Aleca
01-01-2011, 10:22 AM
I came out to my sister on the telephone the other day, I knew she would be supportive as she was. The subject of CDing was actually shortened by a greater concern of her daughter trying to hurt herself, which was why she called. I knew I would come out to her someday soon as we have started to chat more, especially once we started talking about family dysfunctionality and self esteem issues, making it easy to talk about it.
I just told her it's a long subject to talk about that would take too much time and would email her about it. It felt great telling her about it but also knew it would leave me with mixed emotions after thinking about it more.
The negative part about coming out in this case was, well you know the saying "the truth hurts," so now it's like o.k. you can't lie about yourself anymore, without making a fool of yourself to my sister, looking like a wimp or a coward and puts pressure on me to just completely come out all at once to the rest of the world, rather than pace myself and take my time as I am used to doing.
The other thing is that coming out makes me appear as a liar and loser of a husband by expressing what I am inside. It threatens the inner image of myself as the perfect gentleman husband, makes me walk around and think all day about myself hiding all this stuff to my wife. (She knows I did CDing in my past though)
In my email to my sister I mentioned about 95% certain of my cross dressing but left an uncertainty and open door about maybe being TS also. So in other words came off as somebody confused and not totally grounded in my feelings. That lead to another worry about myself presenting myself off as instable.
What I learned in telling others is to be 100% of your feelings, whatever they might be and to be careful what you wish for when you do come out. It relieves anxiety and fear to come out of the closet however new anxieties and fears replace the old.
I just told her it's a long subject to talk about that would take too much time and would email her about it. It felt great telling her about it but also knew it would leave me with mixed emotions after thinking about it more.
The negative part about coming out in this case was, well you know the saying "the truth hurts," so now it's like o.k. you can't lie about yourself anymore, without making a fool of yourself to my sister, looking like a wimp or a coward and puts pressure on me to just completely come out all at once to the rest of the world, rather than pace myself and take my time as I am used to doing.
The other thing is that coming out makes me appear as a liar and loser of a husband by expressing what I am inside. It threatens the inner image of myself as the perfect gentleman husband, makes me walk around and think all day about myself hiding all this stuff to my wife. (She knows I did CDing in my past though)
In my email to my sister I mentioned about 95% certain of my cross dressing but left an uncertainty and open door about maybe being TS also. So in other words came off as somebody confused and not totally grounded in my feelings. That lead to another worry about myself presenting myself off as instable.
What I learned in telling others is to be 100% of your feelings, whatever they might be and to be careful what you wish for when you do come out. It relieves anxiety and fear to come out of the closet however new anxieties and fears replace the old.