Your first IRL meeting with another CDer

[Starla]

For many, the first time you actually meet with another crossdresser "in the flesh" (I mean, as in "in person" -- get your mind out of the gutter) can be a nerve-wracking experience, but an important step.

Tell us about your first such meeting. (Names may be changed or omitted to protect the innocent.) How did it come about, and where did you meet? Were you in drab, or en femme? How did it go, and what did it mean to you?

My first such meeting was with the president of the local Tri-Ess group. We had chatted on the phone a couple of times, and as I was still nervous about attending my first group meeting, she suggested I come by her apartment to get my feet wet by meeting her first.

I arrived in drab; she was dressed. I transformed in her bathroom, and we chatted for a couple of hours. She put me at ease and told me more about the group, and her own "life story," as I shared some of what had brought me to this point in my life.

At one point, she asked my age. I told her (35), and she chuckled and muttered, "Right on schedule." When I asked what she meant, she explained that she knew countless CDers that had begun coming out of the closet in the 35-45 age range -- she felt it was related to the old male "mid-life crisis" syndrome when one begins to question their life situation and explore.

She complimented me on my appearance, and assured me that she felt I would have no problems if I went "out and about" looking like I did.

All in all, it was the perfect first meeting. Her experience, wisdom and empathy reassured me and calmed my fears.

Your turn...

[Angie G]

My first time was this past July We meet for coffee And h A lovely chat. I was a bit nervous at first but that faded as we talked.:hugs:
Angie

[Kelly DeWinter]

Starla, Sounds like you met Mary, LOL she is a friend of mine, and subscribes to the theory that most CD'rs 'come out' between age 35-40.

[AllieSF]

I started dressing in late 2006 or early 2007 as a late bloomer. I joined URNotAlone and met a girl on the site. She was a doctor at a local hospital and I completely dressed for the first time with her in a motel room that she had rented for the day. She helped with my eyes and put on false eyelashes and mascara. I tried on one her wigs, looked in the mirror and could not believe my eyes. Who was this person looking back at me? I could not believe the transformation that I made. From that moment on the smile never left my face and I was hooked. I subsequently met two ladies from this site, Roberta Fermina and WindyCissy. I met Roberta in downtown San Francisco, both of us in drab and Roberta had her very young grand daughter with her. We walked around looking for cheap makeup for me, and then we went to Nordstrom's where I even had a foundation make over in the middle of the store at the MAC department. Shortly after that I had my first time out in public with Roberta and Cissy for a light dinner at a cyber café, a brief visit to the fabled SF TG hangout, Divas, which was dead, and then on to the bar across the street to have a drink, talk and interface with the female bartender and other bar patrons. All in all, it was a fun and enlightening experience that has continued on a regular basis since then with different venues day and evening. There is nothing better than having a sidekick, or as like to call it, a partner in crime. Cissy and I continue to break new barriers for each of us, including playing golf and tennis, and me flying en femme this fall to meet Cissy in Las Vegas with 3 days and 2 nights en femme.

[JenniferR771]

After finding a regional support group TriEss, online. I arranged to meet their membership chairman at Wendy's restaurant. Both drab, but we had a lot in common. Talked a lot and he showed me pictures of him as enfemme. We had to be careful--if the background noise stopped our voices could be heard by other patrons. LOL!

[Annaliese2010]

Janets Closet, GiGi's, the mall... We're everywhere LOL

[NathalieX66]

My first meeting was with TriEss exactly 11 months ago. Those were my baby steps.

Since then, I have personally met with more than a half dozen members on this forum, and then some......I got names. :battingeyelashes:

[Genny B]

I'm still trying to meet others. How do you find these groups? How do you know it's safe to meet someone else? Yes, I'm afraid. Don't think I will ever pass and don't want to upset family members...

[Karren H]

My first time face to face was about 4 years ago... An online local friend had this amazing beaded wedding gown in her profile and I was always gushing about it so she invited me over to wear it for a photo shoot. I arrived in drab and she was half dressed... We dressed together and she dressed me up in the wedding gown and took a ton of photos.. Then since we wore the sane size I tried on her wardrobe and she tried on what I brought along.. It was a blast... Since then I've meet. Half dozen local girls mostly in drab, for lunch just to chat and get acquainted... And a couple of them have become good friends... Finding other interests besides linking to wear the same clothes is a must, imho.

[Avana]

i met a cute little singaporean boy my age who wanted to crossdress so i had him over, and i got him all glammed up and then we made out for a while :p

[Nicole Erin]

Unofficially -

CD or TS really but when I FIRST started being Erin, well back when it was merely an image of "I want to look like a woman, how should I go about this?" was back in 1998.
Anyways I had a hunch that maybe there were others like me, and this GLBT org put me in contact with a group here in Indy.
The main hostess, I met for lunch one afternoon. She is TS. She invited me to attend their group.

I didn't really think anything specific, my main thing back then was wanting to know how to dress en femme. So my first meeting with said TS and with the group, I was in male mode.

Officially -

Now the first time I ever actually met a CD by chance face to face was like 1995, at a club. She was trying to catch a ride, she wasn't real pretty and I hate to be dead honest but I was pretty freaked out. It was like, "Oh my god, an actual man who is dressed like a woman!" I didn't know what to think or feel but it really freaked me out when she was like, "If you can take me home I can give you some gas money... heck I will even (explicit favor) if you want". (Now if I was made that offer these days, I would gladly open my car door and say, "tell me where we are going".) I just politely ended the chat and headed into the club (a gay club of all places)

So there you have it.

[Barbara Dugan]

The first time I met one I didnt know it...I had found this guy online, he was polite and nice looking...we had recreational sex a couple of times and I remember I told him that I dont date other CD'rs...then later I found out he was one too:doh:

[Misty G]

I can't remember the first time as it was so long ago. However I joined the Sigma Epsilon group (Triess) in Atlanta in 2000 and met a lot of ladies there and had a lot of fun. Also did outreach work with them at the University of Georgia which was a blast. I no longer attend the meetings in Atlanta but still see a number of the people from there and remain friends. Have also met a number of other girls from around the area and always glad to make new friends.

[Annabelle1962]

My first time I met another Cd was while I was working away from home, I stay in hotels when I do and fully dress in my room. I was corresponding with another CD who was a sales rep and was going to be in the region I was staying, I suggested she use the hotel I was in and she did. She was there for one night and we met in my room as I didn't go out. We were both dressed but at the time I didn't do make up so she brought hers and did me. We chatted and drank some wine. She took some photos for me and that was it.
I was nervous but once we got chatting I was fine.

[Julogden]

My first encounter was in 1972 when I was 21, out at a local restaurant/pub with my parents. There were two couples in a booth that we passed as we were leaving, and I suddenly realized that the women were actually males dressed as women. Typical of my parents, they just rushed us past them and never said a word about it.

My first deliberate encounter with another t-person was in late 1978, I was 27. I was a non-participating member of the national Tri-Ess, hadn't worked up the nerve to attend a local meeting yet (that wouldn't happen until 1985), but I had made pen pals through an Empathy Club magazine that came out annually with personal ads of TV's from all over the world. I had exchanged a letter or two with someone who lived about 30 miles away, and I was house-sitting for some friends while they spent the winter in Florida, so I had some privacy. I invited the other CD over, and we finally got together. She arrived dressed, and we chatted for a while about our lives and dressing, then I got dressed. We took a few photos of each other with a my old Polaroid camera, and that was about it. She turned out to be looking for more than a friend, but I wasn't, so it didn't go anywhere. Interestingly, she was a Protestant minister, and she and her wife had an open marriage, pretty wild to me, as I'd never heard of such a thing.

She needed a lot of help with her look and asked me if I'd help her work on her makeup and clothes, so I loaned her a really good book on makeup that I had used to learn how to do makeup right, and I never got it back, never saw her again. I guess she wasn't really looking for a friend.

Carol

[SusanCACD]

Starla,
I would like to thank you for your participation on this forum. The questions you ask really do help me with my perception of myself and what I want in this world. Ready the reply's from you questions really make me realize time is of essence, I need to take the plunge and just do it.
I am such a chicken sh-t....

[Cari]

I was very fortunate.

I was cruising the net; doing the local search on UR not alone and found someone I already knew and respected from other endeavors.
At that time Renee Reyes was very active and gave me some great advice on breaking the ice and setting up the meeting.
So I had one friend from the net who knew, one from real life who didnt and the meeting was set up.

It made it much easier; we did lunch then drove over to wig shop.
We were in drab but it was significant in that it was the first time I said I crossdress out loud in public

I will say the drive was nice as it provided a nice private place to chat.

Later we met at a local nite out. Having someone I already respected made that much easier.
The local hostess was very friendly and made me feel welcome right away.
Going from my lil closet to aroom with 50 or so folks dressed could have been overwhelming, Glad I had a guide.
I still look at pictures from that night and remember it fondly.

After that the Tri Ess interview was just a matter of meeting a nice person and chatting a bit. I had met several memebers at the nite out so that wasnt nerve wracking at all.

[Sarah Doepner]

It was a revelation to be in the company of other crossdressers after years of being the only one in the world who wore women's clothing. I had made the usual 2 A.M. Drives and quick walks to the motel ice machine, but it wasn't until 2001 when I discovered a group who were meeting in Las Vegas for a shared vacation. I exchanged emails with the coordinator and eventually even shared my first photos to get some constructive criticism. As the time of their vacation approached I made up my mind to attend and planned a camping trip as partial cover for the time away from home. I spent one night in my tent in Zion National Park and then drove to meet the group as they assembled for a tour of Boulder Dam. This was not a crossdressing event, and guys needed to be in guy mode when we met at a 7-11 on the road between Las Vegas and the Dam.

I got there early and was very nervous as I paced about. I wouldn't be surprised if I gave the clerk the impression I was going to slip on a ninja mask and try to rob them. My mind raced as I saw people arrive in ones and twos, and I wondered if I had the guts to introduce myself to them. I watched for a while and saw the person I figured to be the coordinator and summoning up all the courage I could, stepped to his side and asked if this was the Dam Tour. After we established that although I was Dave, my evil twin sister Sarah had been in contact, I was welcomed to the group and introduced around. Since parking was limited at the tour site I got a ride with another Cder and his wife. Another first, a crossdresser who was out to their supportive wife, WOW! The next day, I did one more side trip shopping in guy clothes but with a CD who was en femme. She took me to a wig shop where I tried on and finally bought a better wig. That night I finally overcame all the butterflies and joined the group for a night out en femme myself.

To this day it is still one of the most challenging but rewarding things I've done and set the stage for many other meetings and relationships. All I can say now is “Thank you Annie for your support and encouragement.”

[StaceyJane]

About 11 years ago I was living in Hawaii. I found a TG support group in Honolulu and arranged to meet one of the members.
We met in a parking lot outside of a CompUSA. She was totally en femme and I was totally in drab. I was amazed to met someone that lived full time as a woman.
We talked for a couple of hours then before I left she gave me a couple of issues of "Transgender Tapestry" magazine. I would later read every word in those magazines.
i was invited to join the group but I couldn't because I worked at the same time they meet.

A few years later after I was married I saw her again in the Navy Exchange. I was with my wife and stepdaughters so I didn't say anything. I don't know if she saw or recognized me.

[Cheryl James]

My first time meeting another girl (several girls, in this case) was after I saw a mailing address for a local support group in my area in a transgender newspaper around 1985. I sent them a letter (postage was required in those days) describing myself and why I would like to attend one of their meetings. A couple of weeks later I received a reply and an invitation to attend a meeting. When the day arrived I rented a motel room and dressed. I drove to the meeting place well before the starting time. I sat in my car and nervously observed the arrival of others. After some hemming and hawing, I, finally, said to myself "Now, or never." I got out of the car and entered to a very warm welcome. Ultimately, I attended 3 or 4 such meetings, but never made a real connection with anyone...though everyone was very nice. My life situation changed dramatically over the next six months and I never returned. But, I now knew that there were others who felt like me and that was a comfort. The internet, of course, opened everyone's eyes, but at the time this was a significant event for me.

[Starla]

I drove to the meeting place well before the starting time. I sat in my car and nervously observed the arrival of others. After some hemming and hawing, I, finally, said to myself "Now, or never." I got out of the car and entered to a very warm welcome.

Don't know why, but that just reminded me of something funny my own "first meeting" friend (see original post) said that night. The group met at a local motel, and she was explaining to me the system they had for posting the suite number for arrivals. She said, "if you get confused or lost, just drive around until you find the building with a lot of unusually tall, broad-shouldered women in too-high heels milling about -- follow them!!" :D

[Lainie]

First meeting was maybe 8 years ago, in Baubles & Beads, a fashion resale boutique. I had been going there in drab a lot, trying on and buying clothes. An SA there was very helpful an encouraging. I think she called one of her other regular customers, who came in dressed very elegantly for a lunch-time shopping excursion. We chatted for a while about her circle, who met regularly at a local lesbian bar and had a Yahoo group--Houston Cover Girls. She invited me to the monthly night out, and shortly thereafter I had the opportunity and took it. My very first time en femme in public, walking into a strange bar in a (then) unfamiliar neighborhood, wearing my best frock and heels, shawl and purse, and tights bought for the occasion. Two quick glasses of wine at the bar steadied my nerves enough to walk around among the hundred lesbians in worn jeans & sweatshirts, the dozen glamorous TGs, and a really ear-splitting band. Several of the CDs were welcoming, some were put off by the mustache. If I hadn't been married I might have let a sweet lesbian cowboy take me home. Great, scary fun. Never had a chance to go back, although I have made it to a Halloween party and a couple of other events in the following years. Cover Girls' Night Out is at a restaurant, now, which suits me better.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I'd seen other CDs occasion, rarely though, out and about, like one day at my restaurant I used to work at we had a guest who was crossdressed, or when I worked in an office supply store a woman who looked to be mid-transition would come in. But the first time I ever actually met up with a CD on purpose was someone I met online. I don't remember for sure but I *think* I'd posted an ad on craigslist in the M4W section looking for a girl who would be ok with my crossdressing, but got an email from another m2f CDer in my city who was looking for a friend. We traded emails a couple of times and decided to go ahead and set up a meeting, so one afternoon I actually went over to her apartment, and we basically played dressup. She layed a bunch of her clothes out on the bed and I had some of mine and I helped her with her makeup, which is funny looking back because I really had no skills myself at the time, and then we just sort of hung out. After about a half hour or so I think we both kind of got bored with it and so I started packing up, she cleaned her face and became him again and I left. We never met up again, I think we exchanged an email or two after that and then it went cold.

Looking back on it now it feels very fortunate to me that I didn't end up in a much worse situation. Sure he ended up just being someone curious about being around someone else who shared his hobby, but it was very unsafe for me to just randomly go to some guy's house, especially because in my humiliation at the time of course I didn't tell anyone where I was going or why. Luckily it was on the up and up and also it doesn't seem like any sexual content was desired either way so it was ok, if a little underwhelming.

[Kaz]

I haven't physically met another CD yet in and it is something I have always actively avoided. I have thought a lot about why I felt this way, and have never come up with any really logical reasons other than those of a fear of being outed in situations that might cause maximum personal and professional damage. This is probably irrational and demonstrating a lack of trust on my part... but for me these are issues I need to address.

I appreciate that this goes against the grain for many people here who are openly "out", but for some of us, including me, this is a very sensitive area.

This thread has been really helpful to me in thinking through some of those issues.

Many thanks Starla for starting it! And everyone else for their comments.

[Tasha McIntyre]

About 2 years ago I met another member of the forum at a local shopping mall. We were both in guy mode and had a coffee and a wander around. At that time I had never used make up or owned a wig, so I asked a few questions and got a lot of great advice which pretty much led me to where I am today.

Tash :)

[Michelle 51]

It happened for me just this October.A member on this site seen we lived fairly close and asked it I wanted to meet her and her wife .We met for lunch and it was nice to finaly talk to someone and be able to share about ourselves.Since then they have allowed me to go as Michelle with them which was my first time out and we spent a nice afternoon together.Once you can make that first baby step its hard to look back and those people who help you with it will always be special .

[docrobbysherry]

You'll be HAPPY u did!:thumbsup: GREAT POST, Starla!
From MY experience, the girls here r NOT agro and will NOT pressure u!:straightface:

When I came out on line 3 years ago, I refused the chance to meet a few girls from Cd.com. Because I came out online on some OTHER sites also, where Sherry's pics attracted A LOT of UNWANTED attention!:doh:
Not knowing any better, I ASSUMED that's the way ALL CDs were! :eek:

Then, I went to the SCC 2 years ago, to REALLY find out! EVERYONE was so easy going! ( Well, there WAS Vern! but, that's another story!):brolleyes:
And, I had SO MUCH FUN, I went back THIS YEAR!:D

After meeting so many sweet, honest, and friendly girls, I no longer worry about meeting girls from here in private! And, this year, have met 2 I'd never met before, one in her hotel room and the other, in her apartment. No problems!:)

Don't turn down a chance to meet a sister just because you're timid and/or afraid! I'm pretty sure u can tell in advance if you'll be pressured or be able to just go at your own comfortable pace!:battingeyelashes:

[Lynn Marie]

I've been quite fortunate to have met TamaraV last March. Since then my horizons have broadened considerably. Thanks so much to Tami, and Evie, and Eve for their friendship and help over the past year.

Here is a link to the thread I started after meeting Tami. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?127936-My-first-meeting-with-another-very-classy-CD-new-skirt&highlight=

[Ashlee]

2006 I had finally gotten up the nerve to e-mail Jamie Austin about a makeover. I kept calling him from different payphones and asked him if it'd be ok to just stop by and see his place, he was finishing up a client makeover who didn't mind if I stopped in. I stopped in nervous as hell! I met the client and Jamie and talked with Jamie and he showed me around, showed me pics and that was it!! I booked my first makeover the next week! I've met a few others like us there at his studio as they were coming in as I was leaving and met another rather subdued member of this site at a mall for food and drinks a few months back. She showed me an album of pics and we had a great time talking about our hobby.

[ninapuella]

I havent met anyone yet. I live in a wrong place for that. Well i have had some opportunities but maybe i am not ready for it. I have to be sure that the person are very serious and not dressing only because of sexual desire. People from this forum i would propably not doubt to meet.

[PretzelGirl]

Great thread Starla!

I have seen CDs before in my general day-to-day activities but my first time out and actually talking (heaven forbid) with one was a little over a year ago. I had been chatting up with Kathi Lake in private messages and got invited along for a shopping trip. This was just after shaving off my moustache and I was getting the "going out" thoughts, but this was agreed upon to be Kathi as Kathi and me as ugly guy (due to my nerves). Quite a different setup.

We met at Ulta and Kathi introduced me to one of the SAs who is now a very good friend of mine. She did a foundation match on me and Kathi and her talked me into leaving the foundation on as we went out. Kathi had some chores to take care of and it was all fun as we talked it up and then we went to White House/Black Market. I know I fudged around a bit on the racks being nervous about a guy shopping, but I got to see Kathi go to town and how comfortable she was. Then it was time to grab a bite and head back and stopping at any place to eat didn't bother Kathi at all.

So for me, this was a red letter day as I learned it wasn't a big deal and the timing was perfect as the desire to go out was starting to swell inside of me. The rest they say, is history...

[JamieG]

About 7 years ago, I found out about Renaissance, and learned there was a chapter only 15 miles from where I lived. I sent an e-mail (through a new online account I created, I was afraid it would be traced back to me), and got the location information from one of the group's officers. On the day of the meeting, I nervously, showed up in drab with gym bag in hand, and got stopped at the door and questioned. Once I told them I had written earlier, I was welcomed with open arms. They showed me a private room where I could change, and afterward the chapter leader had a nice long discussion with me. I met many CD's that day, as well as many transexuals. Over the years, people have come and gone from the group, but I am still friends with many of the people I met that day.

[t-girlxsophie]

My first meeting with another CDer came just after my 3rd visit to Crosslynx TV/TS Support group in Glsgow with a girl I met there,we met at her digs and had a very nice chat about ourselves,we were very quickly at ease with each other.She quickly became my best friend and joanne and I have shared so many good times,and adventures in the intervening 10 years,that would fill out a War and Peace sized book:) Sadly though she has arranged her farewell day out in April,when she will pack Joanne away for good,gonna be a few tears shed on that day:(

:hugs:Sophie

[Kathi Lake]

My first meeting with another cross dresser was with a member on this board - Shaylee. Due to an agreement with her spouse, she met me in drab at the Cheesecake Factory. She was a wonderful person, and we had a lot in common. Of course, there I was teetering on 4-inch stilettos on a slippery tile floor. Whether due to being in drab, or just good upbringing, she was a perfect gentleman, offering an arm to steady silly me. :)

We then went shopping, where I tried way too many clothes on (Yeah, I know. Me. Who woulda thunk it?) and we parted as friends.

The second time was with the lovely Sue, as mentioned above. I love meeting people. Meeting people that have this in common? Priceless.

:)

Kathi

[Teri Ray]

I met in drab with another girl after chatting online for months. Meeting and talking about you feelings with another is much more intense than online.

[Christa001]

In the past, I met several girls from here,in drab for lunch in Madison.Fantastic experience! They were so nice .Talking to those that think and feel exactly as i do was a fantastic experience! I so look forward to meeting more sisters.you know who you are - thank you so much !!
Christa

[erica12b]

i have not meet any of my sisters yet , im working on trying to do it now ,
Have any advice? Any volunteers

[AnnaCalliope]

I first met another CD through my SO about 3 years ago. We didn't really hang out or talk much as she was really busy with work and school at the time. Now she's a year into transition and even though I may only see her once every couple of months, I still like to sit down with her and get myself prepared for when I'm transitioning in a couple of years.

[gwenbeth]

hmmm lets see... that would be last week! I had a meeting at a restaurant with a lady from the local Tri-ess chapter. And not only was the first time I met another CD'er in person, it was the first time I had ever been out as Gwen. Once I actually found the right road and got to where we meeting, ever thing went really well. I sashayed right in there like I was the prettiest girl in the room. Our lunch went really well, and im looking forward to meeting more people at the next meeting. The only bad thing was that I had to turn back into a pumpkin and go back to work

[Niya W]

some time in 2002 at a place called Carla. I freaked out when I saw my first CD and ran out. 2 years later I went back to Carla's ready to come out to the world . I met lots of trans folks there .

[PretzelGirl]

i have not meet any of my sisters yet , im working on trying to do it now ,
Have any advice? Any volunteers

Erica, I think it would be worth the trip to go to Denver and meet up with Michelle's group. They are established and it is far enough away from your home to allow you to be more comfortable (if that matters).

[erica12b]

did not want to hijack thread , my thread = first contact


sorry starla

[Rogina B]

I love to meet fellow T girls in any mode..We come from such diverse social situations and occupations and everything else,it is fascinating when the common ground is crossdressing and everything that goes with it..If you are ever down this way,let me know.