How to aproach another in public?

[Drew Painter]

I was at the payless shoe store today , and as I walked in I walked towards the womens size11+ area. As I aproached the area a guy 5'6" slim mustache, in levis and light jacket was bent over looking both ways then picking up a pair of heels then quickly put them back as I walked past..I continued past him down to mens size10 at the other end of that isle. I watched as he continued to look and then I walked back past him again and went towards the door. I wanted to look at some shoes but didn't want to scare the guy away... The sales girl said have a nice day. I was afraid to talk to him about looking at shoes, cause he might have been looking for someone, (But I kinda doubt it) because he seemed nervous enough. I wanted to talk to him very badly, but again, I am just getting to where I feel okay to go out dressed.(I wasnt dressed enfemme). Can anyone tell me how this should be handled. ? I really wish I could have talked to him...(Note, he walked out just as I was leaving and he walked to his construction truck.) Dam I wish I would have had some idea as to how to have aproached him. I so do want to meet someone in my area that dresses, for conversation and chats.....I will thank you for your responses here, now...Thank-you all.......Drew (Far western Burbs of Chicago)

[Stephanie Anne]

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

[Coyote]

you tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "what's up tranny?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

lol 8-)

[eluuzion]

Just go up to the front register, grab the PA mic and say...

"Attention Customers..." We have a gentleman at the front of the store that would like to speak with the CD looking at heels in the shoe dept. Please report to the information desk immediately. Thank You for shopping at ...."

It might be more effective if you also describe what the guy is wearing too...

:D:brolleyes::D

Jus' kidd'n...

The CD topic is a bit too sensitive and personal to be walking over to a stranger and start chatting about the topic. You stand a better chance of getting a positive response by walking up to women buying personal hygiene products and asking them if they use tampons...:o

it would be nice if the world was one big sandy beach where you can just walk up and talk to anybody about seashells and rum drinks...but it is still only possible in the Internet World...:D

just my thoughts...

:love:

[2SpeedTranny]

"Oh, nice... I have a pair just like that, but in (pick a color)"

What makes one man feel better about stuff he does? Other men who do the same thing!

[AnnaCalliope]

Unfortunately, unless the CD in question has built-up enough self confidence to shop for himself (and it sounds like this guy has not), the second you approach him concerning his "hobby", he's gonna sputter out some excuse and high tail it out of there.

I was that guy once and I often refused to shop for myself unless I was with a girlfriend, and even then I was still nervous. Nowadays, it doesn't bother me in the slightest. En femme or not, I'll try on heels, hold dresses up to my body etc.

[Rianna Humble]

You do have to be extremely careful and the usual good advice is not to approach someone unless you know for sure that they are "out" as a cross-dresser and that they don't mind others knowing.

If the guy is a little less furtive than you describe then 2SpeedTranny's suggestion could be an ice-breaker.

[2SpeedTranny]

Unfortunately, unless the CD in question has built-up enough self confidence to shop for himself (and it sounds like this guy has not)

I thought the guy in question was, in fact, shopping... or did I misunderstand the original post?

Maybe he freaked out because some other dude (the original poster) was staring him down. Just sayin'.


Rianna H:

Don't approach (and potentially say "howdy") to someone unless you know they're "out?" How else will you know they're "out" without talking to them?

This sounds to me like a recipe for social alienation -- as if trannies were lepers of some kind, and not to be contacted. "Oh, that's a tranny, better not talk to him! Don't look!" Picture yourself on the receiving end of such thought. Do you want potential acquaintances to walk away thinking you're immune to humanity? Build an invisible wall around yourself spray-painted with the words "**** OFF!"?

Imagine, for a moment... that you somehow impress on the rest of the population that they should never go strike up a conversation with someone they think might be a tranny. My God, if everyone thought this way, I wouldn't have any friends.


I've seen this line of thought here quite a bit in the months I've been lurking... and now that I've joined, I had to say something. I just don't get it.

[MonicaTC]

I agree with Eluuzion.. As a new CD it is very uncomfortable for me to go out shopping. Haven't dressed in public either. Right now I'm using my girlfriend crutch. We go out shopping for "her" (her being both of us lol). Though it would be nice to have a fellow CD spot me and say hi while I was trying to shop, I think the initial shock of meeting would derail my thoughts of shopping too much to actually shop. But wouldn't be a loss though, would make a new CD friend :). But, I would say, keep the hello's to an area where a CD wants to be freely open, such as here or at a gathering/bar.

Monica





The CD topic is a bit too sensitive and personal to be walking over to a stranger and start chatting about the topic. You stand a better chance of getting a positive response by walking up to women buying personal hygiene products and asking them if they use tampons...:o

it would be nice if the world was one big sandy beach where you can just walk up and talk to anybody about seashells and rum drinks...but it is still only possible in the Internet World...:D

just my thoughts...

:love:

[Derp]

Yeah, that fellow CDer was probably paranoid like crazy while looking =<

[Stephanie Miller]

When we walk down the isle and see a GG looking at a pair of heels, we don't immediatly think " I have to stop and comment". When we pass another male looking for guy shoes we don't feel the urge to comment. ( Oh my gawd, those wingtips whould go wonderful with that tie). We pass by with our own agenda - for the most part. But the moment we see, what we think is, a fellow CD doing the same thing, we immediatly think "I have to make contact". Why? To validate our own positions with another CD'r? Because we feel the need to bond with another? All at this poor guys expense. Just treat them like you would any other shopper. But for goodness sakes, don't keep eyeing the poor devil. (Black trench coat with dark glasses " I vill be vatching you :waiting: " Heck, I would be nervous in drab!

[Rianna Humble]

When we walk down the isle and see a GG looking at a pair of heels, we don't immediatly think " I have to stop and comment"

I guess that's a difference between how you and I socialise. Isn't it great that we can all be different yet together in support?

[Shannen]

Since I was born with a logical brain, I find myself setting up a matrix of possibilities:

The guy shopping for shoes isn't going to welcome another guy drawing even more attention to the racks... That moment of bonding is probably never going to happen.

A cd'r dressed enfemme may be just as nervous, and she probably won't welcome your presence for the same reasons. If you are also dressed, I'm not sure the odds go up... (my experience)

If you can't tell if she was born female or not, then, well, you can't tell... I'd hate to suffer the wrath if I was wrong...

Solution? Do what you do. If you don't shop for shoes when anyone else is in that section, then you did what you would have done. If you would shop, interact with the SA, and other customers, then you should do that and let the other individual make his decision, based on his "rules".

Best case? Make some cd friends and go out shoe shopping with them! It's quite fun!

[Traci Elizabeth]

I too remember tying on shoes as soon as the isle was clear of everyone. It was nerve racking, scary, and I feared getting caught. Thank goodness that was a long time ago but had someone approached me back then, I would have crawled under a dime. Show others the compassion you would have wanted in the beginning and leave them alone. They are scarred to death as it is. Don't send them into cardiac arrest.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I think the only thing you could have done in this situation that you didn't, was to have acted indifferent to his presence at first and just gone ahead and tried on the shoes you wanted to try rather than make several laps around the guy and then leave. That way you kill two birds with one stone, you get the shoes you want and you throw up a flare to him that you're shopping for yourself and letting him make the decision to approach you about his own shopping or not.

[Tricia Lee]

I think the only thing you could have done in this situation that you didn't, was to have acted indifferent to his presence at first and just gone ahead and tried on the shoes you wanted...

I was going to suggest the same thing. The best thing to do if you want to make contact is probably to pick up a pair of women's shoes where he can see you. No reason to make eye contact immediately or anything. Once he sees you looking at shoes he'll probably feel better instead of freaked out that there is another guy in the aisle.

[Breanne]

I think the only thing you could have done in this situation that you didn't, was to have acted indifferent to his presence at first and just gone ahead and tried on the shoes you wanted to try rather than make several laps around the guy and then leave. That way you kill two birds with one stone, you get the shoes you want and you throw up a flare to him that you're shopping for yourself and letting him make the decision to approach you about his own shopping or not.

My thoughts, exactly.

[Lorileah]

I remember my first trip to Payless to buy shoes. I drove 10 miles away so I would not be known, slid in grabbed the shoes I wanted and ran to the check out like I was stealing them and they were the last pair on earth, I looked at he floor and said "MY aunt is sick and she wanted these shoes". The sales girl scanned them said whatever the price was and I left with a pair of 1" plain pumps. The world didn't end then but if someone had challenged me or even talked to me I would have wet my pants and left without the shoes and NEVER went back. I know hard to believe this in your face TG would do that but 'tiz true.

So the point? You may smile and acknowledge the person just like any other shopper. You could have went about your shopping further down the aisle (maybe they would have noticed, probably not) and purchase what you came or and leave. Any other sign or invading their space would be like trying to grab a feral kitten. You don't want to get bitten now do you?

I know we feel alone out in the big world and we all want to meet our fellow TG's. I want to meet a Hollywood star or famous musician, BUT if I did I would smile, maybe nod and move on (unless they are someplace where you are supposed to talk to them). They are real people who have the right to be left alone, sort of like the guy in the size 11 aisle. Gotta give him credit for trying them of before buying, returning them when they don't fit is expensive with today's gas prices.

[RADER]

I think that a smack in the butt, LOL, would led to a punch in the nose.
Especially if he works in construction. I did for 40 years, and if some one
would have done that, well It would have been a story to tell.
Maybe trying on a pair of shoes near him might open him up a little; but
he might have been looking for a present for a SO or something. Rader

[larry]

Now this was a funny reply. Thanks for putting some humor to it. I think it is something how a man in drab-like me-will go to payless-like me-and look for womens shoes and hope he is not found out. Today the security cameras and sales people watch whatever you do so if you try them on then it is pretty clear they are for you. So I just accept it these days and if I go shopping I also accept the sales associate will know.


You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

[JohnH]

I think that a smack in the butt, LOL, would led to a punch in the nose.
Especially if he works in construction. I did for 40 years, and if some one
would have done that, well It would have been a story to tell. Rader

You just have to make sure that he's smaller and weaker than you!

[Stephanie Anne]

I think that a smack in the butt, LOL, would led to a punch in the nose.
Especially if he works in construction. I did for 40 years, and if some one
would have done that, well It would have been a story to tell.
Maybe trying on a pair of shoes near him might open him up a little; but
he might have been looking for a present for a SO or something. Rader

It's called juke and jive. You have to be nimble and quick.

[RADER]

It's called juke and jive. You have to be nimble and quick.

I'm not quick at anything anymore, papa time has nipped me in the tush. LOL Rader

[AllieSF]

I like Shannen's response. When I shop in drab or femme mode I may or may not interact with whomever is near me. If you want to converse with a suspected CD, there is no reason to bring up, "I am one too". Just make a normal statement that fits the moment. "It sure is crowded in here when they have big sales", "It is cooler in here than outside", whatever you may say to a stranger when being sociable. Innocent comments allow the other person to decide how they want to respond. If they dopn't respond or encourage further conversation, drop it and move on.

[xd-tigger]

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

LOL. Brilliant.

[Christy_M]

Agreeing with ryan, get what you came for and leave the other shoppers alone unless you are normally a chatty cathy when you try on woman´s shoes.

[suchacutie]

The beginning of this story sounds like just what happened to me in a Payless in downtown San Francisco. I was in drab and looking for a pair of serious heels. Went into the Payless and the 11-12 sizes were in the back corner. When I got there there was another guy looking at the shoes, so I just starting looking as well. He seemed a bit nervous so I randomly picked a shoe off the rack and started looking at it closer. That seemed to be all he needed and he turned to me and asked if I often bought women's shoes. I indicated that I did and he asked if the shoes were for me. I said they were and he then asked if I could help him. His story was that he was an actor and needed heels for a part he was playing. When I asked him about the role to get an idea of what kind of shoes he wanted it was clear that this was a story, so I changed the subject and started complaining that there weren't any really high heels here and that I was looking for 4" or higher. He wasn't so we looked together until he found a pair he liked. I told him I thought he'd like those as well, and he smiled as he went to pay for them.

It was just a very nice encounter :)

tina

[Chickhe]

You don't know why he is buying the shoes... but, I always thought it was a cool experience to see other guys looking at woman's shoes... especially around halloween because you know what's up behind the embarrased red faces... if you want to talk to someone, just pretend its the hardware store... 'excuse me bud, did you see any good deals under there?....'

[Nicole Erin]

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key. hahahaha this response DELIVERS!! Oh gyod can you imagine the looks and how fast he would run out of there all scared?

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

It could have been me, except for the fact that I don't have a mustache and I would have also been en-femme. I shop payless shoes a lot and I live in far western suburbs of Chi town but only really shop for my shoes at least 45 miles from home, say Elgin or beyond. I probably would have said " I have a pair just like those, they are really nice aren't they"? It is my belief that every crossdresser would like to know that there is another one out there going through the same issues and anxiety as they are. So as for me if you ever see me out and about by all means come up and talk to me.

[Dee Baker]

I was shopping at Payless in once and there was another guy standing next to me, we were both looking at womens size 13 shoes.
I had already picked up a pair of sandals (flats) that I had gone in for and was scanning the rest of the shoes just about to leave when I spotted a cute pair of sandals with about a 2” heel. They were the only ones like it on the shelf so I quickly grabbed the box off the shelf before heading for the checkout.
I don’t know if he wanted those sandals or not but I was quicker.

:devil:

[Ashley Allison]

I've had one such experience. While shoe shopping en drab, I encountered another genetic male en drab. I'm 100% sure they were also shopping for women's shoes as well. I was trying to go about my business and considered striking up a conversation, but I could clearly tell they were new to the scene.

This other individual was intensely staring with all I can describe as a combination of shock and excitement at me which ultimately put me off. I didn't want to overwhelm him seeing that he was having a strange reaction. All did do was look at him and nod my head. So, I made my purchase and left.

Some people just aren't ready to chat it up.

[Kaz]

I love the fun responses to this!

To the OP - A rule of thumb worth bearing mind is how you would feel about being approached (this includes the fun stuff!). If was hoping I was passing and some jerk walked up to me and outed me I would be gutted... even if it were a fellow CD. This would not make me a happy bunny wanting to follow up a relationship!

[Rachel Morley]

He seemed a bit nervous so I randomly picked a shoe off the rack and started looking at it closer. That seemed to be all he needed and he turned to me and asked if I often bought women's shoes. I indicated that I did and he asked if the shoes were for me. I said they were and he then asked if I could help him.
I was wondering what I would do. Thanks Tina! ... this is what I'm gonna do if I ever find myself in a similar situation. :)

[Jeannie]

The guy could have just had a foot or shoe fetish or something like that. I do, but I don't go to shoe stores to practice it.


Jeannie

[ErickaJ]

You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key.

EPICWIN!!!! Love your sense of humor Stephanie lol

Situations like this I haven't really come across. I suspected a couple of sisters when shopping but I let them be remebering once how it was like for me shoe shopping by myself. I would in this situation try finding a cute pair near enough he can see what you're doing, but far enough to not make him move away. This might spark a convo, and also it may help boost his confidance too

[anonymousinmaryland]

"You tip toe silently behind him ever so gently. Then, when you are directly behind him, you smack him on the butt and yell "WHAT'S UP TRANNY?!?". Works every time. The element of surprise is key." Stephanie Anne.

Thanks for the laugh. I needed that.

[jacky83]

I was shopping at at a department store for cosmetics in drab. I asked the sales girl if some eyebrow makeup would work for my complexion. She asked me if I dressed. I said yes. She said "Oh I'm a TS " She later commented on the TG community needed to be supportive of one another. I outed myself and she did the same. She also got a faithful customer.

[tamarav]

This type of question always causes me to question the motive of the person asking the question. If it is to tell someone else that you are a CD and form a bond of sisterhood, chasing them across a mall or tracking them down may seem a bit out of the ordinary (as if we aren't anyway). I have been caught by women who I was "stalking" simply because I was trying to understand how their hair was done, or get a better look at their intricate makeup. Many of them turned out to be delighted to talk aobut their hair or whatever.

I have been doing this for a long time, spend most of my working hours dressed and go out publicly all the time, yet I have encountered less than 3 people who have come up to me and told me that they are also a CD. What's the point? Our "club" is open to all as are many other types of exclusive groups. If your motive is actually admiration, then do it as women do. Actually get up the guts to go to the person and comment on their shoes, their blouse or clothing, whatever.

We, as males, seem to have some sort of fear of giving away any thoughts of even having feminine thoughts, fear of being labeled as Gay, or whatever. Some may be so isolated that even talking with a woman poses some conflict.

Think of it this way. If you had Alopecia or some other issue, would you seek out others in public to bond with them or just get tips on how to do whatever? Or, if you admire say radio control planes, do you rush up to someone showing one off and simply tell them you admire RC planes also? So what? They may want to have you help them or whatever, but you could at least start a discussion that doesn't focus on you, but on the hobby itself. (I, know, that was a reach, trying to find similarities to other avocations in life is tough in this arena)

Women talk with other women all the time. If you are an apparent female by dress and demeanor, it is common to have other women boldly walk up to you and ask where you got your shoes, or something similar. Tha happens to me daily. Soem simply ask why I wear so much makeup, and when I explain that I am a makeup artist, it disolves. Whether it is because they have clocked me and simply have curiosity about what I am doing or assume I am a masculine female, the reason does not matter. I have not had a single woman ever question what I was doing. (Crossdressing related) They simply act as a part of society that is much more open than typical males that fear exposure of having some feminine desires.

So, in my humble opinion, lighten up, express a bit of admiration rather than being a critic and you may end up with a long term friend.

[Debglam]

You see, THIS is why we need some kind of secret handshake or "gang" sign! :)

Any ideas?

[Nicole Erin]

You see, THIS is why we need some kind of secret handshake or "gang" sign! :)

Any ideas?

Yeah this comes up all the time but for real, how many would even know about it.
I have had other TG approach me and I pretty much just chat or whatever. Heck I don't personally care if another TG says something to me. I am not gonna run off scared. I admire the courage of anyone willing to deal with an Erin's sense of humor.

Kind of bites tho cause it never goes much beyond the BS about how we started and where we are. That and too often they live out of town or are no where near my age bracket. The young ones are still stuck in the fetish stages and the older ones, I don't know, can't relate to them well.