The real you?

[Kate Simmons]

We talk a lot on here about how we like to dress up, go out and what not and what we go through to look nice and presentable. Aside from all of that, my question is: When all is said and done with regard to appearance and presentation, just how much of who we really are inside shines through in the final product? Basically what I am asking is if you were a genetic woman would your basic personality be the same and would you more or less act the same way, gender notwithstanding? Why or why not?:)

[Shari]

Great question Denise.
I believe that my personality would be much more toned down than it is as a male. My thoughts might still be present but not with the same passion and far less inclined to blurt out some of the things I do now. My knee jerk reactions to many things would be replaced by more thought before I acted, or spoke, or offered an opinion.

Mrs. S has told me, and it still comes as a shock to me, that I experience a personality change when dressed. She tells me I'm much more calm and mellow. I'm told I experience changes in body language and speech that lean much more toward the gentler feminine side. This is something I was not conscious of until she informed me of it.

I think we all have our own ideas of what a woman and a man should be and act like. Were we the opposite gender, I feel these concepts would have to be automatically applied.

All told, it would probably great for my blood pressure and overall demeanor and may just might add a few years to my life.

Women DO live longer than men, isn't that so?

[Jonianne]

Yes to both. I would want to have the same personality and I would act pretty much the same way. In fact, I have thought if I were female, it's likely I would still be here on this forum exploring some FtM areas, trying to live in that balance.

I like who I am on the inside and prefer to live out my attributes of both genders.
When I dress now, I always think of how I think I would want to dress if I were female, with my personality as it is. I currently do wear my long hair in a page style, just as how I think I would do if I were female. When I dress, mostly what I wear is long jumper style dresses that are very comfortable. I'm sure I would wear flats and rarely heels and little if any makeup. Anyway, that's me and I just try to dress as if "me" was female, when I do dress.

I like what my female boss said when I showed her my pics one day - "That's (definatly) you!"

[DAVIDA]

Hi Denise!
I have said before, I am me no matter what I am wearing.
I might walk a bit different though.:heehee:

[Debb]

Yeah, I think my personality would be pretty much the same. Maybe a little more outgoing when I present as a woman? Good question.

I've been trying lately to let my "self" shine through no matter how I'm dressed ... for me, it's started with giving up on a wig and some of the clothing I was using to slim myself down.

[Rianna Humble]

I believe that the real me shines through more than ever it did when I was pretending to be a man. I have always had a reputation as a good listener and being good with customers, but since I began my transition my performance reviews show that I am even better at dealing with customers who are feeling panicked by their problems.

When I was pretending to be a man, I tended to be more irascible than I am now so I believe that my true personality is only really visible now that I am in transition. From the point of view of presentation and attitude, several GG's have commented how much more girly I am than them.

In my opinion, if I were a genetic woman the biggest difference would be that I would not have wasted half a century learning pseudo-male actions.

[Karren H]

Hi Denise!
I have said before, I am me no matter what I am wearing.
I might walk a bit different though.:heehee:

Exactly!!! I'm the same big mouth anoying person only prettier!!

[TGMarla]

We're all a product of our experiences, and if I'd had a lifetime of experiences as a woman rather than as a man, I'm sure I'd be a bit different. That said, I'm sure there would be many similarities as well. I'd probably be a toned-down feminine version of who I am now, with nicer hair and boobies. And I'd probably not enjoy wearing dresses nearly as much as I do as a man. I've noticed that very few real women do. And I'd probably not enjoy cigars and sex with women, either. LOL

[Amanda22]

Thought-provoking question, Denise. I can only speculate because to really know the answer would be to do it over again as a GG. I feel I'm the same person in demeanor/action whether en femme or not. My wife confirms that. I've only recently come to terms with my crossdressing and embrace it (as does my incredible wife). Publicly presenting en femme is a new experience although I'm getting more accustomed to it the more I do it.

I don't know why I think this, but I feel my mind and personality would have been identical whether I was born with a male body or female body. I've never really thought about it before now. I always just assumed that is the case. Maybe it's just difficult to imagine "me" being a different "me."

[kymmieLorain]

For me I would hope my personallity would remain the same if I were GG. But we need to think about the differences we would have growing up. Different friends different experianceses, Etc. Heck I could have been a boring walmart worker in either gender, scary.

Kymmie

[sherri]

Really good question. It may not show, but I do make an effort to present in a way that is consistent with who I am, and I think my behavior when dressed more accurately demonstrates who I really I am. I can't really say how I might be different if I were a GG, except to say that I would be who I am only more so. ;-)

[robyn1114]

That's a good question,

I'm not sure who the real me is. The years of hiding my true nature and trying to be the man I'm suppose to be has made me an old grumpy depressed pessimist with little in the way of social skills.

[MichelleP]

Such a great question! As time has wore on, my taste in feminine clothes has changed (ummm, much less provocative and not ultra femme anymore) and my youthful personality has toned down (gee, I am getting older). But basically I'm the same person no matter how I'm dressed. I still like the Dallas Cowboys and the Texas Rangers (I'd love to go to an outdoor game in a summer dress sometime - that would be a kick). I'd like to think that I've developed my own sense of feminine style that looks right for me and that I would have the same style if I were actually a GG or if I were to fully transition.

The big difference, at least for me, is the way I talk. In drab at the at the burger counter: "Gimme a cheeseburger, fries and a Coke. Thanks" In femme "Uh, hi I'd like a regular hamburger and a diet coke, please". There's just about an octave difference between those two sentences too (yay, finally). After a looooog period of time my feminine voice is beginning to find it's "personality" too. I'm beginning to sound more like I should and not like I'm blandly reciting words ala Minnie Mouse.

Michelle

[Jilmac]

A very inciteful question Denise, I believe if I were a GG much of the inner personality that I now exude would be with me at all times. For as long as I remember, I have always been able to bond with the females in my life and be able to relate to their feelings on a one to one basis. Perhaps being raised with five sisters has helped me to undrestand my own feminine feelings.

[kimdl93]

I think am pretty consistent in terms of who I am. I don't pretend to be someone else...depending on how I"m dressed. I do feel more myself when I'm en femme.

[joandher]

I love the way I am, and feel very privileged to have experienced both genders,the last ten years or so I have mellowed a bit more towards the female side of my personality,which is softer than my male side, but that may also be because of my age

Hugs J-JAY

[sissystephanie]

I have been ME for all my 70+ years, no matter what clothes I am wearing! I know some people change their personality with their clothes, but I according to my late wife I don't. She said when I was properly dressed I was Stephanie, but that I was the same person as when I was in drab!! That is ME, I, or whatever!!

[thechic]

Im Me the cloths don't change what im inside,wearing the close helps me express my self better,when wearing my clothing i no longer stick out when shopping or looking at things im interested in ,got noticed all the time when i was in sort of man mode looking or taking an interest in thing i liked.

[NathalieX66]

I posted as Nathalie on non-TG forums ( with avatar included) and some posters think I do this for sexual or provocative reasons despite that I am not. I'm just being me.

When I go out in public, my ultimate goal is to be a woman amongst the other women.
I have no interest in shock or attention. I crave anonimity because I just want to be like every other woman. That being said, don't you think it's more gratifying being en femme, and flying under the radar in the public eye, than putting on your best sexiest outfit in a secure enviroment? I'm willing to be suspected even if I don't pass.

I like being both male & female publically. OK, I'm short (5'6") actually). I have been lucky enough to experience being a girl publically without anyone knowing.....at least for the most part.

[Lorileah]

All things being equal ( in other words I get to keep this warped brain I have) I would be very much ...not like I am as a male. I would be a "party" girl (or would have been in my younger party days). I would dress very sensual (or as most here say inappropriately) and even at this age would probably spend more time in minis and short shorts when the weather allowed and slinky cocktail dresses this time of year. My male side is boring for the most part. I would be the same tease I am now and either very popular or hated (depends on the crowd).

[AlisonRenee]

Observations re: life experiences are on the mark, IMHO, and would have some impact. That said, I think there's more than enough girl in me that I wouldn't be so much different. Would estrogen vs. T make a difference? I'd probably be mellower in some respects. It's a thought-provoking question.

[docrobbysherry]

Sherry is an ATTRACTIVE woman, Robert is an unattractive man!

I NEVER got a chance to feel what it's like to be attractive until I was too old to appreciate it!:sad:
I started dressing after 50.

If I had been born female, or even started dressing when I was younger, I would be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON TODAY!:D

I can't properly describe the feeling! Because I NEVER felt it until I was older! Occasionally when Sherry has gone out and gets attention from admirers, I've felt a strong rush inside! Kind of a feeling of overwhelming power!:eek:

A feeling that I/Sherry could TAKE OVER THE ROOM, (the more folks in it the better), if we felt like it!:devil:

And, Robert has NEVER even had THOTS about doing that!:brolleyes:

[Alice B]

AS Popeye said. "I yam what I yam". No difference.

[Angiemead12]

i would like to think so, I would still be goofy, funny and witty just in a pretty sexy version of me. Yet i have not tried working en femme so i cant totally answer the question but I would love to be a cross dresser dominating in my field of video production, racing and hospitality. With the looks and allure of a woman and the skills and logic of a man I think I would be unstoppable!

[KayleeDahl]

This is something I was trying to figure out for a while... When i was younger, (earlier in my crossdressing experience) i tended to over accentuate the feminine, and completely ignore the masculine. I've spent so long hiding the Fem side that when i was able to express it, it was very intense.

More recently I've learned to accept everything that I am, be it F or M.

I think if you look at any person in the world, they are far more complex than any gender marker. I think if you give yourself the time to explore "you" then you might learn who you really are. (like I did) - not that i'm saying you need to explore anything, just talking about my experience.

Hugs!
Kaylee

[Rachel Morley]

That's a great question. I do feel that I would be pretty much the same. The way I am as a person (in a general sense) is very much the same in my boy mode and my girl mode, which doesn't mean I'm a "total guy in a dress" more the opposite (according to my wife) I am quite girly in my boy mode, the only difference apart from my clothes is my mannerisms and voice are somewhat more emphasized when dressed.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm very careful to present as a normal genetic male whenever in public. When in private or with a female friend, I do let myself relax a bit and let the girl feelings come out a bit, but nothing blatant, no voice or gait changes. They do notice the change, though it's mostly in discussion manners and what we talk about; I've tried very hard to avoid stereotypical male mode problem solving discussion patterns when talking with women, and try to listen without picking apart what they say.

[Melissa Rose]

I think I would be the very similar if I was a GG. I've been told numerous times that I'm quite feminine. It comes out naturally and automatically. I think I allow my feminine side to surface significantly more when en femme. Recently I'm finding more of my feminine traits to be invading my male side. Some of my feminine mannerisms, body language and vocal inflections are starting to show up more frequently when I'm in male mode. I also on occasion have to stop myself while in male mode from complimenting a woman, who is a stranger, about her shoes, dress or some other aspect of herself. This is something I do in girl mode, but it would often be taken the wrong way if in boy mode.

I consider both my female and male sides to be the real me. They are just different parts of the real me. I merely adjust which side predominates depending on the gender I'm presenting.

[zoe m]

I don't know what it would be like to be a "real woman," but I do feel that the "real me" shines through when I'm dressed as a woman. I think I'm the same person when I'm dressed or not. I definitely feel that being a cd/tv is part of who I am. I haven't been out around a lot of people so I don't know how I would act, but I would definitely have to be a lot more confident and maybe more witty! :)

[charlie]

Hello Denise!
I believe that I'm the same personality and exude that same traits no matter how I'm dressed. The only difference is the voice and mannerisms.

[Stacye Rose]

As others here have said, I'm am who I am no matter what I'm wearing. I think that when I wear girl clothes I may present a more honest, accurate representation of my "self" because I tend to leave most of my insecurities and hang-ups in my pants.

[Rogina B]

The "pressure"is on [in my male world] to "get it done"...or succeed at the task,etc and "bring home the bacon". There is no time or place to"fix your face",do your hair,get pampered at the spa,or ask a male to fetch you something you could easily do for yourself. So,it is the power of the pussycat that I crave and the trappings that go with it that I crave and want a little piece of in my public adventures as Rogina.Just to be able to take things slower and be concerned with the trivial is a rest from my male world.I only wish I had been born a trophy wife with a working slave for a husband..lol

[SuzanneBender]

Veeery Intataresting queeeztion my dear. (Said with a Fruedian accent and a raised brow)


Am I exactly who I would have been had I been born a woman. No way. I have had way too many life experiences, some I wouldn't give up for anything, as a male. Those life experiences are bound to shape my personality. On the other hand I missed out on so many female life experiences that would have also shaped my personality. Things like getting asked to the prom, joining a sorority, bearing a child, getting passed over at a job for a man are all bound to shape who you are.

We also have the issues of the personality dimension brought on by different hormones. Lets face it I would probably be a lot more mellow and would have probably made some more rational decisions in my life if I didn't have so much testosterone coursing through my veins.


I do believe that my basic personality shines through no matter what gender I am. I am a high maintenance, smarty pants that loves to laugh and hates conflict. I believe I would have been the same in that respect no matter what anatomy I was born with.

[danielleb]

If I were a genetic female, I think I may have a slightly toned down personality, since I wouldn't feel the need to be making up for a thirty year deficit. Overall though, pretty much the same, still as rough around the edges as I am now. I may carry alot less of the need for self-reliance than I do now, which would be a good thing for me. I hope I would have felt as though I "fit in" in more arena's of life, and would have allowed myself to be attached to more people.

You know, as I start to really pick at it, I would have been completely different! I put so much effort in my life twoards hiding this secret, and keeping people at an arms length. Once all of that was lifted from my shoulders and erased from my past, I can't really discern who I would be! I spent so much time seeking distraction, in opposition to dealing with myself, that those times shaped who I am now more than anything. Take all that away, and who knows!?:eek:

Both sides of the fence, I like colors, and like to wear flamboyant shoes. As a GG, I'd just have much more reason to have more than the one pair I do as male. My closet would certainly be roomier, not having to support two people.:D

[Inna]

What a trip it has been, joy, pain, emotional death and rebirth! Emotions from earth to the moon and back, when I set out on transition I had no clue but yearning to be who I always felt deep inside but could never present or embrace. Now with everyone knowing and no longer in hiding my real psyche is finally surfacing. Amazing to see is the lack of want to pretty dress. In fact lack of even putting on anything feminine, it just doesn't matter! I am me, feminine in its own right wearing mans jeans and tshirt or pjs. I am a woman in making from within encompassing my entire being. I though enjoyed feminine attire and presenting as such but now the need has penetrated much deeper, I no longer feel a woman just at the outer layer but must uncover this little girl beneath the rubble of what once was. I know for the fact that the closer she appears the less of importance cloth shall bear. As I have learned as well that acting feminine is also acquired as well as acting male is. Some characteristics are helped by skeletal differentiation and ligament elasticity but over all we mimic our pears, family and strangers whom we associate as same sex while in developmental stages of our life. I believe have I been born in the proper body I would have been just the same, shy, introvert, submissive, sensual, loving and eager to please.

[annabellejorden]

I am basically the same person either dressed or not.

I am a good listener, or so I have been told.
Excellent problem solver.
etc.

Part of this, I think is that I do not see my self as guy mode vs girl mode.
I am me, and sometimes, I wear girly clothes some times I don't.

There was, however a time when this was not the case.
I had me mode, and then this other rather embarrassing thing I did.

I am happier not that I have integrated the two and come to terms with who I am.

Does that make sense?