--ADULT--Crossdressing and Life for a 20 year old (HELP!)

[TeenageCrossdresser]

Hey guys, don't mean to bore your heads off with my life, it's just that you are the only ones who truely understand where I'm coming from. I just turned twenty, three days ago (9/13), and life for me is just really confusing right now, I feel like for some reason I'm failing at life, lemme tell you why...

I've been crossdressing since I was about 6... Like most CD's, I started with my mom's clothes and stayed on that route until I started taking stuff from the laundrymat in my apartment complex. Eventually I got comfortable with buying some of my own stuff. Okay, that's taken care of...

For the most part I was fine with my crossdressing til I hit about 18. It was then that I started wondering if what I was doing was right. My parents had drilled into me to not wear women's clothes, that they were for women not men. I started doubting my sexuality since I had started getting attracted to crossdressing type porn and thoughts (when I was masterbating). I thought for sure I was gay, or at least bisexual, but I was a virgin, and I used that as an excuse as to why I was so confused.

Two months before I turned nineteen, I started dating a co-worker of mine. She was really cool and down to earth, eventually I lost my virginity to her. Only bad thing is, it felt great, don't get me wrong, but sex was not all I thought it was going to be, I somehow felt more turned on while dressed and doing it myself, this lead to total confusion in my part. I shrugged it off as a possible phase.

Eventually I got the guts to tell my girlfriend that I wore womens underwear (I did not tell her I completely dressed yet). Surprisingly, she took it very well. She said it was somewhat of a turn on for her, and that was cool. I soon admitted that I like to fully dress. Once again, she didn't have a problem with this, we did each others makeup, pick out stuff at stores...etc

Six to eight months into the relationship, I noticed she was going over to this guy scott's house a lot. She said she was going to hang out with his fiance, but she lied. She was cheating on me for about 2 months before I found out from her sister. All of a sudden, she goes around telling people I'm a crossdresser and I like anal sex, and I'm bisexual...etc. I told people she was all hyped up on drugs (which she was and everyone knew it, hence the reason they believed it.... I think...), and that she was just trying to start shit.

Since the breakup, I've been very depressed while thinking about my life. My parents and I do our best to live a religous life. I've always tried to stay out of trouble, and do what's right in my life...etc. I'd say I've done a decent job of that. I'm a very caring person, and I always do my best to help out people when I can, even if it puts me out in some way. I can't but help to think that I'm doing something wrong because my religion tells me that I have to be a man, and that's why god created man and woman, and the whole crossdressing porn, bisexual "wonderings" thing is extremely against the religion. I have this constant fear as funny as it may seem, that I may burn for all eternity because of my lifestyle. I really don't mind if people somehow found out about the things I do in life... that's just an opinion, I can get over those... but in my religion, what I do may have me suffering for the rest of eternity, and I just really freak out sometimes when I think about that.

To anyone in here who has delt with this... What do you do to help with your feelings, or what do you do to not have to think such things? Once again, I hate to bore you nice people with this EXTREMELY LONG POST, but you guys are the few who really can understand and give real, honest feedback. Thanks for your time, and responses gals! :D

[Melissa73]

hi there, i know exactly what u are feeling. Im a 32 yr male. and i too feel the guilt of "dressing." I lasted 27 yrs with sex, and when i finally did it w/ my ex girlfriend, it felt good, but doing myself was more better, and much more satisfiying. I didnt tell her i dressed, and we broke up. a yr later i met another girl, and we dated 3 months. Still, i enjoyed nbeing intimate w/ her, but being dressed, and by myself, was more enjoyable.

i dont know why. but being dressed, i had different thoughts. as a man, my focus is on my ex girlfriends. by myself, i think of me, as a girl, with a man and i get sooooo excited. (now, i consider myself straight).

so anytime u wanna talk....just write me ok?
by the way, im in illinois

[arula]

AS you know TC like we all know, CDing comes from the heart. I too started around 7, here I am at 50 and loving it even more. You have three choices.1, Keep looking for a sincere girl who will accept you, 2, Find a straight girl, live the straight life (with CDing on the side),or, 3, live with another CD. I'm Catholic, and I'm living choice number two because thats what I decided. I have no fear of God because I respect life. I'm sure you will make all the right moves in your life just as we all have to do what we must do to be happy. Kisses, Arula

[cd_isabelle]

hi there,

i too have had similar thoughts about the whole thing being wrong at times.

but i also believe that you are not hurting anyone and as long as you live a happy and caring life, not hurting others and being happy within yourself, isnt that a life to live.

in a way dont you think god has worse things to worry about.

i personally feel that it is such an insignificant act in the scheme of life and the world that it really doesnt hurt anyone if handled correctly.

life a nice, caring, kind, respectful life and thats all we can do.

just be happy and take each day as another beautiful chance to make the most of you life.

hope that helps,

kisses,

cd_isabelle

[Corin]

You know, part of me wishes something like that (the ex-girlfriend telling everyone) would happen to me. A sick and twisted part of me that is. Being a CD is a nervous thing. Society in general doesn't accept it, my parents (and yours) don't accept it well. Some of my friends accept it, but don't want to witness it.

I guess if that was to happen to me, I could use it as a point in my life to decide if I care what people think or not. I'm fairly sure my parents would still love me. The friends who stop talking to me would be out of my life, and I might find that more people are able to accept it than I think. -OR- my life could completely fall apart, everyone would know, and I would be a social outcast. How can you make that decision?

I have a few questions about what happened, that might help you figure out what you want to do about it.


How many of the people she told came up to you and made fun of you?

Has anyone asked you about it seriously, or said "hey, if you do, thats alright with me?"

Have you ever told anyone other than her, or did she just open the floodgates on you?

[Fegen]

Society has put so many restrictions on people one can feel quilty about
just anything. A fetish is not something one can just put on a shelf and
leave it there. It becomes a part of that person. Try to please yourself
first and not work so hard at pleasing others. Life is an adventure and
we are always discovering new things about ourselves.
I can't believe that God is that hung up on what clothing we wear.
In the New Testament in regards to homosexuality for example - Jesus
never once condemned it -- but he had alot to say against the self righteous
religious leaders of that day. Now isn't that interesting?

[Lawren]

Been through the whole "religious" routine and ,in fact, am still dealing with it. I don't know what your religion is but I am Christian. I believe that "once saved, forever saved". My God, The Father of Christ, will not condemn me to eternity in Hell because I cannot live the perfect sinless life. However, for me anyway, this does not banish the question of whether xdressing and heterosexual desires are right or wrong. That question has been the catalyst that has caused most of the purges that I have done. I tend to believe that clothing does not matter to God. We come into this world naked and we will take nothing out with us. Why should it matter what we wear on the way through? Well, that's how I deal with it. I may be right or wrong but I hope this helps you a little.