Just a question

[VampyreWitch]

Why are people so closed minded to TG/CD Ladies? I got an interview, I dressed sort of unisex (which is odd for me), but I looked good. But I was in an interview for a job today, the interviewer asked "Can I ask you something without you getting offended, AND you dont have to answer it if you dont want to." Not having anything to hide, I said "Sure ask away" He asked; "Are you a crossdresser?" I of course probably incriminated myself by saying "Yes I am" I mean why would I lie about who I am?

So this was about 10:30ish this morning, I got a call saying the position has been filled by someone with more retail experience."
PERSONALLY I think it is because I said I was a crossdresser, but what is the point of taking that to trial? It will suck time out of my schedule, and I am a student. So I dont need that. Now is that something I should NOT admit to?

[suzy1]

You are probably going to get some here saying you should be honest and say you are a C.D.er. And be proud of it. And that’s o.k.
I would say that in the present world we live in you are better not admitting it and getting the job.
It’s to your advantage.

SUZY

[kimdl93]

I'm not a legal expert, but I feel that the question was inappropriate. People conducting job interviews are generally advised against asking questions of a personal nature, even if the interviewee voluntarily offers personal information.

[Jonelle]

I'm not a legal expert, but I feel that the question was inappropriate. People conducting job interviews are generally advised against asking questions of a personal nature, even if the interviewee voluntarily offers personal information.

The question was definately inappropriate and although not a legal expert either I'm pretty sure violates all kinds of interviewing conduct rules. EEOC or something.. It seems to me very odd that the question was asked in the first place.

[Stephanie Miller]

The only thing that really caught my attention in your post was the fact that she asked "are you a crossdresser". I mean in todays word the terms "gay" and "transexual" is used more so when someone is dressed dual gendered than the word crossdresser. Crossdressers are not really known as mainstream. We're trying.. but not there yet. And just because she asked using the CD word, maybe she is a little more enlighted to it than other might be. You immediatly jumped to the conclusion that she was "closed minded". Don't loose connection with the fact that you really may not have been the best person for the job ad it had nothing to do wth the clothes issue.
So why did you dress in a way that is not the norm for you? You need a job, not make a statement. Is that the way you intended to dress from then on and wanted to make sure it was going to be acceptable at the git go?

[Jonelle]

The only thing that really caught my attention in your post was the fact that she asked "are you a crossdresser". I mean in todays word the terms "gay" and "transexual" is used more so when someone is dressed dual gendered than the word crossdresser. Crossdressers are not really known as mainstream.

You bring up a great point stephanie!! it almost makes you wonder if she or her SO is part of "our" world!!!!

[Cari]

The question may be inappropriate depending on what was being sold.
If the retailing was in the clothing area then it may be fair gamewho knows.

I think the really unfortunate thing is that I dont think there are any laws on the books that protect CD's from discrimination in the US.

[suchacutie]

There is discrimination and then there is discrimination. In my experience it is easier to change the system from the inside than from the outside. Get the job first, and then change the world. There can always be any number of reasons for being turned down for a job, so legal action here would be time consuming and expensive. Once in a company, there are details governing the processes of Human Services (or some other name) which give you a legal ground upon which to stand.

On the other hand, if an employer did not hire based upon qualifications, they are less than sane!

tina

[Chickhe]

The only response to a question like that in person, is, 'why are you asking?'. I think you should follow-up with the person who interviewed you to at least inquire about why you were asked the question and why you did not get the job. Forget being your definition of honest...a job interview is all about show...it is the selling part, like the glossy cover on an average magazine, you need to look like the person they want to hire. The point is, if you want a job and know you can do a job, that is what matters. Do whatever it takes to get the job, then let your hair down after...

[abigailf]

First, I commend you for your honesty in answering. I don't know if I would have the balls to answer that at an interview (then again I do wish I didn't have them). I probably would have asked “Why would you ask something like that?” and then give the answer that they wanted to hear.

Anyway, I think you are jumping to conclusions. Discrimination still exists, yes, but I don’t think you were a victim. Also the law doesn’t really help all that much. The problem is in the proof of it. All they need to do is prove they hire minorities (which they probably do).

The one thing I did learn about business is that if you have good skills, then discrimination of any sort goes out the window. If you are good at what you do, nobody cares what you are (they just care how much money you can make them). So you should ask, would being a crossdresser affect your ability to do the job and how? If the answer is yes and negatively, then keep it to yourself.

I would have followed up the question with "will that be a problem for this position?". I would have also closed the interview with some status questions. "How would you rate me for the position?" "Are there others you have interviewed and how do I compare to them?" “How likely am I to be selected for the position?” “If I am not chosen, will you let me know why I wasn’t selected so I know where I need to improve for the future?”

And of course my favorite question "Is there anything you did not like about me?" This is a great question and should be asked to everyone you interview with. If they say nothing, then you should be a sure thing for the position. If you don’t get the job, then you have to ask, why because they said there was nothing they didn’t like about me. If they do respond with something, then it gives you an opportunity to clear the air about the things they don’t like about you. It is also such a clever question that it is impressive in itself just to ask it (at least if you are being interviewed by someone with half a brain).

[RADER]

The only response to a question like that in person, is, 'why are you asking?'. I think you should follow-up with the person who interviewed you to at least inquire about why you were asked the question and why you did not get the job. Forget being your definition of honest...a job interview is all about show...it is the selling part, like the glossy cover on an average magazine, you need to look like the person they want to hire. The point is, if you want a job and know you can do a job, that is what matters. Do whatever it takes to get the job, then let your hair down after...

I totally agree with Chickhe; And I would have followed up with the Questions "What does it matter" And "What makes you ask
that question". At least you have ammo for the next interview you go on. Good Luck. Rader

[joandher]

The only thing that really caught my attention in your post was the fact that she asked "are you a crossdresser". I mean in todays word the terms "gay" and "transexual" is used more so when someone is dressed dual gendered than the word crossdresser. Crossdressers are not really known as mainstream. We're trying.. but not there yet. And just because she asked using the CD word, maybe she is a little more enlighted to it than other might be. You immediatly jumped to the conclusion that she was "closed minded". Don't loose connection with the fact that you really may not have been the best person for the job ad it had nothing to do wth the clothes issue.
So why did you dress in a way that is not the norm for you? You need a job, not make a statement. Is that the way you intended to dress from then on and wanted to make sure it was going to be acceptable at the git go?

IN your reply you state she, in the original question it is HE-ASKED, I think it takes one to know one, he could be on this forum?


Hugs J-JAY

[Stephanie Miller]

You are right J.J. Freudian slip :heehee:
I think it was my one track mind though. I have a lady do all my companys first interviews - so I probably just had that thought pattern going.
But you do bring up an interesting point.

[Marissa]

That question is in a 'grey' area that most sane interviewers would not ask, they simple would give the ending response that you received "another more experienced was chosen" if for whatever reason they thought that you were a crossdresser came to mind. Legally, it doesn't question those big EO areas of race, sex orgin, religion, etc. Since crossdressing does not define any of these...yet :)

And I do go with another response, do what it takes to get the job first..a stand or revelation later (if it does not become a reason for dismissal). Now of course this would not be the case for someone who is in the middle of transition and even then an interviewer would tread lightly in this area.

Dress the part (no pun intended..lol) and answer the questions that will land you the job...unless you can afford not to get the job..

[VampyreWitch]

good point O.O really good point Stephanie Miller, so maybe he WAS NOT closed minded just... curious. Now you got me thinking that this person had a better resume, and I was just not fit. And ladies, ladies this was a he interviewing, He seemed a little on the well... butch side. I mean MAYBE he was a crossdresser/ TG but I doubt it O.O

[Angiemead12]

that seems very discriminating, what gave her the clue? for her to directly single that out means she has experience already in the field. But im guessing her reactions was quite normal with society. It doesn't help with the news of cross dressers being portrayed as psycho serial killers like that general guy.

[SheriM]

From an employers standpoint - the employer wants to hire a person that will benefit the business and should have right to do so. If the job does not involve meeting the public, then being a CD may be a moot point. But if the job does involve meeting the public, a CD may not be the best choice.
Another point that a prospective employee must remember. If there are several applicants for a single position, the employer may have a difficult time choosing and only one will get the job.

[cindym5_04]

I am also in belief that her asking that about you is actually against the law depending on what state the business is in. I had a manager once who conducted an interview in our department in front of me and a friend of mine. Her opening statement to the candidate that had come in was "I'm a lesbian. Do you have a problem with that?". The look on the guy's face was definitely one of shock. While some may find that it was inappropriate to ask that, I later found out that legally she couldn't ask it and it could have cost her her job.

[TGMarla]

All politcal correctness aside, you were the one who wore "unisex" clothing to an interview, so you were the one who prompted the question of your crossdressing. You sabotaged the interview for yourself. It may not be what's right, and it may not be fair, but if you're going to play in the big leagues, it's best to play by the rules that are being observed by the players and owners in that league. I may have the right to wear dresses, and I always dress very tastefully. But were I to show up for work en femme, I'd be run out on a rail. So the next time you go to a job interview, especially in an economy where jobs are scarce, maybe you should dress to impress the people conducting the interview, rather than dressing to allow "the real you" to shine through.

[NicoleScott]

A very strange situation.
In a polarized world of male/female (right or wrong) someone dresses atypically unisex and wonders why the cd question was asked. People who really want the job must put their best face on. That's what's expected.
I think it's OK to ask the interviewer why the cd question was asked. There may be legitimate reasons an employer asks, and he may be looking for assurrance that company standards [of dress] will be observed.
Abigail, I know there are different interviewing styles and different personalities, but as one who interviews and hires people, I would be apprehensive about an applicant who threw questions at me at the end of the interview like those mentioned. Too pushy. The questions basically ask for a decision on the spot. There may be nothing I don't like about an applicant, but others may be better suited for the job. And, I may have more applicants to interview. I wouldn't answer the questions, but a red flag would go up for that applicant. Just my opinion.

[sherri]

There is discrimination and then there is discrimination. In my experience it is easier to change the system from the inside than from the outside. Get the job first, and then change the world. There can always be any number of reasons for being turned down for a job, so legal action here would be time consuming and expensive. Once in a company, there are details governing the processes of Human Services (or some other name) which give you a legal ground upon which to stand.

On the other hand, if an employer did not hire based upon qualifications, they are less than sane!

tina


From an employers standpoint - the employer wants to hire a person that will benefit the business and should have right to do so. If the job does not involve meeting the public, then being a CD may be a moot point. But if the job does involve meeting the public, a CD may not be the best choice.
Another point that a prospective employee must remember. If there are several applicants for a single position, the employer may have a difficult time choosing and only one will get the job.


All politcal correctness aside, you were the one who wore "unisex" clothing to an interview, so you were the one who prompted the question of your crossdressing. You sabotaged the interview for yourself. It may not be what's right, and it may not be fair, but if you're going to play in the big leagues, it's best to play by the rules that are being observed by the players and owners in that league. I may have the right to wear dresses, and I always dress very tastefully. But were I to show up for work en femme, I'd be run out on a rail. So the next time you go to a job interview, especially in an economy where jobs are scarce, maybe you should dress to impress the people conducting the interview, rather than dressing to allow "the real you" to shine through.

Spot on advice. As we strive to make inroads in our society, it helps, I think, to be realistic and empathetic about how we engage "innocent bystanders" in our cause.

Had I been in the interviewer's shoes, I seriously doubt that I would have asked about the CDing, even if I was opposed to it -- or perhaps because I was opposed to it in a prospective hire. As for the OPer, his attitude and approach to the situation bely both youthfulness and naivete. Did we learn something?

[KerryLynn]

I have to say reading over this thread I had to think about how a customer / clients mind seem to work.
First off I'm two things. 1 is a full time cross-dresser. I wear a t-shirt, sweater, ((Sometimes woman's)) jacket over what i wear and sometimes i don't. Second thing is I work for myself as a computer repair technician and I have had 1 customer bring 8 computers to have repaired with me. And I think honestly a few of them came because I was who I am. LOL This being said it doesn't matter how you dress, in the end its that you treat everyone honestly and just be yourself you'll find that good things will happen Just expect to have to prove yourself to others often.

This is just a thought from what I see at work and in my life as a TG i guess.

Kerry

[Loni]

first i do not play a lawyer in a movie tv series, or have taken 50 years of schooling, nor am i a lawyer so my advice could be wrong.

but that question is out of line and should not have been asked. YOU should go above her head and report this to her boss.
not to try and get the job cause they will find a way to fire you anyhow and that would be much worse.

not knowing what kind of job you were trying to get, but the way you were dressed is this how you would be dressed,

EVERY DAY for work??

would you have bounced between all male and part/full woman?

this could have been seen as a future problem for the employer.

i would say if a mans clothing place a three piece suit with a tie would be best. a discount place just good clothing. a place like macys/sears/jc pennys/etc better than good maybe even a less than full on suit? (aka slacks and pressed shirt, no tie).

but what do i know i am a heavy hauling highway operating engineer.

.better luck next time.

.

[RobinH]

I think the really unfortunate thing is that I dont think there are any laws on the books that protect CD's from discrimination in the US.

Hi all -- just a quick note. There have been a couple posts saying things like "there's no law to protect you". This is generally true, BUT it's worth noting that several West coast cities, counties, etc. do indeed include "transgender" in their anti-discrimination laws (for example, Portland Oregon and it's county). I think it may be true for the whole state of Washington. (But I am *not* a lawyer... Thank God... hihi)

Of course, those laws are only as useful as other anti-discrimination laws, so they may not be much help. But at least there ARE some laws in place, which makes me happier about the state of the world! =)

Regards,
Robin

[Alice B]

That is an interesting question and one that is totally illegal to ask in a job interview.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I have no idea on interview questions and what is right or wrong to ask, but a strange question indeed. I would have thought the question may have been are you a transvestite or TV but interesting he was so familiar with the term "crossdresser" to be able to use it within a sentence thought up on the spur of the moment. It makes one wonder if they have had issues with crossdressers in the past or himself being a closet crossdresser (like me) to how the question was asked within the context of an interview. Maybe the position required special areas in knowledge that may have been gained with experience in retail, maybe not. It is a shame they did not specify the area that was questionable so that you have a base in which to gain experience in that part. Some experience may be gained in many fields like dealing with difficult people, or handling those issues that require very good debating skills for those people who manipulate inexperienced people to get the answers they want, not neccessarily fair or right but to them they want what THEY WANT. A good course to do to help in talking to those difficult people is public speaking which would be a great aid to have within your quiver of tools available for any prospective employer. Maybe the interviewer had done a public speaking course to be fluent in question construction and delivery. Take this negative as a positive and build upon it, avoid but take note that some setbacks only give you power to get THAT JOB FOR YOU.

[Christy_M]

The law in Washington is related to gender identity which is clearly for all TG persons including CDers. It is illegal to ask here and just generally in poor taste to ask anywhere. It is analogous to asking "do you date obese people?" there may be a point being drawn by the question but that question is not appropriate. A different way to get the answer may be "If hired, what do you think is appropriate attire everyday?" or even "What image do you think is important to portray when you come into work everyday?"

[Emily Ann Brown]

I would have reply "Excuse me. What do you asks that?" Then wait for the answer. After an answer I would not lie, but try to deal with the issue as you see it.

Em