Has anyone else had this experience?

[cindym5_04]

My loving and supportive wife expressed about a month ago how I could, if I wanted to, dress more often around the house. There was a long discussion prior to that about how I thought her acceptance level had gone down and blah blah blah (all things that were apparently made up in my head, but not what she actually felt). So with this new enlightenment I've started dressing randomly. She likes this, as for some reason, I get more in the mood to clean and am just generally a little more pleasant and helpful around the house. Here's where the tricky part comes in.

When I've been dressing, she's gotten into the habit of calling me "b*tch". As in (and not in a nasty tone) "hey b*tch, you need to do the dishes".

This isn't offensive to me, but I was curious as to why. I know she wouldn't like it if I called her that, so.... I asked her "what's up with that". She said she doesn't know, but seeing me dressed and all and with the blonde wig, it just brings something out of her about Cindy. She mentioned that she doesn't mean it to be offensive either...oh and that it's better than a few things she's almost called me...but she doesn't know why it happens, it just does. She also mentioned that even when I dress more in her style (meaning more work-appropriate wear vs short skirts, etc), she still thinks about Cindy as "a dirty little wh*re who needs to be put in her place" and that even with the longer skirts and all "(I) know they can get shorter real quick".

I almost find it pretty funny and none of it has ever been said in a mean way. Has this type of thing ever come up with anyone else?

[Christinedreamer]

Kind of sounds like she is testing the waters for a more sub/domme living arrangement with you.

[Michelle.M]

Hmmm ... a lot of women I know call each each other "b*tch" within their own peer group, but an outsider would never get away with that. It's called the X-S Factor (for Exoteric-Esoteric). Same reason african-americans can call each other n* ... well, you know.

Works like this - accepted insiders have a level of intimacy and casual way of addressing each other that outsiders do not. You can probably kid your longtime coworker about her messy desk, but let an outsider come in and say that and see how frosty the reception is!

Sounds like she's given you the green light to operate in Girlfriend mode. You are her hubby, but since she is using "b*tch" in a nice and kidding way Cindy is one of the girls. You're in! I'll bet it's only a matter of time before she lets you dress and go out with the whole gang for a girl's night out.

If that happens to be at a Chippendales show you really have to report back and let us know how it went!

[cindym5_04]

Michelle- I've dressed and we've gone out on numerous occasions. The whole B thing has just been more recent. I'll take that as a green light as her seeing me as one of the girls. I'm fine with that :-)

Christine- I wouldn't so much mind that to a certain extent (having some boundaries) either. :-) hehehe

[Lucy Long Legs]

I've had similar experiences but it can be alarming as my SO's acceptance of me as Lucy waxes and wanes. Sometimes she is very gentle and we are girlfriends but at others she can be quite brutal and challenging and call me names. Do you become more emotional and tearful when dressed? I do and find it difficult when she calls me weak but enjoy it when she calls me a wh***.

[Gerrijerry]

Not really sure about this but to me. It sounds like she is telling you something about the way you act or dress. Maybe correcting that will help. Not once in a while but all the time. Then again not really sure if that is true just my thought.

[DonnaT]

Does she ever call you Cindy?

If, not, then she may have the same problem as my wife in that regard, although mine doesn't call me bitch either. She can't find it in herself to refer to me using any fem nouns or pronouns.

[AnnaCalliope]

Sounds like she's acting out a domination fantasy to me. If you are really enjoying it, maybe go and buy some fuzzy handcuffs and a paddle, and politely encourage her that you need to be punished. If you're into that sort of thing, that is.

[MaidJamie]

If I were you, I'd be ordering your french maid's uniform! You two could have a lot of fun :-)

[Angiemead12]

my girlfriend use to call me nasty words coz i use to dress the part, words like sl*t, sl@g, t@rt and b!tch for a short moment. My take on it is that she did this initially because of the way i dressed and acted, but as i got more sophisticated and learned her ways I now get called by my assigned name instead. I think she did it initially to stay in control or in power since I was taking over some home female roles that she was suppose to be doing. And i do get that "your such a girl" more often now. which i quite enjoy.

Either way I think we quite enjoy it anyway.

[sometimes_miss]

Hmmm. Well, my ex wife started acting supportive, even bought me a dress, took pictures of me dressed up. Of course, that later wound up as material she used to blackmail me during the divorce. So be careful with the 'supportive' ones, that can change in a split second.

[alice clair]

My wife calls me her good little girl or bit** or her bad girl or just Michelle. She has called me princess and told me i look really cute in a new outfit she bought for me. So as long as she calls me anything fem i am happy. She has supported my cding from the first day we got together and, says she could not do without her favorite girl. I am so very lucky to have her. I wish all of us had a wife that is so supportive.

[Gaby2]

Hi Cindy!
My serious relationships have only ever been with Germans so I've always had a language barrier - or rather a protective language barrier.

Normally, I'm a good boy for the world but I have always liked thinking "dirty"... playing around im my mind at being the big bad wolf or an evil devil.
That's something which I don't need anybody else for though.

Talking "dirty" has only started happening with my present SO and much in the same way as you describe.
Her acceptance-level hasn't yet failed to adjust to my whims (not only cross-dressing) and I think that's why, among other things, these "playful mocking-sounds" have started happening and continue to develope.

Although we have only ever communicated in German, we do that in English and she copies me most of the time.

Now this is the interesting aspect: when she or I use German words I start to get worried and I don't like it at all. A loss of control on my part?
Yeah, and I notice a pang of guilt. I suppose I've got to admit something to her. I wonder what!!!

Take care, Gaby

[cindym5_04]

My wife knew about my crossdressing before we even started dating. We've been together (including dating) for about 7 years, and we were friends for close to 5 years before that. She definitely does call me Cindy at times, but then there's the other references too- none of which have ever been said out of malice. We've gone out shopping together, she's bought me stuff on her own, we go to clubs, etc. What's funny about the whole thing is that she said she more associates it or notices her thought patterns more when I'm blonde rather than when I put on one of the red wigs I have. Here's the trick to it- I can't go out with her as a redhead, because she's a redhead... that, plus she thinks I look better blonde too. She's just been making me laugh about it lately because she just has no idea why she does it. I definitely don't feel as though it's a domination fantasy scenario or that she's saving up my dressing to use in a divorce proceeding. Throughout our relationship, she's used the "you're such a girl" thing and all like that. I've started dressing around the house a little more here or there (since she said it's fine and that she'd like me to), so maybe she's just getting that much more comfortable too. **shrugs** LOL no idea... :-)

[linda allen]

Hmmm. Well, my ex wife started acting supportive, even bought me a dress, took pictures of me dressed up. Of course, that later wound up as material she used to blackmail me during the divorce. So be careful with the 'supportive' ones, that can change in a split second.

That has always been in the back of my mind.

[linda allen]

............
When I've been dressing, she's gotten into the habit of calling me "b*tch". As in (and not in a nasty tone) "hey b*tch, you need to do the dishes".

I think it fine and a little "cute" also. A "pet name" if you will. Have fun with it. Call her a "bitch" back. Or "****" or whatever fits. Just be sure you smile when you say it.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Cindy,


Sounds to me that you and wife just have a great open relationship. Continue to encourage her to be honest about her feelings and don't put so much stock in all the opinions you hear in here, cause we certainly don't know the two of you as well as you know yourselves.

Enjoy your relationship, So many of us try and put so much emphases on the fact that we are cross-gendered, cross dressed, or transgendered, or any number of other terms that we forget we are just people in love!


Jenny

[Chari]

Your "B****" situation may be subconsiously creating in your wifes mind a bit of envy, perhaps that Cindy is cutier in girl attire/appearance than most GGs. IMO, I think you are! Then again it may be just part of her playful attitude to call you a name that will definitely get your attention.

[Helenchapel]

I am married and my wife has always been very supportive which I know is rare and I consider our relationship quite special as we are both very unconventional and accepting of other people just as they are when it comes to gender issues and sexuality.

My wife does not have a pet name for me although she is completely aware of my 'femme' name and sometimes refers to it for example if she wants to be discreet in public when we are shopping she might say 'is this Helen's taste?' etc. I would not like to be called bitch unless we were going down the sub/domm route with our relationship but we are not so I would prefer something softer. She does call me 'sweety' or Hi 'darling' and just by her tone or inflection in her voice I know she is talking to Helen not her husband and its sort of unwritten but I can tell when she is rubbing her hand along my thigh as a 'girly' moment when we are driving. Most of our relationship is well developed now and so alot is done by body language and subtle tones, gestures and words but less specific are our use of names.
I hope this offers something to someone?!
Hugs Helen xx

[cindym5_04]

My wife does not have a pet name for me although she is completely aware of my 'femme' name and sometimes refers to it for example if she wants to be discreet in public when we are shopping she might say 'is this Helen's taste?' etc.

My wife has done this when we've been out and I've been in my "normal" mode, too. Most recently was at a MAC counter when we were buying some cover-up for me to try. We were talking with the sales girl and wife says to me "dammit, remind me next time Cindy wants me to pick up something for her to actually write down the shade". LOL

[Gaby2]

Your thread has been very helpful Cindy not least because I talked to my SO yesterday evening about many aspects thrown up here.

First of all, she prefers English words rather than German ones because they sound less harsh. And that is particularly true of examples like "b*tch" and "wh*re" which somehow don't work in a non-offensive way in German. That's how I feel too, so I was worrying about nothing, as usual.
She turned the tables on me when she asked whether I had noticed that she fondly calls me her "Mädchen" when I'm dressed and she's around. She doesn't want to call me "Gaby" (yet?)

I drive over to her place (about 25KM on the Autobahn) almost every evening and yesterday I managed to crossdress properly while out (in the car... long coat and drab shoes) for the first time ever. Great feeling!
I don't have much body-hair but I was so motivated that I removed all body-hair from neck to waist for the first time ever.
I love it... and she loved it too!
We cleared up small misunderstandings about breasts but we didn't have any time to discuss makeup and the wigs I had taken with me (see your thread!). I have never worn one in her presence.

We didn't have anymore time because we then took the opportunity to discuss much more serious family aspects.
My SO and I are planning our marriage and I think I want my life at home as a cder to develope somewhat like yours...
By the way, she wants to be the only one in a wedding dress... I'll keep working on that! LOL Gaby


My loving and supportive wife expressed about a month ago how I could, if I wanted to, dress more often around the house... Here's where the tricky part comes in...
...I almost find it pretty funny and none of it has ever been said in a mean way. Has this type of thing ever come up with anyone else?

[SallyS]

Hmmm. Well, my ex wife started acting supportive, even bought me a dress, took pictures of me dressed up. Of course, that later wound up as material she used to blackmail me during the divorce. So be careful with the 'supportive' ones, that can change in a split second.

Ouch!!.....not a great experience for you I'm sure. All my 'photos' are digital and password protected on my PC. Thankfully my wife hasn't had a problem with me dressing up in the 20 years she's known about it.

In some ways she benefits from it as I am more attentive to her, just as a little 'thank you' for letting her overweight, lumbering husband wear a dress;)

[cindym5_04]

Your thread has been very helpful Cindy not least because I talked to my SO yesterday evening about many aspects thrown up here.

First of all, she prefers English words rather than German ones because they sound less harsh. And that is particularly true of examples like "b*tch" and "wh*re" which somehow don't work in a non-offensive way in German. That's how I feel too, so I was worrying about nothing, as usual.
She turned the tables on me when she asked whether I had noticed that she fondly calls me her "Mädchen" when I'm dressed and she's around. She doesn't want to call me "Gaby" (yet?)

I drive over to her place (about 25KM on the Autobahn) almost every evening and yesterday I managed to crossdress properly while out (in the car... long coat and drab shoes) for the first time ever. Great feeling!
I don't have much body-hair but I was so motivated that I removed all body-hair from neck to waist for the first time ever.
I love it... and she loved it too!
We cleared up small misunderstandings about breasts but we didn't have any time to discuss makeup and the wigs I had taken with me (see your thread!). I have never worn one in her presence.

We didn't have anymore time because we then took the opportunity to discuss much more serious family aspects.
My SO and I are planning our marriage and I think I want my life at home as a cder to develope somewhat like yours...
By the way, she wants to be the only one in a wedding dress... I'll keep working on that! LOL Gaby

I'm glad this could be of some help to you :-). When we got married, she was the one in the wedding dress. I was fine with that. :-)

[Rachaelb64]

Mmm............. interesting my SO also calls me b*tch as well, but then she does call me it in male mode also! And when Im Rachael she'll alternate between my male name and calling Rachael :)

Mind you you I do call her farta**e :D

[SherriePall]

Cindy -- I didn't see this mentioned, so I will throw it out. Perhaps, when she sees you dressed she sees the woman who has taken her husband; therefore, she calls you those names. Maybe I am way off base with that, but it could explain why she doesn't know why she does it.

[meri]

It's repressed anger, she is "dealing" with it intellectually, but hasn't accepted it emotionally. I would not start pushing harder until this has worked through. Keep a steady pace as before, don't try anything "new" yet -- give her more time -- lot's more time...

[Adele]

If she is using the names with an affectionate tone then I think things are ok. Only you can tell this. If you are happy with the scenario then maybe make sure your wife is too by talking to her about it. I would love for my wife to be more dominant in our relationship.

[cindym5_04]

Oh yeah...it's totally affectionate and playful. It's become pretty much a joke. I found it to be kinda funny and was wondering originally if anyone else's S.O. had done the same. I honestly didn't expect to get some of the responses that I did. It's all in a very light-hearted way. I honestly don't believe that it's deep seeded anger issues or anything like that (if it was, I don't think we would be together for the 7 years that we have been...). JMO

[Yolanda_Voils]

Yeah I liked to be called wh**** BI*** SL** CU* loving skank, I bet you'd pull a train faster than a locomotive..

I also like hard spankings, we had hooks in the ceiling and some 2" wide blue glitter wrist n ankle restraints.. and YEA she spent 40 bucks at Home Depot on some small but unbreakable chain to "put me in my place" unable to move while she had her way with me..

OH WHAT FUN IT WAS

[KellyCD]

Hmmm. Well, my ex wife started acting supportive, even bought me a dress, took pictures of me dressed up. Of course, that later wound up as material she used to blackmail me during the divorce. So be careful with the 'supportive' ones, that can change in a split second.

Same thing happend to me.

I've already stated in another thread my feelings on calling eachother "names".....so I'll spare everyone from having to read them. I just say be careful....

[crossdrezzer1]

wife knows i like to be sub when showing fem side as life dictates I have to be the strong one as a male so she thinks when i show fem side be called a bit@@ is being supportive and also knows it turns me on,,, being weak and silly and pretty for a short time,,letting my guard down and being the week one in the relationship,,, so,,, if I am the weak one that must mean she is the strong so she gets aggressive in vocabulary and calls me names... something like get me a beer bit!@# and do the dishes dear now or get a spanking on my lap--lol,,, she also tweaks my nipples when we are doing it,,,she knows i like that,,,,

[missygatv]

So here's my two-cents worth... for whatever it's worth your situation brings to mind a famous quote by Sigmund Freud: "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." My take, b*tch, is that you needn't try to make anything out of it, enjoy the heck out of your situation and KNOW how lucky you are!!! (10% pride, 90% envy)...

[5150 Girl]

I may be wrong about this, but it is my understanding that lesbians refer to their lovers afectionately as "My Bitch".
And for what it's worth, my Polar Bear has often said to me, "If you're going to be my bitch, then you're going to be the hottest bitch in teh place"

[janieday9]

My wife had started going off me dressing, but one day we were home togather, i was dressed, she was not very well, so i ended up doing all the house work, (i was dressed in basque stockings thong & 5" thighboots) i even went in to the back garden to hang the washing out, i wish she would call me b*tch, but she don't.
xxx janie

[Soriya]

Hiya Cindy,

I don't think it's harmful in anyway at all, especially because of your history with her and the main fact you can tell it's being said in a joking playful way. If she is being honest in saying she has no idea why she says it, it could be that she is experiencing new feelings about it such as a Dom/Sub thing. Think about it, your dressing more around her now which is new to her as well so it's something the both of you will have to figure out as time goes on. Your already doing the best thing and communicating about it. :)

[kimdl93]

I think she's just growing increasingly accustomed and comfortable with to you as Cindy. Seems like a good thing. My wife says the same things to me on occassion - often teasingly saying "your such a girl!" I rather like that !