advice

[nicole12]

Hi every one, I will try keep this short as possible.

I dont feel totally womenly from the inside out and was wondering if taking hormones will make me feel the same way as a women does, its confusing me because as i seem to be getting older i really want to have the same feeling,emotions etc as everyday women have. Im pretty confused at the moment. I have never ever felt trapped in a mans body but i seem to be getting stronger and stronger feelings to be a complete women inside and out.

[Jenna Lynne]

I've never taken hormones ... I'm starting to think I want to, so I'd love to read others' views on how hormones will change your feelings.

But maybe I should point out that women feel lots of different ways! I have a friend (genetic female, as far as I know, and I've known her since the Sixties) who spends a whole lot of time being angry about the political antics of national figures whom she disagrees with. (Naming no names, but my friend is a liberal. You can connect the dots.)

Is being angry about politics one of the female feelings you're talking about? Probably not.

My friend is also very nurturing about some of the difficult family matters I've been dealing with lately. I don't think you need to take hormones to be nurturing, although it probably wouldn't hurt.

Maybe it would help you to explore the feelings that you'd like to feel, that you're not feeling. In my case, fear shuts off certain feelings. Boom, the door slams shut, because I'm afraid. Would taking hormones make me less afraid? I don't know, but I kinda don't think genetic women stroll through life without ever feeling fear. So if I work on processing my fears, probably my feelings will change (in a feminine direction).

I might be wrong about this -- I'll gladly defer to those who have more experience. I'm just tossing out a few things to think about.

[Melinda G]

its confusing me because as i seem to be getting older i really want to have the same feeling,emotions etc as everyday women have.

Get ahold of yourself. You have no idea what you are asking for!:eek:

[Diane Elizabeth]

Well I have been on Hormoes for about 3 months and I don't feel any real change emotionally than before. Maybe I have always had the female feelings in me all along. I have alwasys been a softie for hard luck stories. I still cry at the end of Ol' Yeller. Who knows!

[Kokoro]

My take on it is that we are first and foremost human beings. Emotions stem from biological responses in the brain and since we all have the same genome whether we have a Y chromosome or not, we all therefore feel the same emotions. As to what level comes down to a number of factors and one of them is indeed hormone levels. In general, women tend to be more open with their emotions both because they experience them more clearly than men and due to social conditioning (or rather lack of) are less likely to repress them like men often do.

As to the question of 'Will hormones make me feel the same way a woman does?' the answer is no - you already feel the same emotions that women do. If you mean 'will I cry more easily at sad films?' then the answer is maybe. Again, each person is different and a sensitive man would feel much more emotion than a stoic woman but in general you will 'feel' your emotions more clearly, but they won't be any different than they are now.

[Stephanie Anne]

Ok woman trapped in a man's body is so 1980s. That being said, hormones should be the least of your concern. you need to sort out your feelings before taking on the responsibility and effort of transition. I suggest finding at least a support group and at best a support group and a qualified therapist to help sort out your confusion.

For me hormone replacement has finally stabilized a bio chemical battlefield in my body. That was far more important in hindsight than the desperation to appear feminine.

[ReineD]

I dont feel totally womenly from the inside out and was wondering if taking hormones will make me feel the same way as a women does

I'll echo Kokoro and others.

I'd like to know how women feel any differently, internally, than men. We feel joy, sadness, triumph, discouragement, fear, compassion, jealousy, anger, gratitude, outrage, relief, etc, just like men do. Some women are mature and emotionally healthy, and others are not. Just like men.

I'm not trying to be flippant, but being a GG, I can't identify the feelings I have as being exclusive to me, and particularly different than those of my brother, sons, or my SO (who is dualgender).

Now if you're talking about a feeling of exuberance when going out looking like a million dollars, and being admired by men and envied by all the women in the room ... well my guess is that only models, starlets, and sexy vixens maybe feel that way on a regular basis. But, the rest of us have to wait in line to be served just like every one else. :p

It is my understanding that HRT changes some physical attributes, it will take the edge off of libido, but that's it. The emotional yo-yo that some TGs seem to go through when beginning hormones has more to do with the body adjusting to hormonal changes, than beginning to feel particularly like a woman (or a man for F2Ms). IMO.

[Kokoro]

Oh, I'd just like to add - This is one of the things therapists are quite clear about when helping people go through transition. It won't make you a different person. If you were shy before HRT, you will still be after. If you lack confidence, you will still lack confidence. The only thing it may help is anxiety and depression, but gender dysphoria is often the main cause of these conditions so cure the gender dysphoria through transitioning and it helps the other problems.

Don't think that by taking hormones you'd become a better individual. Hormones change the body. Not the mind.

[Felicity71]

Oh, I'd just like to add - This is one of the things therapists are quite clear about when helping people go through transition. It won't make you a different person. If you were shy before HRT, you will still be after. If you lack confidence, you will still lack confidence. The only thing it may help is anxiety and depression, but gender dysphoria is often the main cause of these conditions so cure the gender dysphoria through transitioning and it helps the other problems.

Don't think that by taking hormones you'd become a better individual. Hormones change the body. Not the mind.

I would totally agree with this. Its been 12 months on hrt, and its helped my anxiety and the blues, im still the same person, in how I feel.

Nicole, its your life, dont rush to choose or not.

[dilane]

To me it sounds like you have it backwards -- I think most TS's would say that they feel feminine, and want their appearance match their internal compass. Do you want to make your mind match your cross-dressed body??

It almost sounds like you're trying to escape into a different identity. That isn't a recipe for happiness, in my humble opinion. Transitioning will not make you happy if you're depressed. The stresses of transition can trigger the exact opposite. It's a very tough road. This is why there are so many hoops to jump through when trying to transition with official approval.

[nicole12]

To me it sounds like you have it backwards -- I think most TS's would say that they feel feminine, and want their appearance match their internal compass. Do you want to make your mind match your cross-dressed body??

It almost sounds like you're trying to escape into a different identity. That isn't a recipe for happiness, in my humble opinion. Transitioning will not make you happy if you're depressed. The stresses of transition can trigger the exact opposite. It's a very tough road. This is why there are so many hoops to jump through when trying to transition with official approval.

I dont think im trying to escape to another identity at all , neither am i anxious,suffer depression or unhappy.
Yes im confused about my gender issue so i guess i will take some advice and go see a gender specialist who specialises in these issues.

[Melody Moore]

I am not sure about what you are expecting to feel from taking hormones but I can tell you how hormone therapy has affected me.
The most obvious change is the decrease in my anxiety levels and I don't get depressed anymore. My life has changed from being
reclusive & shy to being more outgoing & confident. I also know there are changes to my moods & emotions also now taking place...

I started crying the other night like a typical teenage girl after I thought I lost my mobile phone - thank God I found it! :heehee:
Now this isn't the way I would have reacted pre-hormones so I believe that hormones do have an effect on how you feel.

Also I sometimes have issues with deciding what to wear and sometimes feel flustered & a bit upset when I can't decide,
this was something else I never had to deal with previously. I also feel less agitation & aggression especially when I am
driving. I don't feel my anxiety gets to the point I feel like having a severe bout of road rage. Testosterone makes you do
terrible things that goes against your grain, especially when you feel like a female in a male body and if you think I am joking,
about the correlation of aggressiveness to testosterone - See: http://www.mesomorphosis.com/articles/bahrke/bahrke05.htm

As I said in your other thread...

My advice to you is, find a gender clinic who can help, they have the best pyschologist & doctors to manage Gender
Identity Disorder & hormone therapy if this is what is diagnosed. I suspect you could be a transsexual, but that isn't
for me to really decide. Just be open & honest about everything and they will help work through this with you.

[nicole12]

I am not sure about what you are expecting to feel from taking hormones but I can tell you how hormone therapy has affected me.
The most obvious change is the decrease in my anxiety levels and I don't get depressed anymore. My life has changed from being
reclusive & shy to being more outgoing & confident. I also know there are changes to my moods & emotions also now taking place...

I started crying the other night like a typical teenage girl after I thought I lost my mobile phone - thank God I found it! :heehee:
Now this isn't the way I would have reacted pre-hormones so I believe that hormones do have an effect on how you feel.

Also I sometimes have issues with deciding what to wear and sometimes feel flustered & a bit upset when I can't decide,
this was something else I never had to deal with previously. I also feel less agitation & aggression especially when I am
driving. I don't feel my anxiety gets to the point I feel like having a severe bout of road rage. Testosterone makes you do
terrible things that goes against your grain, especially when you feel like a female in a male body and if you think I am joking,
about the correlation of aggressiveness to testosterone - See: http://www.mesomorphosis.com/articles/bahrke/bahrke05.htm

As I said in your other thread...

My advice to you is, find a gender clinic who can help, they have the best pyschologist & doctors to manage Gender
Identity Disorder & hormone therapy if this is what is diagnosed. I suspect you could be a transsexual, but that isn't
for me to really decide. Just be open & honest about everything and they will help work through this with you.

ok thank you kindly for that.

[Aprilrain]

Hi Nicole. If your lurking around the TS forum you obviously have questions about your gender identity and as others have stated a gender therapist is a must. As a side note I know CDers who have no interest in transition who see therapists too so whatever you discover about yourself I think the help will be worthwhile.
I have not started hormones yet but am anxious to but as someone else said this is because I want to change my body as much as possible to be congruent with my mind. You realize your body would start to change after a while so if mental and or emotional benefits are all that you are looking for you would have to stop the hormones when the physical changes started to happen and then you would be right back where you started.

[tanyalynn51]

Im with the other girls (and any guys of course) that answered. Ive had to stop taking hormones due to health reasons, but during the couple months or so I did take them, these huge emotional changes I was expecting didnt materialize. The basic me never changed (have gotten more emotional at times, but usually can keep it to in front of the couple of people who know about Tanya). Im still a softie, I may be even better with kids and animals than I used to be, but Im as crazy a football fan as ever (Go Oregon!!), and just dont care about the stereotypes about feelings, what you like to do, etc. I know who I am, and told my endo that when she told me I had to quit the HRT at least for now, will tell my regular doctor today, and my therapist when I see her wednesday. If anything, the main things the hormones did for me besides a couple of beginnings of physical changes were that they did make me more confident of all this. I was already sure, but some confidence never hurts.

[Frances]

Hormones helped me look like a woman. I already had the inner sense of being one. In my opinion, gender issues should first be addressed with a psychologist or sexologist, not pharmaceuticals.

[Aprilrain]

[QUOTE=Kokoro;2347975]Firstly, this forum is open to MtF and FtM transsexuals and we aren't all 'girls' here. Keep that in mind when posting please.

Were did this come from? nothing in the OPs thread addresses girls specifically. I believe she opened with "hi everyone" then goes on to talk about HER feelings.

[ReineD]

April, I edited the "girls" out of it, after it was pointed out by Kokoro. It's forum policy to not greet a specific gender in the opening post, in the sub forums meant for both genders.

[danielleb]

To me it sounds like you have it backwards -- I think most TS's would say that they feel feminine, and want their appearance match their internal compass....
:iagree:

[Kathryn Martin]

I'm not trying to be flippant, but being a GG, I can't identify the feelings I have as being exclusive to me, and particularly different than those of my brother, sons, or my SO (who is dualgender).

I would agree with you Reine, that feelings and emotions are qualitative the same whether they are felt by a man, woman or transperson. But would you think that what circumstance or situation elicits an emotional response might be different between a man and a woman. This was one of the most distinctive differences between myself and other guys throughout my life. I seemed to react clearly in feminine ways to a given situation often calling for the ridicule by or hilarity of my contemporary men friends.

Hormones have not changed that but I feel more grounded since I started taking them.

[Hope]

How do you know that women have feelings that are different from your own, and how will you know when you have those feelings too? What is your point of reference?

I would bet dollars to donuts that if you can detect the emotional states of other people (not every one can) if you are able to be empathetic, then you have everything you need. If you have felt what you believe others feel, then you too are capable of feeling those emotions. If you have not felt those emotions, then you wouldn't know what you were missing and would not know to be dissatisfied by your own experience.

I think this is a problem in your head, not in your pants or in your hormones.

I think the solution is for you to become more in touch with your own emotional states and responses. Just becoming more aware of what you are feeling rather than hiding behind the stoic emotional "man wall" will serve you well. Hormones are known for cranking the emotional response up to 12 so that you simply must deal with it - but unless you are under the care of a physician, and desire ALL of the effects of hormones, they are not for you. Hormones are not a crutch that you should use to become more aware of your own emotions. Being honest with, and aware of, yourself are the tools you should use.

Hormones won't give you new emotions - they might make them more intense - but until you are prepared to deal with your emotions at 5, cranking them up to 12 is a bad idea.

[ReineD]

I don't know Kathryn. My ex husband used to get teary eyed at watching certain things in movies or on television. He was particularly sensitive to abandonment issues (stemming from his childhood), and when he saw them on the screen it pushed all his buttons. This is something I did appreciate in him ... his lack of shame over tears. Maybe he wouldn't have cried in a room full of other men though. But, he did react to some situations the same way I did. And when we were in counseling and difficult issues would come up, he became emotional just like I did.

His father was a sensitive man and he would cry too. And we never berated our sons for showing emotion. But, maybe the men in my life are not like average men? Or maybe the average man also reserves his more tender emotions for private times, but he still feels and expresses them?

It's difficult to measure something like this.



I think the solution is for you to become more in touch with your own emotional states and responses. Just becoming more aware of what you are feeling rather than hiding behind the stoic emotional "man wall" will serve you well.

Well said! :)

[noeleena]

Hi.

Hormones , & this depends on the make type & whats in them. & how percific they are & to what they need to do. & how the body reacts to them & if the bodys recepters are open.

For some there are changes mostlly for the body yet there can be changes in the mind tho for many its related to how they are first not just the H R T as some have said & each person is different .

Of cause there have been changes & very much totally different to a male how i was brought up will atteste to that .

No confidence in my self , a loner self esteem nothing , scoial skills nill , thought things about my body were well some not quite right ,& lack of,
would hide if a camara was around never stand in front of people allways last . you get the idear. dyslexia magor & learning problems .

That all changed when i was able to express my self as being a woman , absolute over the fence change.

For me 6 years on H R T . & really its for my bodys maintanance. for health reasons & that goes for pretty much every one on them

I have allways been the same as i am now H R T did not change my mind or make much difference because i know what i was / am both male & female as in mind wise , my detail , i was not born with a womb & what was needed to be a female . in the true sence of the word. able to have babys .

from early puberty my brain was working both as male & female . so for me really there has never been a change from male to female . those of us who are andrgynous are a bit different in some ways & hormones wont change how i think one other detail of many is i did not lose my body strength only 10 to 15 % so thats the body side . there was of cause my change in shape in line with a woman as far as it could go according to my age after 56 years the change was about 30 to 40 % .. & about what i expected .

For many its the release of being pent up for so many years as male & having that releass is to say the least overwhelming,

I express my self true to my self as a woman who has a male background that is me & has helped me up untill now. oh i am emotionall ,all ways have been.& yes i opened my flood gates in front of others male or female . very senitive as well . just learned how to roll with it yet still gets to me at times .

i dont relate to or with men . yet do so much more so with women. All so see things in others understanding of others,

& one of the details that gets to me is not having my womb that winds me up not being able to have my own baby that hurts like hell.

When i was talking as a guest to a group of 60 people i talked about what its like liveing as a woman with my background & touched on this i had to stop i just broke down in front of them because it just got to me. i turned around i could not face them . thats how hard it is .

i re composed my self after a few mins & knew i had to carry on . there are some subjects that i know emotionally will take me down.even as i write this im crying that s how much it effects me...........


...noeleena...

[TeaD]

Initally HRT gives you tender nipples, better skin and hair, mood changes, hot flashes, sometimes upset stomach and decreased libio and the constant reminder that you are striving to become more female. Have started the process twice and had the same results. Not sure what happens when on hormones longer. Not sure about the question if I feel more female as I felt like I should have been born female both before and after HRT.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I am going to have to disagree with all of you on this issue and really don't understand how all of you can claim there are no real changes in the brain that occurs with HRT.

Even though I was really feminine in my actions, mannerisms, and emotions prior to HRT, I have had more mental changes than my physical changes and I have had a lot of those. Even my medical doctor who specializes in both MTF & FTM medical issues has explained to me that their are changes in the brain that do occur and some of those changes can be significant as in my case. He has stated that the male and female brain are different and many of those who are treated with a hormone reign do go though brain changes and remapping that result in a significant change.

I can no longer even try to think as I did as a male. My thoughts and the way I process information and evaluate information is so different than in the past.

I could write a lot more on this subject but surely I am not the only Transsexual on here who's brain is actually changing and changing involuntarily but as a result of the chemicals I am absorbing into my body ~~~~

[CharleneT]

I'm still not able to explain it well, but after 18 months of HRT I absolutely have changes in my brain function and emotional makeup. Now, before HRT I cried at movies etc so I fit into the more common mold of feminine guy. Still, I think it was more just being open to experiencing emotion vs shutting them down. BUT slowly my senses have changed and my logical processes - along with emotional reactions etc... I'm with Traci, BIG time changes -- but it is not a light switch, it takes a long time. Along the way it often feels like little to nothing is "happening", but then when you look back, there is a lot of change.

How much is a real chemical effect and how much me just letting go ? As Hope pointed out, no point of reference to be able to answer that one. I can say that I believe that it is much more real change than "desired switch". Part of why I say that is because with the way my life is right now (working two jobs), I've little time to do anything but live and react. How I perceive things, react to them etc is all pretty much on auto-pilot. I can surely tell the difference in how I interact, feel and sense the world.

I was trying to explain this to a friend the other day ( a GG ), and about all I could blurt out was "... I just do not even connect with what a man is, sees, feels or acts anymore..." When I see them, and interact with them, I'm clueless about how I ever functioned that way ;) Meaning I no longer understand "being male", and I do not think that is from lack of practice. I just no longer "get it", my perspective has actually switched. Our conversation was started when she asked me what it is like to be able to "think like either a guy or a girl". I realized I cannot think like a guy, so I cannot actually tell you what the difference is - although as sure as the sun rises, there is one !!

[Traci Elizabeth]

I agree with Charlene. I have asked my wife and adult daughter several times if they could see that I am changing mentally. They both give me a strong YES. They tell me that I don't think or act like a guy anymore. They tell me I think and act like a woman and that my thoughts and verbal expressions are just like a woman's. I can't make the switch between male and female. My whole being is woman including thoughts, processes, reactions, and the way I see things and react to them.

And I know more than anyone I am a totally different person but it is also obvious to all family members and associates.

[Melody Moore]

I am going to have to disagree with all of you on this issue and really don't understand how all of you can claim there are no real changes in the brain that occurs with HRT.
Why are you disagreeing with ALL of us? Did I not mention in my post here that there are some changes
Traci? I also advised the OP to seek out a therapist which I think is very wise if someone is so confused.

[ReineD]

BUT slowly my senses have changed and my logical processes - along with emotional reactions etc...

Um ... you're not suggesting that women are less logical than men are you? Now if you're suggesting the reverse, then I might agree with you. ;)