Welp, I've gone and done it...

[Juliemckay]

For a long time, I haven't found my place on the "male/female continum". It's like I'm sliding up and down the line, almost without reason. I have come to grips with several factors over the last year... My sexuality being the largest. It is starting to really bother me, though, that I don't find a good spot (or even region) on that continum. One day, I feel like I should start HRT, the next I want to get really macho. Sometime I'll shift several times a day. I know I want to keep my boy bits and remain hetero... beyond that everything is up in the air, for me. Not that this type of thing is all that uncommon amongst "us".

So I set up an appointment with a gender therapist. She has come rather highly recommended. I am hoping that a fresh outlook may help me out. My appointment is for mid January. Wish me luck, I hope to get a better grip on where I really belong. I don't feel like going 24/7 but what I'm doing now isn't working either.

To be honest, I am both nervous and excited about this. My mind is racing around some serious topics as well as some silly ones. I can't even decide how to dress for this

[StaceyJane]

It's a great first step.

[Juliemckay]

Thanks Stacyjane... I need all the help I can get.

Now maybe some of you can answer some the silly questions running though my head.


1) Should I dress en femme or en homme?
2) Should I present myself with my female name, male name or both?
3) Should I have an opening statement prepared?
4) What can I do to make sure I'm calm enough to not blither or ramble?

[ReneeT]

My gender therapist has been a Godsend to me. She has helped me to come to terms with my gender identity,as well as so mant other thongs. Good luck!

[Teri Jean]

Julie first off congrats. Now when you go in for the first meeting go as you feel the most comfortable. As far as name and prepared statement, I would not get to worried about that but be yourself and answer the questions ask those you need advice with and remember the first is more of a get to know each other and get the basics out of the way.

I wish you the best and go in with the glass 3/4 full not 3/4 empty. Hugs Teri

[Juliemckay]

Thank you, one and all.

Even this act is giving me conserns... I really hope it helps. I am willing to do my part, what ever it takes.... at this point at least

[tanyalynn51]

Go however you feel comfortable. I started out going dressed male, and have been able to go more en femme as time went on.

[Rianna Humble]

1) Should I dress en femme or en homme?

That would definitely be a good idea - unless you want to gender-blend :heehee:

Slightly more seriously, as others have said, you should go with whatever makes you feel most comfortable at the time of the appointment.


2) Should I present myself with my female name, male name or both?

If you need to put any of this through your insurance, you may have to do it officially in your male name, but that doesn't mean you can't introduce the therapist to Julie.


3) Should I have an opening statement prepared?

I think that is again one for how you feel. You might want to sketch out a sot of introduction unless you are the sort of person who likes to wing it.


4) What can I do to make sure I'm calm enough to not blither or ramble?

Take a deep breath, but don't do what happened to my brother one time. He was so keyed up about going to the dentist that our doctor gave him some tranquilisers. He calmed right down and the visit to the dentist was not a problem - he was so calm, he forgot to go :eek:

[StaceyJane]

I went to my first appointment totally as a guy.
The next appointment I was underdressed and I talked to my therapist about it.
The third appointment I went en femme and I have gone that way ever since. Now I couldn't imagine going as a guy.

Once my therapist meet me en femme she started to call me Stacey and refer to me as a woman and has ever since.

Remember the first session is a get to know each other time. Most of it will be covered going over basic background items.
Don't expect a big breakthrough in the first ten minutes.

Don't worry about rambleing. I do it all the time. sometimes I have other family issues and we never even talk about gender.

[Melody Moore]

1) Should I dress en femme or en homme?

A. Go however you feel most comfortable. Going en femme might help your therapist to see how comfortable you are in a female role.
I went to my first visit to the Gender Clinic after about a month of living full-time as a female, so I was very well settled into my gender
role. Because of how I presented I was asked to come back the next week for a second visit to see a second doctor because they wanted
a second opinion to determine my suitability for hormones as quickly as possible. Both doctors made comments about how feminine I was
and wondered if I was already having electrolysis & on hormones. I was prescribed hormones during that second visit & believe it has sped
things up for me.


2) Should I present myself with my female name, male name or both?
A. I presented with my female name, however I also to give my male name because the prescriptions had to be given in that name because my Medicare & Concession Cards were still in my male name. I applied for a change of name on my birth certificate two weeks later. About 2 weeks after that I had my new birth certificate showing my male name which I took this into my second appointment with my pyschologist at the Gender Centre. Once my pyschologist seen this, I was then issued my gender identity certificate. So after about 6 weeks after I first went to the Gender Centre was about to get my name & sex changed on my drivers licence through the Dept. of Transport here,Change my name on my Bank Accounts, Medicare & Concession cards. So now my prescriptions are being issued in my female name.... no more need to carry that man around in my purse which is a real a weight off my shoulders. :)


3) Should I have an opening statement prepared?
A. It is up to you as well what you say. I just gave a brief overall statement about my condition, such as how long GID has affected me, how
GID affected me, how I dealt with GID in the past, as well what I understand about GID, and why I finally decided I wanted to transition.


4) What can I do to make sure I'm calm enough to not blither or ramble?
A. No matter how calm you are, you will at times blither & ramble when you start talking about personal issues.
But that is why a pyschologist is there, to listen to you, then help you work through any issues. So don't stress
about this to much, just be yourself & be positive & confident & this will help you to be cool headed & stay focused.

[Juliemckay]

I was just phoned by my therapist that she want to move my appointment from the 20th to Friday (7th). I was good with waiting, but now I'm freaked out by the whole thing. It seems so real now, so immediate. I am at a loss as to what I'm feeling.

I know, a good deep breath and a glass of wine (or a hour of whine) may help me settle into the fact of what's happening. I think I need to get my head on straight and my thoughts in order now.

[Melody Moore]

It seems so real now, so immediate. I am at a loss as to what I'm feeling.
What you are experiencing is like suddenly arriving at the cross-roads where you want to make a left turn but the
reality of what is suddenly happening hasn't caught up with you, that's why you are feeling a bit lost in your feelings.
But don't worry, just swing that steering wheel to the left & just take the corner like you always wanted to, you are
now well on your way to discovering your true self. Just read back over what I said in my last post & what others
have also told you and you will be fine. Good luck and I can't wait to hear how things went in a few more days time.

Hugs :hugs: Melody Xx

[Faith_G]

I was just phoned by my therapist that she want to move my appointment from the 20th to Friday (7th). I was good with waiting, but now I'm freaked out by the whole thing. It seems so real now, so immediate. I am at a loss as to what I'm feeling.

I know, a good deep breath and a glass of wine (or a hour of whine) may help me settle into the fact of what's happening. I think I need to get my head on straight and my thoughts in order now.You know you want to go. You know you need to go. You know you will regret it immensely if you don't go. So just go. No matter how freaked out you are, go and do what you have already decided to do. :hugs:

[sandra-leigh]

Hah, I can relate. In late August, I booked my first HRT related appointment for the end of November -- the only date they had sooner was an October day I was going to be out of town. So I had lots of time to think through these same kinds of issues like what to wear, whether to put together an intro, and so on. And I had more immediate things to do like get ready for that trip.

So what did the clinic go and do but hire a second doctor, and then called me up and said "We have an appointment available next week" -- at the very end of September, just a couple of days before my long trip. What could I do but take it and shave two months off the process? And there I was freaking about the travel and suddenly I also had to freak quickly about the initial HRT appointment. :eek:


With regards to gender therapy: I went dressed right from the beginning, but then I was already going dressed to my regular therapy. I didn't take anything with me the first time. If I recall correctly, I scheduled my second time to be twice the usual length: we'd already met and become basically introduced the first session, and with that out of the way I wanted to plow through and get a lot of talking out of the way the next time.

I do remember that I did take something prepared one of the times, but I don't remember now how far in I was.That time, I basically copied out my thread (from here) about CD vs Transgendered, as it was important to me at that time to try to get that issue straightened out in my mind.

I happen to have been using my male name with my gender therapist. I had just recently changed my female name and it didn't feel like "me" yet (and it's still not quite feeling like "me").

The understanding that has evolved for me over time is that I do not identify as being female, but that I am more comfortable presenting full time on the female side of androgynous. I mentioned that I've been using my male name with my therapist: that's because I go out a lot in mixed gender, and when I do, I tend to use my male name because it saves me remembering who knows me under which name, and saves confusion about which name people should call me at any one time. Yup, I've gone out multiple times in a skirt or dress and no wig, and introduced myself under my male name: putting on those clothes doesn't make me a different person.


Based upon the quick summary you provided above, you should likely consider the possibility that you too are androgynous, someone willing to mix "male" and "female" traits because they are both inside of you and you don't need to compartmentalize them.

I will be straight forward: becoming openly androgynous is not for the faint of heart. People think they understand "man", and they think they understand "woman", and these days they even have some idea that there are some people who are better off with surgery and so on and switching from "man" to "woman" or vice-versus. All those people who comfort cross-dressers with saying, "Who would ever recognize you dressed up?!" -- well, if androgyny is for you, you have to be able to step out of that shelter and be prepared to have people recognize you as being YOU know matter how you are dressed. You cannot be a self-accepting androgynous person until you get over the fear of "What if someone recognizes me?" and are prepared to laugh and say "So what? I am the same person, why shouldn't they recognize me?"

An example: These days I almost always carry a large multi-colored cloth bag that is technically a purse (and recognized as such by some people) but is just odd to the clue-deficient. All kinds of things get stuffed in that bag, including breast forms and skirts and groceries. And inside that bag-purse, I carry a "real" purse, a pursy-purse, one with makeup and wallet and brush and so on in it. A purse to take out and carry when I want to be more obviously female.

Well, today when I paid off the taxi when I got to work, I got the money out of my pursy-purse, bundled all my stuff together, and walked in past the security guards, both of whom wished me Happy New Years. I got another five feet past the second guard before I realized that I was carrying my pursy-purse in my hands in plain sight. And I just chuckled to myself and kept on walking... because scrambling around embarrassed would have just drawn attention to me. The pursy-purse went inside the bag-purse while I was in the elevator. And that's the kind of life you have to be willing to lead to be openly androgynous. "Neither fish nor fowl".

It's a life that works for me. It's not a life that many people can live with. I'm out there daily challenging people's idea of gender: I can do that. But there are a lot of people who are better off being either one or the other at any one time: it is hard enough to face up to the idea that one is not the gender that goes along with one's biological sex without also having to face up to the idea that one isn't really the "other" gender either.

[Stephanie Anne]

My therapist has been one of the best people I have ever spent time talking with. She really has helped me when I need it. I also am blessed t have really excellent support groups in my area. I recommend attending one near you to get a better perspective on what you re going through.

As for seeing your therapist for the first time, go as you are most comfortable. The important thing is to build a relationship with this person. It's more important to open up about what you are going through than to be dressed a certain way.

I was nervous the first time because I didn't know what to say. I think my third of fourth words were "I'm transgendered" after that it just rolled off my chest.

[Jinny M]

Hi Julie ,

Congrats on calling and making an appointment with a Gender Theraphyst. It's a very good and important step foward .

I was also nerve racked about my 1st appoinment with mine, what do I say , whats going to happen ,do I dress as a male or a women . Up until the night before I had to go I didn't know what to wear. I ended up under dressing completely and wore womens jeans , womens sneakers and a t shirt . I was clean shaven but no makeup or wig . I did wear earings but small hoops in both ears.

Since I was using my Insurance I used my male name. Now I go how ever I can, depends on what else is going on the day I have to go. Theres days I've left the house in male mode to do things , brought my femme things , used the bathroom in the back of her office building , which is hers , got ready as jinny in there , walked around to the front waiting room and then used the bathroom again to take my girl off and continue what I need to get done in man mode. other days I leave and return home as jinny , other days I go in male mode just underdressed.

She has helped me tremendously accept and embrace this side of me. Seeing a Theraphyst was the best thing I could have done. I now realize that this is who I've always been and had been repressing it. I have so much confidence now because of her , I'm me no matter how I'm dressed and how I'm presenting . she helped me learn to not care what others think of how I dress and present myself. She is writting me a HRT refferal letter. So I will be soon starting HRT . my wife even supports that also, which shocked me.

As others have said go as you feel the most comfortable that day, try to relax . She is there to help you , she's a gender theraphyst so she is going to make you feel comfortable no matter how you present yourself. The 1st couple of appointments are going to be intake to get to know one another. Being as open as you possbly can with her is best. It'll help build a good solid relationship.



I'm sure you are going to feel so relieved after you go , it's going to feel like a huge weight lifted off your chest. if get nervous about it , just send me a PM , I'll help you however I can .


P.S. > the picture of me was taken by my theraphyst in her office with my phone. it was the 1st day I left from home dressed as jinny , stopped at a very busy new york begal and bought us both coffees on my way to the appointment.

Jinny

[Traci Elizabeth]

You will do just fine. Your therapist is an expert in making you comfortable from the moment you walk into her/his office.

I would not try to have a prepared statement as it will only work you up and give you anxiety trying to memorize what you want to say.

It is best to go with a clear mind and just go with the flow of the questions and dialog.

As far as dress, go in whatever makes you feel more comfortable. There is no right or wrong answer.

Come Friday evening, you will be so happy you went and excited to tell us all about it. And even more surprising to you is that you will feel what was easy and you worried over nothing - I promise!

[Juliemckay]

Thanks one and all.

I feel much better this morning. It's amazing what a good nights sleep will do.