The relationship between cross-dressing and sex?

[spotlessMind]

I think at this rate I might get a reputation of "stirring the pot" too much LOL! What can I do, I'm inquisitive ;)

Ok so... My last thread about the basic "why" of cross-dressing started a little mental thought process and wound up on the topic of sex (uh oh, i'm going THERE). And, since I didn't really answer my own question in the last thread, I'll ask one and give you my personal answer also.

Is there a relationship between cross-dressing and sex TO YOU? And if so, and you feel comfortable to share, what is it?

Personally, I'm a very day-dreamy person. When I get into that feminine frame of mind, whether its acted out in reality or in my imagination, I suddenly find myself feeling things that I can only describe as... natural feminine sexuality. But any other time when I am not in touch with that femininity, I am quite typically heterosexual. But I think for me, my desire to cross-dress (this might answer the other thread) is based on more factors than just the aesthetics. Infact, if I had a gun to my head I would say I am classically trans-gendered. However, I haven't really figured out to what extent yet.

In short, my sexuality is based almost exclusively on being the opposite sex of the other involved. In all my sexual day-dreaming and fantasies, I am a man with a woman, or I'm a woman with a man.

Feel free to share if you are comfortable to! xo

[NathalieX66]

It happens....it just does.

Women's clothes are a mystery to most men, so it's understandable. It's like another planet.

In my case, I found myself identifying with women, in what their personal tastes and choices are. I am fascinated by the female mind. I want to be there.

So, for me, it's more than the clothes.

Sex, to me, relies purely on imagination what motivates you, and your partner.
We are human beings, and we have big & wild imaginations (someting Christian fundamentalists hate)

Crossdressing gets into another plane when it becomes a personal identity, and there's no sexual feelings involved.

[Leohose]

The touch of silken hose as it slides up our legs, the hug of a leotard as its lycra wraps around us pulling close, the light feathery touch of a silk slip as it rubs against the skin. The sensations just make us wild with either anticipation or outright arousal, which is connected to our sexuality however it is expressed.

Fantasy can become real if you want it to, or reality can be adjusted as it needs to be, we are who we are and how we need to be.

Enjoy

[Tanya83]

It's really not that complicated for me. It's just better in a dress. :)

[Marie-Elise]

I think for me that crossdressing has always been sexual. I have never had a fantasy of being with a man no matter how I am dressed. But I have had fantasies of me being dressed as a woman and my wife being dressed as a man. But, more frequently, I have fantasies of a lesbian thing happening with me and my wife, both in lingerie or her dressed as usual and me dressed in quite ****ly garb.

However, I try not to question it to much. It just is and I just am.

[Michelle James]

This is a real complicated issue for me. I have been a crossdresser for 40+ years. Most of them in the closet. Initially it was all about sexual arrousal. one could say cross dressing was my fetish. I had others but that was the big one. I would but on the clothes, take care of business, and couldn't wait to get them off. Sometimes I would even be so repusled that I would throw them away and actually feel shame. That was many years ago! Somewhere along the line it or I evolved into most likely a transexual (still in the denial stage). As I am dressed lately most of the time sex is no longer an issue. In fact my fantasies now are not about crossdressing but other things that are best reserved for another time.

Sorry if I rambled a little I'm still trying to understand it myself.

[Karren H]

More like a relations between crossdressing and the lack of sex! Sigh. I should have been a nun!!!

[Barbara Dugan]

Crossdressing for me is a form of self expression it can be sexual or not sexual but for some reason when is sexual is when I find it more meaningful...again is just on my own personal experience as a gay crossdresser:)

[Angiemead12]

I do get some of my best O's when Im in lingerie. But my preference stays with women and in my fantasy a beautiful she male. Not attracted to the male form at all, the hair is a buzz kill. My partner knows that if I need something to pick me up she just needs to get me something to wear and its instant action. Who needs viagra anyway?

[charlie]

When I was 15, cross dressing was completely sexual. At thirty it was partially sexual, but I wanted to look good too. Now I just want to be as feminine as I can be and the best woman I can be. I don't want to date men; even when dressed. However, I will flirt with them and drink drinks that they buy me. The sexual part comes still from looking at sexy crossdressers and GG. I love women! Me included.

[AmiFL]

charlie..... i could not agree more.... men are not an object of desire at all.... the sexual thrill of dressing or seeing other crossdressers takes the second row.... behind being with a GG..... however being with a GG while dressed was my ultimate thrill

[Melinda G]

Womens clothes are designed to be sexy, and stimulate men. They feel better than mens clothes, and are made of softer materials, and reveal more flesh. High heels are designed to be sexy. So it's really just carrying it a step further to put them on and enjoy them.
Once you put the clothes or heels on, you're hooked. They turn you on, but you're still a guy in a dress or high heels. So you go to the next level, shaving yourself, and getting into makup, to see how that feels and looks. And the whole thing just seems to escalate, and you can't stop. And then you just have to have another pair of heels, and breast forms.................and, help me, I've got 40 pairs of womens shoes and I can't stop!:D

[Diann]

Count me in Charlie and AmiFL ! my thoughts too

[spotlessMind]

40 pairs, Melinda?! Gosh, I don't even have ONE pair lol you're outta controllllll =)

[Melinda G]

40 pairs, Melinda?! Gosh, I don't even have ONE pair lol you're outta controllllll =)
You gotta lot of catching up to do, hon. But it's gonna be fun.:battingeyelashes:

[JennaDesire]

While I dress mostly for the feeling of being Jenna, I have played with toys as Jenna and loved it. While I am not attracted to men, I fantasize about Jenna and another cross dresser or she male having sex together. I love the sexiness of silky lingerie on my body though, that is a rush for me.

[Melinda G]

This is like heroin, only legal!

[Shari]

Sexual?
Absolutely!
It certainly raises the bar during lovemaking for me.
I've never been with a man, but given the right set of circumstances................

[spotlessMind]

I'm going to add onto my original post.

I have absolutely NO reality-based experience of combining sex and my feminine side. I've never been anything but a man with a woman in my palpable experience. That leads me to thinking that there are actually very few sex-based reasons for me to BE female. 1 is not 2, but if you add them together you do get a brand new number. That's sort of how I think I am about it.

I don't think I have much confusion on the sexual side of it at all. I can't definitively say that can't change with some experience, and I do find myself wanting to be attractive and beautiful for the opposite sex when I am female, but isn't that pretty much how ANY woman feels? Sexuality is seemingly just a result of what I am. This is why I get the impression that my cross-dressing is a matter of trans-genderism and not so much a matter of fetish and sexuality.

Thanks for all the replies! Some made me laugh out loud (Karren, I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN lol) and some I honestly didn't relate to at all hehe, but they all fascinated me equally =)

[charlytuna]

this thread realy help me to sum my feeling of why I dress for me it all above I been trying to answer my wife question for years "why" now I sat her to read this I hope that came away with more understanding of "why". I know it made it clear for why I love to crossdress and why I have the need to dress. Thank you everyone who posted their feeling

[Michelle 51]

When i started dressing it always ended in sex but i dress far too much now for it to end in sex.I'm always at least partily dressed so when you reach that point sex just can't "keep it up"if you know what i mean.

[spotlessMind]

this thread realy help me to sum my feeling of why I dress for me it all above I been trying to answer my wife question for years "why" now I sat her to read this I hope that came away with more understanding of "why". I know it made it clear for why I love to crossdress and why I have the need to dress. Thank you everyone who posted their feeling

This thread being productively positive for even one person is more than I could ask for. I'm so happy that it helped you in some form! Sooo happy for you. What a wonderful thing!! =)

[Randee]

I have concluded that for me it is a love and infatuation for women that led me to a curiosity for how it feels to dress in the very different clothing they wear for the look and feel. The clothing brings out the best attributes of the woman wearing it. Feeling the same clothing on me gives me a very intimate feeling with all those attributes that excite me as a man. No big surprise why most crossdressers are hetero and the women who love them are worshiped.

[Debglam]

I think at this rate I might get a reputation of "stirring the pot" too much LOL! What can I do, I'm inquisitive ;)

First, Your posts have been really thought provoking and "don't give a damn bout your bad reputation." (Joan Jett - One good music quote deserves another!)

Second and speaking for myself, I think that the urge to CD needs an outlet. When I wasn't dressing, the outlet was fantasizing followed by. . . Having actually fully dressed for the first time, the sexual component surprising wasn't there. I am strictly heterosexual and sometimes I like to assume the passive role, but still as the man. Now, sex with my wife while dressed is intriguing but about as likely as a snowball in hell. . .:devil:

[laura.lapinski]

It's always been sexual for me. I like to express my submissive side, and I suppose its also imitating the thing I adore so deeply, the femenine appearance and mistique. I must project them as being so powerful over me, hence my attraction to them, that I must want some of that power and beauty for myself, which is why I probably CD a little and fantasize about being one of them. I think, as others have said, as you emulate, you just go all the way and in your mind completely become them. I've also noticed I do this more if I'm lacking a love relationship with a woman or feeling stressful and insecure. Then, there is also the mind conditioning of it all. Your brain knows that when you do this, you give it (your brain) some pleasure, so it uses these facts about what gives you pleasure to drive your behavior. Psychologists say that attraction to a penis, as in giving oral sex, relates to suckling a breast (a nurturing need). Maybe this plays into it too.

Knowing all that, I could still see myself having a real relationship with someone who could pass as looking like a woman. I think as long as you are getting love and are attracted to that person, sex is just a natural expression of that.

[Kate Simmons]

Second cousin I think.:)

[Davina-Alba]

I think like most people my initial reason for cross dressing was for the sexual thrill and I do still enjoy the sexual side of being a CD. I don't normally go out as a female but I have done in certain circumstances such as for charity events and so on but I used to underdress to work on occasion. Initially there was a thrill in the danger of being "found out" but gradually I realised that when I was wearing female undies I actually felt more positive about myself and so I now underdress every day.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

MtF or FtM -> Transitioning->CD thus MtF or FtM ~= Sexes hence M or F = a sex.

[Proteus]

At first I was convinced that I was exploring a CD fetish, after all I've never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. I was never really satisfied at the end of the "session", but I started discovering the satisfaction of just being dressed. Sure, every now and then sex does come into the picture, but it's secondary, and I don't feel bad about it any more.

[paulaluvssz8]

It's always been about sex for me. If I need a relief. Then the way for me is some panties and a little time alone. Or more fun with my wife.... Thats me!

[Mahoro]

Being feminine for me is not about exploring my sexual desires per se, it's much more centered around creating an outward expression which matches that girly part of my internal identity.

I find the same physical stimuli to be pleasant no matter what my clothing situation is, however, certain aspects of what I desire are certainly heightened when I am dressed. I've had opportunities to be with women while in both male and female mode, and either situation has produced experiences that were both fulfilling and erotic, but each in their own unique ways.


I do get some of my best O's when Im in lingerie. But my preference stays with women and in my fantasy a beautiful she male. Not attracted to the male form at all, the hair is a buzz kill.

I will admit that looking pretty somehow seems to lead me to a deeper level of gratification when I'm 'taking care of business on my own' these days, even though it's not the reason behind why I dress up. And as far as choice of partners, I have to totally agree with Angie's comments, the feminine form is what I'm attracted to as well, if she happens to have some additional equipment to help me explore All my needs then it would become a magical dream come true. Have always considered myself to be bi-sexual because of that, but my being bi-gendered is a separate matter.

No matter how much the lines of gender identity and sexual preference may intertwine, they are still two distinctly different considerations for me.

[RachelF]

I am joining Charlie, AmiFL and Diann here. Sex only with women, if dressing much better. Female body and clothes are so hot I think that is a good part of my crossdressing desires, kind of a fetish thing as discussed in other post. But although sex is the main driver in my crossdressing, I caught myself liking some girly thinking and things not restricted only to dressing and sex.

[Paula Siemen]

Cross dressing and IMAGINATION!!!!!! Sex can't get any better than that.

[Sophie_C]

Sure there is. All sex and fantasy is taken from a gender perspective.

[glynnis]

Dressing makes me feel very sexual,as I wear panties alway I feel sexual most of the time.Maybe thats why the wife likes me to crossdress.

[Monica73]

It has hardly ever been sexual to me except when I was a teen and doing "teen" boy things. As I'm nearing 40, I think it is more the need to feel feminine. My need is less about being hot in a little black dress with perfect hair and make-up and more about feeling like a woman. Sometimes the perfect bra, panties, and tights with a nice big sweatshirt draped over my bosom :), blanket and cup of hot chocolate cuddled up on the coach is delightful! I'm sure at times it'll be different, but that is where I am at right now.

[Melinda G]

Unless you're having sex for procreation, it's all just recreational and entertainment. As long as you're not hurting anyone, who cares what turns you on.

[Davina-Alba]

As long as you're not hurting anyone, who cares what turns you on.

I think we all agree on that! Now we just have to convince the rest of the world!

[maria]

Its great for me to read the thoughts of someone out there that really seem to match the way I feel and why I dress. I am hetersexual but when I dress I seem to take on the entire female persona. I am naturally submissive and I fantasise about being picked up in a bar by a guy and being taken back to the guy's house. Without going into full details I then become a total ****! The clothes definitely make me feel this way, no two ways about it - I am a woman when I am dressed. Going back to the oriinal question my dressing is 100% related to sex, maybe this makes it a fetish but I learnt a long time ago that I can't label what I do and why I do it.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I can't honestly say i would feel any more feminine if while dressed another male found me attractive, and i do know that i don't find males any more attractive while dressed, i guess my head just doesn't work that way.

But from the perspective of purely sexual relations while dressed, my 1st wife and i did play in a decidedly non-traditional way. In other words, i experienced sex from the female perspective, as in being penetrated while dressed, and it has stuck with me ever since. I say this because Jenna's comments about toys made me think of it.

So, i wonder how many who admit to thinking sexual thoughts about men only when dressed are projecting to the mental, emotional and physical desire to be a woman in that way. But, it's just a thought.
Perhaps that is why we see being with she-males mentioned ocassionally, the addition of that one certain piece of working genitalia, but otherwise hidden behind a woman.
Cassie

[Kaz]

Spotless Mind, Maria,

I am there too... increasingly so. It is very hard to describe to people though. I have never been drawn to or attracted to males, but when I get into the Kaz world (dressed or undressed - it is a psychological experience) I have strong fantasies that do not fit with my natural gender feelings. I have often wondered how this will play out, eg would I "go the whole" way dressed as Kaz? But I have not actively looked for that and the fantasy is just that... a fantasy!

But yes, when Kaz draws me in I feel very different about a lot of things...!

[LaurenB]

Well girls, let me ask this: what really is not about sex? We're creatures of the physical, sensual world. My observation is that most actions of men (and women perhaps) are driven by sexual motives somewhere down the line. How could CDing not be that way (of all things)? This is not bad or wrong. Those that wish to deny it are denying their basic makeup as animals.
LB

[Loni]

none, does not matter if dressed or not, i get the about same amount of sex.

no wife, so i get some. (ha-ha-ha bad joke).
no girl friend at this time, so nothing.
after the surgery maybe never again.:-(

[LitaKelley]

No sexual interest whatsoever when dressed. weird for me.. I USED TO get turned on and excited by wearing panties, etc.. When I first started fully dressing back in August, it used to turn me on.. even couple times just orgasmed without doing anything, just from being dressed and seeing my self in the mirror.. but that all stopped a few months ago.. The thought of sex while dressed is a huge turn off.. even frightening.

Although, a tight shiny leotard snug on my body still sexually excites me, lol

[Frédérique]

Is there a relationship between cross-dressing and sex TO YOU? And if so, and you feel comfortable to share, what is it?
In short, my sexuality is based almost exclusively on being the opposite sex of the other involved. In all my sexual day-dreaming and fantasies, I am a man with a woman, or I'm a woman with a man.

For me, sexual thought kills any pleasure I derive from crossdressing. I have an overactive mind, so my sexual fantasies are consuming, both in time and physical energy. Crossdressing is like an oasis from all that, because the need to answer my more primitive urges is THAT prevalent. For me, I just want to get away, to a quiet, reflective place, and it really is all about aesthetics. I cannot combine the two worlds – I’ve tried, but it doesn’t work. BTW, I’m always submissively male in my sexual fantasies (at present)...
:o

[Sophie86]

I started dressing when I was about 13, and everything was about sex. Beginning sometime in my twenties, my inner girl started wanting me to love her for her mind, and not just her hot bod. :battingeyelashes:

[Loni]

I started dressing when I was about 13, and everything was about sex. Beginning sometime in my twenties, my inner girl started wanting me to love her for her mind, and not just her hot bod. :battingeyelashes:

any young boy in his teen. to them everything is about sex, only thing better to some boys..is eating. good old hollow leg syndrom. but then how many foods are a sex simble?? who wants a hot dog or a missle?
.

[juligirl1984]

so far it just seems I preform better mentally when I just let my mind come out as a woman. I'll just stop thinking about dumb stressful things and do my day to day life activities (inside my house of course). heck I even went to build jumps today as Juli in the snow because i was feeling so good just letting me. well.... be me.

[Vikki Vixen]

I. Find it very sexual, I love to see women in tight fitting clothes, lingerie and very high heels it really turns me on. So my dream woman is a girl as described who does as she's told and let's me dress up so I get to see two sets of girlie clothes and heels whilst having sex. I always thought having sex with two sexy women would be better than one and as I am the second sexy woman my perfect girl (who I happened to have married) doesn't mind as no unfaithfulness is involved and I won't go off with the other woman.

[Lucy Long Legs]

This is a really interesting thread and it proves what I have always thought - that there are as many reasons for crossdressing as there are crossdressers. I identify with many of the feelings here and with others not at all. Nobody has yet mentioned the trigger for my crossdressing and I cannot be the only one.

I am hetero and married but on the physical and mental spectrum of M to F I am well towards the F end. I have always found it difficult, if not impossible, to live up to the traditional M way of behaving and feeling. When I started crossdressing as a teenager, I realised that those expectations were no longer there and I could experience sex in a natural and fulfilling way as a woman.

So I am always dressed when we have sex and can experience it no other way.

[docrobbysherry]

First off, Sherry does NOT appear to be one woman, but MANY women. All of them from my fantasy ID! They ALL seem to inspire lust and try to entice, charm, and finally seduce me!:o

Sherry does NOT feel like my creation, but rather like a somewhat familiar, but little known or understood female. Sort of like meeting a stranger for quickies occasionally.
I've reached the point where I don't mind sharing her with others. But, NOT our "intimacy"!:D

[suchacutie]

It's impossible to imagine having NO reaction to donning all the delightful clothes that we wear en femme. They are sensual, and they are mean to be sensual. The endorphins flow, no doubt about it. That's SENsual, for me, not SEXual.

I'm in a monogamous hetersexual relationship, and adding Tina to that mix would not explain who Tina is (and that is the goal!). LOL...well, maybe it has! Tina enjoys her girlfriend (my wife, if you follow), and by keeping any sexual activity out of that relationship, Tina has been able to focus on building a girlfriend-type relationship, which is very important to Tina. Maybe someday Tina will be so comfortable with being a girlfriend that she could move on to other personal issues, but than again, "He" takes care of all that pretty well. Why fix what's not broken :)

[Davina-Alba]

... i wonder how many who admit to thinking sexual thoughts about men only when dressed are projecting to the mental, emotional and physical desire to be a woman in that way.
Cassie

Interesting thought. I have no interest in having a "meaningfull" relationship with a man but I must admit that sometimes when I am dressed I do think about having sex with a man. Indeed I have done so on a few occasions.

In almost every case - imagined or real - my desire has been to be penetrated rather than to penetrate.

Make of that what you will.

[sissystephanie]

When my late wife was alive we occasionaly brought CD'ing into our sex life! She has been gone for over 5 years, and I am like Karren. I don't even know what sex is anymore!! Still know what crossdressing is though!!

[NicoleScott]

I have long known that there is, for me, a hard-wired connection between cd-ing and sex. I dress for pleasure and it never lets me down. Lookin back to about age 5, I understood that pretty women, in person or in magazines and catalogs, had an effect on me that I liked. It took me a long time to believe this, but I think they were actual sexual sensations, even at that early age. Somehow I also understood that I should probably (and did) keep these thoughts to myself. From the time I actually began playing with lipstick and high heels, through the teen years when I occasionally put on my sister's clothes, and into decades of adulthood of making up and dressing completely, it's always been about arousal and pleasure. To me, more is better. If high heels are good, higher heels are better, sexier. If makeup is good, heavier makeup is better. If eyelashes are good, long thick eyelashes are prettier. The darker and redder lipstick is, the more I like it, and the more heavily applied the better. And so on: painted nails, short skirts, glittery jewelry, wigs, etc. Whatever is feminine, I want them to be the most feminine possible. That's what does it for me. Even when I can't make up and dress, images of it can arouse me.
My ultimate fantasy, I'm sure to be forever unfulfilled, is to be with a beautiful woman, both of us made up and dressed to maximum glamour in the style I adore (more is better), and delaying the touching of our lips (heavy dark red lipstick) until the moment of release. Surely a lipstickity train wreck of a mess, but one easily handled after the pleasure subsides.
Yes, for me, crossdressing IS sex, and sex IS crossdressing.

[cordgrass]

This is a real complicated issue for me. I have been a crossdresser for 40+ years. Most of them in the closet. Initially it was all about sexual arrousal. one could say cross dressing was my fetish. I had others but that was the big one. I would but on the clothes, take care of business, and couldn't wait to get them off. Sometimes I would even be so repusled that I would throw them away and actually feel shame. That was many years ago! Somewhere along the line it or I evolved into most likely a transexual (still in the denial stage). As I am dressed lately most of the time sex is no longer an issue. In fact my fantasies now are not about crossdressing but other things that are best reserved for another time.

Sorry if I rambled a little I'm still trying to understand it myself.

Unfortunately that recently happened to me. When the CD I was with and I were done with relations, she became repulsed and couldn't wait to get into her drab clothes and have me leave. I felt so ashamed.

[cordgrass]

I'm genetically female. And yes, we had sexual relations. I don't want to derail the thread, was more commenting on the way her drive to crossdress vanished after the sexual urge was satisfied, along with her desire to be with me.

[cordgrass]

I love it here, especially because it gives me a chance to get back on that bicycle. :o

I think that having a relationship of shame with sexual turn-ons is very common with men, and women too! I think part of maturing is to be able to integrate the sexual aspects of one's life with the rest.

[Salina]

This is a very interesting thread and I've enjoyed reading all the responses. Sex and crossdressing are definitely connected for me. I love the sensations and look of women's clothes on me. Although I don't get aroused all the time I feel sexually charged when dressed if that makes sense. I am only attracted to women and making love with my wife while wearing panties, other lingerie items intensifies the experience for me and I am more in tune with her pleasure as well. I love to hang out at home when the wife and kids are gone in satin/nylon lingerie and sometimes it ends in sexual release, other times it doesn't.

[drushin703]

very interesting thread..........the sa in Macys this morning who helped me with my perfume purchase got me thinking about
the relationship between sex and crossdressing.This perticular sa wasn't very pretty, if at all, but she was
wearing one killer, form fitting black mini dress that made her overall look outstanding..I couldn't keep my eyes
off of her.She was very shapely and extremely sexual as she kept tugging at the dresses hem to keep it from riding
up towards her hips..Yes, I was attacted to her looks but spent the rest of the morning and part of the
afternoon looking for a similar dress for myself.I want to tug at my own hem as the dress rides up towards
MY hips...The ultimate turn on would be to have on the exact dress she was wearing right after she took it off
but thats way too much kink for this forum.As a crossdresser, the only sexual component of any piece of
clothing only exists if and when you put that item on...cding is part fantasy, part imagination, part stimulation
and the purest dreams.....dana

[Laurenlovecd]

I am not interested in men at all, it doesn't matter if I'm dressed up or not. However, I am very attracted to a good looking CD, even though I know it's a man. That doesn't bother me at all and I've gladly accepted it. I almost always get turned on when I dress, so it's usually about sex for me, but not always. Sometimes I just dress to try something new to see how it looks.

[Lilaka Ananda]

It may not be P.C. to say, but I am a classic transvestic autogynophile. My expression takes the form of a devotional ritual, and is thoroughly drenched in the idea and feeling of myself as a sex goddess. I enjoy myself this way for 4 or 5 hours, and then go back to being the boyish but otherwise seemingly normal male person the world knows me as.

[Bowmanls2]

When I slip into some silk or satin lingerie it always seems to lead right to hours of sexual fun!

[Andy is Andi Too]

Unfortunately that recently happened to me. When the CD I was with and I were done with relations, she became repulsed and couldn't wait to get into her drab clothes and have me leave. I felt so ashamed.

Sorry to hear about your partner showing so much shame. Be assured it wasn't about you. You just happened to be witnessing the painful inner struggle of a closeted and transphobic sister who is probably just putting a toe in the water. For anyone having an alternative sexuality (LGBT), often the hardest thing to accept is sex that brings you the deepest sense of pleasure and self expression--cause it puts you at odds with the false self you have carried for so long. Shame is always about revealing. It sounds like your CD got a revelation she wasn't ready for. Don't give up on CDs though, just find one who has integrated their sense of self a little better. Hugs, Andie

[cordgrass]

Thank you so much!

[ArleneRaquel]

I just love the feeling of a bra and hose, and lipstick and the entire idea of being a woman.

[busker]

Not absolutely certain there is a connection. My right hand just keeps falling asleep.

[Maria 60]

At first i also thought that it was sexual, but then again i under dress in panties and pantyhose almost everyday,and there's nothing sexual about that. Some time's Maria needs to get out, so mostly at night i go driving around dressed, there are times when bus or truck drivers stare at my legs while driving. As much as woman love the attention, Maria like's it as well but it doesn't mean i want anything to do with the driver.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Sorry to hear about your partner showing so much shame. Be assured it wasn't about you. You just happened to be witnessing the painful inner struggle of a closeted and transphobic sister who is probably just putting a toe in the water. For anyone having an alternative sexuality (LGBT), often the hardest thing to accept is sex that brings you the deepest sense of pleasure and self expression--cause it puts you at odds with the false self you have carried for so long. Shame is always about revealing. It sounds like your CD got a revelation she wasn't ready for. Don't give up on CDs though, just find one who has integrated their sense of self a little better. Hugs, Andie


Andi, a very perceptive post. Being happy with onesself is the pinical of self esteem. I think cordgrass will eventually find someone very happy with themself and then they will both be happy.

[DebsUK]

I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a frisson associated with dressing. I'm a heterosexual male so I would expect to find Debs attractive in some way because I wear the sort of clothes I like on GGs. This is another thing. I had lousy luck with women in male mode. I met the right girl and married her, but I was just not attractive to many girls at all, but now dressed I get attention from males in clubs etc. It can be a rush, but I don't find them attractive, and sometimes find them a little bit seedy. Thing is as well, that they are fancying me because of what I am, not because of who I am

[GirlyBits]

I have always been a day-dreamy person like you. Usually It's thoughts of dominating someone sexually and what not. Lately though ever since I have been looking more and more into CDing I have as well been feeling that I want to be dominated. I am starting to see myself in more of a girls body sexually. Of course since i work in a casino I see all the girls coming out of clubs and stuff and instantly my brain goes from girly to full blows man-rage!

[Lara Smith]

I'm genetically female. And yes, we had sexual relations. I don't want to derail the thread, was more commenting on the way her drive to crossdress vanished after the sexual urge was satisfied, along with her desire to be with me.

This is a serious bummer and you deserve way better. Not to derail thread either.

[stefanie]

for me the more I have become comfortable in my femme side, i have become more interested in men. It did not start this way and would never have predicted it.

[Loni]

well there is sex, as in the act there of. for me cross dressing does not invoke such.

then there is sexy, as in how one looks/feels. i fit in here very well. i love feeling sexy, even if just in my mind. i have plenty of sexy items to put on. (not as in ****ty)

then there is the sex between a couple. i am not a couple so nothing there.

i guess this is a start, and were it lands is anyone's guess.

.

[nikkijo]

dressing and sex.... none.. none at all.... dressing is an expression of me.. i wear girls clothes out of comfort.. and out of need(34b) and because a girl should look nice.. no sexual reasons at all.....

[Jess Marie]

It's sexual for me, but its becoming more of a personal identity issue. I feel like a completely different person when I am wearing womens clothes. I think when I go into woman mode, which is rare, I am open to the idea of a sexual relationship with a man, but its because I want to feel like a woman. I wear panties under my clothes at all times, I only throw boxers in the wash so my mom doesn't suspect anything. I secretly desire for a girl to 'spot' me and be cool with it and mention it. I would be startled and nervous, but I think its the thing I need to make my sexual gratification in transition to identity realization really set forward. Its a touchy subject and I am still not sure how I link Sex and crossdressing. I think I am becoming less sexual with it, which is great :)

[Fab Karen]

Womens clothes are designed to be sexy, and stimulate men.
No, SOME are designed to be sexy, some are not. & not to stimulate MEN, to stimulate human beings- whether just the person wearing them or others as well.

[Vale]

Laura, your first couple of sentences seem to resonate with me. Well said.

[Cheryl S.]

I have always thought that my CDing and fetish for womens heels and sexy clothing was sexual. I have kept the feelings in check but today it became sexual for me. I love wearing womens clothing and am staring to get more daring in what I wear. Today I decided to check out an establishment known for adult entertainment with the simple notion of just hanging out and watching some videos in any of their four video rooms. I got the courage to go dressed in tight jeans, 5 inch stiletto heels, a new VS push up bra and low cut sweater top. The woman managing the establishment realized I was new when I entered and went out of her way to welcome me and make me feel comfortable. After a while I made my way to the lounge area. Several times I was approached by men and told I looked great. I had been sitting in a chair for some time taking in the atmosphere when a guy approached me and began a conversation. In time one thing led to another and I had made the advance. In drab mode I would never have done this but there was something about being dressed as a woman and feeling sexy that set the wheels in motion. Yes, after I left I was confused and exhilarated at the same time but I know that these urges will only surface when Cheryl is out.

[Veronica Lacey]

Sitting in lingerie, a satin blouse, skirt and heels for several hours is luxurious, relaxing, a bit euphoric and simply offers me a feeling of contentment. After all those hours I can and do feel quite aroused and enjoy my personal moments indeed. Perhaps half the time my dressing in such fineries make me feel sexually energized.

Having said this...I sense that if I could wear what I wish on any day - or every day - then I might not engage the sexual side as often.

I also suspect that if my wife would make love with me while I am dressed as mentioned then it would be the ultimate level of acceptance from her.

Things to ponder...

[spotlessMind]

I think I'd enjoy sex while dressed. I sat here for about 20 minutes picturing it (with a woman) and then suddenly it hit me that yes, I'd probably really enjoy it. Mostly because it's sex lol, but partially because of the indulgence that Veronica mentioned. It would definitely be the ultimate level of acceptance if someone were willing to have sex with me while I was en femme. However, the fantasy is based (once again) on extreme passability. Not just being a woman but a beautiful one. A bit vain maybe, but if that passability wasn't there, I'd just feel like I was in a halloween costume or something. It'd make the whole thing a farce to me. I'd still have the sex though LOL! I'm not STUPID hehe

I remember some Mario Salieri movie that I was quite turned on by. Two women making out and when the one undressed the other, there was a penis. I kept watching, sort of uneasy with it at first. Then I realized it was insanely hot haha. She was a really attractive woman, and I sort of thought, "I wish that was me". I didn't ACTUALLY wish to be HER, but for various deep and ambiguous reasons, part of me was thinking that. I could elaborate but I think this has been explicit enough ;)

p.s. this thread has had phenomenal response. just wanna thank everybody for participating. i've had a few private messages about this particular thread too, so i'm glad people are getting something out of it. CHEERS, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[cordgrass]

I'm kind of confused--in the original post in this thread you said you always fantasized about opposite-sex pairings, and that if you were en femme mode, you would fantasize being with a man. But in the post above in your fantasy of being dressed it was with a woman.

I know that fantasies are fantasies and it's no use saying that they should be changed--what turns you on, turns you on. But as a GG who loves crossdressers, I urge you to at least consider that for some GG's like myself, the more passable the partner, the less the turn-on. For me, if I wanted a lesbian relationship, it would be relatively easy to have one. The attraction is the contrast between the feminine things and the male body, and the man submitting to the "female" role in the bedroom, in becoming a sex object. It is far from a farce to me! :)

[Jonelle]

my crossdressing is 100%unrelated. Yet both of them make me just as excited...

[Anneliese]

I love being dressed. I am turned on by myself. I am also turned on by women, especially those with nice rear ends. I have never been turned on by men, although I am absolutely turned on by CD/TS. Something about a hot woman with a different body part down below is the ultimate turn-on. Although I have never been with anyone besides women, I could see being with a CD/TS at some point. Dressing at times is sexual for me and at other times is strictly for non-sexual comfort and relaxation. As a person who has never sought a sexual dalliance with anyone...the women I've been with have all dragged (or took my hand and guided) me into the bedroom. I have never been with a woman who wasn't more horny than I was. Take whatever you want from that.

[GemmaK]

Like Anneliese, I love being dressed. I am turned on by myself. I am also turned on by women. I have never been turned on by men but some of the photos on this forumget very close.

Like spotlessMind, I'd enjoy sex while dressed but my wife won't, and I'm not going anywhere else. Actually it's been a long time anyway - medical reasons - and maybe that's why the need to dress has become greater.

[spotlessMind]

I'm kind of confused--in the original post in this thread you said you always fantasized about opposite-sex pairings, and that if you were en femme mode, you would fantasize being with a man. But in the post above in your fantasy of being dressed it was with a woman.

Ah yes, I should clarify something so you understand what I meant in the original post.

"In short, my sexuality is based almost exclusively on being the opposite sex of the other involved. In all my sexual day-dreaming and fantasies, I am a man with a woman, or I'm a woman with a man."

I mean this quite literally. Emphasis on the word "being", not just playing the role. That's why I say fantasy, because it's a fantasy that I am genetically female. While I do have the odd fantasy based on just being dressed and being with a man, the real desire is to actually BE a woman in that situation. Hope this clarifies ;)

[cordgrass]

Oh, that makes sense! That's a very common thing that women do. We generally use erotic fiction to get there rather than dressing up though--that's why slash fic is so popular with women.

[DaniPat]

I think for me that crossdressing has always been sexual. I have never had a fantasy of being with a man no matter how I am dressed. But I have had fantasies of me being dressed as a woman and my wife being dressed as a man. But, more frequently, I have fantasies of a lesbian thing happening with me and my wife, both in lingerie or her dressed as usual and me dressed in quite ****ly garb.

Exactly how I interpret my sexuality and crossdressing, except by the time I came out to my wife we were separated and shortly thereafter divorced. Not due to crossdressing, but we remain friends. We both have commented on what an experience it would have been to both be in Lingerie as a start to foreplay.

I often fantasized about my crossdressing and making love to my wife, whether it would be considered a Lesbian act or not. The romanticized, or fantasized, answer would be yes. However the actual answer would be no as I am still male dressed as female, darn that realistic world view.
TTFN

[spotlessMind]

:)

To be honest, I've never actually dressed up. The most I've ever done is slap some makeup on. 99% of my gender-play is just in my imagination. I'm probably just a big wimp lol.

To further complicate things, I'll add that it'd be a bit of a lie to say I've NEVER fantasized about being with the same sex, but it hinges SOOOOOO much on my role. Note, this is never something I've experienced, it's just imagination (so far ha ha). The only time I actually enjoy the idea of being with another man is when I picture myself in the role of a female and MOST of the time that includes having the genetic predisposition also. The few times I am still genetically a man in that fantasy, the sex becomes limited to maintain my role as female. Even if the fact of me being genetically male is KNOWN, I don't welcome the proof of it in that particular fantasy. So the sex accommodates that clause.

I just confused myself even.

Edit: I like women. Any fantasy involving being with a woman is desirable to me, no matter what role I take.

[DaniPat]

I'm genetically female. And yes, we had sexual relations. I don't want to derail the thread, was more commenting on the way her drive to crossdress vanished after the sexual urge was satisfied, along with her desire to be with me.

Not to derail this thread? Since it is about crossdressing and sex I think this post is right in line with this thread. Your posts are just the other viewpoint, which is great to hear. I am sad that the other person was so ungentle to have you leave after getting his release. How insensitive he was, it just goes to show that even though he may dress female he definitely doesn't act female. It is quite a shame for something like that to happen to you. I do hope you find someone who loves you for you whether he dresses female or not. I for one am glad to hear the GG side of any subject and thank you for the courage to be in this forum and state your opinions.
TTFN

[spotlessMind]

How insensitive he was, it just goes to show that even though he may dress female he definitely doesn't act female.

Eassssssy, girl ;) Men are not the only gender capable of insensitivity! You should meet my ex. lol

[DaniPat]

Eassssssy, girl ;) Men are not the only gender capable of insensitivity! You should meet my ex. lol

I stand corrected.:) In my post the mentioned Ex-wife is actually my second.:confused: (hmmmmm) My first could be very insensitive and domineering or oppressive, actually.:eek: I guess I have never really acted "Male" in a macho way so I really don't get it when any male can be so insensitive, especially after sex. Crossdresser or not.
DaniPat

[spotlessMind]

Yeah, I think, from my own observations at least, that men are more BLATANTLY insensitive in general (such as kicking someone out after sex). Women are a bit artsier with it lol. Another reason why I relate to women, actually. I'm a compassionate person I think, but the rare times when I am insensitive or mean, it leans towards the "mental terrorist" technique hehe. I'm starting to think that honesty isn't always the right idea, I'm trying to make friends not scare people LOL!

[DaniPat]

That sounds so much like the way I feel and think too. By the way, I love the quote. I have been, and shall always be a Nirvana fan. They came from the town 30 miles from where I went to high school, but about 8 - 12 years after I graduated, LOL.

[Rianna Humble]

Is there a relationship between cross-dressing and sex TO YOU?

Not for me, although I realise that this will be different for others

[ReineD]

Personally, I'm a very day-dreamy person. When I get into that feminine frame of mind, whether its acted out in reality or in my imagination, I suddenly find myself feeling things that I can only describe as... natural feminine sexuality.


I have a question for you. Is there anything else that you enjoy while dressed, a love of ballet or other art forms for example, or a gut wrenching chick flick, that you would not enjoy while in drab?

[spotlessMind]

I have a question for you. Is there anything else that you enjoy while dressed, a love of ballet or other art forms for example, or a gut wrenching chick flick, that you would not enjoy while in drab?

I don't think there's something in particular that I would enjoy that I didn't also enjoy in drab. I think it's the willingness to admit to enjoying it that changes lol. You know what I mean? Part of being masculine is scoffing at sappy, girly things. I do A LOT less scoffing these days, though. I think it's because of having a closer relationship with my femme side lately (albeit a confusing one).

[DaniPat]

I have a question for you. Is there anything else that you enjoy while dressed, a love of ballet or other art forms for example, or a gut wrenching chick flick, that you would not enjoy while in drab?

Looking back at my life, before accepting my feminine crossdressing side, I always liked chick flicks, "Sleepless in Seattle" was a good movie and so was "You've got Mail", and have always had a feminine slant or shall I say = not super Macho.:) But I have also liked a good symphony and/or the theater, while in drab, as well as a good "Heavy Metal" concert.:bonk: So I can only think I would like these things en femme too, listening to the "Heavy Metal" channel on T.V. with Accept playing at this time while dressed in Cami & robe.:battingeyelashes: So IMHO whether you like things in drab or en femme has no basis in fact. Either you like it or not. Proclivities aside you will be what you are whether drab or fab, and sex is sex:heehee: - always a good thing, in drab or fab. If 2 well centered adults are in agreement for sex, that is.

DaniPat