Parents?

[Kaly]

Goodevening all =] how are we all tonight?

Anyways on to the point of this thread. This question is more directed to parents on this site but all replies welcome :)

I have pretty accepting parents on everything, I could tell them that I was gay for example and they would accept it but As soon as crossdressing is mentioned they get angry and change the subject quickly as possible. I have tried bringing it up as few times but They see it as being wrong and won't talk to me about it. I want my parents to accept this is part of me and I don't wan to do it in secret at home. So my question is why would they be so accepting on other subjects but not cross-dressing and what would be the best way to try getting them to talk to me about this subject?

Thanks for your time

Hugs Kalyan x

[alexis GG]

Maybe they just don't understand enough about crossdressing... you could maybe get some info for them to havea read through at their leisure and then broach the subject again.. hope this helps

[NathalieX66]

My folks are staying at my house next weekend.
My dad, who seems to be obsessed with movies like Mrs. Doubtfire &Tootsie, seems like there's something going in in his head.

I'm just going to show him a picture of me, and let it go from there. I'm still nervous about bringing out this side of me.
..... Wish me luck.

[GaleWarning]

Kaly, I have never understood why it is ok to be gay, but not ok to crossdress.

[Kaly]

I'm just going to show him a picture of me, and let it go from there. I'm still nervous about bringing out this side of me.
..... Wish me luck.

Hope you have Better luck with your parents then I am having with mine :)

Hugs Kalyan x

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I don't know. There are possibly many reasons.

Most of the time, on TV crossdressers are either a) the butt of a joke, b) depicted as mentally ill or c) A less than desireable person to be with.

They have probably seen shows like "Jerry Springer" where the CD's are dressed very ****ty like hookers, etc. They may have watched these and think that is what you are leaning towards. which they may find unacceptable.

I vote with Alexis. Try to educate them.

[Kaly]

I will try the educating and see how it goes :) thank you

Another thing, I do not intend to offend anyone and hope this comes across right.
Why would a CD be anymore undesirable then someOne that is gay? (again apologies if that comes across wrong I don't mean it to)

Hugs Kalyan x

[Dannigirl]

I think Kim has touched on a point, in the media Crossdressers are not usually shown in "normal" situations, it is always in a "shock the audience" type broadcast. Now if they just showed us CDs wandering around the mall with our regular jeans and skirts on not bothering anybody or not trying to attract attention, perhaps things would gradually change. I feel we had a big set back here in Canada recently where a high ranking Army officer was convicted or murder and it turns out he was a CD as well, but just more of a lingerie fetish type. He had thousands of stolen panties etc ..., many from his victims, so for a few weeks after all of that was in the news I didn't venture anywhere outside fully dressed. But stories like that don't help us out at all. I am still nervous to be in a store where a mother is shopping with her kids, that is the only situation I try to avoid. Yes, it is frustrating.

[Karren H]

That's my life.... My wife and I accept our gay child yet my wife won't accept her crossdressing husband? sigh.....

[Stacye Rose]

I am sure were they still living my parents would be totaly unaccepting of my crossdressing. I stated in the closet until after they both passed away.

[lingerieLiz]

People don't like things that don't fit their perceptions. If you look at a gay person and they fit our perception of what someone of their sex should look like we accept them more readily than if they challenge us with a different image. Two gay men looking like all the straight men in the room will be accepted. Have the two gay men show affection and the atmosphere will change quickly. Let the men or man be dressed differently and hostility will be felt. This is not different than what ethnic or tribal feelings experience in many parts of the world. People want people they associate with to be similar to them.

I will tell you that my mother and stepfather had a hard time accepting my CD drive. They didn't understand that while I liked to wear women's clothes I was very straight. They divorced over issues unrelated to me and he passed away. As time went by my mother began accepting it. Eventually buying me clothes that she thought I might like. One day she walked in while I was getting ready to go somewhere wearing a skirt. She looked at it and simply said, are you wearing that skirt? Not indicating that I shouldn't wear a skirt, but was that what I was going to wear. I've shopped with her much as a mother and daughter might shop together including buying lingerie. I'm sure she would love it if her son didn't have different drives, but life isn't that way.

[t-girlxsophie]

Thats a tough one Parents can be dead hard to fathom out,maybe their anger is their rather clumsy way of showing how much they worry for you,as has been stated their is a lack of understanding of crossdressing compared to gay issues maybe,if your brave enough you could show them literature explaining things to give them some level of understanding,

My Mothers never seen jerry springer but I'm sure her and most parents though have enough common sense to realise programmes like that is just shock telly,and in no way reflects our community,My dressing is now out of sight out of mind as far as my folks go and that suits both parties.I do hope your parents come round to at least some level of understanding Kaly

HUGS Sophie

[suzy1]

I will try the educating and see how it goes :) thank you

Another thing, I do not intend to offend anyone and hope this comes across right.
Why would a CD be anymore undesirable then someOne that is gay? (again apologies if that comes across wrong I don't mean it to)

Hugs Kalyan x


Most people are like sheep. They follow the crowd.
So at the moment being gay is accepted by the crowd. Being a C.D. is not.
You cant blame your parents, that’s just how it is.


SUZY

[Ashley Allison]

It is a matter of complexity. Most people are poorly equipped to understand concepts that are not straight forward. You have understand that if the United States is really behind in math and science chances are the same people are going to have a really hard time getting the complexities of being transgendered. Sexuality is a bit like math which I will explain now.

I don't want to write a book about it, but there are four elements of sexuality. (If you want to know all four elements go look them up in psychology book.) I will just mention the big two that are the most relevant to our discussion.

1) Sexual Preference (whether you are attracted to males and females)
2) Gender Identity (whether you identify as male or female or neither)

These two elements are independent from each other. Most people only understand the sexual preference and confuse gender identity with it.

Homosexuality is the widely known and as such people equate it with a trans gender identity. It is a mistake of common wisdom.

Now back to my math and science analogy. Gays and lesbians are relatively easier to understand. They seek the same kareotype (gender) that they are themselves.

Understanding sexual preference is like understanding algebra. Once you start adding in the other elements such as gender identity things become much more complicated like Calculus compared to Algebra.

Just because some is TS or CD does not guarantee they will have a particular sexual preference. For the sake of simplicity, though, most people make their own assumptions about the sexual preference of transgender people based upon gender identity which is incorrect.

As you can see the existence of heterosexual CD's or mtf TS, are not simple concepts at all. So, naturally people do not want to spend the time or energy to attempt to analyze. The shades of gray are hard to understand so they choose to be ignorant.

Gender is a tool from which we determine the types of relationships that are appropriate with other people. With transgenderism, there is much less certainty than with homosexuals.

[Laura_Stephens]

I wish I could help you on this one. I have never understood why people can accept someone being a gay or whatever but as soon as you mention crossdressing or being transgender everything is WHAT!! Whats wrong with you!!! I just don't get it.

I think that over the last 40 years, there has been a shift in attitudes re: those who are gay. At one time, it was generally regarded as being a lifestyle choice. Today, I would venture a guess that at least 50% of people -- in the U.S. -- view it as being genetic.

Unfortunately, I believe that at least 95% of those who are not transgendered view being TG as a choice - no more, no less.

[SuzanneBender]

Great thread dear. And finally one that I think I am qualified to answer being a parent of four wonderful kids and OMG I am transgender.

I think being gay has become socially en vogue. If one of my children came to me and told me they were gay or lesbian I would hug them and tell them that I love them and that I will love whomever they decide to spend their lives with. Being gay doesn't change who they are. They will still be my son or daughter, they will fall in love, they will get married (in states where it is legal GRRRRRR), and hopefully they will grace my house with a brood of wonderful grand babies.

On the otherhand. Being transgender does change who we are or at least the perception of who we are. I have raised my oldest daughter for 21 years and my oldest son for 14. Them announcing that they like to crossdress or that they are transexual really changes all my expectations that I have built around there gender roles and for many parents we live our lives vicariously through those expectations. Is this fair to the child. Absolutely not. However, it is reality and one that your expectations of acceptance must accommodate.

I leave you with the same bit of advice that I was left with right before coming out to my wife. It took you years to accept this fact about yourself. You owe your loved ones that same amount of time to accept this fact about you.

Hang in there dear. A parents love is typically without boundaries. Unfortunately, parents are human too and therefore, need time to work through all of these feelings. Make sure you keep the lines of communications open and stay proud of who you are no matter what.




I'm still nervous about bringing out this side of me.
..... Wish me luck.Good luck dear. I hope everything goes just perfect. Since he likes all of those movies maybe you two should watch Transamerica together before you show him the picture.