Genivieve
01-12-2011, 12:30 AM
I'm not even sure how to consolidate this idea but...
Ever since I was young I felt quite a discomfort in my body. Not just my gender
but I would fixate on things like the after image in your eyes when you stare at bright lights or the bumps on your skin when you have an allergic reaction.
It's all out of my control.
Anyway, I recall around puberty seeing girls slowly become women and because I was naive and religious I believed you could pray for anything. I sat in a bathroom one night at about 10 years old dressed up just praying to be a girl..nutty I know.I just knew that my body and mind were very separate. I identified with the girls, they were my friends, and thats what I felt I should grow into.
I was a late bloomer so I could dress a lot until my 20's...but now I see it more and more. I look like a man and will continue to look more like a man.
It might be in my best interest to just accept it and learn to like aspects of it.
The thing is, up until this point in life I have not felt any great pleasure or benefit from being a man. I can't even fall back on the whole "patriarchal society" thing.
If I keep just dressing in secret I'm not sure that will be good for anyone.
So I'll see what happens but no matter what biology will defy me.
Ever since I was young I felt quite a discomfort in my body. Not just my gender
but I would fixate on things like the after image in your eyes when you stare at bright lights or the bumps on your skin when you have an allergic reaction.
It's all out of my control.
Anyway, I recall around puberty seeing girls slowly become women and because I was naive and religious I believed you could pray for anything. I sat in a bathroom one night at about 10 years old dressed up just praying to be a girl..nutty I know.I just knew that my body and mind were very separate. I identified with the girls, they were my friends, and thats what I felt I should grow into.
I was a late bloomer so I could dress a lot until my 20's...but now I see it more and more. I look like a man and will continue to look more like a man.
It might be in my best interest to just accept it and learn to like aspects of it.
The thing is, up until this point in life I have not felt any great pleasure or benefit from being a man. I can't even fall back on the whole "patriarchal society" thing.
If I keep just dressing in secret I'm not sure that will be good for anyone.
So I'll see what happens but no matter what biology will defy me.