Suddenly Sad!

[Pinky188]

So, I was talking to my G.F. the other day and she started making negitive comments about me being too fem. I asked her what was wrong because she has always been open minded in the past and seemed to love me for who I am. After a long disscussion it appears that she is ok with me C.Ding as long as she doesn't have to hear about it or see it. I love her with every bit of my heart, and this hurts!!!!

[Joanne f]

This is one of the things many wife`s/SO will recognise , the big sulk when something is said about the CDing :sad: i wish i could get past that stage :heehee:

[stephi]

This is very true - as a girl I am cut to bits by any negative remark my wife says or even implies about CDing or my femme appearance. Talk about sensitive or what.
XOX
Stephi

[Kelly DeWinter]

ooch, when the communication shuts down on ANY subject completely, the relationship is in deep waters. Question How many times a day do you bring up crossdressing or crossdress ?

[Sandra]

Instead of feeling sorry for self go back and sit down and discuss again with your SO. Have you been cding all the time? maybe you was doing it to often, just because she was ok doesn't mean that she wants it in her face all the time. This is what happened with me and Nigella, she got to the stage where everything was about her and the cding and I just cracked, but after long discussions we got it sorted.

[NicoleScott]

There are accepting wives and girlfriends, and there are those who cannot tolerate a cd-ing partner. It's as unrealistic to think a SO will come around to acceptance as it is for the SO to think that cd-ing can be stopped. But there are areas between all or nothing. Many wives tolerate a cd-ing husband but they don't want to participate or even hear about it or have to see dresses and high heels in his closet. My wife is very tolerant but doesn't participate. My first wife divorced me. She was totally intolerant of my cd-ing. Your GF seems to have set the parameters of her tolerance of your cd-ing. I could live with those terms (ok to cd in private) but some can't. Also, it's possible that her tolerance could change to intolerance, so be sure she's really ok with your dressing in private, and that you're ok with it as well.
As many others can testify to, it's a lot easier to deal with an intolerant GF than an unaccepting wife, especially if there are kids in the picture.
Many cd's on this forum would love to have your deal. But if that deal doesn't work for you, better to bring it to a head now than later.

[DonnaT]

Been known to happen often enough, an SO doing a slight turn or a complete 180 with regard to acceptance.

Could be, in view of the "too fem" comment, she's having doubts about your sexuality, or her's. Something to discuss with her, since I'm only guessing.

[Karren H]

I still think that there are very very few (count them on my fingers) women that totally 100% accept crossdressing but more like varying degrees of toleration... 0 - 99%.... And it changes over time.

[JulieC]

I still think that there are very very few (count them on my fingers) women that totally 100% accept crossdressing but more like varying degrees of toleration... 0 - 99%.... And it changes over time.

I think that's 99% accurate :) I think almost all women are in the 1-99 range. There's very few on either end of the spectrum.

But, whereas many people on this forum have a pessimisstic view of acceptance by women, I think it's really a pretty standard bell curve, centered at 50%.

[Lorileah]

Balance is hard. Knowing what you want verses what you have been told you should want is also hard. Knowing how far to go with something is very hard.

What attracted you to her may have been your grace, caring, eye for colors, compassion. But she has been told to want virtually the opposite. And she will have these thoughts from time to time especially when you slide too far into femininity. When you love someone, most of the things they do don't bother you much unless you become obsessed with it. Then you have to know when to back off a bit. Yes it is cute to balance a spoon on your nose...once is awhile. but unless you are a trained seal, it should not be your daily routine. TG's tend to obsess over things to the point they become annoying and irritating to those around you. You used to talk about food, or vacations, or work. Now you talk about the new eyeliner or how cute a pair of panties are (gratuitous reference required). She has other interests beside how you feel inside or how you look in a dress. You should have other interests also. I found that when my wife was aggravated about anything I did feminine it was because I was going way beyond what even a GG would be doing (over the age of 14). Look around, women are not just clothes or shopping or make up. They do have other interests, some even like "guy" things like beer.

If you read a lot of the posts on this site, you will see that most guys don't have a partner who will even accept an iota of femininity (I hate boxing things like that but the question was asked...so feminine traits it is) from their spouse. Don't mess up what you have here. By pushing too far you can scare her away. She will start to thing that A) you like dressing up more than you like her, B) you want to be a full time (if that is the case, let her know now so she can plan accordingly) or C) you are a self centered prima dona (also let her know that now so she can plan to find someone who maybe pays a bit more attention to them...trust me I am in the self centered group). It all come back to being honest and talking things out. Compromise. Find out exactly what she thinks is "too feminine". It is better to middle of the road no matter what. Being overtly campy and "flaming" is not a good thing.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Lorileah, What an awesome post ! You make a lot of great points. Huggs gal.

[Pinky188]

Thank you all for the respones!!! I do love her very much! She is my best freind!!!!! I will do whatever it takes to keep her in my life!!! It is rare to find someone who can deal with a crossdresser. Aside from that she is such an incredible person, I feel lucky to have her in my life! Life is give and take. I suppose its time for me to give!!!!! Thanks again girls!!!!

[Yolanda_Voils]

I agree w/ Karren

Women accept us in degrees, they say they LIKE it, Love it, Want more of it, then one day it all changes..

Keep in mind that about 3-5 days before the onset of the 28 day curse, a womans mind has the option to become Satan for a day or so..
That's why we don't need a woman president who has the nuclear codes..

2 days after nuking some country the tears flow "I'm SO SORRY I BLEW YOU UP, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP"

A bit of satire if you will, but most of us girls know what I'm speaking of..

[Kelly DeWinter]

I agree w/ Karren

Women accept us in degrees, they say they LIKE it, Love it, Want more of it, then one day it all changes..

Keep in mind that about 3-5 days before the onset of the 28 day curse, a womans mind has the option to become Satan for a day or so..
That's why we don't need a woman president who has the nuclear codes..

2 days after nuking some country the tears flow "I'm SO SORRY I BLEW YOU UP, WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP"

A bit of satire if you will, but most of us girls know what I'm speaking of..

Oooch ... you are sooooo going to get it !

[Michelle.M]

Well, it may not be anything more than a reevaluation of what she sees as her reality.

Let's face it. When we dress we challenge accepted concepts of what is normal. Not only inside ourselves, but we initiate (either intentionally or unintentionally) a reevaluation in anyone who sees us and more so in anyone who knows us. Not everyone is prepared to meet the challenge and the reactions may vary from full acceptance to tolerance to rejection, avoidance, or even violence.

I was involved with someone who wanted a long term and stable relationship, and we began dating on that basis. But I had just come out of a particularly painful divorce and although I had initially said that I wanted the same sort of relationship as she did as I began to recover from the divorce and rearrange the parts of my life I realized the relationship was not a good fit. I told her this and tried to end the relationship, and she did not accept my resignation (we continued to date but at least she knew where I stood). She could not understand that the relationship had not changed (actually, it was even better), but that the problem was that I was not as prepared for it as I had thought and needed to work on me before I could go further.

Just a reevaluation, that's all. Not necessarily bad, it's just what people who are thinking about things do,

[Jenny Doolittle]

I think My wife made a great point to me when she said, "You know, what you read and see in your chat room is NOT reality" She obviously meant that we are looking though a window that is "rose colored" for us because we all here are supporting the idea of being different and accepting that difference. In society and relationships, the expectations are different and we need to take that into consideration in our own expectations of acceptance.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank you all for the respones!!! I do love her very much! She is my best freind!!!!! I will do whatever it takes to keep her in my life!!! It is rare to find someone who can deal with a crossdresser. Aside from that she is such an incredible person, I feel lucky to have her in my life! Life is give and take. I suppose its time for me to give!!!!! Thanks again girls!!!!

Pinky, I'm sorry to say that U may be sorry! If CDing is something u REALLY ENJOY, and u must keep it a secret from your SO, it WILL BECOME A DIVIDING FACTOR! It's simply a matter of time!:sad:

I've only told one person. An old girlfriend that I used to hook up with from time to time. At first, she was very accepting and encouraging! I began feeling closer to her than I had been since our dating time back in college! As I discussed Sherry's progress out of the closet and showed her pictures!:)
Suddenly, she said she'd had enuff of Sherry and didn't want to hear about her, her adventures, or see her pics! Now, contacting her is not enjoyable for me. As I have the urge to tell her about my CDing, but have to keep remembering to bite my tongue!:thumbsdn:

I believe ANYONE who can't openly DISCUSS their CDing with their SO is LOOKING FOR TROUBLE in their relationship!:brolleyes:

[Pinky188]

Pinky, I'm sorry to say that U may be sorry! If CDing is something u REALLY ENJOY, and u must keep it a secret from your SO, it WILL BECOME A DIVIDING FACTOR! It's simply a matter of time!:sad:

I've only told one person. An old girlfriend that I used to hook up with from time to time. At first, she was very accepting and encouraging! I began feeling closer to her than I had been since our dating time back in college! As I discussed Sherry's progress out of the closet and showed her pictures!:)
Suddenly, she said she'd had enuff of Sherry and didn't want to hear about her, her adventures, or see her pics! Now, contacting her is not enjoyable for me. As I have the urge to tell her about my CDing, but have to keep remembering to bite my tongue!:thumbsdn:

I believe ANYONE who can't openly DISCUSS their CDing with their SO is LOOKING FOR TROUBLE in their relationship!:brolleyes:

I think you missunderstood. Im not hidding anything from my S.O. In fact its just the opposite. Im always in femm! I think the solution to our relationship recovery is for me to be in boy mode more often! You know, give and take! But thanks anyway for your concern.

[SweetPea_GG]

I think you missunderstood. Im not hidding anything from my S.O. In fact its just the opposite. Im always in femm! I think the solution to our relationship recovery is for me to be in boy mode more often! You know, give and take! But thanks anyway for your concern.

This is what I was going to add too.. that maybe she is just missing that other side of you. :)

[Pinky188]

This is what I was going to add too.. that maybe she is just missing that other side of you. :)

Im sure your right Sweetpea!!!!!