Came VERY, VERY Close

[janelle]

Hi all, its been some time since I have posted anything. I know I have many friends here & better even some of you have gone thru the same thing. A week ago today I came within hours of taking my life. My job, no family or friends to spend time with here in town, & my transition at a stand still, I just could not take it anymore. The only good thing I did before doing it was I tried my shrink 1 more. Talked with her off & on all day. When I had my last talk with her she begged me to go in & when I said I would she made promise & asked what time. An hour later I was in the ER & maybe 45 minutes later I was in the nut ward. Because they screwed up 1 of my meds I did not get out until yesterday. I am now taking it hour by hour & holding my own even after going into work today( my biggest stresser as we found out).

I guess I just want to tell everyone if you think of doing this call someone who has helpped you in the past, talk to them in how you feel, & maybe most important, if they say u should go to your ER, then please, please do, things change when you get out. Going in & coming out will be the hardest things you do.

I hope this message may help someone before they do something dumb like as was maybe just hours away from.

Thanks everyone for being here, your all sweeties, guys, gals, GG & who ever I am missing. My thoughts still are not totally complete & I don't want to miss anyone, sorry if I did.

So for now I'll say goodnight & say thank you again.

HUGS....................................Janelle

[Kathryn Martin]

I am glad you survived, be safe please

Kathryn

[Karen564]

Very good to hear that you pulled through......& yes, when things are that down, it's best to let it all out with someone ..anyone for that matter...:hugs:

[Cari]

Glad you are doing better and Thank You for sharing your story and posting the advice very brave.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I am glad you called someone.

For anyone else who has no one to call. Just post on this site and you will have many of us calling you to help you through your crisis.

[Felicity71]

Good to hear you survived.

[Sharon]

I'm relieved beyond words that you found the strength to make that phone call, Janelle. :hugs:

Remain strong, have faith, and, please, continue reaching out for a hand if and when you need it again.:hugs:

[Rianna Humble]

I'm sorry that you got to that point, Janelle, but glad that you were able to reach out to someone for help.

Please remember that there are a lot of folk here who care about you. :bighug:

You are very brave to share that with us, like you I hope that it can help somebody.

[tanyalynn51]

As someone who has been on the other end of those cries for help, or calls, I am so glad you made the call. Dealing with it one day at a time now is what you have to do, and dont lose touch with your shrink. While its true that youre last call to them got you into the "nut ward", as you put it, at least it helped.

[TxKimberly]

"The nut ward?"
That sounds pretty nice. Can you get some peace and quiet and rest there? If so, how do I get in?

(just trying to make ya' smile) :)

[pamela_a]

I'm glad you were strong enough to make that call. I hope you continue to find the strength to continue and things get better for you. Remember you are never alone, there are many people who care about you right here.

Be safe. :hugs:

[Melody Moore]

Suicide should never be an option - so please ALWAYS reach out, others will always be there for you.

I'm glad you made the call and you're OK now :)

[MJ]

Glad you made it. the world is a better place because you are in it :hugs:

[SuzanneBender]

Janelle we are all glad that you made that call. The world would not be the same without you and so many of us would have missed the opportunity to meet you one day. The wonderful thing about being TG is you are never alone. You have literally thousands of sisters and brothers in circumstances much like your own.

Thanks for sharing. Hopefully your post will reach someone or be remembered by one of us if the time comes to make the call.

My prayers are with you. Hang in there gal.

[Tasha T]

I hope this message may help someone before they do something dumb...

I just might be that someone. I'm trying to hang in there, but am close to ending it all as well. The stress of everything I'm going through is overwhelming me and I have an extremely limited support system to turn to. I've been struggling with depression, social anxiety, attention deficit disorder, PTSD, controlling parents, underemployment, low self esteem, suicidal thoughts and other things for most of my life...and oh yeah, I'm transgendered!

[janelle]

Thanks all. The second day out & all went well. Tomorrow I am on a panel about" Coming Out at Work", what a great time for this to have happened.

Tasha Let me tell you to look up in your phone book for crysis center or even try 211, I believe evryone can get that & they will listen & tell you where you can get more help, OK??? Like those here have told me, there here for you also, ok sweetie...............................HUGS


TXKimberly

The nut ward?"
That sounds pretty nice. Can you get some peace and quiet and rest there? If so, how do I get in?


OH Honey, you want not part of that. First you will end up in a totally locked dowm section & when you try to sleep you will be on a monitor. After a day or 2 you get out & them its group meetings, & 1 on 1, they keep you busy & if you think you can just leave, if they think you will hurt yourself yet, you go no where. Does this sound like you could get any sleep, not me.
By the way thanks for cheering me up some. HUGS to you also

[Inna]

Janelle, even though some of us been through just this themselves, the fact remains that the feeling of world ending is real and sympathy feels thousands miles away. Overwhelming pain squeezes resolve and suffocates our will to go on, yet the thought of someone just the same, who knows this pain by its first name, comforts lost soul like nothing else can. Giving up is easy, staying a course is hard, I am so glad you are the tough one. Your story inspires me and empowers me the same, I feel that my pain isn't just burdened on my shoulders but we all are caring it for each other. Love is just that, and we are all sisters and brothers. I have ranted here few times and every time I got what I deserved, unconditional acceptance and love! I send you all my love babe, get better, get well, get fantabulous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[janelle]

Thanks sweetie, HUGS

[GirlyGirl66]

Glad you made it hon.

[pamela_a]

I just might be that someone. I'm trying to hang in there, but am close to ending it all as well. The stress of everything I'm going through is overwhelming me and I have an extremely limited support system to turn to. I've been struggling with depression, social anxiety, attention deficit disorder, PTSD, controlling parents, underemployment, low self esteem, suicidal thoughts and other things for most of my life...and oh yeah, I'm transgendered!

Tasha, for as bad as everything seems that's never a good option. Please find the strength to do as Janelle did and make a call for help. As bad as things may seem it can get better, but only if you're here. With the other option there is no hope. :hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Among the many terrible things about suicide is how many other people get hurt... There are always other options...losing hope makes you not want to pursue those options...pls take pam's advice and just pick up a phone...make a call...you never know what comes of it...and if the first phone call doesnt work out...make another...

sometimes we think thoughts that suicide will finally show the people around us how much we suffer or how bad our situation is...but making that call can have the same effect...you may be amazed at who comes out of the woodwork to help you..

[Monica73]

I also tried to take my life a couple months ago. It was a rough time for me too. My wife doesn't want me to cross-dress EVER, my kids (teens) have been naughty, my marriage is not going so well and lost a job too. Anyway, I ended up in the hospital and it was there that I saw how much my wife really does love me. Don't know if things will work out with us, but I now see myself in a different light. I can live life to the fullest without needing to make everyone else happy. To me it is less about pleasing everyone and more about being confident in me, my God and where I want to go in life. I'm working on the relationships that matter to me and dropping the others. I still am trying to find time for Monica...not sure how I can with my wife's consistent objections, but I'll find a way.

Be safe, there are people that love you more than you know.

[Tasha T]

Janelle: I have a couple of therapists I'm seeing right now so people are trying to help me. I emphasis trying because I have so many issues that most people don't know how to help me. One of my therapists flat out told me he has no idea how to help me. He said that I'm too unstable...which admitedly I am. Most of my friends have abandoned me and I feel so alone and lost. Thanks for your thread, your encouragement, and keep on hanging in there. I will try and do the same.

Pamela: I've made many calls over the years and I'll probably have to make many more until I can get my life turned around. The hope that things can one day be better is what keeps me going. Thank you for your care and concern.

Kaitlyn: I know how destructive suicide is to the ones around us because I've had a number of friends commit it and I know how horrible I felt. I don't want to hurt anybody. I especially don't want to hurt my mother (or father for that matter). Mostly I just want the inner torment I experience on a daily basis to come to an end. Sometimes it seems the only way for that to happen is to stop everything...living included. I know it's not the right answer, but I can't help thinking it's the only thing that will work. Hopefully I can get my life turned around and start thinking positive and hopeful about my future instead of thinking everything is going to end in disaster.

[janelle]

Tasha, Do ur problems have to do with Crossdressing/ transgender???? U can PM me if u are willing to talk about it with me. Let me say this 1st, after last week I learned to accept myself 120%, no doubts about who oh what I am & to have faith in myself, so this maybe a good place to start. Sweetie I'm here for u to talk to & give my opinion if u want it, but more important I am afriend "WHO CARES", ok. Do like me now & take it hour by hour & day by day & you will make it. Heres something to help:

HUGS & ------------------------------{--------------@'s everyones favorites

[morgan51]

Janelle I am glad your here with us It is a great loss for all when we lose a sister or brother. Tasha Keep talking with us we all need you too. Hugs..... Morgan

[Veronica_Jean]

Janelle,

Nearly all of us have been at that point and someone, or somehow we managed to get through it. I am do glad that you are on the other side of it and it certainly sounds like you are doing much better.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Veronica

[janelle]

Thanks everyone..................Have a super weekend.

I could be getting 10" of snow tonight & tomorrow & I am not going to let it get me down.

HUGS to all

[discoveringsophia]

When I think about it, the number of times I have considered suicide is staggering. Beyond all comprehension, I am still alive. Not sure that's a good thing all the time, but I still have hopes of being an old woman.

Please Tasha, reach out. Get a new therapist, first of all -- one who tells you they have "no idea how to help" you should be jettisoned. You probably just don't have the right "kind" of therapist. Cognitive therapists are useless for you. You need someone willing to go beyond behaviors and look at emotions and underlying causes.

Please stop going to this therapist right now; s/he will only cause you emotional damage. The same has happened to my wife, who is seriously damaged in the emotional sense; her cognitive therapist often leaves her scarred and hurting. Don't go through this if you don't have to -- find someone new.

Please feel free to email anyone on this list, and I include myself. Please, please know you are loved. You are special. You can survive to be an old woman.

Email me at discoveringsophia [at] gmail [dot] com, if you want. My responses are not always as timely as they should be, but I have not stopped thinking about you since you posted on the 8th.