Checks and balances

[Sarah Doepner]

I've been letting my hair grow out and it brushes my shoulders now. I also got my ears pierced this year and wear a small hoop most of the time. My eyebrows a plucked but very blond and not very noticeable. Beyond that my features are masculine and appearance is not very femme. My wife got tickets to a local theater production of 'A Christmas Carol'. I was in Male mode and we found ourselves among several hundred other people enjoying the performance. At intermission I walked with families to the snack bar and a 10 or 12 year-old girl glanced at me and then did a strong double take.

I'm guessing that in our conservative community she just wasn't used to seeing men with earrings and longer hair. My concern is about how far I push this look and not move to a point where my supportive wife begins to reel me back in. So far she says it's all fine, but she is getting used to it, bit by bit. I shouldn't be concerned about this, but apparently I am.

What kind of checks and balances do you use to decide how far you push your everyday male appearance in support of your crossdressing? Or do you even care?

[Emily Ann Brown]

Try a ponytail and small gold studs or silver studs.

Em

[Karren H]

"She who must be obeyed"... Hater of all things feminine is my check and balance... Sigh....

[NV Susan]

I push the envelope more with cloths. When I'm out presenting male from the neck up I love to wear ladies slacks {especially the style that zips up the side}, female tops that may show my bra straps, pantyhose, and shoes with a low 1/2-1 inch heel. Also a femme watch and bracelet, I also have a clench purse I carry if the slacks don't have pockets {as most side zips don't}.
Just how I get thru my own little world....:devil:

[Jennifer in CO]

similar here Susan although I don't "on purpose" let the bra straps show. I'll be heading out to do a job here in the next 1/2 hour and my Friday attire is white bra/panty set and black garterbelt with black hose, Ecru chiffon short sleeved blouse (with large bows at the arm holes), black side-zip slacks (and your right - no pockets) and my Payless "Believe" loafers. Since I'll be wearing a nice winter coat (it is 30 degrees here) only the slacks and shoes will be seen.

Jenn

[AllieSF]

The easiest way to expand your femme presentation is through open discussion with your wife. You don't need to, and actually shouldn't, ask for permission, but rather what she thinks. That opens up the discussion and helps both of you understand the other's point of view.

[Christie ann]

I see that Karren and I have the same system in place

[suchacutie]

I agree with Karren in function!

I ask my wife "how's this look", and she decides. Whether she says yes or no I ask her what her thinking is. She always tells me. Communication can be fun:)

After all, she has to see me, and put up with the consequences. BTW, I do the same thing completely in male mode. My position is that I want to look good to my wife, so the more she likes it the happier I am....in a number of ways :)

[Alice B]

I push as far as I think I can. My check and balance is my wife.

[Frédérique]

At intermission I walked with families to the snack bar and a 10 or 12 year-old girl glanced at me and then did a strong double take. I'm guessing that in our conservative community she just wasn't used to seeing men with earrings and longer hair.

I’m wondering if your eyebrows were most interesting to the young girl, since you rarely see that on a male. Living in a very conservative place myself, I can expect a similar reaction from the public, especially any youth in the immediate vicinity. Double-takes can be good things…
:battingeyelashes:


What kind of checks and balances do you use to decide how far you push your everyday male appearance in support of your crossdressing?

I rely on myself, based on my own experience. I don’t push things too far, because I straddle the two genders and play with appearance. My male persona has its own costume, which I use to “get by” in real life. My crossdressing is not a public affair, but there are subtle hints for all to see. The male camouflage only hides so much…

[Rogina B]

Whether I am rollerblading OR riding my 9 yr old daughter to school on the bike,my outfit is a dead giveaway and the fact that I am so comfortable dressed like that,a dead giveaway to the average observer..With sheer hose,it is very obvious my legs are smooth and my eyebrows are not masculine[along with my dyed hair of late.lol]. What the hell is so wrong with tights,leotard,slouch socks,anyway?? Why can't we just dress as we want??

[PretzelGirl]

I tend to ride the wife "Check and Balance" some. But my wife is pretty open to most anything, so that isn't much of a gauge. She initially said I shouldn't grow my hair out and then went with it pretty quick. She is the one that bought me a gift card to go get my ears pierced. So I run the additional Check and Balance of just monitoring others opinions. As long as any changes are small and spread out and I don't get comments, I drive on.

The one thing that is interesting at work is the security badges. We naturally have them with pictures and you can also go on our intranet and look anyone up. You end up getting their picture, phone number, etc. When everyone looks mine up, they get the whole realm of changes over the last 6 years (hair short to long, earrings added, lost 70 pounds, mustache now gone). So I tend to be careful with the other things because sometimes there are other ways to add up the gradual changes.

[Sarah Doepner]

. . . snip . . .

The one thing that is interesting at work is the security badges. We naturally have them with pictures and you can also go on our intranet and look anyone up. You end up getting their picture, phone number, etc. When everyone looks mine up, they get the whole realm of changes over the last 6 years (hair short to long, earrings added, lost 70 pounds, mustache now gone). So I tend to be careful with the other things because sometimes there are other ways to add up the gradual changes.

And change over time is the key to it. We make gradual changes to our appearance and attitudes and behaviors that are, each and every one minor. However after a year or two or six it becomes apparent that there is something going on. Even those close to us accept those incremental changes over time, but someone who sees us only once ever so often is shocked by the difference all those minor things create. Hopefully as we spend more time and energy pursuing these changes we become better able to accept the discoveries that others make concerning our progress.