Should we refer to our wives as our husbands?

[Claire Cook]

When out and about I always wear a wedding ring, or at least a ring on the ring finger, and several times in stores SA's have addressed me as Mrs. Cook (as well as Ms. :)). Occasionally in conversations with them, waitresses and other GG's I have referred to my "husband" when referring to my wife. (E.g.: "I am driving from FL to VA to be with my husband".) I guess part of me is in the pink fog, wanting to be treated as a GG.

This little lie bothers me a little, and I wonder if any of you have had this experience. Is it better to be upfront and refer to our wives / SO's in these instances or perhaps to our partners? Doing so would be more honest, and would make others more aware of us. Any thoughts?

[Shelly Preston]

The easy solution is to say you going to meet your partner or soulmate

[Mahoro]

Using the term 'spouse' is very gender neutral as well, or perhaps just consider referring to her as your wife. In this day and age there is nothing wrong with a lovely lady having a wife, although it may prompt some additional questions coming you way.

[Gerrijerry]

That would depend if you wanted to be asked more questions and had answers for them. I refer to my wife as my wife. And the first thing that is said is mostly "OH sorry I didn't realize you have a significant other". And a few times "Really your a lesbian, I would never have guessed" then again just once so far. " Your wife does not mind you dress as a woman"

[Emily Ann Brown]

I simple refer to my partner. If asked if I am a lesbian...I just blush and sweetly smile.


Em

[JeanneF]

I simple refer to my partner. If asked if I am a lesbian...I just blush and sweetly smile.

Same here. My wife would kill me if I referred to her as my husband. She's my wife or partner.

[Sandra]

My wife would kill me if I referred to her as my husband.


So would I if Nigella referred to me as her husband, last time I looked I had no male parts :)

I am referred to and introduce myself as her partner, if people ask about us being married they it is explained.

[Alice B]

My wife is my wife. Always has been and always will be.

[jennifer easton]

Same MY Girl friend is my girl friend, but as of late( we've been together for so long I refer to her as my Wife saves a lot of explaining like sister-in-laws and so forth)

[Melissa_Z]

Yeah . . . wife, SO/Significant Other, partner, etc. are all good ones depending on how vague you want to be. I know several cis-gendered couples that use partner actually. Husband/BF seem to me like they 1) would potentially drive more questions and 2) are a little disingenuous.

:)

[sandra-leigh]

Using "wife" could have a different meaning here than where you are, as same-sex marriage is legal here (though still not especially common.)

[kimdl93]

wife, partner, yes. Husband, no.

[Pinky188]

My Girlfriend is always called just that, because when Im in girl mode, Im a lesbian!!! ;)

[sissystephanie]

For the almost 50 years we had together she was my WIFE!! I am a male and she was a female! No way could she be a husband!! And she did know I was a CD before we married because I told her when I proposed!

[AllieSF]

You have gotten a lot of good advice here. Mine is to pick what you want, or none of the above. If it makes you feel good to say my husband, then do it. If someone reads you as a male and questions you orally or with that look, so be it. That is their problem not yours. It is not a big lie and it doesn't really matter in the whole scheme of things, unless you actually have or are developing a friendship with someone.

[Karren H]

I refer to my wife all the time posting on women's forums and facebook and once in a while I will get "Karren has a wife??". Lol. Most of the sites I visit, every one knows about me... I just posted something on Shape Magazines FB page about getting my wife to do all the work and got 3 quick "likes" from women... I'd prefer that the people that read my posts know I'm a crossdresser... And get used to me being around... Just last week I have a female friend me and say she thought is was great that I was so open about my hobby... So why lie about it when by telling the truth you spread the word that we are normal people and fun to chat with!!! I'm ranting a bit but that's my take on it....

[Jill M]

Never would refer to my wife as "husband". She believes most husbands just downgrade women much too often. She refers to them as idiots. Fortunately she is okay with me. I must exhibit my femme side no matter how I am dressed.:battingeyelashes:

[Sheren Kelly]

I think referring to a wife as a "husband" even if they are absent is disrespectful. We are the ones who are transgendered, (presumeably) not them. You shouldn't need to construct a lie to go about life with dignity.

That being said; if I were married, I would welcome being referred to as a "wife" in many circumstances.

[Sara Jessica]

I think you are being so bold to think that you are not being read as trans in the least bit. Very few of us can escape detection, especially when we open our mouths and start to talk about spouses and stuff. Therefore, I'd call her what she is, your wife, spouse and/or significant other.

[vetobob9]

If I was married I always refer to her as the wife. The wife is the one who bears the children. The husband is the one who provides the seed (sperm is latin for seed) that creates the child.

It doesn't matter what kinds of clothes they wear.

Just because we men have the freedom to wear dresses does not change the fact we cannot bear children without the GGs.

I'm not saying you can't call your spouse "husband" as long as she does not object.

Nor am I saying that procreation is the only permissable reason for marriage these days but it was the original reason and I'm a bit conservative on that part.

[JohnH]

Instead of calling her your husband, consider one of the following two:

1. "She who must be obeyed" (from Rumpole of the Bailey)

2. "Commanding Officer" or "CO"

:):):)

[Roberta Marie]

I would have to ask, what would your wife think about being called your husband? I could see where my wife, if I ever called her my husband, would be quite upset. I think that calling her my partner would also upset her, since, as has been pointed out already, this implies a lesbian relationship. My wife has stated many times that she is not a lesbian. While I know she has no issues with gays, our son is gay, I think that the inaccuracy would be very disconcerting for her. She's not my husband and she's not my partner. She's my wife.

Just my $0.02.

Bobbi

[Rachel Morley]

If I'm talking to "TG aware" people like at a support group social then I always say "my wife" (because that's what she is) but if I am talking to anyone else, then I always say "my spouse". My wife Marla always refers to me as her spouse when talking to people who only know me as Rachel or see me in girl mode.

[juno]

Referring to yourself as female is as much of a lie as calling your wife a husband. I think it just depends on your wife's preference. If she thinks it is fun to play the husband, go ahead. If not, what is wrong with presenting as a married lesbian?

[Rhonda Jean]

Reminds me of a conversation several years ago (20+) with my Merle Norman lady. I was in there a lot, and we always talked about things besides makeup. I made reference to my wife, and she said, "Your wife? Is your wife... a woman? How does that work?" I didn't realize until that point that the natural assumption was that I was gay.

[Joanne Curl]

I always refer to my wife as my bride or my girl friend. I never want to take our relationship for granted and always refer to her as someone treasured or special. Wife jsut doesn't sound special enough.

[SweetPea_GG]

I would have to ask, what would your wife think about being called your husband? I could see where my wife, if I ever called her my husband, would be quite upset. I think that calling her my partner would also upset her, since, as has been pointed out already, this implies a lesbian relationship. My wife has stated many times that she is not a lesbian. While I know she has no issues with gays, our son is gay, I think that the inaccuracy would be very disconcerting for her. She's not my husband and she's not my partner. She's my wife.

Just my $0.02.

Bobbi

I have to agree with Bobbi.. If my husband called me his "husband" to someone else even though I wasnt around I would be hurt.. And like bobbi said above I am not his partner either I am his wife.

[AKAMichelle]

I wouldn't. I refer to mine as my GF.

[Christy_M]

My wife is my wife. Not having the luxary of passing, I doubt very much saying husband would do anything but infer I was homosexual. While I don't see that as wrong it doesn't describe who I am. I had a gg lesbian ask me about that one night when I mentioned my wife - "You're married...to a woman? Huh..."

[eluuzion]

"Husband?" Whattaah ya' have a death wish or somethin'? :heehee:


I would just use the word "Partner".

Hey, if it worked for John Wayne, it should work for us too...:heehee:

:love:

[Joanne f]

I agree with Roberta Marie in that it would be wrong to refer to your wife as your husband and apart from all the reasons mentioned you would also be transferring your gender identity at that time on to your wife having to accept a gender identity that she does not have , and what would happen if your wife walked in wearing a petty dress would you say "hey my husband is a cross dresser" i don`t think that would go down to well some how :D

[Kate Simmons]

In a word, no.:)

[Claire Cook]

My thanks to all of you for correcting me. FYI, I would never refer to my wife as "my husband" in her presence. Clearly being upfront and honest is the way to go. Really silly of me!


The easy solution is to say you going to meet your partner or soulmate


I simple refer to my partner. If asked if I am a lesbian...I just blush and sweetly smile.

Will do!

Em


Same here. My wife would kill me if I referred to her as my husband. She's my wife or partner.

Well, so would mine...


wife, partner, yes. Husband, no.


For the almost 50 years we had together she was my WIFE!! I am a male and she was a female! No way could she be a husband!! And she did know I was a CD before we married because I told her when I proposed!


Never would refer to my wife as "husband". She believes most husbands just downgrade women much too often. She refers to them as idiots. Fortunately she is okay with me. I must exhibit my femme side no matter how I am dressed.:battingeyelashes:


Referring to yourself as female is as much of a lie as calling your wife a husband. I think it just depends on your wife's preference. If she thinks it is fun to play the husband, go ahead. If not, what is wrong with presenting as a married lesbian?

I agree with all of the above, thanks!


"Husband?" Whattaah ya' have a death wish or somethin'? :heehee:


I would just use the word "Partner".

Hey, if it worked for John Wayne, it should work for us too...:heehee:

:love:

Thanks for the laugh!

[patti.jean]

I have used partner, but now mostly refer to her has my wife. Referring to her as my wife has more to do with how much I enjoy her introducing me as her wife. It always gives me a thrill when we are out together and she introduces me as her wife.

Patti

[linda allen]

wife, partner, yes. Husband, no.

Or spouse or "good friend". You don't want to call a female your "husband".

[Stephanie Anne]

When in doubt, it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Oh and Karen... "hobby"? LOL I think now of your cross dressing as getting out the x-acto knife and model glue and making something.

[Stephenie S]

Better not do it around HER!

[Zoie]

I have never and will never refer to my wife as anything less then what she is My Wife even if you aren't married anymore she would be your ex wife or ex. It's demeaning to call them any male name and a bad unwise choice of words. Plus they may knife you in the kitchen like a prison inmate.

Better and more wise to refer to them as they are besides why would I want to call my wife my husband no thanks and a tad weird!

[Salina]

My wife would not be happy if I called her my husband!!

[SuzanneBender]

Wow I can think of all kinds of words for the woman who is the love of my life, but Husband...that one won't ever work in our house. I think she could come up with all kinds of creative adjectives to call me if I ever dared call her that. Nope, I think I will stick with wife or maybe even cuddle bunny if things are kind of romantic at the moment.:love:

[Jay Cee]

My gf sometimes refers to me as her partner. I don't see why that wouldn't work the other way around.

[PretzelGirl]

This reminds me of when I was out with my wife one time earlier in my going out days. We went to eat at a fast food place and she volunteered to order while I sat down so I wouldn't have to speak and out myself (not like that wasn't happening anyway). So I could hear her order "and my husband would like....". I just turned back around and laughed. Nothing wrong with the truth.

[Coyote]

I think I got a bit of insight 4 years ago myself when I was hanging out with a few co workers at a place in Seattle that has an awesome drag show. One of the coworkers and a good friend on our shift was a lesbian, but loved the "show" there. Many of us would go to the show fairly regularly. Anyway, one New Years, the same crew went to one of the Lesbian bars that night to dance, party, and just have a good time. I should note at this point my friend knows im gay, but nothing to this day about my proclivities for crossdressing. Anyway, the bar was staffed by several drag kings and I recall asking my lesbian friend - im going to the bar to get another drink, is it more proper to say "Thank you Sir, or thank you Maam". I got the look from her (the one that says - you are wet behind the ears arent you?).
She said "just Say Thank You".

Although in the years since I moved up to a different position in the company (more management oriented - and im paid to travel - yay!) and shes still on the production floor, were friends but the ability to hang out like we all did is gone.

Im wondering tho if she would be one to come out to on my dressing side of things for perhaps help and advice? Its something im mulling over right now.

[Joann0830]

I always refered to my Loving wife as My Loving Spouse

[erika_s]

My wife stays my wife. Sometimes I refer to her as "The Boss" :-)

[Chickhe]

I would say, be honest, but that doesn't mean filling in all the blanks. On halloween, I was with my wife and we introduced ourselves as husband and wife...got a lot of double takes and confused looks on that... but people were cool with knowing... I guess being frank shows you are not trying to hide and then people know how to interact with you.