate yourselves because it was well worth it for me :)

Hope you have the same results no matter what your particular venue is.

*hugs*

Zarabeth

[sandra-leigh]

But they still would not recognize you, or know who you are. If you are wearing a wig and some makeup, they aren't going to think, "hey,that looks like Fred from accounting, in a dress".

You must have missed the part of my posting above where I noted that people even remembered my male name.

I get sales clerks whom I haven't seen for 2 years not only recognize me in the other mode but remember exactly what I was shopping for the previous time I saw them. I am not a remarkable looking person, either.

[Loni]

i try to but still have hangups. i have been shopping dressed, yes even buying a bra.
no i do not "pass" or blend in very well. but sofar nobody has cared. even got mam'ed by a lady bum teaching her very young daughter to beg. (sad way of life).
but i have a ways to go, would be out shopping this year during the Christmas crunch...just no money. or time. with luck next week i will have time...maybe some money.

[Jenna Lynne]

I get sales clerks whom I haven't seen for 2 years not only recognize me in the other mode but remember exactly what I was shopping for the previous time I saw them. I am not a remarkable looking person, either.
There's something about this that doesn't mesh well with my experience of sales clerks. Maybe I don't spend enough time shopping! (Well, I know I don't spend enough time shopping, but that's another story entirely.) I'm probably in the local Orchard Supply Hardware six times a year, for one reason or another, and I have never had a clerk say a word to me unless I initiated the conversation, and then it was strictly about whatever item I was trying to find.

I don't even remember if I had the same clerk on any two occasions, and there are a lot fewer of them than there are customers, so I'd be more likely to remember than they would. Unless there's something about your social presentation that you're not sharing with us, like you have an artificial leg or something, then I guess I'll have to confess myself baffled.

[k lynn]

I have worn a bra and panties daily now for 6 years along with female jeans dont care if I am read any more like I have said my ex wife outed me out to friends myfamily already knew had one on her there

[Megan70]

". I am a 60ish CD who has been going out dressed in public now for over 50 years, since my early teens. Sometimes I get "read" as we say, but most of the time I don't. Its because I've spent years perfecting my art as passing naturally as a woman an not to come of as a buffoon caricature of one. .. I want to blend in unnoticed and not be stared at or go for the big shock value. That ruins the whole thrill of the "acting" part passing naturally.
CD's will never pass 100% of the time, but the objective here is to minimize it as much as possible. . CD's must remember however that to minimize being spotted they have a few things they MUST do.

1) Dress appropriately for the place you are walking around at-No silk blouse, miniskirt, black hose or high heels when you go to the mall or grocery store or shopping center. You'll be spotted in a second and probably be laughed at. Wear what others are wearing in that particular place-like jeans and sweatshirt in the mall, look around you will see no legs showing .

2) Walk out the door with confidence and your head held high and don't slouch and stare at the ground avoiding eye contact. Its shows you/re afraid of something, mainly yourself.
I as a CD want to look and act like a woman occasionally because I emulate you so much. I admire woman and respect them that I want to look, act and fee l"pretty" like them albeit for just a few hours. One thing I discovered that help me build my confidence and almost eliminate paranoia is never look over your shoulder TO SEE IF ANYONE IS WATCHING YOU. it's A DEAD GIVEAWAY THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THAT PERSON(You). First thought is you are a shoplifter. If you can feel eyes burning into your back .SO WHAT ????....its their problem, not yours.What, you gonna bring them home to dinner with you.??? What's at your back doesn't see OR Worry About will not hurt you.

You may want to even be bold enough (as I have) and turn around and reverse the embarrassment to THEM and approach them and say" "Can I answer any questions for you? I saw you staring, do you have a problem?.Have you never experienced a transvestite before? I think we should talk!" I did this to a teenage SA counter girl years ago and she babbled and almost wet her pants. I ended it by saying , "yes, I'm a cross dresser but also a customer-my money is just as good as a females."

Megan70

[Being Paige]

I have to agree with Annie!

[Carly D]

Since I have been going out in public dressed enfemme, but with no wig or makeup, for over 5 years I am sure I have reached that point!! You are right! I do dress to please my self, not the rest of the world. As long as I am decently dressed, the clothing should not make any difference. And actually it hasn't! I do get compliments on my outfits, and asked where I bought a certain skirt or top, but nothing else. People don't really care!!

I wanted to try that, going out dressed but no wig and makeup.. I wanted to and was preparing to but then chickened out.. Back before I ever got on the internet I used to dress up but never wore a wig, or anything to make me present as a female, but then I never went out in public either.. But I would dream of what it would be like..

[sandra-leigh]

I don't even remember if I had the same clerk on any two occasions, and there are a lot fewer of them than there are customers, so I'd be more likely to remember than they would. Unless there's something about your social presentation that you're not sharing with us, like you have an artificial leg or something, then I guess I'll have to confess myself baffled.

LOL, no, no artifical limbs, no exceptional stature, no rainbow-coloured hair, no distinguishing scars or tatoos. Some people just have good memories, I guess.




1) Dress appropriately for the place you are walking around at-No silk blouse, miniskirt, black hose or high heels when you go to the mall or grocery store or shopping center. You'll be spotted in a second and probably be laughed at. Wear what others are wearing in that particular place-like jeans and sweatshirt in the mall, look around you will see no legs showing .


Possibly that is the case where you live, but silk blouses aren't rare at our local malls and grocery stores, and skirts or dresses are not rare either. Black hose is unusual in the malls and grocery stores, but not enough so to be freakish; e.g., in the malls, they might just assume that you work for one of the mall stores. You do see legs showing in our local malls, even in the middle of winter.

I do not recall ever happening to have worn silk blouse, black hose, mini-skirt, and high-heels all at the same time to a local mall or grocery store, but if you allow the substitution of heels that are technically only "mid-heels" (e.g., 4") instead of "high heels", then I've probably done all the combinations of 3 of the 4. But only mini-skirt, not my micro-minis -- it takes time to get through the combinations and I haven't done silk blouse with micro-mini at the grocery store yet.

I did get laughed at once outside of a local mall, a day that I was wearing thin heels and a mini-skirt but no wig, and was walking a bit oddly because I was trying to avoid making too loud of a clack-clack on the concrete sidewalk as I walked by some clerks on cigarette break. I did not, however, get laughed at inside the mall.

It is quite uncommon now for me to get laughed at in public, but my "blending" comes from a completely different place than looking just like the other women. Regardless of whether I'm wearing a skirt or a dress or pants or leggings "in guy mode", I just continue about my business exactly like I am in the proper place at the proper time and dressed in appropriate attire for me.
And as that's the truth, I do not have to "act" at all. I imagine it must be tens of thousands of people who have have seen me mixed-gender by now. The typical reaction to me is to not notice me any more than anyone else. I am not sending off non-verbal alarm signals, I am not doing anything threatening... so I become just part of the "noise", just another person seen and forgotten 2 seconds later.

Perhaps if I put it this way: you've seen those bright African robes, right? Worn by men as well as women? They aren't very common in my city, not out on the streets anyhow. When I do see an African man here wearing one of those robes, I don't look over and say "Heh, heh, he's pretty much cross-dressing; I bet he gets laughed at and put down": instead I look over and see that he is wearing the right thing for him. And so it is with me: it isn't that people don't see what I am wearing, but it is exactly like they perceive the situation as that I am wearing the right thing for me -- and promptly lose interest, for the most part. (The one's who do not lose interest usually smile nicely at me.)



One thing I discovered that help me build my confidence and almost eliminate paranoia is never look over your shoulder TO SEE IF ANYONE IS WATCHING YOU. it's A DEAD GIVEAWAY THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THAT PERSON(You).

I have to disagree with that point. A man can afford to be single-minded about where he is going because he has the expectation of being able to deal with all reasonable threats as they arise. A woman, though, needs more "situational awareness". For example, before entering a public staircase (e.g., to a subway) or an enclosed walkway, a woman would not only look forward first to ensure that it is safe: she would also take care first that she is going to be safe during that trip, by looking around... unless, that is, she has already been looking around and has already used echo-location and similar techniques to ensure safety. As a gal, if I hear someone enter a staircase or corridor I'm in, you can bet that I'm going to look back to assess the situation.

[JohnH]

The walks I go on are typically about 2 miles long.

On Friday I went for a walk wearing a long-sleeve cotton maroon maxi-dress. While I was in the park I came across another guy who was playing with his dog. We talked about our pets, and he was not phased with what I was wearing.

Yesterday I went for a walk with a blue and black sweater dress, hose, and heels that are 2.5 inches high. Nothing bad happened except I did get a couple of blisters since I need to break the shoes in. 2.5 inch heels allow me to walk in a normal fashion.

Remember as a kid you might have had pajamas that had built in booties. The sweater dress and the pantyhose have the same feeling. I drank a lot of wine, and then zonked out on the couch for hours in perfect comfort.

John

[Chickhe]

Here's the thing... if you can dress up well enough to look presentable and completly different so you will not be recognized as your male self, then the only part about caring if your are read or not is about being female, TS, TG or male... For that, once you decide not to care what you are read as, you have more fun because you don't feel like your are trying to fool anyone.

[Tricia Lee]

...you don't feel like your are trying to fool anyone.

This^