First time really out as myself

[Bree-asaurus]

So I've been out a couple times in safe places where trans and gay people aren't anything out of the ordinary, but the other day was my first time out in the general public presenting as myself. Over the past several months I have been slowly becoming more feminine in my general appearance. The HRT has made my face more feminine, I stopped trying to hide my boobs when in guy mode, my hair is getting long and is usually styled in a girly way, etc. As this has been progressing, I've noticed I'm catching more people's attention. I haven't had any negative reactions, just more attention than I'm used to. I have still been too afraid of going out fully as myself because I haven't gotten my voice where I'd like it.

I think I also never went all out because I had the thought that if I didn't really try to look like 100% girl, and I knew I would stand out, I wouldn't have failed when I get negative reactions. But if I tried my best to look good and fit in and was spotted as a tranny, I failed miserably and it would really hurt.

But the other day, as I was getting ready to go out to dinner with some friends, I was looking in the mirror and thought "how much more would I really stick out if I just fully presented as female?" It's weird because I wasn't nervous or anything. I just got to the point where I didn't really care. I went out to a yummy place and had Sushi, got a few looks and still talked to the waiter with my guy voice but it was awesome!

Then for Christmas, I spent it with my dad and sister and they got to see me as I really am for the first time. And it was awesome!

I haven't really been tracking my transition, nor have I had a set path I was attempting to follow. I was just... doing what I felt comfortable doing. And now I'm suddenly shocked how much closer to going full-time I am than I thought. It's almost out of the blue that I now have to actually plan for going full-time and start seriously considering future SRS, etc.

I think I'm extremely lucky that I haven't had to face a lot of the negative reactions from the public (and family/friends) as a lot of you girls and guys, but I'm still surprised how easy it was to be myself. I guess I just didn't push myself, but waited until I wasn't scared anymore.

[AllieSF]

Congratulations on reaching one of those magical moments in life where your "non-plan" starts to fall together into a decent one with some light at the end of the tunnel. I am a CD, but can clearly understand the feeling. Since I am a mature (sounds better than older) CDer who started just 4 years ago, I have had that feeling several times as I develop and grow with this side of me. Being older has it's advantages since I have been there and done than many times with other aspects of my life, so it was easy for me this time around. One of the great advantages that you have besides being out and accepted by family and friends is your youth. That will definitely help your looking and maintaining that female look. You do look wonderful and I wish you the best as you continue down your own life's path. Thanks for sharing.

[Faith_G]

Bree, I was surprised by how easy it was for me too. You have been blessed with a pretty face and nice hair, you are a beautiful woman and you're going to get a lot of attention. But being a beautiful woman makes everything so much easier! The hardest thing is pushing through the inflated fears we have. Transition for me has been a wonderful, fun experience and it will be for you too. Savor the wonder of change, push yourself to do the things that scare you.

I don't think the guy voice will last long. You will soon tire of being looked at like you have three heads every time you talk. When people see you, no one expects a to hear a guy speak when you open your mouth. That "WTF?" look is going to get old and you will feel highly motivated to learn to speak like a woman.

Nobody is going to "spot you as a tranny" based on looks. Like me when I first started out, it's the voice that betrays. If you are still seeing a guy in the mirror, you are the only person who sees him.

[Melody Moore]

I know many transsexual boys & girls formulate plans, but I had no real plan either, I just went along as I felt comfortable with it.

In summary, I researched my transsexuality for about 2 & half years while living as a female behind closed doors virtually everyday
before I finally come out. When I did come out what I did was I posted photos of myself under a female profile on a social networking
& dating website. Everyone accepted me as being female and noone questioned it. At this point I went to see a GP dressed as a male
but I had the same photos of myself as a female on my mobile phone which I showed to the doctor when I told him I was wanting to
get some help with proper therapy as well as starting on hormones. After this I ventured out one day to do my grocery shopping as a
female and was very surprised that noone even looked at me twice and when I was served at the checkout, I was greeted as a female
and treated the whole time with the due respect of being a female. After this I started to live more as a female and the only time I was
in male mode was when my transphobic house-mate was home just to keep the peace. When I was around my house-mate I wore baggy
track pants & loose fitting shirts to conceal the fact I was wearing female clothing under male clothes, but the truth was I was en femme
all of the time for about a month before I had my first appointment with my gender specialists. Throughout the day while my house-mate
was at work I was openly female about the house & if I had to go out and do something, then I went out fully dressed as a female. Like
you I found people most warm & accepting when I was at my most comfortable in being who I truly am and that still continues today.

There is no right or wrong way to come out because we are all unique in that we have our own barriers to overcome and only we know
best how to overcome them. We just have to work it out for ourselves how to go about that. I believe that the key here to a successfully
transitioning is doing things as you feel the most comfortable. Just like Stephanie said here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?145851-I-was-terrified-going-out-in-public-en-femme-for-the-first-time-yesterday...&p=2360855&viewfull=1#post2360855)... Practice. People don't normally run marathons
on a whim. You have to build up endurance and a tolerance. You aren't going to conquer Rome behind closed doors.

As for your voice, it becomes easier if you devote some time to voice training, I would really recommend a speech pathologist to help you
do that. But if you cannot afford one, then another alternative is a voice training program like Deep Stealth's "Finding Your Female Voice"
vocal feminization method (http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Finding+Your+Female+Voice&aq=f). Fortunately for me I have always been a singer, so I have a good understanding of what is required musically
in order to adapt to a female voice. However I know that I still need to improve, so this is something I am still constantly working on, but
I know it has become a lot easier for me because I have devoted a fair amount of time to my voice training and by hanging out with natal
females. Hanging out with people at LGBTI friendly places with other transsexuals or drag queens will not give you the proper influence
you need to fit into society seamlessly as a female. So I think its really a good thing that you decided to go out to another place where
you can get that. Keep up everything that you are doing Bree because I am 100% positive you are on the right path to finding yourself.

Hugs Melody :hugs:
(http://www.genderlife.com/products-page/voicetutor)

[prene]

Bree_K,
WOW
WHat a great look.
Looks like fun.
Congrads

[Jennifer Marie P.]

Congrats on becoming and beliving in yourself.

[Angiemead12]

Love reading success stories! Goodluck with the journey ahead.

[Stephanie Anne]

You got it right there... doing what feels comfortable. Happy to hear you are making steps to be comfortable ;)

Oh and the best laid plans of mice and trans always go astray!

[Rianna Humble]

Just one question. Who is that on your left (our right) in the photo - a big sister? She looks a lot like the GG from my HR department who is helping me to manage my transition.

[Bree-asaurus]

Just one question. Who is that on your left (our right) in the photo - a big sister? She looks a lot like the GG from my HR department who is helping me to manage my transition.

The girl on MY RIGHT (left of photo) is my sister :-P