My first date en femme

[NatalieGirl]

I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.

Any advice you girls can give me?

[JenniferB]

maybe this is a dumb question but are you gay?
(not that there's anything wrong with that)

[NatalieGirl]

maybe this is a dumb question but are you gay?
(not that there's anything wrong with that)

Mostly straight. Perhaps bi-curious.

[Pinky188]

Hmmm. If your not gay, why are you going on a date with a man?

[Sally24]

Mostly straight. Perhaps bi-curious.


If you're going on a date with a man I think you're a little bit more than just curious.
:devil:

[sherri]

If you haven't already, make sure the guy knows you're on the fence about gay sex, since the subject will prolly come up quick. I've found most guys are understanding, but no one likes being teased. Safety concerns aside, there are two things I watch out for, that may or may not be issues for you --

Many "admirers" like to do a little dressing themselves, but w/o the commitment. Hairy guys in panties, in other words. Doesn't work for me.
If you follow through on your curiosity, quite a few guys have strong fantasies about being topped. Again, ewww.

I'm not assuming you're gonna have sex, but that's usually what is on guy's minds, so I'm just sayiing. While I am personally cool with bi sex, if I'm dealing with a guy online, I make it VERY clear that sex on the first date ain't gonna happen. If they can get past that, I figure we might have something to work with.

[JenniferB]

Hmmm. If your not gay, why are you going on a date with a man?
That's exactly what I was getting ready to say!
I mean you're not exactly going to be a woman with a guy, because well you're not a woman. I mean hey, if you are gay, that's fine, but there are only so many ways two guys are have, well...sexual relations.

[Sally24]

Any advice you girls can give me?

As far as advice is concerned:
1. If this is your first meeting, be careful to be in public or with others at all times. You don't know this person well enough to be alone.
2. Don't give him a home phone # or your address, a cell phone is ok.
3. Make it clear what you are and ARE NOT interested in at this point.
4. Do not let him spend alot of money on you because that can lead to expectations of some sort of entitlement later on in the evening.
5. You can relax and enjoy the evening without putting yourself at risk.

Many of us are a least a little bi curious. Most do not act upon those feelings. Be honest with yourself on why you are doing this.

[Barbara Dugan]

I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.

Any advice you girls can give me?

Hi Natalie, Please disregard the insensitive comments and follow Sherri and Sally advice. Regardless of what you and your date have in mind safety always came in first.I wish you have a great time:hugs:

[Mahoro]

Natalie,
My only advice would be don't let your emotions get the upper hand on your common sense.

It's all too easy to become swept up in the moment, feeling that giddy high that comes from finally receiving the long desired attention and admiration, so go into it with a set mind of what you are willing to do (and not do) on that first date, then stick to the limits you've set before hand.

If he turns out to really be someone special enough to explore your new desires, then a second and third date is in order before you ever ever consider heading off to his bed. Remember that you are a person with feelings and self worth, you are not someone's sex toy.

Just be careful, listen to that inner guide, and above all have a wonderful time!!

[JennyBaby]

Have fun and be safe. And don't feel pressured to do anything you are not ready for! Not every guy is the perfect gentleman :)

[Christinedreamer]

In the evidently much needed defense of many guys out there, there ARE many men who are and will be a total gentleman at all times with a TG just as they would be with a GG. To be sure there are neanderthal knuckle draggers out there, BUT there are also some very sweet and emotionally mature gentlemen. Hopefully your date is the latter.

[Rogina B]

Have fun and"wash up when your through" lol Seriously,having a date is great fun. Plan on figuring out why he is there as well...Admirer? Kinkster? Platonic friend? Or Horn Toad? or a bit of all ...Figure it out and you can get an idea as to how much you want his company,and take it from there..I think there are quite a few admirers out there that appreciate what effort it takes us to become pretty.. Have fun!

[NathalieX66]

Natalie, have a good time!
I wish I had an interest in guys. It would make life so much easier, but I don't....just the way it is. ....ow, my poor brain.
My close gay friends don't even get me. However I've had plenty of guys approach me while I'm en femme, so I think there's something real going on there. I go out dressed because it's me not because I'm out to pick up guys.

[Kitty Sue]

Hey there. I suggest, as others have to stay safe. Take condoms if you choose to be sexual and your cell phone. Remember that sex is a choice and either of you can stay "no" at any time. Above all have fun.

Only you know your sexual orientation, and I commend you for learning more about yourself and being honest with the gentleman you plan to meet. You go GIRL! :)

[Drew Painter]

Enjoy....

[Pinky188]

The most important thing is to be safe just as everyone here is saying. Have fun!!!

[linda allen]

Hey there. I suggest, as others have to stay safe. Take condoms if you choose to be sexual and your cell phone. Remember that sex is a choice and either of you can stay "no" at any time. Above all have fun.

Only you know your sexual orientation, and I commend you for learning more about yourself and being honest with the gentleman you plan to meet. You go GIRL! :)

Of all the responses, this is the one I agree with the most.

Understanding that I'm married, don't plan to ever have sex with anyone but my (female) wife, and have never had sex with a man, I would never consider myself gay and would never have sex with a man while dressed as a man, but I'm not sure I wouldn't want to try it if I were dressed and acting (like on a date with a man) as a female. To me, that's part of being a female and the "female experience".

Make sense?

[JenniferB]

Of all the responses, this is the one I agree with the most.
Understanding that I'm married, don't plan to ever have sex with anyone but my (female) wife, and have never had sex with a man, I would never consider myself gay and would never have sex with a man while dressed as a man, but I'm not sure I wouldn't want to try it if I were dressed and acting (like on a date with a man) as a female. To me, that's part of being a female and the "female experience".
Make sense?
Not really. Whether a biological male considers themself gay or not, having sex with a man is still the same no matter how one is dressed. So, there must be something inside you that's "gay curious" or whatever it's called. I get what you're saying about the "female experience", but that's basically impossible because you don't have female parts.

[Pythos]

I am not being insensitive here, but.....Alarm bells are going off. Now alarm bells can just mean "excercise extreme caution", or they can mean eminent danger.

Since you are asking for advice, I would like some info. How did this idea come about? How did you "meet" this guy? What really is his deal?

As we all know, there are too many weirdos out there that would love to do harm to someone like us, why they exist is quite beyond my comprehension, but they do.

I as a straight male would not want to go on a date with another male, unless we were both CDs and there was absolutely NO romantic tendencies. But that is me.

Jennifer B stated something that I think is painful truth. We will never know how it feels to be a female, just like we will never know how it feels to be a cat, or a dog. The most you will get is how it feels to be treated like a woman in our society. You will experience the silly customs that were made when women were considered much lower than men and incapable of doing things themselves. Hopefully you do not experience how some men truly treat women, and how some women accept that treatment since they have known of no other way.

What ever you do, be safe, have an out, and bail if anything seems incorrect.

[Crissy Kay]

Gee, looks like I can"t ask any of you girls for a date!!!!!

[JenniferB]

Gee, looks like I can"t ask any of you girls for a date!!!!!
Why Not? Wear that french maid outfit and you can ask me for one!

[ninapuella]

There are few women out there that like tg:s, but really its no idea looking for them. They find you if you are lucky. So I dont think its strange to date a guy even if you are straight. Its about exploring the life with the possibilities you are given.

[Melissa Pink]

Natalie,
I think that it's wonderful that you have decided to swim in the "deep end of the pool" and explore this part of you femininity. As others have already said I just ask that you be safe and don't do anything that is against your first instinct. Let someone know where that you're going to be the night of your date, be vigilant and consider carrying OC pepper spray in your purse. I've learned that sex on a first date is usually a bad idea unless that is all that you want from the relationship. If you decide at some point to be sexual with this man I strongly encourage you to practice safe sex even for oral play. Lifestyles makes some flavored condoms that are actually fun to use, taste yummy and don't take away from your partner's pleasure. If you have any questions that may not be appropriate for the open forum, please feel free to contact me. Have fun!

Melissa

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Natalie be very careful and be yourself.

[JenniferB]

If you decide at some point to be sexual with this man I strongly encourage you to practice safe sex even for oral play. Lifestyles makes some flavored condoms that are actually fun to use, taste yummy and don't take away from your partner's pleasure. If you have any questions that may not be appropriate for the open forum, please feel free to contact me. Have fun!

Melissa
wow...borderline TMI?

[Misti]

Hi all,
Natalie, like everyone advises here, please do be careful, and FYI here's one more way that might help you accomplish that? I just became aware of a fabulous way to use the smart phone to "Run (CD?) ‘Interference' for you?" It's not new, but it certainly is to me! It's the new Google Voice. (The ad says "Google Voice - One phone number, online voicemail, and enhanced ... Google Voice. Teach your phone new tricks. Google Voice enhances the existing capabilities of your phone, regardless of which phone or carrier you have ... https://www.google.com/voice"). I've got it and use it right now and I only give the "new and entirely different (i.e., out of town)" Google Voice phone number out when I want to disguise and/or protect the "real me?" Better still, for everyone, check it all out for yourselves via the videos, and pay particular attention to the "Block Callers" and "Screen Callers" videos. Pretty neat! Goto: http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html. Hugs, Misti :battingeyelashes:
P.S. Oh, I almost forgot to wish everyone a "Very Prosperous and Happy New Year!" I'm living a dream come true, now!

[Melissa Pink]

wow...borderline TMI?
Jennifer,

If you thought that my post provided TMI, I apoligize if I offended you or anyone else. I lived in New Orleans for many years and found people in the GLBT community to be quite open minded. Natalie asked some valid questions and I was merely attempting to provide her some common sense answers. I hardly think anything that I said was offensive. It's a dangerous world out there! Please forgive me for my candor and honesty!

Melissa

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Jennifer,

If you thought that my post provided TMI, I apoligize if I offended you or anyone else. I lived in New Orleans for many years and found people in the GLBT community to be quite open minded. Natalie asked some valid questions and I was merely attempting to provide her some common sense answers. I hardly think anything that I said was offensive. It's a dangerous world out there! Please forgive me for my candor and honesty!

Melissa

I don't think Jennifer was offended, she speaks pretty candidly herself on here. Without speaking for her, I think perhaps it was just amusing that you went so far as to recommend a tasty brand of condom, which may have stretched the limits of what was a common sense type of answer.

[JenniferB]

I don't think Jennifer was offended, she speaks pretty candidly herself on here. Without speaking for her, I think perhaps it was just amusing that you went so far as to recommend a tasty brand of condom, which may have stretched the limits of what was a common sense type of answer.
Yeah, what JTOR said...
It was strictly tongue-in-cheek...
Actually I seriously considered suggesting Astroglide...(ok, yeah, I said it) but was afraid that would be TMI.
Actually I think it would be great if we could discuss these things openly here. We're all adults, right?

[Melissa Pink]

Jennifer and Jiveturkey,
I do agree with both! Happy New Year!

Melissa
Shameless in Memphis

[jessica renee]

Have fun, be careful and be safe.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Jennifer, if you join the GM forum on here there's a bit more openness for such discussions there, I think it's because it's a private page.

[Eleanor M]

Have fun and be careful, like all the others are saying.

[JenniferB]

If you're trying to experience a date (as a woman ) please think about dating only strait men that admire CDers..or the variations of it.
I'm confused...whether she experiences a date with a gay or straight man...Natalie still won't have a vagina either way. So, what's the difference?

[Kate17]

Go out and just enjoy being a girl. It is so much fun.

[Parker0429]

Follow Sally's and Sherri's advice. Go to very public places until you're comfortable with him. Time is your best friend.

[cindym5_04]

I think you should get totally plastered and **** it up!!!

Just kidding!!! :-)

Seriously- like the other ladies have said- don't do anything that you don't want to or don't think you're ready for and make sure to be careful and stay safe. I hope you enjoy your evening.

[linda allen]

Not really. Whether a biological male considers themself gay or not, having sex with a man is still the same no matter how one is dressed. So, there must be something inside you that's "gay curious" or whatever it's called. I get what you're saying about the "female experience", but that's basically impossible because you don't have female parts.
I have some of the parts. :heehee:

Remember, this is all theoretical in my case, but it may be important to others.

I think what's being missed here is that some CDers want to become a female or live and act as a female full time, while others just want to see what it's like and be able to switch back and forth.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Re-reading this thread in general it seems like there's a lot of cases of people trying to dictate how others should define their own sexuality. These words like homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, etc. are arbitrary, meaningless attempts to pigeonhole something that is actually quite fluid and open to interpretation by each individual's perception. For some people sexuality has very little to do with what one's body parts are and who are we to decide who should and shouldn't feel that way, nor who should and shouldn't date that person?

Telling Natalie to have a good time is one thing, telling her to be safe and smart also makes a lot of sense, but why tell her who she should choose to have a date with instead of this man, when she and he have already discussed who she is with him and he's already told her he's ok with it? The business of why they choose to have a date with each other is between them, and it's more than a little bit meddling for us to try to say otherwise.

[Stephanie Anne]

I take personal offense to the tone of some of the comments made here. I know the intention of them but as a trans woman who is attracted to men, I don't like the wording. I bring this up in hopes that it reminds people that there are more than just part time crossdressers here.


Natalie,

Be honest with him about your expectations. Avoid sex on the first date unless it is mutually agreed upon prior to the date. Be safe and enjoy yourself. I suggest brining up if he is ok with your presenting as female on your date unless you have already mentioned that to him. You said he is aware of your crossdressing but I don't know if you meant that you will be feminine on your date.

Most importantly, he is taking you out on a date so let him be the one in charge of giving you a good time.

[JenniferB]

Most importantly, he is taking you out on a date so let him be the one in charge of giving you a good time.
Now there's an interesting comment. Maybe his definition of a "good time" isn't Natalie's? And then again, maybe it is. Look...I'm all for whoever said "jump into the deep end of the pool" if that's what Natalie is really into.
But I also say "don't deceive yourself" into thinking you'll "experience" a relationship as a female, because it's impossible if you're a biological male.

[Stephanie Anne]

Now there's an interesting comment. Maybe his definition of a "good time" isn't Natalie's? And then again, maybe it is. Look...I'm all for whoever said "jump into the deep end of the pool" if that's what Natalie is really into.
But I also say "don't deceive yourself" into thinking you'll "experience" a relationship as a female, because it's impossible if you're a biological male.

I most likely am going to get in trouble again for airing this in public but can you stop with the offensive remarks? We get it, two blokes having a date with a penis each. No vaginas to be found.

Let Natalie have her date and stop trying to give us a biology lesson already. Yeah, you got my attention here because I am a trans woman pre op who wants a relationship and is attracted to men. I consider myself straight and by your definition I am fooling myself.

Natalie

Have fun
Be safe
Be yourself

end of line...

[flatlander_48]

Not really. Whether a biological male considers themself gay or not, having sex with a man is still the same no matter how one is dressed. So, there must be something inside you that's "gay curious" or whatever it's called. I get what you're saying about the "female experience", but that's basically impossible because you don't have female parts.

Irrelevant. Most of how we think about and experience sex is in the Mind, not in the Genitalia. The Female Experience is thinking and responding from a female perspective. For example, the female is often the submissive partner. Typically, men often are not. These roles are deeply ingrained in how we function sexually, but there isn't anything sacred about them. Anyway, a change in sexual behavior could bring about a significant change in the experience.

[Pythos]

"Most importantly, he is taking you out on a date so let him be the one in charge of giving you a good time."

To change up the old Virginia Slims quote "You have not gone a long way baby"

Here we are trying to break down stereotypes and limitations, and yet one of us here thinks the man should be responsible for the success of the date.

I always thought that on the first date, it was customary these days to go dutch. Split costs, pay for yourself, and so on and so forth, since now a days most women are not indentured slaves that could not have jobs, and make an income.

[Stephanie Anne]

"Most importantly, he is taking you out on a date so let him be the one in charge of giving you a good time."

To change up the old Virginia Slims quote "You have not gone a long way baby"

Here we are trying to break down stereotypes and limitations, and yet one of us here thinks the man should be responsible for the success of the date.

I always thought that on the first date, it was customary these days to go dutch. Split costs, pay for yourself, and so on and so forth, since now a days most women are not indentured slaves that could not have jobs, and make an income.

I must be bored LOL

No, that is not what I am getting at, nor what I wrote. If I ask someone on a date, I would want to control how the date went (were to go, etc) date. Seems like she got asked on a date and should let the date-er be in charge of the flow of the date and the date-e should enjoy their time. I could care less about chivalry, it's all about not bossing someone.

[JenniferB]

I most likely am going to get in trouble again for airing this in public but can you stop with the offensive remarks? We get it, two blokes having a date with a penis each. No vaginas to be found.
Let Natalie have her date and stop trying to give us a biology lesson already. Yeah, you got my attention here because I am a trans woman pre op who wants a relationship and is attracted to men. I consider myself straight and by your definition I am fooling myself.
Natalie
Have fun
Be safe
Be yourself
end of line...
Well, I'm sorry the truth offends you but I really can't control that. If you're saying "let you live out your fantasy", yeah I get it, and I say go for it. But saying a straight M2F CD can experience a relationship as a "woman" with another male, is just that - a fantasy.

[Lorileah]

Well if Natalie isn't scared away from this date yet, she is a lot braver than most. From the beginning most of you have decided that this is a sexual meeting. That one or both persons "expect" to have sex. This may come from the fact that most of us here have that "Y" and know how society tells us how the "Y" should act and be on a date. Natalie probably has this "Y" and has been out on dates and knows what to expect from that. She also probably knows the signs and she should know that she has the ability to say "no" at any point and this will be the end of the concern, especially in a public place (mom always said carry a dime in your shoe).

Maybe I am a dreamer but this is a first date. First dates are when you meet somewhere, you have some food, maybe a drink, and talk about things. Things like what you want from life, what you are looking for, funny things that happened to you and why you are sitting at the same table. There is no required touching, feeling or sexual intercourse. Natalie has told her date she is a CD. I will assume that more has been said prior to this and even pictures exchanged. He is not coming into this blind and hopefully neither is she. She has stated she is straight but is curious. My experience with this is just like most young women. They want to know but they are still aware and often stop before they get out of their comfort zone. The straight part will will over the curious part. No means no. Most men accept this. It is good advice to be safe, but that advice applies to everyone on a date. You know what would make this easier? Don't plan on sex. Then don't have sex. If for some reason you end up in a room, make that stop at the local quicky-mart (this is after all a gay area of town and these things are readily available) and get the condiments (yes I said condiments, condoms is later in the paragraph) you need. But if you carry them with you you may feel the pressure to have to use them. Much easier to say "Bob, I had a wonderful time and I would really like to see you again, and maybe...just maybe go to the next level, but we don't have condoms and we don't have any of the things that we need to make this fun and safe at this time. (and give your wife my love)"


This is how 90% of first dates go. Shake hands, had a wonderful time, turn cheek. In reality, other than Natalie being hyped up on adrenaline this isn't anything more than a meet and greet. No where did she say she was meeting him for sex, in fact she has intimated this isn't likely (straight remember...and you can't cure straight).

Right now I imagine Natalie is sitting there scared stiff and is seriously considering calling it off. No one has considered that they both may be just looking for a compatible partner. Maybe it is this guy. But most of you painted him with a pervert brush from the start.

As some said Natalie, be aware, but if this is something you really want to explore, go for it. You don't have to "put out". In fact you shouldn't on the first date anyway. This is a learning time. You get some insight (ask what his wife thinks of this...that will give you a clue within 5 minutes), does he have pets, where did he go to school, where does he think this will go? My personal feeling is that you expect a lot more than what will actually happen and if you really don't know this guy's intent before you get there, you will be severely disappointed. If he doesn't want to talk about his life and himself, best to just have a nice dinner and a kiss on the cheek. Don't do this just because it is supposedly what women do.

[suchacutie]

Wow...fascinating responses. But....

I noticed in the initial thread that you mention that he knows all about your being CD. I'm wondering why you would say that if you are going out en femme. Does you statement imply that you are NOT going to be en femme?

Also, if you are asking for advice (and there is some good common-sense advice in parts of this thread) might it be that you hadn't thought this out before you accepted the invitation?

My advice echos Sally's: know who you are and what you want, make that clear to your date, and then have fun!

tina

[Lorileah]

so wraong again. I suggest you do some research and learn the differences of so many variations of those that dress as female. are you to tell me those super hot lady boys you see on film are just gay men dressing as women and to have a relationship with a man is to be gay for themand all people?..thats just silly.. again..educate yourself befor making a furthur fool of yourself here..your one of two things..ignorant of the education of the subject..or just plain to narrow minded enough to explore past your limited reasoning ability. you give this thread a bad name IMHO.

wow I think you missed the whole point. The replies here have been very open mined. Opinionated is a different thing. I don't think you understood what Jennifer was saying. We cannot, ever, experience the whole aspect of being female. To take it further ever between people we can never experience what they may feel no matter how close the situation. I don't understand your comment on the "lady boys". Have you done research on them? They are in essence prostitutes who alter themselves for the purpose of making money. I am not even sure you could classify them as TG although some may actually be.

[Stephanie Anne]

Well, I'm sorry the truth offends you but I really can't control that. If you're saying "let you live out your fantasy", yeah I get it, and I say go for it. But saying a straight M2F CD can experience a relationship as a "woman" with another male, is just that - a fantasy.

Not even going to continue this here! You crossed the line IMHO and just insulted a large group of people on this forum. I am now sorry I perpetuated this but I am not going to stand by and let someone who should be more tolerant lash out like this.

The scope of what you say does not offend me as it is true you can't have heterosexual cis vaginal sex as two males but to call me a fantasy and therefore call every trans woman and trans man as living a fantasy, blows my mind. Maybe you just are horrible at tact but I just can't let that one slide.

[JenniferB]

wow I think you missed the whole point. The replies here have been very open mined. Opinionated is a different thing. I don't think you understood what Jennifer was saying. We cannot, ever, experience the whole aspect of being female. To take it further ever between people we can never experience what they may feel no matter how close the situation. I don't understand your comment on the "lady boys". Have you done research on them? They are in essence prostitutes who alter themselves for the purpose of making money. I am not even sure you could classify them as TG although some may actually be.
It's cool. I just try to keep a dose of reality on the table but some around here are really into the fantasy of the whole thing, I get that. But educate myself? and...the "ladyboys" reference? That's a bit out there. I have to agree with Lorileah, nothing more than ******* hookers, most of them. Anyone with the cash can have any surgery they want in Thailand. Ah well, it's all good. I hope Natalie enjoys her date.

[charlie]

Hello Natalie!
Wow, these answers to your post have been all over the board! If I read your original post correctly you are basically straight and just want to see how it feels to go out on a date. I had that same wish and did it. I did not plan for sex, did not expect to end up in bed with another guy and certainly did not lead the guy into thinking that was my intention. I just want to be treated like a girl on a first date. I wanted to dress up, have dinner out, and be a woman on a date. My date was a perfect gentleman and excepted a NO for a NO. The kiss goodnight was the only sex. Altogether a fun and interesting night. I hope your night is the same!

[RachelX]

...that you have a GREAT time!
Rachel Xavier

P.S. Does he have a friend? Or maybe a brother?

[Derp]

Have fun and most importantly be safe!!

[NatalieGirl]

Thanks to all of you for the helpful responses. Yes I will be careful.

I would like to see what it would be like to be a woman on a date. We shall meet at a public bar/restaurant and I do not plan to have any sex the first night.

[ReineD]

This is the sum total of all of Natalie's words in this thread:


I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.

Any advice you girls can give me?


Mostly straight. Perhaps bi-curious.


Thanks to all of you for the helpful responses. Yes I will be careful.

I would like to see what it would be like to be a woman on a date. We shall meet at a public bar/restaurant and I do not plan to have any sex the first night.

That's it! And in response, we have nearly 3 pages of guesses and arguments about what Natalie and her date may or may not want. Doncha love this forum? :D

To answer Natalie, it's difficult to give you advice without you giving us a little bit more background. Did you meet on a dating site and if so was it mainstream or TG/GLBT focused? Was your pic of you en femme or drab? Did you identify as a girl, a CD, or a guy? Have you & this guy emailed? Talked on the phone? Chatted in chat rooms?

Or, is this someone that you know from work? A neighbor? A blind date engineered by a friend?

I ask this to gage the guy. And based on knowing more details on how you met and what you both know about each other, it will be easier to give you meaningful advice. So, based on the answers to all the questions above, is he

A) an admirer who is looking to meet specifically with a CD (which implies that he is not interested in a person who doesn't have a penis)? Or is he,

B) an open-minded and fluid guy who is interested in you because you've chatted for hours and hours, hit it off on many different levels, and you have a lot in common?

If the answer is (A), then be prepared to have him want to meet you for sex. If he shows up. You will need to decide whether this is what you want or not. He will not be interested in having sex with you as a woman even though you are dressed as one. But as an admirer, he will play along in order to get what he wants. It is up to you as to whether you want to be real with what's going on, or lose yourself in a femme fantasy.

If the answer is (B), then Lorileah's advice is wonderful!

[eluuzion]

Advice?
Order the calamari, I hear it is delicious and always makes a great conversation opener. :heehee:

Not enough information supplied to make any credible analysis of your situation. Scheduling a “first date” three weeks in advance is an interesting approach. That point suggests there may travel by one or both parties involved? Who suggested the location? What was the logic behind choosing a “gay” hotel/bar complex (as you referred to it)?
Where did you meet this person and how long have you been acquainted? Do you know basic background information such as his employer, where he lives and any people that know him or anything about him? Is the internet or cell phone the only means you have available to contact him? Do you know what he looks like or have you ever physically met/seen him in person? If you only have a photo of him, is it clear, current and are you sure the person in that picture is actually the person you will be meeting?:doh:

Nothing above is meant to cast suspicion upon your “date” since you have not supplied enough information to make any assumptions or judgments. I am simply suggesting that in the world we live in today, it is wise to apply some basic measures to protect your person safety. Both parties should possess the basic knowledge above about each other prior to any “intimate” date that involves being alone with each other. It is basic information both parties should be happy to supply each other. It increases the comfort level of both parties. It is simply a matter of common sense, not paranoia.

Just my opinion, as usual… :battingeyelashes:

Maybe you have already covered this area with your prospective “date”. There is not enough information to determine the answer, and certainly not enough information to offer you any “advice”. I have my hands full trying to manage my own life, lol.

Best I can offer is…

HaveFun/BeHappy !

love,
"mom":heehee:

:love:

[Shelly Preston]

Well speculation is a wonderful thing

Natalie please read the sticky in the meeting place as it has advice on where to meet having a friend know where you are etc.

No one here should be assuming a date / or first meeting will lead to sex. I am sure many genetic women will tell you that a first date can be good or bad.

As for the biology lesson I do think we got the point you were trying to make Jennifer

However there are many TS members here (I dont know Natalie well enough to speculate on her status) who are female but currently have the wrong body parts.

Please remember this is the meeting of two people who may or may not have a great time.

Who knows where it will take them but that will be there decision.

Natalie I hope this date goes the way you want it too and that he is the perfect gentleman. :hugs:

[linda allen]

Well, I'm sorry the truth offends you but I really can't control that. If you're saying "let you live out your fantasy", yeah I get it, and I say go for it. But saying a straight M2F CD can experience a relationship as a "woman" with another male, is just that - a fantasy.

Isn't crossdressing pretty much a fantasy in the first place?

[NatalieGirl]

Wow...fascinating responses. But....

I noticed in the initial thread that you mention that he knows all about your being CD. I'm wondering why you would say that if you are going out en femme. Does you statement imply that you are NOT going to be en femme?

tina

I will definitely go en femme. What I meant when I said he knows I am a CD is this: I'm not pretending to be a GG. That would be dishonest and I could never fool anyone in any event.


To answer Natalie, it's difficult to give you advice without you giving us a little bit more background. Did you meet on a dating site and if so was it mainstream or TG/GLBT focused? Was your pic of you en femme or drab? Did you identify as a girl, a CD, or a guy? Have you & this guy emailed? Talked on the phone? Chatted in chat rooms?



We met on a BDSM dating site. My pic was of me en femme and I identified as a CD.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

HA! Great! This whole time people have been responding like you're some naive wide eyed innocent and here you found this date on a BDSM site. Love it! Sometimes this site delights me in ways I don't expect.

[suchacutie]

Hi Natalie, and thanks for the response. With that it's pretty clear that you are interested in having a "date" experience in the feminine role. This aspect of of our transgenderism is not something that can be "learned" without on-the-job experience, and I know we all wish you the best with your experience. Given that, my only advice is "be safe".

best,

tina

[JenniferB]

However there are many TS members here (I dont know Natalie well enough to speculate on her status) who are female but currently have the wrong body parts.

That would be a discussion on being intersexed (which Natalie never mentioned), not CD, and a subject for another time.

[Kelly DeWinter]

HA! Great! This whole time people have been responding like you're some naive wide eyed innocent and here you found this date on a BDSM site. Love it! Sometimes this site delights me in ways I don't expect.

Jive,

I've been following this thread too , and knew there had to be a catch somewhere, when I read 'BDSM' I had to chuckle as well. I'm sure the date will go go well. LOL

[kimdl93]

Of course, be cautious and get to know each other. If you are curious, but not certain, all the more reason to take your time. He doesn't appear to be in a great hurry, since your date is several weeks in the future. The really scarry guys often try to hook up right away.

[JenniferB]

HA! Great! This whole time people have been responding like you're some naive wide eyed innocent and here you found this date on a BDSM site. Love it! Sometimes this site delights me in ways I don't expect.
Yep...gotta love it, never a dull moment!

[Lorileah]

We met on a BDSM dating site. My pic was of me en femme and I identified as a CD.

Okay then...well so much for candlelight and roses and girl next door coyness :) This could be the start of a beautiful...yeah OKAY then (excuse my while I get some air) :)

Like JToR and Ms Kelly D said this is like a good book, just when you think the butler did it...it was the French Maid in the dungeon with a cat-o-nine tails. See this is why I always lose at "CLUE"

[ReineD]

We met on a BDSM dating site. My pic was of me en femme and I identified as a CD.

Then my advice is to just be yourself, and as mentioned earlier in the thread, be realistic with your situation, know what you want, and communicate it clearly.

One thing that impressed me most about the BDSM community (the people that I met) was the clarity, honesty, and fully consentual nature of their interactions. Because there is some degree of physical danger involved, they are quite serious about not playing games and making su<re that everyone is on the same page. The people I met fully respect where anyone is at and the last thing they want is to force their lifestyle on anyone. Obviously no one can vouch for everyone you meet on a BDSM site and there well may be some creeps with less than transparent motives. So, go into it with your eyes wide open.

But ... it is a fetish community rooted in fantasy and as such, go into your date with the full knowledge that consentual sex is the object and your gender presentation will likely be seen as a fetish. As I mentioned to you earlier, if what you want is to lose yourself in the fantasy of it all, then by all means be safe, be honest, and have fun!

[CharleneT]

WOW, what an interesting thread to read ... definitely one that got off on a tangent or two. I've no advice other than have fun ! Please do come back and tell us about what happened ? !!

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Like JToR and Ms Kelly D said this is like a good book, just when you think the butler did it...it was the French Maid in the dungeon with a cat-o-nine tails. See this is why I always lose at "CLUE"

Well in this case it was actually the butler wearing a french maid outfit.

[Nigella]

OK enough is enough, this thread has gone off topic too many times, if you are not able to contribute to the thread DO NOT POST.

This was the OP just to remind members what they should be responding to:


My first date en femme
I have a date with a man for the first time, three weeks from now. We will meet at a restaurant in a gay hotel/bar complex. He is fully aware I am a CD.

Any advice you girls can give me?

Nigella
Moderator

[NatalieGirl]

What I am really interested in knowing is how do I handle myself on a date? I want to act as ladylike as possible, both for his benefit and mine.

I presume we will be having dinner. How do I walk, talk, sit, eat, etc?

There are a couple of nightclubs at this hotel. I am hopeful he will invite me for drinks & dancing after dinner. I have been to plenty of clubs en femme, both gay and straight. But it was always alone or with GG friends. How do I handle myself while escorted by a gentleman?

[Lorileah]

Most of what a lady does is make the guy feel like the center of attention. You can lean in while he talks and smile slightly. Tilt your head and say things like "wow" and "That is really interesting" Leaning in does two things you look interested and it shows more cleavage. Some women like to dangle a shoe. Cross uncross and recross your legs. Be sweet, be quiet and be demure. Otherwise you can just be nice. Do what you you normally do (ok don't belch or chug a whole beer). Let him lead of course, let him direct you to the table, maybe pull out your chair. If you want to go all out you can either ask him to suggest what to order or order for both of you. Other parts of etiquette apply, napkin in lap, dab corners of mouth so as not to disturb lipstick. Giggle and smile. Let him suggest dancing is you like. Let him get your drink, but order something with a straw or if you really want to look sophisticated a martini glass (Cosmo for all the SITC fans). The main thing is focus on him. If you make him the center of attention, the rest will fall in place. I am sure that you will get a lot of advice about how to wave your hands or touch your cheek or whatever but that will look forced and clumsy if you don't normally do it.

The real thing is as was said before, relax, have fun, be yourself but more quiet and demure. Do NOT over flatter him it comes off as false and silly but do tell him if you like his jacket aftershave eyes whatever. Have fun

[NatalieGirl]

Most of what a lady does is make the guy feel like the center of attention. You can lean in while he talks and smile slightly. Tilt your head and say things like "wow" and "That is really interesting" Leaning in does two things you look interested and it shows more cleavage. Some women like to dangle a shoe. Cross uncross and recross your legs. Be sweet, be quiet and be demure. Otherwise you can just be nice. Do what you you normally do (ok don't belch or chug a whole beer). Let him lead of course, let him direct you to the table, maybe pull out your chair. If you want to go all out you can either ask him to suggest what to order or order for both of you. Other parts of etiquette apply, napkin in lap, dab corners of mouth so as not to disturb lipstick. Giggle and smile. Let him suggest dancing is you like. Let him get your drink, but order something with a straw or if you really want to look sophisticated a martini glass (Cosmo for all the SITC fans). The main thing is focus on him. If you make him the center of attention, the rest will fall in place. I am sure that you will get a lot of advice about how to wave your hands or touch your cheek or whatever but that will look forced and clumsy if you don't normally do it.

The real thing is as was said before, relax, have fun, be yourself but more quiet and demure. Do NOT over flatter him it comes off as false and silly but do tell him if you like his jacket aftershave eyes whatever. Have fun

Thanks Lorileah. These are some good tips. What if we go dancing/clubbing? I am good at dancing to electropop/disco, rock, or hip hop, and I think I can do it well in a femme style because I practice often at home. But if we go CW dancing I will be clueless.

Any thoughts on how I should handle myself when clubbing with a gentleman?

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Thanks Lorileah. These are some good tips. What if we go dancing/clubbing? I am good at dancing to electropop/disco, rock, or hip hop, and I think I can do it well in a femme style because I practice often at home. But if we go CW dancing I will be clueless.

Any thoughts on how I should handle myself when clubbing with a gentleman?

The nice thing about dancing as a woman is it's a lot more acceptable to just let loose and have fun. If you don't know the style, just take a look around at the other girls on the dance floor and mimic what they're doing. I'm a terrible dancer in general but the few times I went clubbing while en femme, I had a blast. As far as how to handle yourself with a gentleman, the answer is simple, be a lady. Don't go off dancing with other boys, leaving him standing there holding your purse. Dance with him, or let him watch you dance if he wishes, but think of him as your dance partner for the evening.

[Lorileah]

Since Denver is considered a western cowtown, country dancing is common. However unless you get into line dances, the basic partner dances are easy and you will be "led" by your partner. You can pick up the basic two step easily enough (don't let the regulars scare you they have been dancing there for years and they learned the fancy steps slowly over time.) and the swing will take a bit more but that is mostly just sort of a rock apart and back together and add a under arm twist on occasion (this is easier if you are shorter than your partner otherwise you will have to duck). Most country venues don't care if you just go out and shake your groove thing as long as you are having fun. My experience is that you might get groped a bit more in a gay club than a straight club, but I like that so it isn't a big deal to me. Remember, for the most part cowboys are gentlemen. Personally I like country venues over techno and hip hop because I don't leave with a ringing in my ears.

In a country bar (and probably in any bar) you may be asked to dance with someone else. You need to set a base with your date on that before hand. In these types of bars a "feminine" looking partner is in demand (for dancing...they will choose a masculine partner to take home) just for appearance sake.

Have fun, keep your wits, be polite. You will have a good time

[Jill Devine]

Meeting a stranger from the Internet, who is looking for a sexual type of hook up (making that assumption from the type of website they met on), you need to exercise extreme caution. My tip would be to keep your eye on your drink at all times (for spiking) and watch the volume of alcohol you consume.

You've used the word "gentleman" several times: just don't assume he is one even if he initially acts like one.

[cordgrass]

Just because someone belongs to a BDSM community doesn't mean they put out on the first date or are expecting sex right away. If anything, there is a lot more negotiation before sex, because it's a lot trickier to be compatible. People who are kinky aren't heartless; we are just as interested in love as other people. I'll stop bristling now.

Usually first dates are about getting to know the other person rather than going clubbing, unless that was specifically planned when setting up the date. So don't get your hopes up.

I think on the first date women are generally trying to see if the man will be a good fit, so they pay a lot of attention, as Lorileah said. But the reason is to decide whether there will be a second date or not. :) My advice is to see how he tips the waitstaff--that says a lot about a man. Can't help you with gestures and things.

[NatalieGirl]

Meeting a stranger from the Internet, who is looking for a sexual type of hook up (making that assumption from the type of website they met on), you need to exercise extreme caution. My tip would be to keep your eye on your drink at all times (for spiking) and watch the volume of alcohol you consume.

You've used the word "gentleman" several times: just don't assume he is one even if he initially acts like one.

Thanks for the words of advice. I have been to this club/restaurant many times before without any problems, and many of the staff know me. I doubt there will be any such problems, but it never hurts to be cautious.

[Genivieve]

Please tell me how you did it. I want so badly have anyone (male or female) desire me when dressed. I have to work on psasing first, I hope I cam get there

[curiousrabbit]

Most of what a lady does is make the guy feel like the center of attention. You can lean in while he talks and smile slightly. Tilt your head and say things like "wow" and "That is really interesting" Leaning in does two things you look interested and it shows more cleavage. Some women like to dangle a shoe. Cross uncross and recross your legs. Be sweet, be quiet and be demure. Otherwise you can just be nice. Do what you you normally do (ok don't belch or chug a whole beer). Let him lead of course, let him direct you to the table, maybe pull out your chair. If you want to go all out you can either ask him to suggest what to order or order for both of you. Other parts of etiquette apply, napkin in lap, dab corners of mouth so as not to disturb lipstick. Giggle and smile. Let him suggest dancing is you like. Let him get your drink, but order something with a straw or if you really want to look sophisticated a martini glass (Cosmo for all the SITC fans). The main thing is focus on him. If you make him the center of attention, the rest will fall in place. I am sure that you will get a lot of advice about how to wave your hands or touch your cheek or whatever but that will look forced and clumsy if you don't normally do it.

I think this might be a generational thing? The women I know would get PISSED if you tried to order for them or treated them like that (really really pissed).

Letting the guy do some things works, but the woman can take a bit more action now aday....

And, another thing women now aday are free to do...is have sex (before marriage even!). If you want to sleep with someone on your first or 100th date, it's really your choice... there are no "rules of what a woman should do".

[Coyote]

So looking forward to hear the report when this happens. Good luck! 8-)

[Lorileah]

I think this might be a generational thing? The women I know would get PISSED if you tried to order for them or treated them like that (really really pissed).




Um...you do realize that the woman in this scenario is Natalie right? The advice wasn't how the guy should treat the woman, the question was how should Natalie act for the guy. You do realize that the gut isn't looking for an independent feminist right? He would not need or want to date a CD if he wanted that. If he is straight there are a million women who can inform him how independant they are and if he is gay and wanted someone who he could treat like a guy...he would date a guy.

Since he is dating a CD one would assume he wanted someone overtly feminine. He is not likely to be looking for Helen Gurley Brown.

[curiousrabbit]

If he is straight there are a million women who can inform him how independant they are and if he is gay and wanted someone who he could treat like a guy...he would date a guy.

Since he is dating a CD one would assume he wanted someone overtly feminine.

So CDing is about playing out a fantasy of a stereotypical 50's woman?

If the date is just a one time roleplaying thing... then, well, play away. But if the date is about finding a partner or leading to something more, I would imagine being yourself is more important.

I thought the entire idea of dating a CD or transgender is because they wanted the "third gender" type of person. Bringing both male and female to the party (instead of just a guy or just a girl who can "do it better").

Sorry, I just hate stereotypes :P It is kind of the governing reason transgendered people have such a difficult time in society.

[JennyA]

Wow, I had no idea so many people on this message board were so prude. I'm not call out anyone specific, but there are so many responses like:
"Well if you're a CD and he's a gay St8 male with a goatee then this can happen, but if you're a MtF TG and he is a feminine gay male then only this can happen."

Didn't we break down a barrier of labels when we decided to do what we all chose? I don't get this whole 50's mentality towards sex and situations on the board. I for one have become a sexual kitten with a good head on her shoulders from a hellish 20's. Would you label me a ****ty TG, but then again why would you label me at all.

Don't put any notion on your date. Go, meet another human being in this crazy world and if you click you click and if you break his headboard during a crazy night of wild liberating sex so be it.

[Coyote]

Wow, I had no idea so many people on this message board were so prude. I'm not call out anyone specific, but there are so many responses like:
"Well if you're a CD and he's a gay St8 male with a goatee then this can happen, but if you're a MtF TG and he is a feminine gay male then only this can happen."

Didn't we break down a barrier of labels when we decided to do what we all chose? I don't get this whole 50's mentality towards sex and situations on the board. I for one have become a sexual kitten with a good head on her shoulders from a hellish 20's. Would you label me a ****ty TG, but then again why would you label me at all.

Don't put any notion on your date. Go, meet another human being in this crazy world and if you click you click and if you break his headboard during a crazy night of wild liberating sex so be it.

I approve of this message 8-)

[cordgrass]

There's a difference between being a prude and being sensible. I'm not saying she should be a "Rules" girl and not put out until the third date, but there's a big difference with dating someone you know already (when it's fine to have sex on the first date) and having sex immediately on meeting a stranger. Gay men do it all the time, of course, but most women and gay men who are receptive (and have sense!) wait until at least the second date to engage in that sort of activity, just to get a better idea if the guy is a jerk or worse. Having that sort of intercourse can be dangerous and a person can be easily hurt if being topped by someone who doesn't take it at your pace, especially if the person is new at that sort of thing. If it's just doing mutual oral, that's different.

[Maria in heels]

Natalie...just keep us posted, and remember, if you don't feel comfortable then it is time to go

[NatalieGirl]

Please tell me how you did it. I want so badly have anyone (male or female) desire me when dressed. I have to work on psasing first, I hope I cam get there

This man and I came into contact on a BDSM dating site. If you're not familiar with that world, suffice it to say that crossdressing is one of the mildest things that go on.

Concerning passing: The first thing you need to realize is that you will probably never pass completely. There are too many anatomical differences between men and women. Focus on looking good en femme.