Therapist talked about Three Questions?

[Sarasometimes]

Last week my therapist talked to me about three variables. Sexual preference, gender and gender identity. My answers were Sexual preference, strickly attracted to females; my gender is male (we discussed this and it sort of came down to do you like your bits in simple terms) and Gender Identity I said both pretty much equally.
I'm curious if others see it this way? Also if you don't mind me asking what would your answers be?
If you are not interested in answering or find my question offensive please just move on, thank you, Sara

[Mary Morgan]

For me, the answers are: attracted to females, I don't like my bits, and female.

[herwannabe]

Absolutely attracted to FEMALES, Gender is male but I wish, and no I don't like

[StaceyJane]

For me, the answers are: attracted to females, I don't like my bits, and female.


I feel the same way.

[RachR]

I've been in and out of therapy for many years due to a mood disorder and for the desire to improve myself and the way I live my life. I never bothered bring up CD'ing...until now. Recently I've had to changer therapist and during my last session with my old therapist I finally "came out" because I had "step outside my comfort zone" (with aspects of CD'ing) and felt the need to share. When I met my new therapist the normal questions were ask to get to know each other. At the end she asked if I had anything else to tell her and as difficult as it was I went ahead and opened up. She didn't really ask those questions, but I did address them as I told her how I felt about CD'ing. However, sexual preference didn't come up; I guess I didn't feel that needed to be included. My description of gender identity is a mix of both. No clear line as to what is masculine and what is feminine. I just as who I am and don't feel there needs to be one or there other. :)

-Rachael

[Jorja]

At that time my answers were both, I didn't like my bits they had to go, and female.

If asked these questions today I would answer: both, love what I have and should have been like this from day one, and female.

[Sarah Michelle]

sexual preference - female,
gender - male, do I like my bits? not really
gender identity - female
but none of it is as black and white as I would like...

[StacyCD]

Sexual preference - female
Sex - male
Gender identity - oscillating

[My Lady Marsea]

I prefer females but in all honesty over the last couple of years "it just feels right" or wutever to be interested in a guy, until that like completely plays out I can't be like totally sure, but I'm not even ruling it out. Gender was assigned as male at birth, the big dream is to fix that big boo boo ASAP if/when finances permit, and my identity is like so totally female.

[dominique]

Preference female sex male gender identity a bit of both

[Pythos]

Preference: FEMALES.
Gender:male, but am ambivalent about the bits. Most of the time a pain, but sometimes a source of great sensations.
Identity preference: A mixture of male and female in looks, and for the most part male in behavior.

[sometimes_miss]

Each therapist I've seen has asked me those questions, I think it's just to help them get a grasp on how to address our problems better.
Me: Like females; Never was happy with my genitals, but that was more because they weren't the right size, and didn't perform on demand; gender identity? Really varies a bit, as much as I feel like and want to be a girl, all my thought patterns and communication styles are distinctly male in nature.

[Sarasometimes]

Sometimes_miss, the end of your last sentence is well put. I know being raised as a male I think mostly like a male. I do have empathy, I notice thing females generally notice, like what someone is wearing, a change in hairstyle... but generally I think as a typical male. I don't give my intuition much input, I try to use logic instead... As for gender identity I love doing masculine things appearing as a male and feminine things appearing as a female. Exceptions may be feminine things appearing male like getting a facial...
Thanks for the replies all!

[Desiree2bababe]

I had a therapist ask the same long ago, he suggested homosexuality which I vehemently denied yet I suppose he was partially correct for once I tried men, I found I liked them. So now I would say, men, male, female.

[Kate Simmons]

My answer to all of those would have to be "ambiguous". Who I am as a person is the main thing, all other affectations follow.:)

[PippaJ]

I'd say pansexual (in that i like whomever i like) male but underwhelming and 60-40 female i think

[Rachel05]

Totally attracted to the female form, yes I do like my bits and enjoy the pleasure that goes with them, feel the need to be both male and female and happy to be so

[Karren H]

I have never wanted to go to one but somehow I always thought the 3 questions would be.... Do you have health insurance that covers this.... What's your VISA card number... And the name of your next of kin.... But I guess not...

Females
Male
Male

[Rianna Humble]

Sexual Preference: Females
Gender: Don't like my dangly bits
Gender Identity: Female

[Being Paige]

I would have to say female and male,
has always been a struggle with my bits, I would say No
and I am a male but have always struggled with this too! Man I feel like a woman!
actually prayed for it when I was younger.

[carhill2mn]

My sexual attraction is strictly female; my sex is male; my gender is feminine and masculine with a stronger emphasis on the feminine.

[IamSara]

sexual preference: Both honestly
Gender: male
gender identity: prefer female but act very male when in drab

[BRANDYJ]

I guess I'm the odd one out. I am attracted to women
I like my genitals
I identify as a male with some of the better female traits.

[Cassandra Lynn]

Sexual preference - females
Gender - like my bits just fine
Gender identity - fluxuates, but a little more male of late. Life has forced me into a holding pattern, and if the things holding me up were removed and i was allowed to live as i want than who knows where i'd end up.

Cassie

[DeeInGeorgia]

There is actually a forth item, body itself, and how masculine or feminine it is, such as small hands, wide or narrow hips, facial features, etc.

[sissystephanie]

I certainly like females!! I was born a male and hope to die as one. And yes I do like my "bits," since they proclaim that I am a male even if I have a dress on!!

[Rinoah06]

I like females but when I'm in a feminine mood I am curious about men.
I am neutral on my bits until I have to do something with them when I dress.
I really wish I could live as a woman, but I have to hold my male role while in the military.

[Jenna Lynne]

When discussing such questions with therapists in years gone by, I'm sure I went out of my way to sound more assured about the answers than I really felt. I would caution anyone against getting boxed in by their own answers to such questions.

One good way to approach an answer is to reply, "You mean, today?"

The variable that I'm keenly aware of that your therapist seems to have skipped over is romantic orientation. This is NOT the same as sexual partner preference, though a lot of people (especially non-transgenders) seem to assume the two are the same.

My romantic interest has always been in women; I find men stupid, scary, and covered with cooties. But when I'm dressed, my fantasy sexual partner preference is bi with a distinct leaning toward men.

I like my bits, but today I identify (in my mind, not socially) as female.

[Sarasometimes]

I guess I'm the odd one out. I am attracted to women
I like my genitals
I identify as a male with some of the better female traits.
You're not odd those are essentially my answers as well.

[Sarasometimes]

There is actually a forth item, body itself, and how masculine or feminine it is, such as small hands, wide or narrow hips, facial features, etc.
I think those can help or hinder depending on the answers to the 3 questions.

[NathalieX66]

All good to know.
I have a solid dozen of therapists/counselors lined up, a good portion are covered by my pcp. I'll pay out of pocket if need be. I googled therapists who specialize in gender identity/LGBT issues specifically in my locale. All I have to do is dial the phone number. It may actually seem worthwile in my case, as i have a few uphill battles.

In my case, I'm not looking for that cherished (or desperate, in some cases) magic letter or reference to an endocrinologist to prescribe hormones.

[Cheryl James]

In answer to your questions: Attracted to females only, do not like the male parts, and 60-40 female. In partial answer to Karen's questions: Yes, I have insurance, don't have a Visa, do you take American Express, and wife and 2 kids.

[juno]

The middle question "Gender" seems to be mixed up here. It sounds like the intent is "what is your physical gender", which is a separate issue from whether or not you like it (also mentioned by DeeInGeorgia). I think the therapist is more interested in your thoughts, so is emphasizing the like/dislike rather than the description of your physical gender. You could also ask whether you like your sexual preference or your gender identity.

In my unqualified opinion, the 3 questions should be:
1) What is your sexual preference?
2) What is your physical gender?
3) What is your mental gender?

Answer all questions on a scale of 1=Female, 5=neutral, and 10=Male.
For each one, you could also ask how comfortable you are with that gender state.

I guess right now I'm about a 2,8,7.

[Christy_M]

To the OP:

Females
Ambivolent
Depends on the time of day

To Juno:

1
5
5

[noeleena]

Hi.

Was married, to one woman & have three grown up adults .

Jos is my only one that has any meaning for me & still do. still to gether 37 years.
female only.

allways been a woman . brain wise. yet male as well, intersexed,andro, & make up or body parts , woman as in body wise.still a bit of both, tho a non sexual that part of me was over 13 years ago. gender a mix of both.

...noeleena...

[jjjjohanne]

I like women
I like my man parts
I think of myself as a man
(But I sure like women's clothes!)

Who know I was the most like Karen Hutton!?! :)

[RACH99]

Wow. I hadn't thought of it in these terms. It does make things a bit clearer for me....and for some reason easier to grasp some of the things I have been struggling with. Thanks for starting this thread.

hugs,
Rach

[Sarasometimes]

The middle question "Gender" seems to be mixed up here. It sounds like the intent is "what is your physical gender", which is a separate issue from whether or not you like it (also mentioned by DeeInGeorgia). I think the therapist is more interested in your thoughts, so is emphasizing the like/dislike rather than the description of your physical gender. You could also ask whether you like your sexual preference or your gender identity.

In my unqualified opinion, the 3 questions should be:
1) What is your sexual preference?
2) What is your physical gender?
3) What is your mental gender?

Answer all questions on a scale of 1=Female, 5=neutral, and 10=Male.
For each one, you could also ask how comfortable you are with that gender state.

I guess right now I'm about a 2,8,7.

Well my physical gender is obvious, male, and I hope she was able to answer that by just looking. The middle question has to do with whether you think you match how you feel with your gender (as you put physical gender). I think her questions were clear and appropriate. Thanks for your input, Sara

[juno]

... I think her questions were clear and appropriate. Thanks for your input, Sara
You are right. I am just over-analyzing because I am a scientist. A numeric scale answer is concise, but words convey more meaning.

Still, I think it is good to consider like/dislike for the 3 gender issues. Some people love their female mental gender (I do), and others find it a burden.

[Sarasometimes]

juno I think for me it is both. I am a stay at home parent and if I was a dyed in the wool macho man I don't think I would be as good at (that is if I would have even tried) it as I am. I might have be a 4 at it instead of a 8 (I thought you would like my answer on a scale), Just kdding.

[Michelle 2774]

Now...preference both, gender, like what I have and gender identity is mostly female

Years ago I would have answered differently and maybe one day this answer may change

[Crysten]

My answers are: Yes (occasionally), 19-20 (ish), and oranges. Subject to change, of course.

[Tima]

Last week my therapist talked to me about three variables. Sexual preference, gender and gender identity. My answers were Sexual preference, strictly attracted to females; my gender is male (we discussed this and it sort of came down to do you like your bits in simple terms) and Gender Identity I said both pretty much equally. I'm curious if others see it this way? Also if you don't mind me asking what would your answers be?

My sexual preference is male, my gender is male+female, and my gender identity is female, or when I’m in disguise, a very effeminate male. Do I like my “bits?” What do you think? I think it’s funny that something so complex and meaningful revolves around the obvious, which is one reason why I distrust therapists so much. I could probably tell the authoritative figure a few things about human sexuality, but why bother? I might as well talk to someone I know inside and out, like me.
:doh:

[joannemarie barker]

Sexual preference= males
Still ok with my bits
Male

[NV Susan]

Sexual preference....when drab, female
When en femme, male or female
My bits....love em & hate em
Gender identity...always female

[Jorja]

My sexual preference is male, my gender is male+female, and my gender identity is female, or when I’m in disguise, a very effeminate male. Do I like my “bits?” What do you think? I think it’s funny that something so complex and meaningful revolves around the obvious, which is one reason why I distrust therapists so much. I could probably tell the authoritative figure a few things about human sexuality, but why bother? I might as well talk to someone I know inside and out, like me.
:doh:

When talking with a therapist, the question "Do you like your male bits?" can give them a clearer picture of where you are at mentally and physically. It can also tell them if it is really your desire to transition or just CD. So the question is valid and important.

[Mistybtm]

:battingeyelashes:

sexual Preference both sex male gender identity a bit of both :battingeyelashes:

[tanyalynn51]

For me, the answers are: attracted to females, I don't like my bits, and female.

Ditto for me.

[Tess]

Sexual preference: males but romantically it would be females (except for one guy I thought could satisfy both)
Gender: well duh...male
Gender identity: Confused...sometimes male, sometimes female
Male bits: Very attracted to them but less interested in my own

[Helen 2]

When Dad found out about my crossdressing -which had been going on for years with Mom's support- he made sure I visited a therapist (shrink in those days) a half-dozen times. Same questions were asked over and over and my response the same: "Female, male and male, I think."

Then he asked me to come see him en femme -I went in dressed to the nines- and asked me the same questions again. He got the same responses, which left him with a thoroughly confused look on his face. In the end, he told my parents that he believed it was an 'gender identity phase' that he was sure I would overcome as I was 14 at the time.

Little did he know -but I got a free pass to dress up occasionally in my parents presence for another year or two... lol!!

[Veronica Lacey]

Interesting thoughts, Sarasometimes.

I fall into the categories of I love being male and am attracted to females, I will gladly accept the anatomy I have and that I am 90/10 male/female. I act, speak, walk etc. like a man but do find myself thinking as a female might from time to time.

Just a genetic man who likes to wear female clothes, really :)

[Michaela42]

Sexual preference: Female, but I can appreciate a good looking guy

Gender: Male, and sometimes I do not like the bits

Gender Identity: What day/hour/minute is it? It fluctuates but more often than not I would say female

[Angiemead12]

Preference is female
Like my male parts
Identity is femaleish 80-20 maleish

[KateW]

Sexual preference: Women - I love everything about them.
Gender - I would prefer to be female but can't deny that I've enjoyed using my male parts. lol
Identity - This is a tricky one for me, as I have always associated with being more female, but have naturally adopted some male traits just through trying to blend in. Therefore I'd say I'm 80% female.

[Roxxy]

Preference: Females

Gender: Male and like it

Gender Identity: 70% Male 30% Female

[BLUE ORCHID]

I love the ladies
I'm all guy
I love to dress up in womens clothes and see the (lady) in the mirror looking back.

Orchid

[Marcyme]

I am attracted to females, genetic or otherwise.
Bio gender will always be xy, but want does that really mean anyway.
Male bits....I would love too trade my testicles for breasts, but I am ok with the rest.
I really can not ever see a need for a vagina. For me, gender and sexuality are not defined between the legs.
As for my gender, personality, who I am.... I am a complete mix of that that is traditionally considered masculine and feminine. I refuse to subscribe to the binary stereo types! They are out dated and come no where near being able to describe me.

[Loni]

first question about sex: i like women, only. O so pretty.

second question about what i am: i am a male. at least this is what is between the legs.

third question about how i feel about my self: as male...but not clear, i spend most of my time dressed as a woman.

.

[Ozark]

aw, I just like wearing panties.

[Cheyenne Skye]

1. I am attracted to the female form. A well put together CD or TG can also get my blood pumping.
2. I am biologically male but I really don't like seeing that bulge down there or worrying about things getting caught in the zipper. Though it does at times feel good (if you know what I mean :heehee:)
3. This seems to vacillate from time to time depending on my mood. I'm just as much at home doing laundry and being in the kitchen as I am working on the car or doing yardwork.

[Rianna Humble]

I'm just as much at home doing laundry and being in the kitchen as I am working on the car or doing yardwork.

Yes, but women do laundry & work in the kitchen too and some men even work on the car and do yardwork :heehee:

[eluuzion]

Ok, I'll bite...what are "bits"? I must have been home sick the day they covered that...Are they like "tits", only in a different location? I hope they are not like "nits" :eek: Are they bigger than a "breadbox"? Can you "squeeze em"? Do you need a "brace" to hold the "bits"? :doh:

[Rachel Morley]

1) I'm attracted to females
2) For what they are in themselves, I'm not particularly bothered ... but of course, they do come in handy for making love ;)
3) Gender identity is female.

[AKAMichelle]

Attracted to females / like my bits / mostly male but I love being a girl sometimes.

[Ericka2]

Don't get it, most of you want to be 100% female but don't like males?
I'm very confused since I would love to be 100% female but as far as sexual preference would have to be with a Male, why else will I have a female part in me?

Love Ericka

[Charise52]

Good point Dee... personally my body is more feminine than masculine... that is why the clothes fit so well... I prefer females, and my gender is male, and how I present myself in public varies from day to day, and at home I am always feminine...

[Rachel Morley]

Don't get it, most of you want to be 100% female but don't like males? I'm very confused since I would love to be 100% female but as far as sexual preference would have to be with a Male, why else will I have a female part in me?
That's because gender identity (the sex of your brain) has got nothing to do with sexual preference. A person can be fully female from birth, i.e. a genetic woman, and still be attracted to females. In the case of me (a CDer) think "male tomboy" :)

[Christy_M]

Ok, I'll bite...what are "bits"? I must have been home sick the day they covered that...Are they like "tits", only in a different location? I hope they are not like "nits" :eek: Are they bigger than a "breadbox"? Can you "squeeze em"? Do you need a "brace" to hold the "bits"? :doh:

If they are bigger than a breadbox, see a doctor...I also don't recommend squeezing them. Pulling one for a period of time is OK if you get the right one. :)

[sophieporter]

Love boys mostly, Male (kinda), and a fan of Androgyny, but like to be Feminine, too.

[TracyBoy]

When I see a pretty girl, the first thing I think of is-What can I do to look like that? When I see a pretty boy that dresses and looks like a girl, I think - I WANT HIM!:daydreaming:

[Raychel]

Sexual preference = Very much Females only
do you like your bits = They do the job. I would not want to change them
Gender Identity = Male

[Pinky188]

Interesting question. For me, Im attracted to females. I see my gender as male.(I like my parts!) My gender identity is both, leaning more toward female.

[Sarasometimes]

At my last session i got a clarification on the 3 questions.
Sexual Preference? ONLY females (How do women find men attractive? God Bless 'em!)
Gender Identity? Male
Gender expression? Both

Great replies! For me they were great questions and have led to much insight.

[eluuzion]

My three answers...

- Colonel Mustard

- In the Library

- With the rope.


Oops, wrong game...ok, Muligan shot here...

- 100% of sexual intimacy has been GG to date. Bi-curious and semi-obsessed with CD/TS at the moment. Regular guys...no attraction at all

- Gender identity has never "changed" or been "questionable" or "confusing". I am a genetic male, always was, always will be, barring any industrial accidents or crazy jealous women appearing...lol
Maybe I am just an overachiever in the sexual interest department...who knows...do not ruminate about it...I just do what feels right and leave the rest to the psychiatric community...lol

-male bits? Yes, curiously attracted, but totally void of any physical or emotional interest in anything above the waist. (Unless it has a wig and make up on...and shaved...and pretty and...lol

:love:

[Annaliese2010]

1. girls only (gg & m2f translez). 2. luv my luvstick. 3. binary id - the underlying proportion of which seems to fluctuate - tho she/he is on/off either/or 100% whichever side is expressing at the moment.

[Joann CD/NJ]

Well, let's see, Deeply interested in females, but never say never to a male adventure. Bits can go away at any time, and feel mostly female , but a Tom Boy I would say.... Joann CD/NJ

[charlie]

The answer would have been simple just a short while ago, but I'm a male, I love women (but will flirt with men), and have a mixed identity.

[flatlander_48]

Sexual Preference: fairly equally divided
Gender: the BITS are good, no problem, don't see that changing even though I may dress in the future more than now
Gender Identity: mostly male, but female when I choose and that's OK

[thechic]

sexual preference: Both
Gender: male
gender identity: female
I have a revulsion to my male bits, just hate being born a male.