Fragile Emotions?

[RachelDee]

How was Christmas for everyone? Did anyone else feel 'extra' emotional?

I know Christmas time is an emotional one anyway, and for some people who may be having issues with family or friends even more so.

This Christmas Eve though, I kept wanting to cry over the slightest thing. Music (happy or sad), films (happy or sad parts) etc etc. I did not really know why. Was hard to hold back. Resulting in me rushing off to the bathroom to wash my face often lol.

Just the day before, while out shopping, some music came on the radio and I suppose it must have had a powerful chorus? Because I had to really hold back the floods of tears... :idontknow: I was in the car with my Dad so didnt really want to burst out crying for no apparent reason lol.

I have really noticed that over the last year its getting harder to hold down the urge to want to cry lol. If I do, it does not seem to help. I just end up sitting there sobbing rather than crying :doh:. The feeling just seems to come over me, while watching a film/listening to music etc. I have always been like this for as long as I can remember, it just seems to be getting worse the older I get.. :straightface:

On a lighter note; I am kinda wondering what im going to be like if I ever were to take HRT. LOL I think im going to need *a lot* of tissues handy ;)

EDIT: Oh I will tell you something that has gotten to me this year. You know Facebook? How evil it can be at times (showing you how great life is for everyone else). Well seeing some pics put up by two female friends, of them enjoying Christmas, I found them very hard to look through. Gave me some quite powerful heart racing panic/anxiety :S yikes...

[Kelly DeWinter]

The holidays can be a very emotional time for people. I know it is for me. I'm not sure why, but "The little drummer boy" tugs at my heart. AAs far a seeing how great everyone elses life is, all i can say is rejoice with them, It's a lot better to have a ton of friends whose life is going well and are happy to be around then a ton of friends whose life is misrible and suck you down in the black hole of dispair. I've learned to rejoice for others, it keeps me happy, and if a person lears to be happy and content, their life gets a whole lot better.

Kelly

[Vicky-m]

I get that feeling to want to cry too but not as bad as you are describing, maybe next time you should just cry until you can't cry anymore see if it work
take care

[RachelDee]

AAs far a seeing how great everyone elses life is, all i can say is rejoice with them, It's a lot better to have a ton of friends whose life is going well and are happy to be around then a ton of friends whose life is misrible and suck you down in the black hole of dispair. I've learned to rejoice for others, it keeps me happy, and if a person lears to be happy and content, their life gets a whole lot better.

Kelly

Well I am happy for her of course, and I know her life is not all perfect and great. She has her own problems too, some quite difficult ones and just recently had an operation (which she was really scared about).

It's just disconcerting that I can feel like that when doing something as simple as looking at a friends pictures.

It was only the pictures with female friends in in particular that caused emotional reactions :\ and it was of quite mundane stuff! Not party's or anything, like just a girl curled up on the sofa watching TV in a santa hat. She she was dressed quite girly though (but casual girly).

I think what I was feeling was envy really :| and like panic that it wont ever be me? Even if I am taking steps to try to fix that.

I have never in my life ever wanted to be/or envied another male. Yet, I am finding it hard not to feel that way constantly when looking at girls. I just hope this goes away soon because its not pleasent, or helpful.

You have a good point Vicky-m, I have when im alone but I just sort of end up sobbing rather than crying. Does not really stop it happening again though. Hmmm

I think perhaps why I feel a little worse in the Christmas season is because it has been hard to focus on xmas in general. Really has not felt like it at all. Also maybe I am wondering, if this is the last Christmas that I will be celebrating and signing my gifts off as 'Robert'. I really hope so.

[Lorileah]

Holidays...gotta love them...or not.

They can bring us to the highest pinnacle or the lowest valley. And even more so as we get older. I felt overwhelmed leading up to the weekend and last night I suddenly felt a great loss. Funny how that works. I don't think it is odd or bad to feel emotion and to cry. Sometimes I just feel like crying, especially when I have a vivid memory. This time of year a lot of things bring back memories. It is all good though because it is what has made me, me. What worries me more is the loss of memories of things I want to remember (no it isn't senility it is just not holding memories). Over the holidays I saw a Youtube post on the Hallelujah Chorus and that made me cry, both from the music and the memory of when it was an integral part of my high school years.

Yes, I have wanted the perfect life you see in the media. I have wanted the seemingly perfect life of friends. Now I just want to be happy for the rest of what time I have...and my friends can be happy for me :)

[Melody Moore]

Christmas is an emotional testing time, because its meant to be a time when families come together to celebrate Christ's birthday
with love, through being thoughtful & giving & having togetherness. Well that's my idea of what Christmas should be anyway.

As Transsexuals most of us a prone to having fragile emotions, so we need to do everything possible to sure them up even at the best of times.
So for someone who is trans, Christmas can be extremely painful when they are not being accepted & are only rejected by other family members.

I know this type of pain very well - we are like the best of friends. Well not really, but what my point is, you have to be intimately familiar with this
pain in order to be able to deal with it. I know why I feel this pain & its because I love my family dearly, but I have to resign myself to the fact that
they don't reciprocate with the same sort of passionate love that I try to give to them. I still call my mother regularly & still hope that one day she
will come to her senses and start talking to me again, but I still get the phone hung up in my ear the moment I open my mouth to speak. What can
I do? Absolutely nothing, that is what the truthful answer is. This all comes with the territory when you're a transsexual, but I have learnt to cope
with it using a few different mechanisms...

First of all I don't make myself accountable for someone else's hang ups or issues. If they can't handle me living a lifestyle that makes me truly
happy, and where I am living as honestly as I can by being my true self then that proves to me they have a much more serious issue than I do.
So on Christmas day I called my mother, but as per usual, she hangs up the phone in my ear and sure that hurts. But I don't need to feel guilty
about it because it isn't me that isn't making any attempt to bridge the ever widening gap in our relationship. You can't make someone else love
you, that hasn't ever learnt the basic principles of loving another human being unconditionally in the first place.

So I have this huge hole in my life not having any family unity & support so I need to have something else that will can fill that void and that is
where I need to turn to my friends as a substitute for family. I find that the greater majority of my friends love me better than my own family
by the fact they are not judgemental, they are understanding & very supportive of me. Unfortunately my friends often have other commitments
with their own families at this time of the year and it gets hard at times to find friends to spend time with throughout the Christmas period.
I have to be understanding & never pushy with my friends, so there are still going to be times where it gets really tough to cope on your own.

Because the Christmas New Year festive season goes for so long, there is lots of time to try and occupy while others are out there having fun.
But I don't always think of things that way because I also realise that there are people out there making sacrifices by giving up their time during
Christmas to work and provide services for other people and keep us safe, such as the Police, Ambulance, Fire, Hospital Staff, Soldiers overseas
on deployment, volunteer workers, the list is long and I could go on forever with it, but I think you get the picture. Others have to cope without
having their families around at this time of the year, so why can't I?

Having too much time on your hands at this time of the year makes things so much harder to deal with because you tend to spend your time
thinking about such issues. The key here is to occupy your time & keep your mind busy as possible so you don't have time to dwell on issues
that will often cause cause a lot of anxiety that leads to depression. So I keep myself as busy as possible. If its not on the internet, I am doing
something about the house, my new place hasn't ever been so tidy in 8 years as it is now - my former house-mate is in the process of moving
out & I am going to be renting this place from her on my own - yay! I finally have my own place once again & this is what I am concentrating on
right now. As soon as my house-mate has finished moving her stuff out, I will be advertising for a a couple of new house-mates to help share
the expenses and to have some better company around me. So I am kicking out any negative by only catering to the positive needs for my life.

So even in the most difficult times I keep going forward in the most positive ways that I can and I know that every little thing I do will help me
in the end to overcome these difficult periods in my life. I feel that my sense of pride is finally being restored, so this gives me a good reason
to smile. So these are some of the things I think about rather than the negative issues that serves no purpose & want to just weigh me down.

Since starting my transition other people now find me very positive & outgoing and tend to be warming to me a lot more. I know this is the case
because I have more good friends now than I ever had in my life previously. As time goes on, my friends & I get to know each other better & we
all grow stronger. My best friend is another trans-female who has become very close to me & I hate to say this, but she is a better sister than my
own biological sister, but there are times during this period she has to spend time with her family & friends, so I have to be understanding & make
allowances for that no matter how much I would like her to spend time with me. but I know our relationship is very strong & if I really needed her
here she would be here as soon as possible for me. These are the types of people I want now in my life, not some so-called family that has never
been there for me.

We all go through times where life can be either easy or very difficult to deal with, but how well we cope all depends on what we are willing to
invest into it ourselves. I believe that the more you contribute to your life in a positive way, the more positive you will get back. I really believe
that in time I won't find it so difficult to cope with these periods because others will come into my life that I can share Christmas & New Year with.

While I am in no rush for an intimate relationship, I know that it would be easier if I had someone in my life to fill this void, but finding the right
person isn't going to be easy, especially if I was to come across as someone with a truckload of baggage. So it's best to deal with all of that first
or you are only going to end up with the wrong person for all the wrong reasons. I think by being happier and more positive, then I have a better
chance of finding that special someone for me. My main goal in life is to love other people and to be loved in return and being positive is the only
way I am going to get there. I believe that everything I have mentioned here in this post goes a long way to propping up fragile emotions, so if
you are struggling, then see how I have rationalised everything & now cope with my situation because I have been there where you are at now.

There is only one person I can only ever rely on to help me through the most
difficult times, is myself, but having a few good friends & this forum surely helps.

Hugs Everyone :gh:and all the best for the New Year!

[Traci Elizabeth]

You asked how our individual X-Mas' were. Mine was the best I have ever had. My wife and I made it very special as well as my daughter and grand-babies.

My wife got me more dangling earrings that I could ever have hoped for as well as a beautiful gold cross for a woman, plus all kinds of other girlie stuff.

But the true meaning of X-Mas for me was being surrounded by loving family, and my wife and I attending church together on the 24th, 25th, & 26th.

It was indeed a great Christmas and the tears I shed were tears of joy.

[toko]

I too have had an emotional roller coaster ride latley. I am hoping for sunnier days ahead.

I hope that your days ahead are filled with more ups than downs. Just try to stay strong and hang in there.