Doing the right thing? Typical cd worries?

[paula_cd]

Not sure if anyone else has the same issue?

I love to crossdress as a sexual outlet but i worry so much afterwards...

Am I normal?
The urge to crossdress is so powerful! Could I lose self control?
Maybe if I accept this part of me then the urge maybe less?

Are these typical worries?

Love Paula x

[Karren H]

The reasons we dress are different for everyone. But feeling guilty afterwards is not uncomon... I've long accepted I am who I am and like what I like so any feeling of guild have faded away... Not that its sexual for me....

[Jilmac]

The sexual arousal of crossdresing subsided many years ago but the guilt of dressing remained for too many years until I finally accepted myself for the dual personna I am able to portray. Now I am guilt free, enjoy dressing more than ever with no regrets. Since my own personal acceptance the urges remain the same.

[SheriM]

I too used to feel guilty but with some research and self evaluating, I no longer feel guilty. With that said I believe that it is normal to have a "letdown" after any kind of sex. In a few hours, normalcy resumes. I could make this a long post but it may lead into some areas like religon that we try to stay away from.
Suffice it to say that if a person is trustworthy and honest and has good values, cding is relatively unimportant.
SheriM

[Vickie_CDTV]

Not sure if anyone else has the same issue?

I love to crossdress as a sexual outlet but i worry so much afterwards...

Am I normal?
The urge to crossdress is so powerful! Could I lose self control?
Maybe if I accept this part of me then the urge maybe less?

Are these typical worries?


On one hand, doing what you are doing instead of actual sex you cannot catch AIDS, you cannot make an unwanted child etc. So, on this hand, it is 100% safe and you have no worries there (and there is a lot to be said for that!)

Are you normal? For a crossdresser yes, it is very typical. Typical of average men? Probably not. Then again, "average" men do a lot of "average" things that may or may not be right, so who is to say.

For many, but not all, the sexual aspects fade in time. The one risk you should be aware of is that being this way can cause problems for you in future intimate relationships. I am not sure of your age, but if you are young a strong conditioning between dressing and arousal can form, and make it difficult to be intimate without having the dressing present (or at least thinking about it.) It certainly doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens (and if I can throw in my own hypothesis, those who are lonely and isolated during their formatave years tend to fall into this more than others.)

If you are concerned about any of this, you might want to talk to a therapist well versed in sexuality.

[AnnaCalliope]

I used to that feeling A LOT when I was in my early teens. My father's family is very devout Southern Baptist (and will probably never meet Anna) and I used to feel really guilty every time I "dressed". Eventually I was able to find a group of really supportive friends and a safe place to be myself.

To answer your question though, accepting it could go any number of paths. It all depends on the person. I accepted my need to crossdress and I'm almost convinced that I'm ready to start the transition to female. Family ties and finances are still holding me back, though.

[Angiemead12]

i use to have the guilty feelings but ever since i got the full support of my partner its been lessened to a tiny issue, most of the time i don't even think about it anymore!

[ChristineM]

I agree with Jilmac except I've not gotten guilt free about it yet. While I enjoy it more than ever, and feel better about it more than ever, mainly because my spouse is unaccepting of it there is still guilt there.

[cathie]

Ive gotten over the guilt thing but it took years to accept me as me. My wife knows but isn't supportive so that can be difficult but she's still here and we still enjoy each other. Most important thing is to be honest with yourself and your partner. You'll know what you really want when you are ready to accept who you are as a person first.

[Samantha B L]

I used to feel guilty when I dressed until I got it assessed in my head that I was just worried over what certain people would think if they caught me. I had to decide for myself that these were actually very nice people I'm talking about but they had a lot of ideas and opinions about things which belong in the circular file and they don't know from a gopher hole about CD'ing.

[eluuzion]

hiya Paula,

Here is a "10lbs stuffed into a 5lb bag" reply...:)

On any forum where “sex” discussions take place, you will eventually find somebody freaking out about experiencing negative or “guilty” feelings following orgasm. (or other conclusive point). Instead of calmly researching the cause, they do what most of would do…assume the world is coming to an end, lol. The goods news is that there is actually a natural electro-chemical process that contributes to the cause of this unpleasant experience.

It has to do with some pesky little chemical messengers called neurotransmitters. (no, they are not RFID chips thank god, lol). Dopamine and Serotonin are the two that most people have heard about at some point in life. I’ll try to stick with those two to conserve space here. (there are actually 100’s of types)

I did a “research” paper in college about something called the “synaptic gap (space)”.
I learned a lot of boring stuff in the process. But when sex and cocaine became part of the research literature, it suddenly became very interesting to me. (go figure, lol). :heehee:

I will attempt to toss out an abbreviated explanation of a complex process, which is always a mistake on a forum thread…:D Hopefully, it will help explain some of the mystery behind some of those dysphoric feelings following sexual activity. (which is more common in men). Most of this comes from my mental archive of useless information that for some reason, I cannot resist storing.

The brain has a billions of little branching nerve cells called neurons, which never actually touch each other. The space between the neurons is the synaptic gap. The ends of the neurons store chemical neurotransmitters. They are released when the neurons are stimulated, travel across the separating spaces and attach to “receptors” on the ends of other neurons. When enough receptors are filled, an electrical pulse occurs that causes the neuron to release neurotransmitters, and the cycle continues on a large scale. (in a split second). This leads to the feelings we feel and the actions we take, which are determined by the type of transmitters released.

Dopamine is responsible for motivation, mental concentration, hunger, energy, sex drive, etc.

Serotonin is responsible for well being, mood stability, serenity, etc.

There is a constant release and replenish process going on with these neurotransmitters, which affects our mood. So, a big “rush” like orgasm (or cocaine, in the case of drug addiction) releases a surge of these neurotransmitters.

Orgasm releases them, followed by a “resolution” period which is designed to allow time for the reserves to be replenished (when you want to roll over and sleep, lol). In guys, there is a “refractory” period where you can’t get another immediate erection.

What happens when you “abuse” this process by consistently depleting reserves without allowing them to be replenished? Nothing good. Your body will punish you. Just ask any drug addict. They love the rush, which creates the rebound motivation to do it again, and again and again, looking for that initial rush. But the tanks are empty. What initially produced euphoria, now produces dysphoric feelings. Motivation remains, but the rush is gone. Welcome to drug addiction and the world of overdose.(“more produces less“) Similar but less lethal results occur with compulsive masturbation, sexual addiction, etc. Combine any of these excesses and dramatic escalation occurs.
Background established…now I can finally make my point…:brolleyes:

So, there you are in that exhaustive state of post-orgasm (“resolution”). Instead of just serenely relaxing while neurotransmitter supplies are replenished…you fill your head with all those negative thoughts and guilt you feel, related to your CD behavior (or other negative stuff in your life). This is the point where you distort your thinking…:doh:

You feel “bad” and/or “guilty” after your CD behavior. The more frequently you dress, the more exhausted/dysphoric you feel afterwards and for longer periods of time. CD activity is now connected with negative results. So, CD activity is a “bad” thing, right? You however, are unable to resist the urge to do this “bad” thing, right? That makes you a bad person, right?

No, it just means you are guilty of "confused" thinking.

So, how can you undo this cognitive nightmare?

Think Less, Act More…Life is Short

Put on a dress, relax and enjoy it
The "Streetcar named Desire" departs in 5 min...All Aboard !
…and quit cutting holes in the bottoms of your pockets! :heehee:

:love:

[Sarah Glen]

Sure there's some guilt...but there is with anything enjoyable, such as Junk food or downloading music off the internet, (crappy examples...eh..oh well). Just Know that dressing doesn't hurt anybody and there's NOTHING wrong with it.

[Rachel05]

I have dressed for so many years now and as I said recently in another thread, I used to dress for sexual pleasure, or at least that was what I told myself and immediately after the pleasure, I did feel guilty but it lasted maybe an hour at most and probably not even that, I think it was just the male me trying to make some sense of what it was I was doing, dressing in female clothes and all part of the dealing with it that took me many years

Now I do it because I love to do it, I do it because it makes me feel good and I do it absolutely for me and not for sexual pleasure, but it took me a while to admit it to myself!!

Now I have no guilt at all, I never feel remotely bad for dressing, I only feel bad when my life gets in the way and stops me

[Rachel Lea]

Paula
I have almost the exact feelings and issues, you are not alone.

Rachel Lea

[Maria 60]

I to would feel guilt after dressing but my wife did help me with that. Now i get more depressed because with the kids coming and going i don't know when i could dress again.

[ninapuella]

When i was younger i thought it was only about sex and that made me feel very much guilt afterwards. But now i have been accepting it for being an identity. I think its about acceptance. If you dont accept it and only live it out in spontanous frustration you will feel guilt. But if you accept it, you will take control over it and letting it become a natural part of life.

[Piora]

Not sure if anyone else has the same issue?
Oh, yes....

I love to crossdress as a sexual outlet but i worry so much afterwards...
I crossdress for the same reasons as you. I'm really not interested in wearing anything other than stockings/panties/garterbelts/corsets - anything else, such as skirts and blouses aren't appealing to me. Afterward, I do feel guilty. But, I'm single, with no significant other, and only have my daughter living with me. Since not one other single, solitary soul knows about my crossdressing, I only worry about being discovered after I die. I'd rather take my secret with me to the grave, if possible. Well, that's gotten really depressing, hasn't it? :) Let's not dwell on THAT, shall we?

I've been doing this kind of crossdressing for about 25 years, and I have had no urge to take it to another level. But the guilt always seems to be part of it. When I was married, I always felt guilty about being caught (my ex-wife would never have understood) and it wasn't until I split with my wife that I purged and got rid of everything (I was moving from the family home and didn't want to risk discovery) Afterward, I took a long hiatus from dressing - not even thinking about it - until about a year ago. I have started again, and now that same guilt is back. However, it only lasts a short time, and then I'm back thinking about how wonderful it felt.

Am I normal?
Of course.

The urge to crossdress is so powerful! Could I lose self control?
It is indeed powerful! I found that it takes hold of me even more now, since I started again. I don't think that you will lose self-control. Worry if you find yourself doing it instead of other things that may be important that you're now neglecting. Don't let it take over your life, and substitute it for a relationship. Right now, I have no girlfriend in my life, and one does have to have a sexual outlet, as we all know. We have those needs.

Maybe if I accept this part of me then the urge maybe less?
Well, for me, I do accept that it's just something that is part of me, but the urge will always be there. I don't know how I was able to go for 7 years without even thinking about it, and then all of a sudden the desire was there again.

Are these typical worries?
Very much so. But, then I am not similar to a lot of the CDs here in that I do not fully dress. I only wear underthings for sexual arousal - no dresses or any other type of women's outer wear. I have no desire to fully dress and to embrace another persona.

[suchacutie]

There is so much capability for guilt in our being driven to express the other gender. If you search on this forum for the word guilt the list is unbelievable! We all have to assess how our other gender is a part of our lives, and then come to grips with the fact that this is not going away. Until we really accept who we are and manage it, guilt will be a part of the process.

Believe in who you are and make sure you know how you want it as a part of your life. It's really the only way.

tina

[docrobbysherry]

There r MUCH worse things than guilt, Paula! I have ALWAYS had guilt from dressing, and because of the erotic sexuality it arouses in me!

What's WORSE is the possibility of u getting HOOKED on your fem persona! Unfortunately, that seems to have happened to me! I've been divorced for some time, and lately I find Sherry more enticing and exciting than the GGs I've dated!

ANOTHER source of guilt, by the way!

[Jonianne]

Paula, I started a thread on this two years ago, with the same questions. http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?87849-Going-too-far&highlight=

I think if you keep your eye on the big picture and trust your heart, you will be OK.

[LilSissyStevie]

I'm not so sure this sort of thing is strictly related to crossdressing. When I was a lot younger, immediately after I had any kind of sex, I would be overcome with a wave of revulsion and shame. (Then I got hungry. LOL!) My poor long-suffering first wife would want to cuddle and I was thinking, "Don't you f'n touch me!" It didn't matter if I was with someone or if I was taking care of business alone. If I was CDing I couldn't get the clothes off of me fast enough when I was done. I thought it was because I was ashamed of CDing but I don't think that's really it. I think it's more related to hormone levels crashing. Also, in those days I kept a very tight rein on my emotions and always felt ashamed when I let go as in orgasm. Now that I'm old and my testosterone levels are below zero I don't feel that way at all. So there's hope.

[Alice B]

The feelings can be normal, but with time they go away. Getting carried away to excess is both a factor of your individual personality and your term of excess. I feel no guilt when I dress and look forward to those times. They are still exciting for me, but not driven by sexual needs any longer. But then, I'm old!