alexia85
12-19-2010, 05:56 PM
What is all this about? I'm just trying to figure out how this all started, and where it's taking "us"... I'll put the kettle on...
About 25 and a half years ago, my parents "just knew," and prepared for the arrival of their little girl.
25 years ago, my parents named me after my grandfather.
And a day after that, my dad rushed home and changed everything in my room from pink, to blue.
And the amusing anecdote begins...
As early as I can remember, I fully appreciated the beauty of females, and I've looked forward to finding a beautiful and loving wife and having a child... And instilling proper morals and valuable knowledge in my child, in hopes they will follow a similar path, and I'll get to see a grandchild. This has always been my plan. In fact, that has pretty much always been my take on "the meaning of life." To help life continue...
When I was about 18, all the girls started wearing these "Lululemon" brand pants, because they made their buns look "like a pair of dreams"... (That's a quote from Jeff Winger, TV's Community, referring to the comfort level of "Ugz" brand boots, which are also pretty cute, and coincidentally, look great with the pants, in my opinion.)
When I was 20, my girlfriend and I were fooling around and I put her Lulus on. (This wasn't a big deal, as she was introducing me to some pretty kinky stuff, which I ended up really enjoying...) Anyways, she's yelling angrily, "Oh my god, they look better on you than they do on me!" I checked myself out in the mirror, and damn, she was right! Days later when I was alone, I put them on again, and admired myself in the mirror.
A year or so later, after we had broken up (long, irrelevant story...) I found myself stretching the legs of my oversized boxer shorts over my waist and wearing them as a miniskirt and tube top (stuffed with socks) with the excess tied up at the back. Again, I would pose for myself in the mirror.
Eight months ago I moved out of my parents' house and got my own place. Two months later, I found myself obsessing over these Lululemon pants more than ever, and actually went and bought a cheap pair of Lulu knockoffs and cute black high heels at Wal-Mart for forty bucks.... When I got home and put them on, I literally fell in love... The way they looked, the way they felt, and they way wearing them made me feel inside... Exhilarated, liberated, ...and sexy!
The next day I went out and spent $250 on a long blond wig, bra and panties, stockings, black garter belt (actually to cover my adams apple), tight black tank-top, and a tight skirt (to cover the bulge...) I even went so far as to dig up my old halloween face-painting pastels for blue eyeshadow and red lipstick...
As of today, in total, I've spent close to $3500 on "women's" clothing and products.
(To put that into perspective, that's about $1100 less than the cost of the new car I absolutely require for work, but can't afford... And $1100 would probably be more than enough for me redo my bathtub and tiles, which are screaming for help...)
I've started taking this whole thing pretty seriously... I don't see this as "dressing up" in girls clothes, anymore. I am literally transforming myself into another person.
Her name is Alexia. She is young at heart, nearly care-free, and seems to me that she is the more natural reflection of who I really am, as opposed to who I try to come off as to the rest of the world, when dressed as a male...
I've come to the realization that I am a sexually-confused crossdresser going through an identity struggle.
I transform on a near daily basis. I've started living my life purely to accommodate for Alexia's time at night and on the weekends.
My two friends who know about my crossdressing both claim I have a more feminine (and cheerful) personality when I am Alexia... which is interesting, because I am less conscience of my my demeanor while I'm dressed as opposed to when I'm not. For instance, if I'm really excited as a male, I try to play it off like it's nothing, maybe I'll smirk... But Alexia will have a wide smile, and will dance, hop, skip, jump and clap her hands, if she feels the need. Lexi is less inclined to hide her natural reactions and feelings because she feels like she's got nothing to hide... Even though she does...
Both Lexi and I are completely unattracted to males. Though lately, Lexi has been getting urges to experience what it's like "to be the girl." I am scared of the path Lexi is leaning towards, because I don't want to lose my opportunity to live my life the way I had always planned (wife and kids)... Lexi is being considerate of this, but it's paining her....
We're sharing a single life... I feel like we both need our own... There aren't enough hours in the day... or days in the week... I guess any way we slice it, we'll never both be happy... After all, you can't have your cake, and eat it, too...
"A good negotiation never leaves anyone satisfied". (Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes)
About 25 and a half years ago, my parents "just knew," and prepared for the arrival of their little girl.
25 years ago, my parents named me after my grandfather.
And a day after that, my dad rushed home and changed everything in my room from pink, to blue.
And the amusing anecdote begins...
As early as I can remember, I fully appreciated the beauty of females, and I've looked forward to finding a beautiful and loving wife and having a child... And instilling proper morals and valuable knowledge in my child, in hopes they will follow a similar path, and I'll get to see a grandchild. This has always been my plan. In fact, that has pretty much always been my take on "the meaning of life." To help life continue...
When I was about 18, all the girls started wearing these "Lululemon" brand pants, because they made their buns look "like a pair of dreams"... (That's a quote from Jeff Winger, TV's Community, referring to the comfort level of "Ugz" brand boots, which are also pretty cute, and coincidentally, look great with the pants, in my opinion.)
When I was 20, my girlfriend and I were fooling around and I put her Lulus on. (This wasn't a big deal, as she was introducing me to some pretty kinky stuff, which I ended up really enjoying...) Anyways, she's yelling angrily, "Oh my god, they look better on you than they do on me!" I checked myself out in the mirror, and damn, she was right! Days later when I was alone, I put them on again, and admired myself in the mirror.
A year or so later, after we had broken up (long, irrelevant story...) I found myself stretching the legs of my oversized boxer shorts over my waist and wearing them as a miniskirt and tube top (stuffed with socks) with the excess tied up at the back. Again, I would pose for myself in the mirror.
Eight months ago I moved out of my parents' house and got my own place. Two months later, I found myself obsessing over these Lululemon pants more than ever, and actually went and bought a cheap pair of Lulu knockoffs and cute black high heels at Wal-Mart for forty bucks.... When I got home and put them on, I literally fell in love... The way they looked, the way they felt, and they way wearing them made me feel inside... Exhilarated, liberated, ...and sexy!
The next day I went out and spent $250 on a long blond wig, bra and panties, stockings, black garter belt (actually to cover my adams apple), tight black tank-top, and a tight skirt (to cover the bulge...) I even went so far as to dig up my old halloween face-painting pastels for blue eyeshadow and red lipstick...
As of today, in total, I've spent close to $3500 on "women's" clothing and products.
(To put that into perspective, that's about $1100 less than the cost of the new car I absolutely require for work, but can't afford... And $1100 would probably be more than enough for me redo my bathtub and tiles, which are screaming for help...)
I've started taking this whole thing pretty seriously... I don't see this as "dressing up" in girls clothes, anymore. I am literally transforming myself into another person.
Her name is Alexia. She is young at heart, nearly care-free, and seems to me that she is the more natural reflection of who I really am, as opposed to who I try to come off as to the rest of the world, when dressed as a male...
I've come to the realization that I am a sexually-confused crossdresser going through an identity struggle.
I transform on a near daily basis. I've started living my life purely to accommodate for Alexia's time at night and on the weekends.
My two friends who know about my crossdressing both claim I have a more feminine (and cheerful) personality when I am Alexia... which is interesting, because I am less conscience of my my demeanor while I'm dressed as opposed to when I'm not. For instance, if I'm really excited as a male, I try to play it off like it's nothing, maybe I'll smirk... But Alexia will have a wide smile, and will dance, hop, skip, jump and clap her hands, if she feels the need. Lexi is less inclined to hide her natural reactions and feelings because she feels like she's got nothing to hide... Even though she does...
Both Lexi and I are completely unattracted to males. Though lately, Lexi has been getting urges to experience what it's like "to be the girl." I am scared of the path Lexi is leaning towards, because I don't want to lose my opportunity to live my life the way I had always planned (wife and kids)... Lexi is being considerate of this, but it's paining her....
We're sharing a single life... I feel like we both need our own... There aren't enough hours in the day... or days in the week... I guess any way we slice it, we'll never both be happy... After all, you can't have your cake, and eat it, too...
"A good negotiation never leaves anyone satisfied". (Bill Waterson, Calvin & Hobbes)