Question for EVERYONE about your other self

[Briana90802]

Whenever I'm reading posts on this board I've noticed a trend that people refer to their crossdressing self as a separate person. Like, "I'm so glad that my wife accepts Chisty." When shouldn't it be "I'm so glad that my wife accepts me."

It seems as if people almost have a split personality that they must supress until they put on femme clothes. I see myself as a whole person a male that just feels comfortable wearing femme things. Am I missing something here? All of you who are out, do you see a separate side that must be spressed when dressed en drab? Are you a different person altogether when you are en femme?

I pretty much act the same whether drab or en femme. I feel like the same person dressed either way. I guess I just like femme stuff more. And my femme name is just really Brian A.

Am I missing something???? And if so can people explain it to me?

[Tomara]

Hi Briana,
I feel pretty much the same way that you do , I just me and don't feel I have two different personalities.
I am also happy to say that I have a very understanding and supportive girlfriend.
My user name is Tom with ara on the end.
We are all different and have different needs and desires , as long as your happy and comfortable with yourself is what really matters.
Have Fun !
Tomara

[docrobbysherry]

I can't explain anyone except myself, Briana. And, I'm probably often off base talking about "Sherry", too!
I dress to see someone else completely in my mirror! Seeing myself in dress doesn't work for me!
It requires a COMPLETE cover up and transformation every time I dress. When I'm finished, I'm gone and Sherry is there!

I don't feel any different, but it's all about the look for me!

[Stephanie Miller]

I imagine social conditioning plays a large part in how we, as crossdressers, act and dress in our everyday life. For me, I'm not of two personalities, or two different people in one body. I am, though, of two different social mindsets. The same as I would not go to church and act or dress the same as going to the local pub/bar - I do not act or dress the same when Stephanie as I do as my male self. I do not dress and act in a way that will cause harm or angst for my family. It is not fair for me to put the burden of societal non-understanding upon them because I want/feel/ need to be or dress a certain way. It's called sacrifice. It is one of many that I do for the family.( To be fair -they do many for me. That's what family is all about) Am I the same person? Sure am. But there are social criteria that we have all have been raised with that dictates what is the norm for us to act and dress.
It is taking time to change this, but we are still hard at it.

[ninapuella]

I see me as the same person all the time no question about it. Thats why i just cant see me as a real girl. I am somewhere between the sexes and accept it. Both sides need expression from time to time and are needed. But ofcourse there is use for a female-name. It would feel strange to not have a female-name when dressed.

[JohnH]

Whenever I'm reading posts on this board I've noticed a trend that people refer to their crossdressing self as a separate person. Like, "I'm so glad that my wife accepts Chisty." When shouldn't it be "I'm so glad that my wife accepts me."

It seems as if people almost have a split personality that they must supress until they put on femme clothes.?

I do just the opposite. I do NOT have a separate personality - as my signature block says I remain John no matter what I wear.

I like the approach that SkirtCafe.org has where the members have masculine names. However, I have given up posting on that site since there is a neurotic obsession of not using certain words such as pantyhose, to reference unseen underwear, or even to describe clothing as being feminine.

I really would like men to wear skirts, dresses, heels, and makeup AS men so that those practices for men can become just as acceptable as for women to wear pants. That is a significant reason why I don't use a feminine name.

John

[Karren H]

Karren says she doesn't have another self... Anti-Karren concures!! :D

[Davina-Alba]

No, I don't think of myself as two separate persons. I am who I am no matter how I dress.

[Cari]

I chose a fem name when I decided to go out. Once you do that a certain duality takes place; there are people and places that only know me as Cari. In that sense it is like having a seperate life but not a seperate personality.

Cari has also to become a catch word or synonym for all my crossdressing activities. So if I say Im glad someone accepts Cari, what Im saying is Im glad they accept my crossdressing. My crossdressing is definately a part of me.

Its hard to explain but Cari is more like a nickname or pen name Ive taken on than a seperate personality. I do admit Im taken back when I refer to Cari in the third person. It happens much more in a forum than in actual conversation.

I have never really thought about if Im suppressing one side or the other based on my dress. I would say that when in drab Im not suppressing much, but when dressed I do suppress male mannerisms and try to act more feminine especially when out in public.

Its definately not a different person that comes out when Im dressed; just a different side of me.

[Sarah Doepner]

"I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together."
John Lennon

I've been confused since before John became the walrus, or was that Paul?

I'm trying to be the same person all the time, but use "Sarah" and "Dave" as tools to keep my friends and family from getting confused as well. There is a certain amount of illusion I'm engaged in here, attempting to convince the mirror that it's facing a woman. The closer I can get to that goal, the more comfortable I become and if using a name that is normally used by women, why not? I try to talk about my time crossdressed, not about Sarah. Occasionally I do, but it's just a matter of convenience. Besides, it's just easier to run in heels when I'm being called Sarah.

[Briana90802]

I get that. Thanks. But why the need to compartmentalize this this aspect of who you are? Afterall what's wrong with being metrosexual?

[Emily Ann Brown]

There was a time when I saw myself as TWO. Probably because I was maintaining TWO, and it helped me be him (and keep it all straight). After the divorce, and getting an FU attitude about people knowing ALL about me... I am Em all the time. Just sometimes I have to crossdress as HIM for A PAYCHECK!

Em

[bridgetta]

The confusion is what makes it fun. I dont know. I really see. That its soceital pressure that creates the rift. If i could do what i wanted 24/7. I might know better.

[Tricia Lee]

Am I missing something???? And if so can people explain it to me?

Whatever it is, I'm missing it too. It doesn't make me uncomfortable when people do that, but I'm a little uncomfortable doing it myself. I don't see myself as two different people, so it doesn't make sense for me to formally separate the two.

I picked a female name when I registered here, but only to maintain privacy. I started out visiting support groups and things using "Tricia", but I've stopped doing that. I'm lucky enough that my real name can belong to men or women, so I just go by my real name now.

[Jenna Lynne]

There are times when I'm in boy-mode and times when I'm in girl-mode. They're both me, but there are differences, as Stephanie suggested. I walk differently, I talk differently, and so forth. Using my names as a shorthand way to talk about the two modes is easy, and it seems sensible, but I think you're bringing up a good point.

Psychologists tell us that integrating the various parts of ourselves (and especially the parts that we may not be comfortable with) is a good thing. If I try to keep my "selves" in separate compartments, I'm not integrating, and I don't think that's too healthy.

If you're comfortable being metrosexual (however you choose to define that), I think that's great! But remember, everybody gets to define for themselves how they want to present themselves. I'm a lot more comfortable with the idea of being seen and accepted as a woman. Giving off two types of gender cues at once, which I guess is what I imagine when I try to unscramble the word "metrosexual," wouldn't work well for me. I'm happy when I see others doing it, but I don't feel inclined to follow their lead.

[Michelle 2774]

This is an interesting question...I FEEL that I do act differently as Michelle than my male self although, others who have seen both sides feel that is not so...


The same as I would not go to church and act or dress the same as going to the local pub/bar

I do agree with this comment!

[Roxanne_Alternate]

I was discussing this exact topic with a GG friend of mine once.

I just made up a name to give my femine appearance a name. It would just make more sense that way... I do not see Roxanne as a separate entity, she's as much a part of me as my male part is. So if I talk about people accepting me as a crossdresser, I almost never refer to Roxanne. It's ME crossdressing. It's not Roxanne. If I'm in male mode, wouldn't that mean Roxanne is crossdressing? Well, not. I just gave her name so that when I'm going out as her in public, my friends have a name to refer to me.

[patricia 402]

it sucks but it has to be this way for me. pat can be patricia, but patricia wouldent ever be acepted in patricks world.i wish i could be patricia all the time(i am inside)but in the real world its not acsepted and i need to survive.

[Cari]

I get that. Thanks. But why the need to compartmentalize this this aspect of who you are? Afterall what's wrong with being metrosexual?

I guess the quick answer would be that the Metrosexual wasnt invented yet when I started out :-)
At that time it would have been frowned upon.

I compartmentalized it for safety and privacy.
Im still comfortable that way.
I wonder if I started over if it would be different.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Briana, good question. Before I began my transition, I did refer to myself as two people because I had come to regard my male life as a sham and my brain gender as the reality. Also, when I first joined this site, I was trying to protect my old identity so I referred to "him" or occasionally I referred to him as "Le Rosbif" (French slang for the Englishman)

[Tima]

Are you a different person altogether when you are en femme?

No. I’m the same person. I only have a femme name here because it is required. I must say I don’t understand this third-person concept, where (insert femme name) needs time and space, and (insert femme name) isn’t happy because she can’t dress. It seems to me you cause damage to your whole self by splitting in two, perhaps causing unintentional schizophrenic paranoia in the process, and only the overpaid therapist can put you back together again (I don’t believe they can, BTW). So, with that in mind, I’m me, and I’m better off in the long run.
:)

[carhill2mn]

I suspect that people close to you in age are more likely to feel as you do. We who are older (much) have grown up in a much different world. Most of our friends and relatives (save children) grew up in a similar world.

Even though I am the "same person" regardless of how I am presenting myself, it is much simpler and less of a hassle to present the "person" that people are expecting and conditioned to see. Therefore, my actions, vocabulary, manner of speaking will be different if I am in male mode vs. en femme. I am playing a role in either case.

[sissystephanie]

I have called my feminine part Stephanie for many years. My late wife loved that name, and called me that when the children weren't around. But I am really a male who just likes to wear feminine clothing. I have no desire to be a woman. And I do go out in public dressed enfemme, but looking otherwise exactly like the man that I am!

[Kaz]

I know I am one of many who refer to Kaz and "male mode" whatever, but I actually feel completely me and integrated. I am not two different people. I have wondered when I post somethings if I am coming over as having a split personality though!

When I have the opportunity I love to do a complete makeover and try to look as much like a woman as I can. I have been doing this for a few years now. If I then take some photos and compare them to photos of me in (and here we go again...) "male mode" (by which I mean no make-up, no attempt at trying to look like a woman, and what most people would call male clothes)... then you are looking at two different images and it would be difficult for many people who didn't know to say that they were the same person.

So to me, Kaz is the name of that transformed image, and that transformed image I guess is a photo representation of what I could look like as a woman (though obviously as a genetic woman there would be some differences due to the different sex genes). On the inside I am the same person, but I see two different representations. I could post pics of me somewhere in-between, but choose not to. Hmm.. maybe I should?

In my normal work, family and hobby mode I would never present the Kaz representation for lots of reasons, and so I am not "out". I like and value that world and if I CD'd in that world it would change and I do not want it to. I like it as it is. But when expressing my "Kaz" representation, I get to feel a little bit of what it might be like if "she" was fully expressed. And it pulls me into the world of what it would be like to be a woman. I will never really know of course, but this world is what many of us talk and think about, and using the "femme name" is a convenient way of talking about this I guess. "Kaz" is possibly a euphamism for the need to express this feminine side.

I LOVE looking in the mirror and seeing this female image looking back at me. She is me of course, but strangely, she is not... and this causes me to think differently. In fact I want to act and think a bit differently when dressed and looking like this. This is a million miles away from what I look like most of the time.

I am not explaining this very well... I guess it is complex! I have started to think that some of what is going on might be "impersonation". I am impersonating a woman.

Ah well...

[eluuzion]

First person, second person and third person are pronouns.

The first person refers to the person or persons speaking.
I,we,me,us, mine and ours belong to the first person.

Second person refers to the person or persons spoken to.
You, yours, thou, thee belong to the second person.

The third person refers to a person or thing spoken of.
He, she, him, her, hers, they, them , their, it, its belong to the third person

It is one of the common symptoms displayed by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (Narcissism is a pervasive interest in one’s self with a lack of empathy for others).

It is also one of the symptoms displayed in multiple personality disorder (only about 6000 documented cases) and to a lesser degree, in schizophrenia.

Just a personal opinion here…
It is also a writing technique quite commonly found in internet forum discussions, where a person refers to themselves in the third person in an attempt to portray themselves in some different “state of being”, as though they are an “outside observer of themselves“. It is a successful approach when writing a novel, but typically only succeeds in annoying the readers trying to interpret a post on a forum.

Whenever I encounter this technique in a post, I immediately skip reading it altogether. It is “harmless”, but very annoying for me. I am specifically referring to the "technique", not the actually person using it, whom I always view with respect, as well as their right to express their views in whatever manner they like.

But that is just me…

:love:

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

There are times when I definitely FEEL like two different people, but mostly I keep the femme name in order to help un-confuse those on the outside who might not get it ;)

Zara

[Kate Simmons]

I'm wondering just what difference it makes how you refer to yourself. Maybe some are not ready to integrate all of the aspects yet.:)

[Angiemead12]

I have two names because my thoughts and actions do change when I'm transform to Angie. When I'm male I'm very lazy and passive. When I present or see myself as female I'm very flirty and sexy!

It may not be that I have a split personality but I do have different behaviors depending on what I am wearing or how I look. It applies to all types of clothing. A suit makes me feel in power, restricts some movement, requires you to keep a certain posture and stature. A tshirt and jeans allows you to be comfy and casual. Old ratty clothes allow you to get dirty and it wouldn't matter. A long gown would make me feel very regal and poised. A short cocktail dress would make me feel fun and flirty. Lingerie would make me feel sexy and alluring.

All of which I would say affects me when I dress no matter what I'm wearing. And being called Angie for me is rewarding as I'm acknowledging a part of myself that not a lot of people know about.

I am one person with one mind who's behaviors are altered by the clothing that I choose to wear.

[Lexine]

There are specific social norms in relation to gender that I adhere to when I am either and I do this because I choose to. While I also like messing with people's gender expectations from time to time, I respect people's view and expectation of what gender should be which is why I act the way that I act. If I acted the same way Lexine does with my boy persona, I will be mistakenly labelled as gay by many and I know that I'm not this way. Heck, even with black nail polish and grooming my eyebrows my family thought I was gay. Then I told them about the two GG girlfriends I had this year, and they got quiet. I can't truly say this is an identity shift, but it's different enough that I'm considered as two different people by my friends. Of course, the ones who are close to me see through that facade easily.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

It is really kind of too complicated, and confusing for me to explain in less than five pages. So I will just leave it as I am one of those cross dressers whose feminine side is a seperate person or "entity" from there male side. Both me and my male side have lots in common as well as lots of differences. It has always been this way. Even when my male side was in the denial phases of his life. I was always there, never going away despite all efforts to "cure himself" of me. As I've said in other post I consider myself the " bratty, starved for attention, kid sister" to my male side. There is nothing wrong or unusual with you if you do not view yourself in this manner and are a completely whole person. To each his or her own.

[dilane]

I get that. Thanks. But why the need to compartmentalize this this aspect of who you are? Afterall what's wrong with being metrosexual?

Nothing at all. It's just that a lot of us aren't.

For example, some of us are transgendered or transsexual, and therefore want to present as women. Many of us for various reasons cannot do that full time, and need to maintain a typical male social identity for family or financial reasons. So we switch back and forth.

So using one's femme name is a convenient shorthand to refer to ourselves when in femme mode.

If one feels comfortable gender-blending 24/7, the above seems probably silly.

I have a lot of friends in each mode, and most haven't seen the other version. I'm happy for now with that arrangement, for whatever reason.

Of course, the mere fact that one makes the effort to gender blend confirms that there is a difference between the genders. The question of whether one wants to reside on one side of the divide or somewhere in the middle is an individual choice.

Regards,

Diane

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I don't know about a split personality but we always argue when it comes to clothes. I want to wear some nice clothes but he always wants me in lingerie. I want a quiet time at home and he wants to go to the shed and do some work on a car or bike. I want to watch a nice movie but he wants to watch some war movie or vampire and werewolves. What really irritates me is he has no dress sense. He likes his torn t-shirt and baggie boardies and I want him in a nice pair of trousers and shirt. Like the only time we become one is when he has drunk too much and throws up then he says in a timid voice "wish I had drunk that orange juice instead". Hello we are definitely the same person, sometimes:)

[Julogden]

I've always seen myself as one person and have never referred to either side as a separate entity. I don't understand why some people refer in the third person to their masculine and feminine sides as separate people, but some people are apparently comfortable doing that.

Carol

[SuzanneBender]

My personalities all concur that Suzanne and "H" are the same person. We really dig them, him, or her. They, she or he is a really fun person to be around. :heehee::heehee::heehee::heehee::heehee:

Actually I have always felt like me, but it takes a long time for those of us that have fought this for more than a few years to accept who we are. Once I accepted the fact concerning who is looking at the world out of my eyes I was able to stop referring to myself in the third person when I was in femme mode.

Now if I can convince those other voices in my head to stop referring to themselves in the third person....:eek:

[juno]

I only came up with a female name when I joined this forum, and I thought that being referred to as "she" was strange. Now it sometimes is a bit fun, but still very artificial.

Everybody has different personalities. Some people become jerks when driving, or obnoxious at sporting events. It is not a multiple personality disorder, just different moods, like the mention of bar versus church behavior. The only difference here is that people sometimes use their female name to describe their mood/personality when dressed. I think some people refer to their female self in 3rd person because they at least start out uncomfortable with it. Also, people often start out on their own and don't have a name for their whole "crossdressing and acting like a girl thing", so just calling it a girl name is easier. Maybe the 3rd person thing is a habit mainly for people who chose a girl name at a young age?

I totally understand having distinct male and female personalities, but I don't think it is necessary for the male side to refer to girl side in the 3rd person.

[Christy_M]

As a "Christy" I can tell you that when I refer to my wife accepting Christy, I am using the inference that she is accepting my CD activities (which she really hasn't). The truth of the matter is that she accepted me as her "man" 11 years ago. She never knew about my inate fashion sense until a few years ago and then thought I quit until a few months ago.

But your question elicits a complex response regarding me and who I am and how I present. I am not two different people. When I was younger, I developed a way to succeed in the gender given to me at birth that minimized beatings and bullying and sarcasm and other childish meanness. As I grew up, I figured out how to succeed in the man's world as another man. My mannerisms, voice, attitude, and to some degree my personality are driven towards succeeding in life as a man.

When I present as a woman (either in the closet or out and about) I get an opportunity to be me. I don't have to pretend to be mean or like rugby or generally be the macho man that I am when I am not presenting as a woman. As Cari and Angie said, I act very differently depending which clothes I am wearing. I know that whichever presenation I am making, it is me.

I am a straight man with 4 children, a beautiful wife and a fantastic career that affords me a lot of oppotunities that I don't think I would have had if I hadn't learned how to suppress my femnine tendencies from such a young age. Of course this can't be proven but it is how I feel. As I get older, I am finding it harder and harder to keep acting like the macho man that gave me the wonderful life I have today. When I state that Christy needs shopping time, that refers to me needing to present as a woman and go shopping. When I say I want to go shopping, the question becomes "...and how will I present during that shopping trip?"

[donnalee]

I compartmentalized it for safety and privacy.
Im still comfortable that way.
I wonder if I started over if it would be different.
I do the same thing for the same reasons, not only for this, but for many aspects of my life. I, as many others do, seperate work from home; family from friends and different activities one from the other. I'm by nature a pretty private person, do not welcome intrusions and like it that way. The female alias seems to be the norm for this site; when I joined I had not yet retired and had no desire to come out to anyone but my SO (up to that point, I wasn't aware that there was anything to come out about). I still don't, perhaps more from force of habit than any other reason. I'm the same person in all the different aspects of my life; I just prefer them to not interact on their own.

[busker]

When I was a teen, I joined a science book club and the first book I ordered was The Etiology of Schizophrenia. Pretty heavy reading for a 16 year old. Happily, it wasn't to be. I just learned that I have interests in 2 areas that folks don't normally join together. I like Bach and I like Basie.
when I'm dressed I am the same as when I'm not, but the sensations are different wearing a skirt then when I'm wearing pants. I can see that some might have 2 identities, especially if you go out en femme, which I do not. I'm with John and others with respect to seeing society accept men in skirts, etc ,as just daily dress. Sadly, it won't happen in my lifetime, but the younger crowd may see it happen.
Two personalities would be just too much to deal with. I feel "intergrated" and accept that some things that I do that might be considered mostly "woman's work". I also do manly stuff and can easily change from baking to banging on the car if need be. I have no femme name, just something for the sake of the forum, though sometimes I feel like Cassandra or Pandora.

[Rogina B]

Rough side/smooth side...I am two people in the same basic[lol] body. Roger is a get it done/sacrifice yourself,etc behavior while Rogina loves the feminine trappings and treatment.As a result,Roger has made Rogina's hands look like they have been put through a meatgrinder!! Seriously,in boy mode so many of us do without comfort that we want it in our other life..

[Lara Smith]

Whenever I'm reading posts on this board I've noticed a trend that people refer to their crossdressing self as a separate person. Like, "I'm so glad that my wife accepts Chisty." When shouldn't it be "I'm so glad that my wife accepts me."

It seems as if people almost have a split personality that they must supress until they put on femme clothes. I see myself as a whole person a male that just feels comfortable wearing femme things. Am I missing something here? All of you who are out, do you see a separate side that must be spressed when dressed en drab? Are you a different person altogether when you are en femme?

I pretty much act the same whether drab or en femme. I feel like the same person dressed either way. I guess I just like femme stuff more. And my femme name is just really Brian A.

Am I missing something???? And if so can people explain it to me?

Despite the name Lara...which is the name I would have were I a GG, I have to say I couldn't agree with you more. I am the same person at all times...my guy is the same as my girl...just different clothes at at different times.

[littlemara]

I would say for me, it's not a total lifestyle choice. I dress in fem clothing because I enjoy it and because it allows me to escape everyday things and to live out a life I can totally enjoy without everyday problems. The deeper I go, the deeper the escape is and the name Mara is a part of it.

[AlannahNorth]

I don't regard my feminine side as a different person. But - that may be developing in a way.

The idea of adopting a femme name never seriously occurred until 3 years ago when I visited a CD'ing shop in Toronto. I was asked what my femme name was - I didn't have one. It got me thinking. It went nowhere though until I signed up for this forum, and I decided I needed one.

I've done a bit of research on how people can use a persona, and for some situations I like the idea. I will likely develop a female persona just to enhance the CD'ing experience. Other than that, it's still me.

[stefanie]

hmmm

i find myself when dressed much more of a different person especially when out and about. It is a whole different role play so to speak. I don't know if i am really forcing it or if it just comes out naturally but i certainly do not feel or act like my drab self. On the other hand, i do see more of my femme traits escaping in drab mode but only when speaking with women....it just happened to me tonight in fact at a business dinner where i was more comfortable speaking to the gal about girly things.

[GingerLeigh]

I never had a name for my "other personality" until I came to this website and needed an alias. Funny because if I were a woman, I don't think I'd want my name to be Ginger.

Anyhow, for me I don't really see it as two personalities. I want the same things either way, and have the same feelings/thoughts as I always do. I just artificially partition the two modes dress as two distinct personalities. Why? I suppose its probably because it makes it feel more like there is a woman there in the mirror rather than a dude in a dress. Simply part of the fun!

Ginger

[Claire Cook]

I imagine social conditioning plays a large part in how we, as crossdressers, act and dress in our everyday life. For me, I'm not of two personalities, or two different people in one body. I am, though, of two different social mindsets. The same as I would not go to church and act or dress the same as going to the local pub/bar - I do not act or dress the same when Stephanie as I do as my male self. I do not dress and act in a way that will cause harm or angst for my family. It is not fair for me to put the burden of societal non-understanding upon them because I want/feel/ need to be or dress a certain way. It's called sacrifice. It is one of many that I do for the family.( To be fair -they do many for me. That's what family is all about) Am I the same person? Sure am. But there are social criteria that we have all have been raised with that dictates what is the norm for us to act and dress.
It is taking time to change this, but we are still hard at it.

Stephanie's thoughtful response echoes my feelings -- although more and more I find that I embrace the softer side of my personality when en drab. I am me.

[Marissa]

metrosexual

I began reading the thread yesterday afternoon and could not quite put the my thoughts in perspective for the OP. But the word above stuck in my head for some reason...and then I watched last night's episode of 'Two and a Half Men'. Charlie tells Alan, that he should just accept it and come out of the closet (some words of that meaning). Alan responds that he is not gay but metrosexual. Charlie rebuttles with "Metrosexual is another way of saying your gay and just not getting laid"

No disrespect to anyone, I just thought it was funny...and no, it has nothing to do with this thread..:)

I do see this form of reference (in the OP) used in the manner that Christy_M stated and I have used it in various discussions and emails. In most cases, its exactly as Christy referred, it compartmentalized for the person who has not fully accepted (an SO, wife, friend, family) or as in my case, I have not fully come out to the world.

At times, I do see us as two different people who try to 'fit in' to be comfortable to the setting. It does take a mental note to ensure we are not drawing unnecessary attention that gives the other away. Now if that is split personality, please let me know so I can go to the VA for disability :)

Lucky you who chose or have found that zone to be comfortable as one to yourself and the world.. but I am what I am..a crossdresser (for now). I am not someone who wants to dress 24/7, transition or even push an edge of overly underdress to remind me of ME (Marissa :D). I only wear panties underneath since they feel better, but not to remind me of Marissa (sorry..)

I do appreciate what one brings to the other side in making that person better..and maybe someday, they will merge and I will be one of you who sees no difference.

Until then, I think we are both good people with distinct lives :)

(now where did I put the number to my therapist????)

[Vikki Vixen]

I am certainly one person, I am no different if I dress as a man or woman. I purely like to wear girls clothes and wish the term Metrosexual was around when I was young as I would have certainly embraced what it is and pushed the boundaries on it. I do think things are moving on as as well as metrosexuals there seems to be a growing number of 'camp' hetrosexuals who enjoy carrying out the apearance and attitude of a gay man but only go out with girls. I am hoping these boundaries are pushed further and it becomes common for men to 'gender bend' this would be my ideal as I would never pass for a woman but am comfortale going out in flared jeans and high heels with or without my wife. With more acceptance by the general public they could all see the real me, a man who is comfortable and enjoys wearing girlie clothing and is the same person no matter how I am dressed.

[Charlena]

Some of this post is copied and pasted from another post of mine.

I think the problem stems from society putting the human species into two groups...Man and Woman...also societies almost always put man before woman when talking of the two.
I do not believe I am a man. I worked with men for over thirty years, I am not a man.
I do not believe I am a woman. I always liked being around the women in my family, but I am not a woman.
I am a two-spirit, a third gender, or fourth, fifth, etc.
I am compassionate, kind, love children, love animals, have the need to know I am loved, I am very protective of those I love, I would kill for them.
I did not really know how to be a father. I had males as role models, but when I tried to act like them it never felt right.
I do not know how to be a mother. Although my initial reactions to situations were more like the women in my family.
I do know how to be a compassionate person. (even though there are times when my children maybe needed something more? If you follow societal rules.

I am somewhere in between man and woman and if societies and cultures nurtured that instead of admonishing it maybe there would be no need for two identities? I am learning to understand myself and finally beginning to love myself for the person that was born fifty-one years ago. I feel I am slowly becoming the one person the Creator intended?
Peace my friends...All is Related.

[Annaliese2010]

Whenever I'm reading posts on this board I've noticed a trend that people refer to their crossdressing self as a separate person... I see myself as a whole person a male that just feels comfortable wearing femme things. Am I missing something here?I am 'out' or free, or 'in control' freely expressing by a kind of mental transformation that switches us - so to speak. I know it must sound a bit crazy, but not really. I'll try to explain: When, for one of several specific reasons, 'he' wishes to 'take a back seat' as it were, that's when I gladly accommodate, LOL. God - it's hard to explain w/o sounding loopy. See...it's not that there's a split personality in the classic sense. We're integrated at some deep level and there is mutual awareness and consent - very rarely contention - and if so, not like...in a battle 'for control'... more like of 2 minds about some item of consideration, nothing of which is very earth shaking actually.

When the desire to switch over, or transform is present, sustained & it's strong enough and the opportunity is there as well, of course - a gradual 'change of mind' occurs. Which is to say 'his' mindset yields to mine. As he fades to background I come forward. He's still in me, and usually always aware in some sense, but silent and mute by and large. there are exceptions - like if I'm interacting with someone, which for me means either a GG or another M2F girl (since I have no interest in men, and in fact an aversion to them) he'll sort of completely disappear as I've come to notice - and it's really just, me, expressing myself, being the girl I AM. Not trying to be feminine or girly or womanly...just...being what I am, which is all of that: sometimes more a girl, sometimes more mature and womanly - but always feminine. So...wearing the clothes I wear, putting on my pretty face, being fun and flirty, loving my colors, the details of daily living that he may find boring, moving the way I do, feeling the way I feel, seeing others differently, being pushed by an urgency that is altogether foreign to him, acting on them or...not, whatever the case may be... is just me being me - without forethought or invention. Without trying. However, changing too, discovering other facets of who I am is a fascinating, sometimes surprising thing! LOL...

There are exceptions too. Sometimes when I'm out and about 'he' may 'stir', so to speak. I feel a sense of disagreement or debate as to whether I should do this or that...especially when I'm about to get myself into 'trouble' LOL. I 'take note' but I have my own mind about most things, my own tastes & temperament, opinions, desires and drives all of which are quite distinct and different from his. It's not really conflict when there occurs this sort of indecisiveness, because it doest last long and I always win, by definition i.e. I'm the one out now, in-control, running the show. He gets to 'be the man' 90 - 95% of the time - IMO it's healthy to sometime just stfu & let go. Trust. Ya know? Besides...what does he know that makes him so great? Believe me...not much! Ok...that's a bit cruel...but still. Oh whatever...

Briana if I may hypothesize... when you said "I see myself as...a male...wearing femme things" I think you're answering your own question. You are a crossdressing male. That's the operative term. You know and feel yourself to be Male, regardless of what you wear. You have your own reasons for wearing feminine clothes, and whatever they may be it's your decision, your feeling, or your proclivity, even if it's impossible to articulate or reason through. You're just as valid a person as anyone else - just as special just as common just as irreplaceable as every person is, IMO: unique in your own ways, fem clothing or not. I'm just saying...central to all aspects of your wonderful life is your sense of maleness. By what you've said, you ARE a man though. As you are, so you are. But for whatever reason(s) as you are, so I am not. I'm happy for the monolithic quality of your own gender experience which must make life easier had it been otherwise. But the problem with duality isn't because there is anything intrinsically problematic about male/female simultaneity within ones self. The problem has to do with social intolerance, fear and ignorance - as usual - about something as innocuous and harmless as lil 'ol me. LOL.

I used to think maybe it's important to integrate both sides of myself but lately I'm wondering... Why? As long as there's peaceful co-existence and I get the opportunity to feel and express and develop myself, exercise my will and grow as a person, why make such an issue out of it, I ask myself. I mean I'm not stupid. I realize the limitations in place, the reasons why I have to suffer self denial much more than he, but it is what it is! I'm not a crusader, we don't have the luxury of living in an enlightened society that would otherwise allow for a more equitable sharing of time as there may be material and social consequences to do so. Am I happy bout it? No. Do I impose myself, fight to be free and all that...No. Why? Well...it always comes down to something everyday, seemingly trivial and ridiculous, doesn't it. I'm sorry but I'm simply not willing to wear cheap perfume and wear rags if that's the price to pay for "Freedom". Pshaw!

IOW, to my way of thinking.. OF COURSE it doesn't matter what clothes anyone wears - how can this simple act impact one's sense of gender identification? It can't. It all begins inside. If you experience yourself as what traditionally would be labeled 'feminine', then your behavior is driven in this direction, more or less, depending on the Degree to which this inner femininity is present. Part of that behavior, of course, involves ones clothing, ones general appearance, if you are moved to become pretty, to have a smooth body, free of hair, wear makeup, perfumes, how you walk, talk, the things you do, those you don't, the urges you feel, the thoughts you have, the feelings you feel...all a natural expression of who you Are...for god only knows why.

From 100% male personality who enjoys wearing women s clothing, to 50% male/50% female personality to 100% female personality in a male bod...and everything in between....what you are, you are ~ it is what it is ~ no one's better no ones worse ~ the human brain is THE most complex and complicated device in ALL of nature. It's a long row to hoe to figuring out the physical correlates to human behavior & experience - and even when they do, they're only 'correlates', not necessarily determinants. IMO we're all here for a specific reason. Maybe the overriding purpose of life is for each one to discover this, what IS the thread that weaves its way, continuously, year by year throughout life? A game of discovery! Oooh fun! Sides, what else is there to do? LOL...

For those who have an inward sense of cognitive dissonance for something as basic as gender identification, dealing with this may or may not be their bigger purpose - or one of them, However such dissonance exists only because of the narrow categories forced by society at large. So...everyone probly has a bigger raison d'tre and it's too bad when ya get hung up on something so basic as 'whats my gender & why don't I fit in?'. But such is life in the big bad world at present. One would hope the future reflects the acceptance & tolerance of a more enlightened people with imagination & intelligence enough to appreciate the diversity of Beingness that is apparently ever present in the vast numbers of humans who are after all, members of the same family. The broader course of any given human life should be all about learning, exploration, discovery and... Adventure!!!

148299

[kathie225]

Well I'm just old boring me all the time. Regardless of dress, my thoughts are the same. Ditto with my conduct and relationships.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I know I am one of many who refer to Kaz and "male mode" whatever, but I actually feel completely me and integrated. I am not two different people. I have wondered when I post somethings if I am coming over as having a split personality though!

When I have the opportunity I love to do a complete makeover and try to look as much like a woman as I can. I have been doing this for a few years now. If I then take some photos and compare them to photos of me in (and here we go again...) "male mode" (by which I mean no make-up, no attempt at trying to look like a woman, and what most people would call male clothes)... then you are looking at two different images and it would be difficult for many people who didn't know to say that they were the same person.

So to me, Kaz is the name of that transformed image, and that transformed image I guess is a photo representation of what I could look like as a woman (though obviously as a genetic woman there would be some differences due to the different sex genes). On the inside I am the same person, but I see two different representations. I could post pics of me somewhere in-between, but choose not to. Hmm.. maybe I should?

In my normal work, family and hobby mode I would never present the Kaz representation for lots of reasons, and so I am not "out". I like and value that world and if I CD'd in that world it would change and I do not want it to. I like it as it is. But when expressing my "Kaz" representation, I get to feel a little bit of what it might be like if "she" was fully expressed. And it pulls me into the world of what it would be like to be a woman. I will never really know of course, but this world is what many of us talk and think about, and using the "femme name" is a convenient way of talking about this I guess. "Kaz" is possibly a euphamism for the need to express this feminine side.

I LOVE looking in the mirror and seeing this female image looking back at me. She is me of course, but strangely, she is not... and this causes me to think differently. In fact I want to act and think a bit differently when dressed and looking like this. This is a million miles away from what I look like most of the time.

I am not explaining this very well... I guess it is complex! I have started to think that some of what is going on might be "impersonation". I am impersonating a woman.

Ah well...

Wow, you have nailed it for me! Thanks!

[sometimes_miss]

I'm not out; but I suppose if I were, I'd like to use a female name rather than the male one that brings all kinds of awful memories from my childhood. Alexa, or Lexi, is how I'd really prefer to be known, but I don't have that luxury.

[Briana90802]

Wow! So many responses and with such in-depth answers. I appreciate all the different types of opinions. Thanks.