Feeling the "rush"

[Starla]

To what extent has the old “adrenaline rush” played a role in your enjoyment of crossdressing activities?

I suppose it depends on both one’s personality and the level to which they have taken things. Long before I had ever joined a support group or met others like me, CDing was a sporadic, furtive, solitary activity. And the simplest act, whether it be to leave my motel room and walk to the ice machine, or stepping out of my car to walk a few steps to mail a letter, was fraught with excitement and terror. But it was a delicious, exhilarating kind of terror. Exposed to the elements and public view, feeling the breeze moving my skirt and rustling my hair, my heels clicking on the pavement, hearing the sounds of life around me -- traffic, doors slamming, dogs barking – with each noise representing someone who might see me.

There was an interesting, contradictory dualism underlying the “rush” of committing the “forbidden” act of being dressed as a girl away from privacy and security. Wanting to be seen and not seen at the same time. Not wanting to get caught, and yet relishing the stomach-churning butterflies generated by the possibility of getting caught. It was a level of excitement and exhilaration that I craved. The thrill of the forbidden, the chance of discovery, and the sense that I was “getting away with something.”

Of course, once I started to “mainstream” my crossdressing – joining a group, meeting others; thinking about the deeper, more philosophical implications of the thing; getting more adept at expressing the feminine component of my personality; those thrills, chills and spills quickly faded. To be sure, they were gradually replaced by a deeper, less superficial and (admittedly) more mature kind of satisfaction and self-acceptance.

But, nevertheless, there was a part of me that missed the “rush.” And once you normalize an activity, no matter how gratifying it becomes on another level, you can never replicate that feeling.

To what extent did that surge of adrenalin play a role in your early crossdressing? Does it still enhance (or hinder) your enjoyment in certain settings or situations? And, if not, is there some sense in which you miss those butterflies?

[Karren H]

I do miss that rush... Now walking into a store enfemme feels the same as walking in drab.... On one hand I'm comfortable and have a lot of self confidence but its just.... On the verge of becoming boring!! I guess looking back I'm kind of an adrenaline junkie. Going down in underground mines... Jumping out f perfectly good air planes... Playing ice hockey.... Walking through a crowded mall dressed as a woman! Lol. Need to find something more exciting to do in my spare time...

[Sarah Doepner]

I was never an adrenaline junkie. I didn't like roller coasters or doing dangerous activities. Maybe it would have helped my early crossdressing excursions if I had enjoyed the rush, but honestly it scared me. I couldn't find a way to equate my expectation of a supposedly gentle time en femme with the agitation and hyper-sensitivity the adrenaline brought on. I still am amazed I was able to put the fear aside and find it possible to enjoy my public feminine time.

I didn't crave the excitement but enjoyed the all of the new sensory inputs, new fabrics, hair, scents, sounds etc. While I still get butterflies when I first go out, it has become something I've normalized and I can focus on the parts of the experience that I actually enjoy rather than the rush that distract me from them.

[Starla]

I do miss that rush... Now walking into a store enfemme feels the same as walking in drab.... On one hand I'm comfortable and have a lot of self confidence but its just.... On the verge of becoming boring!! I guess looking back I'm kind of an adrenaline junkie. Going down in underground mines... Jumping out f perfectly good air planes... Playing ice hockey.... Walking through a crowded mall dressed as a woman! Lol. Need to find something more exciting to do in my spare time...

There's still alligator wrestling and bomb defusing...

[Karren H]

I love roller coasters!!! Cedar Pointe and kennywood!! And I've been on a submarine and put my hand on a nuclear wepon... Bombs would only be exciting once! And gators are too slimy looking!! Lol. Would love to fly in a MIG 29... And go into space.... Too bad the Space Shuttle program is ending...

[Starla]

Bombs would only be exciting once!

Only if you cut the wrong wire...


And gators are too slimy looking!!

Plus, you might break a nail.


And go into space....

In zero-G, you don't need a push-up bra...


Too bad the Space Shuttle program is ending...

You could still catch a ride to the ISS on a Soyuz....assuming your idea of fun is being tightly crammed into an oversized tomato can with a couple of burly Rooskies.... :eek:

[Michelle 51]

I think its the unknown.We explore and we're on new ground.I can remember setting underwater explosives and afterwards waiting for the boom.After awhile its was just a job.Same with dressing.We're going into unchartered territory and are nervous but it becomes normal after we start to find out who we are and get used to it.

[ReineD]

But, nevertheless, there was a part of me that missed the “rush.” And once you normalize an activity, no matter how gratifying it becomes on another level, you can never replicate that feeling.

*sigh* It's like missing the first flush of romance, with all of its butterflies and intoxicating highs, once the relationship settles. If only there was a way to bottle that stuff for later use ... :daydreaming:

[DaniPat]

I've been on a submarine and put my hand on a nuclear wepon...

This might be a bit forward but......were you actually in the Navy as a Submariner?:o I only ask because I worked around weapons, conventional and otherwise, in the Air Force. I found, fairly quickly, that working with live munitions became mundane and I lost the heightened adrenaline effect. I do hope that I will not lose the adrenaline effect which dressing en femme gives me. I haven't gone into public, yet, so I can't state how thrilling or nightmarish the event may be. But I don't think it will ever be mundane, and if it does: higher heels, a shorter skirt, and a deep plunge top:battingeyelashes:, would certainly liven things up and get the adrenaline going.:heehee:

TTFN, kisses.:kiss:

[Sharon B.]

Since I haven't joined any support group yet. I still get that rush when I walk out my door to get into my vehicle, especially if one of my of my female neighbors is outside.
When I walk into the local Lane Bryant store under-dressed as a woman, I also get a rush. Hopefully by this spring I will be walking in there dressed completely as a woman. At least that is my goal for the coming year is to start shopping for clothes as a woman.

[Karren H]

This might be a bit forward but......were you actually in the Navy as a Submariner?

Relative was so got a personal tour of the forward half of an LA Fast Attack... Including the forward torpedo room. Was told before what was what... :)

[Starla]

Relative was so got a personal tour of the forward half of an LA Fast Attack... Including the forward torpedo room. Was told before what was what... :)

Just as well, or your last words might have been, "Hey, I wonder what this button does...."

[Sarasometimes]

My therapist asked me about whether a "rush" is part of why I dress and I don't think it is. I most enjoy dressing when i'm in a safe secure place with the slightest chance (the best I can do) of meeting someone I know. In my early days I came close to getting recognized by a sales rep that frequented a former work place. Although we had never been introduced, I recognized her but she never actually saw me (I hid behind a magazine I was reading. This put a real downer on my time that day. No thrill, just fear!! This is just how i feel.

[mikala]

I love to grab my little black sheer bra slip it around my waist, hook it and turn it around where the cups are in front and let my A+/B- boobs drop into the cups as I lift it up..... it's a giant rush..... I have wondered if HRT would enhance this feeling as my body would be more fem and look way better in the mirow ????

[docrobbysherry]

I've LOVED the time I've spent out with other girls. But, no "rush" there.:straightface:

Going out dressed by myself sounds A LOT like hitting myself with a hammer! No "rush" there!:doh:

As I've been typing this, I've been glancing at myself in a mirror on and off. I happen to be completely dressed, wearing an evening gown, gloves, hose, and heels!:D

And, I'm suddenly feeling that "RUSH"!:o So, if you'll EXCUSE ME!

[Cristi]

I miss the rush.

I sometimes wonder if the reason I'm not putting as much effort into finding the time to go out right now is that the rush is pretty much gone. I can dress and go into the city for a day of shopping, but if it feels exactly the same as doing the same shopping trip in jeans and a t-shirt AND I've got the constant risk of running into somebody I know, then I sometimes have a hard time figuring out why I should bother. :(

I still get just a hint of the rush in the first few moments after I step out of the car or into a crowded store, but after that I almost have to keep reminding myself about how I'm dressed or I am likely to pretty much forget! The downside is I still get NERVOUS in quite a few circumstances where it looks like I might be confronted, but that feeling is certainly not the same and nothing I look for on purpose.

One danger is wondering what I might find myself doing and what risks I might take if I get desperate to get that rush back. Going out in more inappropriate revealing outfits? Going into more dangerous non-CD safe places? Taking more of a risk of getting outed at work? I do miss the rush and hope I don't go chasing after it too carelessly.

[michellejenkins]

I'm still pretty new at this. I hope the rush never wears out.

[DaniPat]

Just as well, or your last words might have been, "Hey, I wonder what this button does...."

Starla;
That would definitely give new meaning to the phrase....OH SH*T!!!!...or even..OOOPPPSSS!!!! And the adrenaline rush, tho negative, would be ever so short lived.

DaniPat aka W1ldcatz

[Robyn2006]

Still get that adrenaline rush whenever I finalize things with lipstick, always the last to go on… after everything is in place and right. This act (applying lipstick) still echos back my first teen transitions when my hands were shaking and my world seemed to be imploding. Putting on lipstick is such a completely feminine thing to do and is still, hands down, the moment I truly cross over from he to she. It's the glory I save for last!

:kiss:
Robyn

[Anneliese]

I feel the "rush" when I'm out shopping for women's clothes at the thrift stores. Yes, I've got the theoretical cover that I'm shopping for my daughter. (most everyone I know is aware I don't currently have a girlfriend/spouse) The only issue would be "why", especially considering the kind of clothes I buy. I have yet to go out fully dressed.

[Juliana Hart]

Just curious Karren, were there any special markings on those "nuclear" torpedos? Were you required to wear dosimetry?

[pantyhoselover]

I get a definite rush shopping for lingerie and hose. At first I would pretend it was for my girlfriend. Now I don't try to hide that it's for me. Most SA's know; and some give that knowing smile and wink. I love that part.

[Debglam]

Still get that adrenaline rush whenever I finalize things with lipstick, always the last to go on… after everything is in place and right. This act (applying lipstick) still echos back my first teen transitions when my hands were shaking and my world seemed to be imploding. Putting on lipstick is such a completely feminine thing to do and is still, hands down, the moment I truly cross over from he to she. It's the glory I save for last!

:kiss:
Robyn

So true:daydreaming:

[Paula Siemen]

Yeh.....but space suits are so androgenous??????? Not fun for cross dressing, or for that mantter any other type of dressing. And OMG, Karren.......space suits have PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tasha McIntyre]

I'll never forget the dizzying rush when I first entered a busy shopping mall just under 2 years ago. I still get that same rush every time, although maybe just not as intense. I dread the day that disappears!