Crossdresser dating

[Traci Simmmons]

I'm a crossdresser and I'm looking to date a woman. I'm on a dating service and I want to put something in my profile that might clue in or attract a woman that would be into or at least open to a crossdresser. I don't want to go right out and say that I'm a crossdresser. Anybody have any ideas?

Tracy

[cordgrass]

Not too many women are into it outright unless they've experienced it, but finding women open to it is certainly possible. It would be interesting to take an informal poll of the GG's on here who really are into it, not just because they love their SO, but would be into it with a new partner too, to see if we have anything in common.

For me I would say that being politically on the far left would be a good start, but that might just be me. I think women who are more sexually experienced might find an easier time of it too.

[AnnaCalliope]

Its very much trial and error, when it comes to finding a woman who is actively looking to date a CD/TG. I've found bisexual women tend to be the most accepting of it, at least in that they don't mind you dressing up in private. They tend to vary on their level of acceptance beyond that, some will let you be femme for all aspects of life, others will only go out with your femme self to gay/trans friendly locales. The trick is finding someone who actually embraces it, because I've dated a number of women who claimed to be OK with it at the start, and realized over time it wasn't something they were truly prepared to deal with.

[docrobbysherry]

I would NOT recommend using words like "feminine" to describe yourself, Tracy! Maybe words like; sensitive, introspective, calm, not argumentative, etc. mite be BETTER? Oh! And, don't forget to mention that u LOVE TO SHOP! Lol!

[CharleneT]

try metro-sexual or if you are really brave: TG

What I would recommend you do is not put it in your ad. i think you will find it hard to find women who will either be attracted specifically or even willing to go past the first message. On the flip side of things, I think you may find many women are patient with such things. When I was doing some CDing to try and calm my GID down, I really didn't have a lot of trouble finding accepting women. In fact, two I met while dressed ( that definitely gets it out on the table quick). The "when to tell" is a complex issue with no good answer . . .

[Christy_M]

You might also use terms like "broad sense of fashion." It suggest you are both open to different looks and the somewhat distateful pun of "broad" tells which fashion sense you like. :)

[Emily Ann Brown]

How about..."I REALLY do want in your panties!"


Em

[erika_s]

Is your profile M or F ?

[Traci Simmmons]

My profile is a male profile. Should I say "working to develop my feminine side?". Maybe that's too direct.

[cordgrass]

No, don't talk at all about you and CDing in any way. Try to screen for women who would be accepting. Focus on them, not you. Like, "looking for an openminded, very liberal woman who is confident in her own sexuality and isn't afraid of taking the reins in a relationship."

[CharleneT]

no, don't talk at all about you and cding in any way. Try to screen for women who would be accepting. Focus on them, not you. Like, "looking for an openminded, very liberal woman who is confident in her own sexuality and isn't afraid of taking the reins in a relationship."

bingo !!

[CherryZips]

I placed an ad on match.com that was pretty open about myself.

It was pulled.

I have serious doubts about the euphemistic method. Most women aren't looking to decipher a cryptic message inside an advert. And if they can decipher the message 90% will drop you immediately.

I think a crossdresser is happier with a woman that likes crossdressers. I know they're rare but they do exist. My best sexual experiences were with a woman into crossdressers. I met her by being open with friends, not dressing publicly but being open with my desires. I feel I may have accidentally returned to the closet since then. But I intend to be more honest with my desires.

Have you tired alternative and open sites like okcupid and fetlife?

[cordgrass]

I'm on fetlife and I think your odds are better at a regular dating place. Most of the sub women aren't into CD's, and even many of the domme women aren't, except for service subs. And that wouldn't be a primary relationship. The dommes who are into CDs and aren't pros are overwhelmed with attention from subs. So it is very competitive.

There are a few women on fetlife who aren't into BDSM and only into crossdressing, but usually they are there because their boyfriend dresses.

[sherri]

Another reason not to be too specific in your profile is that many if not most of the mainstream dating sites will kick you off if you don't fit their male/female categories. I know I've been denied membership by two of them cuz I was upfront about wanting to identify as CD or TG.

[CherryZips]

I'm on fetlife and I think your odds are better at a regular dating place. Most of the sub women aren't into CD's, and even many of the domme women aren't, except for service subs. And that wouldn't be a primary relationship. The dommes who are into CDs and aren't pros are overwhelmed with attention from subs. So it is very competitive.

Hmmn I feared that would be the case.

The problem the crossdresser faces is hiding their sexual identity while looking from someone into that sexual identity. For meeting women who desire crossdressers rather than tolerating them its a massive problem. Dating is difficult enough with out hiding your identity.

What numbers are we looking at? How many women in 1000 enjoy crossdressers? How many dates does that mean? It would streamline the process to be open from the start.



There are a few women on fetlife who aren't into BDSM and only into crossdressing, but usually they are there because their boyfriend dresses.

And for the crossdresser that can enjoy some BDSM is it worth it?
Can we say there are more crossdressers on fetlife than vanilla sites?
I mean at least BDSM sites have an option for crossdressers which is not available on ordinary sites.
Can we say women on a BDSM site would be more open to a crossdresser?

[Angel64]

Another reason not to be too specific in your profile is that many if not most of the mainstream dating sites will kick you off if you don't fit their male/female categories. I know I've been denied membership by two of them cuz I was upfront about wanting to identify as CD or TG.

Wow. I have never used a dating site, and I wasn't aware of those restrictions. I am kind of surprised this is not considered discrimination.

[sherri]

I know that in my local group on Fetlife, there's not much interest in CDers. I even went to one of their vanilla gatherings and while everyone was nice, it was clear there wasn't much interest. I don't know if that's cuz I'm butt-ugly or cuz I'm a CDer. :-P A few guys from the group did hit on me in private, but zero GGs.


Wow. I have never used a dating site, and I wasn't aware of those restrictions. I am kind of surprised this is not considered discrimination.It obviously is discrimination, but I don't think there's any law against it. "We reserve the right etc etc." That was 2 or 3 years ago, but I doubt that they've changed their policy.

[cordgrass]

I wouldn't say that there are more crossdressers on fetlife than on vanilla sites. I posted on plentyoffish that I was looking only for crossdressers and got a pretty large response from men. A lot of flakes on that site though!

[laura.lapinski]

It's so hard to find a woman into CD, or a nice *******, I think it would just be easier to find another cute CD instead.

[cordgrass]

I would think it's much easier to find another CD to be with.

I think looking for a woman who is into it rather than tolerating it is too vague. Five years ago I wasn't into it at all, wasn't even on my radar. I would assume that would be the case with most women. But just because I had never considered the idea didn't mean that I would never be into it. It was crushing on a celebrity who I strongly suspect is a CD that opened my eyes to the attraction. For the record, on the celebrity's messageboard I've posted my suspicions, and almost half of the fangirls said they would be very into it if he was a crossdresser. That's why I think it's easier to try for a vanilla woman and convert her, rather than be outright looking for a CD-lover.

And for the record, I am really into it now!

[CherryZips]

I don't get how anyone can just decide who they are attracted to. If we could decide things like that we could decide not to crossdress.

I do think women who are into crossdressers need to witness a crossdresser in some way before they realise they like them. Even if its only seeing one in a club.


It was crushing on a celebrity who I strongly suspect is a CD

Go on. Who was it? :heehee: Depp? Noel Fielding?

[cordgrass]

Women are more flexible when it comes to that. Women fall in love with the person and the sexual attraction follows.

I'm certainly just guessing on the celebrity, but here's a pic:

http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q222/zaneblue/wigfield_raven.jpg

[JenniferR771]

So...maybe the picture on the dating site might be helpful, while not giving it away to everyone. Flowery t-shirt. Pink teddy bear on the bed in background. Subtle lipstick, makeup or neutral nail polish. A little guyliner. The right person would pick up on the signals--or not.

[Tammynnj]

a knockout. i'm not a celebrity maven, who is it?

[CherryZips]

Stephen Colbert in Wigfield?

I'm not sure of the exact appearance.

[cordgrass]

I'm not kidding when I say I'd sell my soul to do him just once. :devil:

I wouldn't try to CD on the edges in your profile pic, because lots of gay men like to use femme details like eyeliner--it will send the wrong message.

[joannemarie barker]

Wow that pic Is hot :)

[Traci Simmmons]

Being with a crossdresser can be very fun! Some of us are great people. Wake up girls! You don't know what you're missing!

[Tanya83]

No matter what you do, prepare to take your time. I believe that women in general are not going to come out and say that is what they are "In to" but if she gets to know you for the person you are and really falls for you, there's a good chance that part of your life will be accepted.

[Barbara Dugan]

I am on Fetlife and used to be on other sites too and even that I am specifically looking for guys. I get approached by some gg sometimes. The other day one was really interested on me that creep me out. I think there is some girls out there that are looking for a crossdresser:)

[Paula T]

I know that in my local group on Fetlife, there's not much interest in CDers. I even went to one of their vanilla gatherings and while everyone was nice, it was clear there wasn't much interest. I don't know if that's cuz I'm butt-ugly or cuz I'm a CDer. :-P A few guys from the group did hit on me in private, but zero GGs.

No you are defintely not butt ugly:) In fact you quite pretty to me:o

[Nicole Erin]

Well, yes, the God-given fact is that there are GG's out there that will date or may prefer TG's.
The harsh reality is those are far and few between. And the GG's who do like TG, well they tend to get all the attention they need so you are beating the odds if you land one such lady.

The best thing to do would be to just give up on that thought and start dating men.

[sherri]

I know that in my local group on Fetlife, there's not much interest in CDers. I even went to one of their vanilla gatherings and while everyone was nice, it was clear there wasn't much interest. I don't know if that's cuz I'm butt-ugly or cuz I'm a CDer. :-P A few guys from the group did hit on me in private, but zero GGs.

No you are defintely not butt ugly:) In fact you quite pretty to me:o

Awww! You are so sweet. Thank you.

[Vickie_CDTV]

The best thing to do would be to just give up on that thought and start dating men.

Unfortunately, one can't just change who they are attracted to. I have often said to friends that it would be so much easier for me if I was attracted to men, and it would be far easier to find a partner. Since I am a straight male, I have no attraction to other men and I just can't wrap my mind around the idea, just like straight men who don't wear dresses.

[CherryZips]

The best thing to do would be to just give up on that thought and start dating men.

That's a recipe for disaster. Why would a guy want to be with a crossdresser that doesn't want them? You might as well tell gay people not to be gay. You are recommending people lie to get something they don't want.

[sherri]

Unfortunately, one can't just change who they are attracted to. I have often said to friends that it would be so much easier for me if I was attracted to men, and it would be far easier to find a partner.

Um. that's a common mis-perception among neophytes, but the reality is quite different. True, it is easier to find men to have sex with, but men -- straight, gay, bi or whatever -- interested in a steady relationship with a CDer are very difficult to find, and men prepared to go public with such a relationship are rare as hen's teeth.

[NicoleScott]

Tracy, it's not clear if you want to have a normal man/woman relationship and she's tolerant of your crossdressing, or if you want to have a GF to do things with while you are en femme.

[Traci Simmmons]

I went on Dateacrossdresser.com and searched for women looking for crossdressers and I got fourty-two matches but with no picture. Most of the people that come up as women look like other crossdressers. Most have no picture so you have no idea what they look like. I saw one woman that looked somewhat attractive but she is 176 miles away from me.

[CherryZips]

What about OKCupid?

Anyone rate that?

[lynnd]

No matter what you do, prepare to take your time. I believe that women in general are not going to come out and say that is what they are "In to" but if she gets to know you for the person you are and really falls for you, there's a good chance that part of your life will be accepted.

Tanya is right. Tanya is my love:love:, and that is how it worked. We got to know each other first, then fell in love, then shared the CDing. Women are not specifically looking for a CDer, they are looking for the right person to love and to love them. Be your true self, regardless of what you are wearing. It might take some time to find the right person for you.

[Fab Karen]

You're making it impossible with that restriction.

"Should I say "working to develop my feminine side?"."
That wouldn't be taken to mean "I'm a CD" by most women.

[CharleneT]

What about OKCupid?

Anyone rate that?

OKCupid can work very well for many people. It is more main stream, but also more open than any other main stream. TG folks are quite welcome at OKC. Another site you should check out is PlentyofFish, although very main stream, it is also quite active (and mostly free).

[Angiemead12]

who knows honesty may work for you?

[Vickie_CDTV]

Um. that's a common mis-perception among neophytes, but the reality is quite different. True, it is easier to find men to have sex with, but men -- straight, gay, bi or whatever -- interested in a steady relationship with a CDer are very difficult to find, and men prepared to go public with such a relationship are rare as hen's teeth.

I probably should have been more specific. I meant that for those who are looking for someone to be intimate with, those who like men have a radically larger pool than those who desire to be with a GG.

I have known a few bi TS over the years who dated male admirers for a while, only to go back to GGs (or another trans) in frustration and disappointment they didn't want a committed relationship.

[BRANDYJ]

I've been reading this thread with interest since I had spent my fair share of time on various dating and lifestyle sites before meeting the love of my life on collarme.com. That is a site for people that are into BDSM or any of the sub categories covered under that broad umbrella term. At the time I was very interested in finding a woman for a long term D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship, someone to love and love me back. Not just for the D/s or CD interests I have; Another words, more then just a play partner. my profile included pictures of me in both male and fem mode of dress. I hid nothing about myself and was direct, open and honest about what I was and was not looking for. I included many things not related to either D/s or CD. My interest, my hobbies, career etc. To my good fortune, I received one response from the Lady I now am in love with and in a relationship with. That was 5 years ago. We corresponded and talked on the phone for hours before we met 3 months later. At the same time, I had a profile on POF. However since that site is mainstream for the most part, I did not divulge my interests in D/s or CDing. My main interest was to find love on either or both sites. My Lady also had a profile on POF at the same time as we discovered after talking. Like my profile, on POF it was rather mainstream with a mere hint of her being a dominant woman. I also had been on OKCupid and a non-paying member of some of the better known dating sites. So from my personal point of view and experience, I offer this opinion:

If finding a long term love interest on a main stream site, don't mention that you are either CD or submissive. Leave those personal preferences out until you meet, get to know one another and see if there is a chance to start a relationship. But do tell her before either of you have invested a strong emotional bond. (It's only fair to them) In the process of getting to know one another, we can evaluate how open, non-judgmental she is. We will learn of her religious or spiritual beliefs and how she feels about other social conditions she may or may not tolerate or accept. Don't forget, she is sizing you up at the same time. She is not going to divulge all her secrets on her profile or day one upon meeting or making contact with you. Why risk running a woman off before she has a chance to see that you are a nice, normal guy. Her view of alternate lifestyles in general may be from lack of education on the subject and skewed by all the negative things she has seen on Jerry Springer and in the news. I think there are a good number of women that can and will accept your being a CD if given the time to know you as a man and likes what she sees and knows about you other then your being into anything considered an alternate lifestyle. I takes time, as many of our GG members will tell you. Most of them were not looking for a crossdresser, but accepted it (with boundaries perhaps) in time. Just don't push it. Now if your focus is on transitioning some day, that will further limit her ability to accept you, but you need to share that with her early on also.
So if you decide to post a profile at places like Fetlife or collarme, then your chance of acceptance and finding someone is greatly improved even if you state and post photos of your fem side. It worked for me. But I think it is nearly a waste of time to expose that side of you on a mainstream site. So get your priorities in order. Is it a life partner or your being trandsgendered that is most important? Then post accordingly at sites that will most likely find the love of your life. Don't shoot yourself in the foot with opening your closet before you get to at least know a woman. You may well spend a very lonely life alone.
I hope this helps those that are crossdressers and looking for a sincere loving relationship with a woman.:2c:

[sherri]

I probably should have been more specific. I meant that for those who are looking for someone to be intimate with, those who like men have a radically larger pool than those who desire to be with a GG.

I have known a few bi TS over the years who dated male admirers for a while, only to go back to GGs (or another trans) in frustration and disappointment they didn't want a committed relationship.

I think you might find that the just-for-sex hookups are ultimately unsatisfying, even tawdry, and it doesn't take long to get there, either. As for relationships, I hate to dis an entire gender, there are indeed some really nice guys out there -- somewhere! :-) -- but seeking guys on the 'net or in bars can be exhausting just trying to cut through all the BS that nearly always boils down to wanting sex the easiest way possible. It teaches you a lot about men, as well as how women see them. But then again, in the social climate we live in, it really is asking a lot of anyone, male or female, to travel this path with us. It ain't easy.

[ErickaJ]

I would say its not a good idea to do. Majority of the online dating sites like that have in the fine printed disclaimers that any openess to homosexuality, transgenderism, etc... is instant removal of profiles. Its against there "Code of Conduct" on the sites. Stupid but I know several open dressers and such that have tried it, within a day of posting that stuff their accounts were deleted.

[juno]

This is obviously a problem area for most people. I think the fear usually comes from lack of knowledge. Once we get society to be more accepting of us being out in public, more women will actually take the time to consider the idea instead of getting "spooked" and running away.

I am very fortunate. When I got married, I was not crossdressing, but I was openly OK with doing feminine things, yet still manly enough for my wife to be comfortable with me. She even encouraged me to not be afraid to pull out a crochet project in public. Now that I am CDing, she is somewhat uncomfortable because it is going a bit too far for her, but she still tries to be supportive.

If my wife is at all typical, you want to present yourself as being OK with being yourself and sometimes having a feminine side, but mainly present your male self. Even if a woman likes a feminine male, she is most likely going to list masculine traits first as the ideal partner. It is probably better to present as non-aggressive and non-macho, and that you are a nice, caring guy.

Also, I never tried to present as something other than just myself when dating. I don't like the idea of people putting on a front while dating to be someone you think the other person wants. Just go with honesty. I think that most CD-accepting partners are people who find honesty very important. That is why lying about it is so detrimental.

[CherryZips]

Actually I'm beginning to suspect in a society where women know more about crossdressers before they date one they might be more likely to quit rather than stay on. This would probably result in crossdressers being more in the closet or more wary of admitting there desires early on.

Any woman who'd read up on Helen Boyd and her husband Betty would hear crossdressers described as a mess, hard work and liable to transition. All possibly true to degrees. And I would understand any woman walking away from such a prospect.

Of course greater knowledge in society might raise the number of woman who realise they'd like a crossdresser.

[randumbness]

I think that when you consider your physical and mental attractions to a person, you should also consider the attractions of a person that you are attracted to. Sure, they may overlook some things, but crossdressing is one of those things that people might not want to overlook. So if anything, what you need to do is be honest. It's hard for a girl to find out that her SO has something she wants nothing to do with because it completely turns them off or just makes it awkward for them. On the other hand, an SO might be less reluctant, but still uncomfortable. This is my opinion, but again, I think honesty is the best policy here. There may not be many women out there that will date you for being a crossdresser, but I'm sure there are accepting women and who knows, friendships tend to blossom into something more.

[MiamiMarie]

I don't think you should mention CDing in your ad. I think that's something that should wait until at least after 1 good date. I think the odds are in your favor if you tell a girl after she decides she likes (not love) you.

But I agree that incorporating concepts like "sensitive, introspective, calm, caring, good listener, shy, etc..." in abundance will weed out the GGs who are in search of really manly men.

[Fab Karen]

Can't tell you for certain, but I will tell you the gay rumor has persisted here in movietown. Of course there used to rumors about Rock Hudson, and of course "those just couldn't be true, could they?":heehee:

[Avana]

definitely not the same jawline..

[cordgrass]

Wow. That means that those of us that do like CD'ers are just going to be SOL. That's pretty sad. I wouldn't be able to find a CD'er in my town to date if my life depended on it. I certainly would love to be in the position to pick and choose.



I was just there (I've had a profile there for awhile with no luck) found 3 very cute CD'ers on there within 300 miles of me by searching "crossdresser". Only on was listed as straight, the other 2 were bi. I never thought of doing that...

I had a hard time at first finding places to go to meet crossdressers also, and I'm in Boston!

[Lex321]

It took me 4 years to tell my wife. She was surprisingly open to it. I wouldn't say it is a turn on for her, but she hasn't had a problem with me dressing while in the privacy of our house. I am not interested in going further than that anyway. At least now in my life.

She has scene me dressed several times. She has even asked me to wear a few things because she knows I like that.

I would go with the recommendation of finding someone that is open minded and not judgmental. Then let the relationship develop and let her know about that side of your life.