Does no mean no or OK [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Joanne f

01-11-2011, 05:27 PM

You need to learn the meaning of how something is said and not what was said , it works for anyone .
It is a part of the body language thing and it is surprising what it can tell you how that person is thinking

JeanneF

01-11-2011, 05:38 PM

In my experience, "OK", "do whatever you want", "sure, go ahead" could possibly always mean No. Especially on issues like crossdressing and buying sports cars.

Stephanie Miller

01-11-2011, 05:42 PM

Him: Do you want desert? Her: No
No means yes, but I’ll blame you for the calories
Him: We’re not swapping presents this Christmas, right? Her: No
No means I’ll hold to my side but you better darn well get me something that sparkles!
Him: Do you have a headache tonight? Her: Yes
(This means YES!!!!!!! Even if she doesn't have one)

But when the tables are turned…….
Her: Does this dress make my butt look big? Him: ………….No answer here. Just run. Run like the wind!

A Womans mind is clener than a mans. She changes it more often...........

Mary Morgan

01-11-2011, 05:47 PM

Lawyers are taught early on in their schooling that it is not a good idea to ask a question in court that they don't already know the answer to. I apply the same principle to my inquiries. If I don't think I will like the answer, I don't ask the question, and I do not ask for permission to do what I want. I'm an adult and I do not need permission. This is my life. That doesn't mean I run rough shod over other people or their feelings, I just act according to my own view.

Jill Devine

01-11-2011, 05:55 PM

In my experience, "OK", "do whatever you want", "sure, go ahead" could possibly always mean No. Especially on issues like crossdressing and buying sports cars.

Yup my wife once said that when I wanted to buy a 60 inch plasma tv. She said go buy whatever you want and what makes you happy... So I bought 3 big screen TVs (the tv you watch - not the ones who dress like women).
She never used that line on me again. LOL.

But yes, I've had back & forth with the wife over dressing for many years. Yes doesn't always mean yes. It's a maybe. It's a sloooooooooow process.

Lisa Anne

01-11-2011, 06:24 PM

in matters of contention with your spouse anything short of, "yes, go ahead and let me help you" is borderline acquiescence to your position at best. it could be an "i'm done with this" surrender but it could a short term retreat to regroup. on this topic until proven otherwise always think regroup. in the case of the aforementioned, "do whatever you want" the correct translation, especially when accompanied by the exasperated sigh and hand wave is, "over my dead body. let's just see how stupid you are and how much psychological pain you can endure." you should be able to recognize the exasperated sigh and hand wave without much trouble. it is the same one you do when you aren't winning the argument but won't give in either.

herwannabe

01-11-2011, 08:10 PM

Its always been that way, ... no means no maybe means no and ok means no I thought every male new that.

LilSissyStevie

01-11-2011, 08:23 PM

Didn't anybody ever tell you that it's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission?

Deanna B

01-12-2011, 03:10 AM

hi all . my wife says women have the right to do is . my wife said yes to me oneday until she saw me then yes mean no but my wife when she blows she blow s big time .
she and the kids were going lucky they stayed but i had to stop for a little bit of time . i am glad you girl are here . love deanna . :love:

t-girlxsophie

01-12-2011, 03:16 AM

SweetPea_GG

01-12-2011, 03:18 AM

Has anyone expierenced that with SO or wife the you have a discussion and she says yes its ok and then you do it. Then you find out OK meant no.
Thanks .......Sara

Im guilty of this A LOT!.. I will say "yeah its ok" or "Yeah im fine" and really Im saying it to make my husband happy and secretly wishing inside that he will see through me and not do whatever it was he asked and say in return "No dont worry dear I dont need it" or "nah its ok ill be fine"

bridgetta

01-12-2011, 03:27 AM

Yeesh. Girls want to be the girl. I wouldnt be attracted to my girl is she dressed as a guy. Everyone acts like girls are villains and crazy. I get it. I dont want her to see my fem side Not yet at least. Its annoying tho. I want to be free. But. She knows. And still loves me. So thats cool.

KristaE

01-12-2011, 05:26 AM

Any sentence that contains the phrase "whatever you want" means "HELL NO, YOU *******!" OK only means OK if she sounds chipper about it. A quiet OK is a "no".

My wife and I have had many a tearful (usually on my part) conversations about this. I feel bad that I can't be the man she's hoping for, but she has been really great about it, in a weird not really accepting way. I've read enough posts to know I probably don't have to explain this in much detail.

I usually try to hide it from her, just so we don't have huge explosive arguments about me "forcing" it on her. It's a damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of thing... if I tell her, I'm "pushing"... if I don't tell her, I'm "hiding" or "lying".

I don't want to do either. I love her so much and I want her to be happy. I think she'd be happiest if I just stopped, but I just don't think I can... I've tried numerous times before, but I always return.

One thing is certain though... I will never be able to give up my wife. If it came down to it, I'd give up CDing, but my wife (while not accepting of it) would not make me choose like that.

KellyCD

01-12-2011, 10:43 AM

..... I do not ask for permission to do what I want. I'm an adult and I do not need permission. This is my life. That doesn't mean I run rough shod over other people or their feelings, I just act according to my own view.

OMG you took the words right out of my mouth!!! Ohh loard thank you! That's EXACTLY what I was gonna say!

But as far as the confusing female intent/language....I'm very well adept at expressing how I feel to my SO. She doesn't use typical female mind games like that.

TGMarla

01-12-2011, 10:50 AM

Just my observation, but until a woman actually embraces this thing wholeheartedly, "okay" is the same as "no".

msniki48

01-12-2011, 11:18 AM

I said it wrong, I meant she did say to me yes its OK, after a lot of discussion to be sure it was ok. Then I went with that only later I find she did not want me to.

Sometimes we get the wrong impression when we hear a yes as Cd'ers:doh:...we go around under dressing or occasional woman's piece of clothing in the house...we speak to our SO about it and they say....welllll ok i sort of understand. and we take that as our Green light to go nuts.... we dress to the nines full make up 5" heels etc. talk about shock to the system.:eek::eek: if you got a yes, that could mean lets explore this slowly....keep it in her comfort zone as much as possible, and stretch that comfort zone in baby steps.:battingeyelashes:

just my humble opinion

hugs

msniki48

docrobbysherry

01-12-2011, 11:35 AM

How many of u say, "No!", to your SO/wives? And, really mean it and stick to your guns?:Angry3:

And, I resembled that myself! For years, I gave in to my now ex on too many little points that I didn't feel were worth arguing about!:brolleyes:

And, that was a BIG MISTAKE! By the time I started saying, "No", and meaning it, it was too late! She couldn't accept my, "No's", by then!:sad:

This "communication" thing isn't easy! Next time u feel frustrated about what HER, "no's and yes's", mean, think about YOUR OWN!:straightface:

Tina B.

01-12-2011, 11:57 AM

To be clear, no is definite, but all yeses or OK's while being positive signs, are limited. It's OK, just as long as you don't go any farther than she sees it, in her mind. It's OK as long as it doesn't last to long, Or as long as you stop it, before she is too uncomfortable with it. Either Yes or Maybe can become null and void without notice, and consequences will be paid by all partys caught on the wrong side of the closet at the time....... Marriage 101
Tina B.

Pythos

01-12-2011, 12:00 PM

Yet another stupid we people have accepted.

No means NO

Yes mean YES

and Maybe means MAYBE.

Can we please get away from this stupidity we have allowed to foment for way the hell too long.

Women, I am talking to you. It is not funny cute or clever. It is manipuative and wrong.

and guys, grow a spine. Stop accepting this. If it means no nookie, then get used to it.

Sorry if I was crass, but I have always had issues with these stupid little games we go along with and then wonder why they have so many issues.

LilSissyStevie

01-12-2011, 12:25 PM

TxKimberly

01-12-2011, 12:29 PM

ROFL - In other words, you married a woman?! lol

KristaE

01-12-2011, 05:20 PM

I think it works like this:

No means - no
Maybe means - No but what's in it for me theoretically speaking
OK means - I can't stop you but if you really loved me you won't
Yes means - see either OK or maybe
If you had to ask, you already knew the answer was no

I agree, but I would add that there is a scenario in which "yes" actually does mean "yes". You just have to know your SO well enough to know how to interpret the different kinds of "yes" answers.

Zoie

01-13-2011, 02:13 PM

My advice is No means NO and yes/maybe means no (most of the time).

Here are the stats:
No = 99.9999% of the time it is NO
Yes/Maybe = 97% of the time it is no

SO since woman are wired more no then yes it is easy to just learn no/yes/maybe = no and well dont do it.. lol

suchacutie

01-13-2011, 03:17 PM

I find this thread just fascinating. We all have a feminine side, and yet there seems to be some confusion about communication between the genders. I admit that before Tina arrived there were plenty of times that I received and "ok" or some other form of agreement only to find out that the "ok" was given under what could be be called "duress" with a feeling that there was no way to say NO.

After Tina arrived, she and my wife have had many discussions about the psychology of being feminine. So, now when I (in male mode) receive an "ok", it's a question of the quality of the "ok". If I catch an inflection at all I ask back, "so why would you prefer to not agree to this"? To this I get a smile and we reopen the discussion. The words often don't matter. It's the enthusiasm, the body language, and the facial expressions. Feminine communication is complex, but since many of us wish to be accepted as feminine when we present that way, don't we all really want to understand this form of communication?

Just a thought :)

tina

Debra Jane

01-13-2011, 03:41 PM

I think this is one of the most complex issues facing the CD/TG who has an SO of the GG kind.

We struggle with our own thoughts and hover between genders, my wife is continually frustrated by my "mind changes", she sometimes frustratedly tells me that I'm worse than a woman!!!

It's probably easier for males who don't have gender issues, they can just ignore the YES NO OK thing and not really care about the consequences. We because our mind sits in both camps are constantly trying to interpret what she means, hence my mind changing to suit what I think she wants. After all an accepting SO who actually goes out of her way to facilitate the CD is gold and keeping her happy means I'm happy.

I dress every day and I can read her when she gets tired of it, time to let her see her husband for a while, pretty soon she will tell me to dress again, lol.

Kaz

01-13-2011, 03:56 PM

That would drive me nuts,I assume in marriage there would be no gameplay involved when a question,needs answered.NO and YES arent a very big stretch,theres no ambiguity in my wifes replies

:hugs:Sophie

Oh to be Scottish! :hugs:
One thing that I have learned as I have got older, is "do what you want", but make sure it works out, and if it doesn't then be honest about it. Also "do what you want", can mean "as long as I don't have to be involved"!

We've been married 30+ years now... and I'm still learning! Though many hings I wish I'd known years ago have become clear after the event!

RachelPortugal

01-13-2011, 05:36 PM

That would drive me nuts,I assume in marriage there would be no gameplay involved when a question,needs answered.NO and YES arent a very big stretch,theres no ambiguity in my wifes replies

:hugs:Sophie

Yet another stupid we people have accepted.

No means NO

Yes mean YES

and Maybe means MAYBE.

Can we please get away from this stupidity we have allowed to foment for way the hell too long.

Women, I am talking to you. It is not funny cute or clever. It is manipuative and wrong.

and guys, grow a spine. Stop accepting this. If it means no nookie, then get used to it.

Sorry if I was crass, but I have always had issues with these stupid little games we go along with and then wonder why they have so many issues.

Absolutely!