Tri Ess questions

[Coyote]

Poking around to try and find local resources or groups I decided to look up Tri Ess as a good starting point, since it seems to be pretty common and mentioned here a lot.

I kinda got halted at the front page of the official website because partway down in quotation marks, it specifies:

"An international social and support group for heterosexual crossdressers, their partners, the spouses of married crossdressers and their families."

While I find a great joy in the fact there is a large org that deals in transgender issues, it saddens me it comes off exclusive and less than optimal a resource for those of us that are homosexual.

[zoe m]

I agree. That's actually kept me from going to their meetings. While I might fit their target audience, it makes no sense to create divisions in the community. If we expect to be welcomed at gay bars, why should we exclude gay crossdressers? From what Ive read Tri Ess has been an important org., but might be time for them to change...

[Vickie_CDTV]

Disclaimer: I was once involved with Tri-Ess, and was even involved trying to start a new chapter in my hometown.

Tri-Ess gets a bum rap in some areas of the TG community, because of their membership policy, and it is really too bad. Half of Tri-Ess' mission is to create a safe environment for wives (and to some extent their family) to come and participate and learn about their husband's crossdressing, and get support from other wives. The exclusionary policy is to keep the focus on the hetero TV and his spouse, and create an environment that is comfortable for the wives. Some might argue that in this day and age it wouldn't bother most wives to have gay TVs as full members in the group, and perhaps that is true. But I understand why they feel as they do, and they are not just doing it to be mean or hurtful to others outside of their scope. I have been around the TG world for quite a long time, and when it comes to support for the wives, nobody does it better.

Strictly speaking, the last time I looked at their bylaws, non-hetero TVs are allowed to attend Tri-Ess meetings, and can be a lesser "friend of Tri-Ess" member. Also, as been said, some chapters are lax about the national's policy, so it might not be a bad idea to contact your local chapter anyway and ask if you would be a good fit.

[NathalieX66]

FYI, My Tri-Ess chapter is afiliated (though not officially on the books) with another & outside support group that is "all-inclusive", meaning gay, transsexual, whatever. We are the same people, just a different title.

I think the point is that Tri-Ess is trying hard, perhaps too hard, to not scare away heterosexual & married crossdressers who continue to still live in the closet. That's a big jump for many of these girls. may ybe it's generational. I could care less with who sleeps with who, and I say more happiness to you whatever direction you go.

But I'm getting the feeling that Tri-Ess (officially) is not keeping up with the times. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

IMHO, transgenderism is way too varied to put into one definition.

[5150 Girl]

What I wanna know is why don't they have a chapter in my town?!?!?
Oh,,, wiat,,, I'm reminded of the anser to that question as my neighbor is sitting on his front porch with a banjo...

[Cari]

I had a positive experience with Tri-Ess, I dont speak for the organization but I will share my experiences and impressions.
Please remember this is my experience with one chapter and opinion.

First the people I met were good and there to help.
Their personal beliefs covered the spectrum.
Many were active with other groups in the area and very well connected within the community.
Contacting the local chapter to learn more is a good idea, they may be much more open than you think and are definately willing to help.

As an organization they arent trying to create divisions in the community; they just have one focused niche within it.
The focus is to help married crossdressers. From what I saw that focus works for them and they do help people.

IMHO its really important to remember this isnt professional counselling, by limiting the scope it keeps things more on experience and less on theory.
It also makes a more comfortable environment to speak freely without worry of offending anyone.
Its like there is a realization that they dont have the resources or expertise to be effective for the whole community; but they are helping where they can.

On the local level I liked the people and the chapter was much more open than the national guidelines would suggest.
Of course being single I wasnt really a perfect fit; but I did get allot of good advice on relationships.
I think what really happenned is that as I got out more and met more of the community I became more open.
I just wasnt comfortable with the national policies anymore, and really wished they would be more active politically and a bit more open; they could be such a powerfull voice.

I would definately reccomend checking with the local chapter.
Worst thing that could happen is they say no and thats not so bad.
It can be very positive.

[tamarav]

Contact the Rainbow Gender Alliance, they meet there in Seattle at least monthly. I haven't been in a long time but I know they are still active.

Secondly, come on up to Everett on Friday or Saturday night and meet the local girls from this area.

I am in Seattle quite often, send me a PM and lets get in contact with one another.

[AKAMichelle]

That is a way to limit its focus. I recently created a group in Denver and we eliminated those limitations. The biggest problem with those limitations is that I have seen how they are applied. If you join the group and you decide after membership that you want to transition then you pushed out of the group. At least here in Denver I witnessed how some people turned their backs on the person transitioning. The other issue that arises is when you declare that you are either gay or bi-sexual. I don't care what your sexual perference is but understand that I am off limits. :D I am hetero and I don't like the attention of being hit on.

Unfortunately I don't know of any alternatives to Tri-Ess in Seattle area. I hope you find a way to get the support and friendship that you want and desire.

[Stephanie Miller]

I guess I may be a little slow, but why is there always people trying to make a "one size fits all" type of organization? If the Tri Ess policy doesn't fit your agenda - move on. Find an organization tha fits your desires. Create an organization of your own. But for Petes sake let an organization and its founders have it thier way. It reminds me of the smoking bans. If a proprieter opens a bar and want to let people smoke - fine. If he want to make it non-smoking..fine. It's should be his choice to gain or loose business as well as your choice to support an estamblishment. (I say this with private establishments only - public is a different discussion) We have health clubs around that are women only. We have the UNCF (United Negro College Fund) whos focus is African Americans. We have the HSF (Hispanic College Fund) focus on Latinos and it goes on and on.
I'm sure you get my drift.

[Coyote]

I guess I may be a little slow, but why is there always people trying to make a "one size fits all" type of organization? If the Tri Ess policy doesn't fit your agenda - move on. Find an organization tha fits your desires. Create an organization of your own. But for Petes sake let an organization and its founders have it thier way. It reminds me of the smoking bans. If a proprieter opens a bar and want to let people smoke - fine. If he want to make it non-smoking..fine. It's should be his choice to gain or loose business as well as your choice to support an estamblishment. (I say this with private establishments only - public is a different discussion) We have health clubs around that are women only. We have the UNCF (United Negro College Fund) whos focus is African Americans. We have the HSF (Hispanic College Fund) focus on Latinos and it goes on and on.
I'm sure you get my drift.

I understand completely. It was just a kind of bummer to find a group nearby with a good backbone but in a way denied. Im not mad here, just wanted to ask. I see lots of good info above and im going to look in on the info given. 8-)

Thanks all 8-)

[Jenn868]

I have read about Tri-Ess alot and am going to try to find one near me.

[Stephanie Miller]

With Tri Ess, as a non-heterosexual, you are not denied. Restricted, yes, but not denied. I was president of the Phoenix chapter for a couple of years and had several wonderful non-heterosexual participants. And I know for a fact there are tons of other chapters practicing the same admission policies. Don't overlook them because of your sexual direction. You will miss out on a lot of fun, and meeting some of the best people n the world. Just know that you will not have the same privileges. (voting etc.)

[jackielou]

is there a group in south carolina?

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

What is Triess/Tri-Ess? I had experience with a couple of supposedly CD websites who organise evenings out here in Australia. They were supposedly to help CD. I had such a clash I refuse to have anything to do with them as they appeared to me to be very "clicky clicky". They did not suit me, but I do suggest these places to others who seek a place for help. These places may suit others, just not me. I suggest go and seek out a place that have members who are courteous, respectful, helpful and are sincere with ALL prospective members and their personal issues.
It would be nice to chat to someone in Brisbane Australia to share ideas and fashion but I have this site to satisfy my needs, besides I am very busy to afford too much time to visit venues. There must be a group local to you that will aid your needs, keep looking.

[Cari]

One thing I would add about Tri-Ess.

You have to respect their track record, so many groups come and go.
They have a been around a long time and have helped allot of people.

So while I dont agree with them 100%, I do respect what they have accomplished and the longevity of their efforts.
In any endeavor its very hard to keep a club together and active.

They have earned a tip of the wig, so to speak.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I used to go all the time to the Chi triess meetings but haven't gone in a couple years. The groups mission statement is just as you read but my finding was that they accept all as long as you dress appropriately. You should get in touch with them, I would bet they would welcome you in and they are also very able to put you in touch with other groups that may fit your style as well.

[susie evans]

try emerald city girls in seattle they are very active groupe

fun susie

[Vickie_CDTV]

Chi Triess chapter split from Tri-Ess a few years ago and is now an open group.

Kind of a shame, they were with Tri-Ess for 40 years.

[Cheryl T]

I belong to a Tri-Ess chapter and frankly, without it I never would have been able to show this side of me to my spouse and have her become comfortable with it. It gave us a safe venue to explore crossdressing and has shown her that not all of this is sexually based.
Tri-Ess is focused as a support group for the Heterosexual CD's and spouses. There is no reason to degrade the benefit they provide to the community simply because they operate within a particular segment of the TG spectrum. There are numerous open groups such as Renaissance that will welcome all no matter their orientation. There is however a distinct portion of the TG world that is Hetero and needs a safe place to meet, discuss and share feelings that are unique to this segment.
There's enough bashing being done by people outside our world, we shouldn't be adding to that and unfortunately all too often we do.
Were it a group specifically for Drag Queens would we bad mouth them? Were it for TS only would be flame them?
We all have unique needs and therefore a unique focus is needed for certain segments of our TG world.
I love Tri-Ess and the people I've met there. I also have friends outside the group that are not in line with the Tri-Ess movement.
Let's all just try to better our lives and the acceptance of all TG's and not worry so much about whether a group is too restrictive. If they are too limited in scope they will not survive long in this world. Tri-Ess is long-lived...they must be doing something of value for us.

[LeannL]

I went to a Tri-Ess group when I lived in Michigan. I can best describe their attitude as one of using Don't Ask Don't Tell. Actually, they did ask because they didn't care. We had several single CDs in the group and their sexuality never came up. WRT post-op TS, there was at least one that kept coming and was welcomed. Yes the focus was heterosexual CDs and their wives. The charter may mention hetersexual because they wanted to let the majority of CDs that they were, in fact, in the majority and there was a group they could join without another male hitting on them.

The bottom line is that most every chapter is pretty open about who comes as long as the members aren't making trouble of some sort.

Leann