I was terrified going out in public en femme for the first time yesterday...

[JennyA]

I went out, dressed in full makeup, a big jangly silver heart necklace, a purple low v top. and denim jeggings, and heels.

I went into a Marathon gas station as my first outting and bought a lighter. Both cash attendants were smirking at me. I didn't feel too embarrassed , but when I got to my car I wondered to myself "how can I do this 24/7?"

So then, like it always happens, a voice, who I call Gaia, told me a poem/mantra to say to myself when I am in public and about to be in a nerve wracking situation.

I'm no poet either, and can't rhyme. This just flowed into my head


I don't care what you think.
I don't care what you do.
I want to be happy.
Happy like you.

It's so simple and ingenious. I used all the rest of the night and never felt scared, but liberated and empowered. I totally believe that I have a guardian angel, I don't know where the poem came from.

[Melody Moore]

Congratulations on taking the first step.

The chance are high the cashiers knew you were trans, however your own nervousness probably gave yourself away because you obviously
felt a little embarrassed - but kept your cool which was really good. So not bad at all for the first time. But always go out with a nice natural
smile on your face, I smile easily by simply thinking about how happy I am now I am out of my box now. I think the people I meet find me a
very happy & confident person & I believe this is the reason why I haven't had a really bad situation yet. But if you do have an incident, I
think what happens depends on how you handle it. The best way is to keep it light hearted & funny & learn to laugh, even if it is at yourself.

And I am sure there has been times where people knew I was trans, but I have never once let anything phase me. I had one idiot who was in a line going through a supermarket checkout one night tried to make a scene by yelling out & pointing at me 'That's a Man!'. The cashier & I looked at each other, she said 'I wonder what his problem is?' I said 'Don't know' while shrugging my shoulders. We both burst out laughing at this dark aboriginal guy who literally turned 'bright red' from embarrassment of us looking & laughing at him, so he ran out the door. It got even funnier when I walked outside and was walking towards my car, because I then realised this same guy had parked his car right next to my car. So I showed no fear and just walked very confidently while still smiling towards my car. This poor guy must have though I was coming to have words him, because he freaked out & was then in a very panicked state trying to get in his car & get it started. Once the engine came to life, he slammed it into gear & howled the tyres as he took off out of the car-park. I truly haven't come across anyone else who is so transphobic they were this fearful. I bet he never 'outs' another trans-person this way ever again ;)

I am sure that some people will know you are trans, but don't worry, just be happy, confident & positive and people will accept you.
But the fears I had were completely unfounded and I find most people very understanding and accepting. If people have questions,
I don't mind answering them & talking to anyone who wants to know more about transsexuality if they are respectful because we
are all ambassadors for our own cause - the more people who learn about us, the better we all become accepted in society.

Hugs Melody XX :hugs:

[sandra-leigh]

The first time I went out in makeup, I got smirked at too. I think it might just have been lipstick, but it was too red for me and I didn't apply it very well; I walked to a gas station about 1 km away and bought some pop there and had the smirks thrown in free. I didn't care much, 'cuz I got to wear makeup in public on my own terms.

These days I carry lipstick in my purse (which I take nearly everywhere), and when I think of it, put the lipstick on when I'm away from work. Two quick lines, mush my lips back and forth to spread it around, and I get complimented about how much care I took in getting ready :o

[Faith_G]

Good for you for going out there and doing what you planned to do despite the fear. That is what it takes - pushing forward through your fear.

Sometimes at first we confuse the positive attention that attractive women receive with staring or smirking. Hold your head up, smile, make eye contact. You are a woman and you belong here, remember that. Confidence and a friendly smile will take you a long way.

[Rianna Humble]

Well done, Jenny! Even though they smirked, you did the right thing by ignoring it.

I like your little ditty and I'm glad it helped to give you confidence to carry on.

[Stephanie Anne]

Know the difference between someone accepting living full time and someone going out for the first time? Practice. People don't normally run marathons on a whim. You have to build up endurance and a tolerance. You aren't going to conquer Rome behind closed doors.

[Karen564]

It gets easier & easier every time you do it...After a while, it's nothing to it, just another day as a female..no big whoop..:battingeyelashes:

[Rianna Humble]

Know the difference between someone accepting living full time and someone going out for the first time? Practice.

That's like the woman who was visiting New York for the first time and asked a cab driver how she could get to carnegie Hall.
His answer?

















"Practice"

[Sejd]

First time is always the hardest. The more you practice going out, the better. You will begin to feel "normal" and natural. Also, as you move around in your beautiful self, you will experience the wonderful world of being free to smile, to interact with other women and to look your best. Have fun :0)

[thechic]

The first time is the hardest but you find that the impulse to go out gets stronger so you need to go out more often and it gets easier,I started going out once every 2 months then every two weeks now its 20/7 with no problems.

[kym]

like others have said, the first time is always the hardest. One day you wll look back on that day and be thankful that you had the courage to be yourself and not stick to what society says should be. I'm proud of you sis.

[SuzanneBender]

Jenny,

I think Winston Churchill said it best right before his first time out in public expressing his femme self, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself". Fear keeps so many of us from realizing our full potential. It is impossible to be comfortable being you when you fear what others may think.

Congratulations on your first step out as you. I love your poem. It simply embodies what we all pursue.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I was fearful my first time, and sat in the parking lot for what seemed like forever before I had the courage to open the car door and walk into the real world. Ever since that first day, I have never looked back and have transitioned 24/7 for a long time now. I can't even imagine presenting non-female as I am a woman.

As others have suggested, attitude (mental state of mind) is the biggest vehicle to being comfortable as a woman. And remember if it "quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it must be a duck." In other words, people see what they except to see. If you present yourself as a woman, have female mannerisms, dress, walk, and talk like a woman, you will be perceived by others as a woman.

I have not had a single person question my womanhood or jerk their neck around, or do a double take in well over a year. I have passed the public woman's room test hundreds of times and not a single woman took notice of me. I promise "time" is your best friend and it does get easier with each new day.

Always refine and improve your womanhood and you will not only loose any sense of insecurity but will also be unconditionally accepted as your true self.

[danielleb]

Congrats on getting out!:thumbsup: ...and you didn't even have to wait and make it a New Year's resolution!:D

[TxKimberly]

Good for you! The very vast majority of us were terrified just like you on our first times out the door. The good news is that the first steps are the hardest - from here out it gets easier. I like your mantra - says it all and is oh so true. It's YOUR life - go live it !

[Starling]

I don't care what you think.
I don't care what you do.
I want to be happy.
Happy like you.


Jenny, may I pass that lovely Christmas gift along to others who may suffer from being different? Pretty please?

:) Lallie

[JennyA]

please do pass it along.

[Starling]

Thanks so much, Jenny. It's simple, but very powerful.

:) Lallie

[Emma England]

Good for you!

You will find your desire to dress in public is more powerful than the odd setback.
Most people will just accept you as you are.

Question: why do some feel the need to smirk? I mean, what point does that serve?

[SherylynJade]

Everyone who says it gets easier every time you go out is right. Though I will admit sometimes it takes me a little extra coaxing to get me out of the truck and into wherever I'm going.
Good example is last week I was out driving around with a friend, and she wanted to stop at World Market. A place I have never been as my True Self. But, after getting up my courage real quick, I was in there shopping like anyone else. Even got some Jelly Babies and had a little conversation with the cashier about them. Next thing I know, I was at Barnes & Noble getting Series 1 and 2 of the new Doctor Who. As far as I could tell, nobody batted an eye.

[JohnH]

Jenny,

My heart goes out to you in how your father threw you out of the house when you came out.

So it must be really hard to for you to go out en femme.

Speaking about going out dressed I did a really stupid thing - go for a walk en femme while intoxicated, and get picked up by two female cops and carted off to jail. I spent the time overnight before I was bailed out. Then I had to change back to my street clothes, which consisted of a floral dress, a purse, and a pair of women's sandals.

Hugs,

Johanna

[Jay Cee]

....I don't care what you think.
I don't care what you do.
I want to be happy.
Happy like you....


I like your poem (or Gaia's poem, if you wish ;) )

One thing I would say is that anyone who makes fun of others may not be all that happy to begin with.

I salute you for heading out into the world, and for making your outer self match your inner self.

*what's this? No "salute" smilie? bummer*

[Sandy Banks]

Gassing up at the mall????.........gosh, I was gassing up in trench coat, jeggings, suade boots, down the road at Sheetz......:2c:

[KateSpade83]

JennyA - if you're contemplating a sex change try doing your best first going out in full drag a lot. If you get read and mocked a lot I guess you should just give up a sex change or else you would be a social disaster.

[Melody Moore]

JennyA - if you're contemplating a sex change try doing your best first going out in full drag a lot. If you get read and mocked a lot I guess you should just give up a sex change or else you would be a social disaster.
Getting read and mocked a lot in the beginning is not a reason to give up on your dreams - Feminisation takes times & PRACTICE!

As it is, things couldn't be anymore tougher for Jenny as what she is going through right now. Jenny has just been disowned by her
father (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?146344-Came-out-to-Dad-homeless-now.) and then you come along and say something like this. I don't think this is something that Jenny needs to be hearing right
now. Jenny needs our most positive support and encouragement, not some negative & pessimistic discouragement from someone
with their own hang ups & issues. If you don't want to CD or transition, then don't! So don't be making suggestions to people that
you know nothing about. From what I am understanding through Jenny's postings lately is that she has made a conscience decision
to come out & has already started doing so, And right now Jenny is right in the middle of a serious stage of her life. If you can't say
something a bit more constructive to help her through that then why say anything at all? Jenny can work through her insecurity issues
with her therapist I am sure, as well as she will get better advice from others on this forum who have been though these processes.

[Aprilrain]

I have to agree with Melody on that last one. Getting read is no reason not to be, dress, present yourself as you wish. Besides if a person can simply put on the clothing of the opposite gender and instantly pass they have a gift very few of us have. I agree with Kate that if one wishes to live as the opposite gender they must go out that way. This is the only way to gain experience. Call it on the job training if you like.

As far as the smirks go, just because someone smiles or is repressing laughter doesn't mean they disapprove or are mean spirited it could just mean that they are inexperienced or immature. Many people deal with the unknown and things that make them uncomfortable by laughing.

Keep up the good work Jenny and remember head up shoulders back and down. And for gods sakes if your wearing a skirt cross your legs like a lady.

[Melody Moore]

As far as the smirks go, just because someone smiles or is repressing laughter doesn't mean they disapprove or are mean spirited it could just mean that they are inexperienced or immature. Many people deal with the unknown and things that make them uncomfortable by laughing.
As for the smirks they could be interpreted a number of ways. Sometimes someone might be smirking because they are suspicious or know your
secret, but also think its really cool of you to be out & being so happy & confident. If anyone smiles at me, even if it is a smirk, I always smile back.

I have never had a problem yet ;)