Starla
12-22-2010, 09:06 PM
A hug can be loving, comforting, supportive, uplifting, or any combination of the above.
In U.S. society, women have always been more prone to hug. For even casual female friends to hug in greeting, or to share a joyous moment, is commonplace.
Traditionally, American men avoided same-sex hugs like the plague. That whole “if I touch another man in any manner more intimate than a handshake, it might mean I’m gay” nonsense. In my lifetime, though, I have observed American men getting more huggy with each other, although mostly reserved to the closest friends, and certainly not as frequently as women indulge.
Cross-sex hugging can be a minefield. Men often associate hugging a woman with sexuality; women can view a man hugging them as being on the make. Even an innocent, platonic hug has the possibility of being misinterpreted.
Crossdressers, when comfortable in their female personas, tend to gravitate towards the female practice of hugging each other, and many become very affectionately huggy when dressed.
Sometimes, the timing and circumstances of a hug can make it a significant, very meaningful gesture of acceptance.
Two hugs from my active girly years come to mind as being both demonstrative of those traditional gender differences, and very meaningful at the time.
When I still had my feet in both camps, the female stylist who regularly cut my hair knew of Starla, had seen photos of me dressed, but had not yet met me in person as Starla. We had become good friends, and on one visit, upon greeting her (in male mode), I greeted her spontaneously with a friendly hug.
Oof! I immediately felt her body stiffen. It might have just been that she was taken by surprise, but her body language, expression, and subsequent uncharacteristic standoffishness indicated that she was NOT at all comfortable with what I had done.
Fast-forward a few weeks when I found myself passing her salon while in girl mode. Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to pop in and let her meet Starla.
When she saw me, and recognized me from the photos I had shown her, she broke into a huge smile, and warmly embraced me in a very affectionate hug! What a difference! It both exemplified the gender-based differences in “hugging protocol,” and reassured me, not just that I had not lost her overall friendship, but that she accepted me as “one of the girls” now that the appearance and personality were in sync.
The other significant hug I recall involved a good male friend. We shared a common hobby or two, had visited each other on trips (we lived in different states), and spoke on the phone frequently (neither of us were yet using that new-fangled e-mail thingy). Without going into details, I had inadvertently outed myself to him during one call. (I had planned to eventually tell him anyway, feeling that as he was a very liberal and sensitive guy that he would not freak out.) He reacted well, full of curiosity and questions, and assured me that this did not affect our friendship. I sent him some photos, and he complimented me on my appearance.
As these exchanges were going on, we had already planned to meet up some weeks in the future. (I would be on vacation, and was going to swing by and spend a few days with him.) Any mention or discussion of the impending meeting was absent from our next few conversations, neither of us wanting to broach the obvious question.
Finally, I brought up the trip, asking him if the visit was still on. He assured me that it was, then, after a brief silence, took the initiative to drop the bombshell question.
“Are you coming as (my male name), or as Starla?”
I thought a moment, then threw it back to him. “I hadn’t thought about it.” (Liar!) “I want to do whatever is most comfortable for you.”
Another silence. “Well, if you come as Starla, I’m cool with it. I mean, it sounds like you’re going to be spending more and more time like that, and I guess I need to get used to it.”
Fair enough. I was pressing on with my gender trek, and had hoped to be able to spend the whole trip as Starla. His approval meant I could do just that.
Long story short, we met, had a fun few days together, had more discussions of what all this girly stuff meant to me, and his relating to me as Starla quickly went from cautious acceptance to a level of comfort that made me feel very happy.
And, when we said our goodbyes, HE initiated a very sincere, affectionate (but platonic) hug.
This, from a guy who, though not as "macho" as many, would have never hugged me as a guy even if you paid him to.
I had to leave quickly, or I would have lost it then and there. I cried copious tears of happiness as I embarked on my long drive, to the point where I had to pull over and let it all out, else I would have wrecked the car.
My path eventually changed dramatically, and for a variety of reasons, he and I lost touch many years ago. But I will always remember with fondness that hug, one that in that time and place was just what I needed.
How about you? Any really significant, memorable or meaningful hugs that you still treasure?
In U.S. society, women have always been more prone to hug. For even casual female friends to hug in greeting, or to share a joyous moment, is commonplace.
Traditionally, American men avoided same-sex hugs like the plague. That whole “if I touch another man in any manner more intimate than a handshake, it might mean I’m gay” nonsense. In my lifetime, though, I have observed American men getting more huggy with each other, although mostly reserved to the closest friends, and certainly not as frequently as women indulge.
Cross-sex hugging can be a minefield. Men often associate hugging a woman with sexuality; women can view a man hugging them as being on the make. Even an innocent, platonic hug has the possibility of being misinterpreted.
Crossdressers, when comfortable in their female personas, tend to gravitate towards the female practice of hugging each other, and many become very affectionately huggy when dressed.
Sometimes, the timing and circumstances of a hug can make it a significant, very meaningful gesture of acceptance.
Two hugs from my active girly years come to mind as being both demonstrative of those traditional gender differences, and very meaningful at the time.
When I still had my feet in both camps, the female stylist who regularly cut my hair knew of Starla, had seen photos of me dressed, but had not yet met me in person as Starla. We had become good friends, and on one visit, upon greeting her (in male mode), I greeted her spontaneously with a friendly hug.
Oof! I immediately felt her body stiffen. It might have just been that she was taken by surprise, but her body language, expression, and subsequent uncharacteristic standoffishness indicated that she was NOT at all comfortable with what I had done.
Fast-forward a few weeks when I found myself passing her salon while in girl mode. Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to pop in and let her meet Starla.
When she saw me, and recognized me from the photos I had shown her, she broke into a huge smile, and warmly embraced me in a very affectionate hug! What a difference! It both exemplified the gender-based differences in “hugging protocol,” and reassured me, not just that I had not lost her overall friendship, but that she accepted me as “one of the girls” now that the appearance and personality were in sync.
The other significant hug I recall involved a good male friend. We shared a common hobby or two, had visited each other on trips (we lived in different states), and spoke on the phone frequently (neither of us were yet using that new-fangled e-mail thingy). Without going into details, I had inadvertently outed myself to him during one call. (I had planned to eventually tell him anyway, feeling that as he was a very liberal and sensitive guy that he would not freak out.) He reacted well, full of curiosity and questions, and assured me that this did not affect our friendship. I sent him some photos, and he complimented me on my appearance.
As these exchanges were going on, we had already planned to meet up some weeks in the future. (I would be on vacation, and was going to swing by and spend a few days with him.) Any mention or discussion of the impending meeting was absent from our next few conversations, neither of us wanting to broach the obvious question.
Finally, I brought up the trip, asking him if the visit was still on. He assured me that it was, then, after a brief silence, took the initiative to drop the bombshell question.
“Are you coming as (my male name), or as Starla?”
I thought a moment, then threw it back to him. “I hadn’t thought about it.” (Liar!) “I want to do whatever is most comfortable for you.”
Another silence. “Well, if you come as Starla, I’m cool with it. I mean, it sounds like you’re going to be spending more and more time like that, and I guess I need to get used to it.”
Fair enough. I was pressing on with my gender trek, and had hoped to be able to spend the whole trip as Starla. His approval meant I could do just that.
Long story short, we met, had a fun few days together, had more discussions of what all this girly stuff meant to me, and his relating to me as Starla quickly went from cautious acceptance to a level of comfort that made me feel very happy.
And, when we said our goodbyes, HE initiated a very sincere, affectionate (but platonic) hug.
This, from a guy who, though not as "macho" as many, would have never hugged me as a guy even if you paid him to.
I had to leave quickly, or I would have lost it then and there. I cried copious tears of happiness as I embarked on my long drive, to the point where I had to pull over and let it all out, else I would have wrecked the car.
My path eventually changed dramatically, and for a variety of reasons, he and I lost touch many years ago. But I will always remember with fondness that hug, one that in that time and place was just what I needed.
How about you? Any really significant, memorable or meaningful hugs that you still treasure?