confused

[karenhunni]

hi girls this is a long story but i will keep my post short for the mo xx
i was diagnosed as transexual by my a gender therapist 4 years ago but i have some doubts x has anybody here alliviated there desires to transition by lets say masturbation only for there desires to transition to return a day later ? i will also say my therapist said it was not a fetishistic thing with me and i am primary trans but was just wandering if anyone here has experienced the same , its the only thing that has stoped me transitioning due to my concern xx

[StaceyJane]

Karen, to be honest I think you need some more time with a therapist. It does seem that you have a persistant desire to transition but you also have some doubts. You really have to work through them before you transition.
Being diagnosed as a primary transsexual is a start but it doesn't mean that you are ready.

[karenhunni]

i just dont know what to do x it seems like ive wasted 4 years of my life and yet why still doubts x i do have a wife an 4 children an i realy dont want to hurt them x but is this doubt or fear i just dont know xx

[StaceyJane]

Karen, once you get to 10 posts you can PM me and I will be happy to discuss this more with you.

[karenhunni]

ty so much stacey x and i get the impression you know where im coming from is that correct ? xx

seems to be wrecking my life an hurting me badly but the worst thing is nobody knows xx

please anyone some advice xx

[StaceyJane]

Karen, I can tell you there are many people here who can relate.

[Debra Jane]

By way of supporting you...

I am in the same boat as you, my wife knows I dress and actively supports me, but she is worried that I will want to go all the way and that she will lose the man she married.

We have had many heart to hearts about it and she knows that from my earliest memory I've known that I was born in the wrong body. We have 7 adult children between us and I am a father & grandfather and the possibility of losing all that keeps me in two minds, probably why my wife gives me so much freedom to dress.

Masturbation used to give me temporary relief, nowadays I am pretty well asexual and I don't have those desires.

In my heart of hearts I know I am a woman and for the time being having my wife acknowledge that fact is keeping the lid on.

Hope that helps, but definitely talk it through with a counsellor before you make any decisions.

[Aprilrain]

First off whats with the all the xx. Does this mean something i don't know about?
I'm sorry you are so conflicted and are having a real hard time with this. I to have kids and they are my greatest concern in my transition. It would be helpful if you told us more about your self. Keep working with the therapist hopefully he or she can help you gain some self acceptance a support group can also be invaluable for this. I know that many of us , myself included, have had to come to the point of seriously considering self destruction. once I no longer had anything to lose I had potentially everything to gain. what I mean is for me i just realized that everything I held dear was lost to me if I did nothing anyway as I slipped ever further into bitterness, self loathing, rage and diespair and low grade insanity.
For me Masturbation did nothing but add to the overall angst of the gender confusion and add sexual orientation confusion as well.

[karenhunni]

ty deb that does help though not sure us masturbating kools it down x was just concend it was just me maybe denial but thinking prob coping mechanism for trans ppl like us xx

[karenhunni]

so apr i cant put in to words but wat u say is the same for me xx means kisses but masturbation only causes more confusion xx

[Traci Elizabeth]

OK! This whole thread confuses me x Does it any one else x

[LisaM]

Karen,
I don't think masturbation should confuse you. It is a means of relief for a lot of people. You need to continue in therapy and try to find the right answers for you and your family.

[AnnaCalliope]

Yep, I've been in that exact same boat before. Dress up because I want to be a girl, masturbate, girls are icky and I like being a guy.

Before I fully embraced being TG, masturbation was the only way for me to overcome my need to dress. I'd dress up, hang around for a little bit and then do what I needed to and take it all off. Of course, this was a stop-gap measure, a temporary cure to a permanent problem. Eventually I've come to the point where masturbation -- while enjoyable -- does not make me want to be a guy again. If anything, it has the opposite effect and just makes me more convinced at how much I want this thing between my thighs out of my life.

I'm no doctor, but rationally speaking, masturbation could cause the glands down there to increase your levels of testosterone and possibly influence your brain to more masculine feelings.

[Melody Moore]

I'd dress up, hang around for a little bit and then do what I needed to and take it all off. Of course, this was a stop-gap measure, a temporary cure to a permanent problem.
From my understanding, a therapist (pyschologist) who specialises in gender identity issues would more than likely say that your cross-dressing is Transvestic Fetishism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism), rather that Gender Identity Disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder). Your need to Cross-dress appears to be solely based around sex, or a need to masturbate and nothing else. For a transsexual who suffers Gender Identity Disorder, the need to dress as a member of the opposite sex to which they were born is more of a comfort thing. MtF & FtM Transsexuals dress as members of their opposite birth sex because it feels right for how they truly feel about themselves. When I looked at myself in the mirror, the image I seen of myself as a male use to make me feel very angry because it didn't match up with how I seen myself on the inside. Whereas when I dressed as a female, I then felt happy & content within myself and that this is truly who I am meant to be.


masturbation could cause the glands down there to increase your levels of testosterone and possibly influence your brain to more masculine feelings.
I don't think this statement is true at all, in fact it is the opposite. Testosterone drives the male libido which is the reason males typically have a higher desire for sex or masturbation than females. If you were on hormone therapy & your testosterone levels were reduced, then the need for sex is greatly diminished, if not totally gone. So how would you really feel with no desire to have sex or masturbate? I believe this is what separates the cross-dressers from transsexuals.

Karen, the self-doubt you are experiencing is considered normal for most transsexuals & I am sure that you will find that many others here will also agree with me about this. There are a number of transsexuals on this forum who have been on hormones a number of years that still go through this from time to time.

Hugs :hugs: Melody Xx

[danielleb]

... I know that many of us , myself included, have had to come to the point of seriously considering self destruction. once I no longer had anything to lose I had potentially everything to gain. what I mean is for me i just realized that everything I held dear was lost to me if I did nothing anyway as I slipped ever further into bitterness, self loathing, rage and diespair and low grade insanity.
For me Masturbation did nothing but add to the overall angst of the gender confusion and add sexual orientation confusion as well.

Remove the kids, and I'm with April on this. I'm sure as you spend time getting to know all the other people here, you'll find that many of has very similiar stories.:)


From my understanding, a therapist (pyschologist) who specialises in gender identity issues would more than likely say that your cross-dressing is Transvestic Fetishism (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism), rather that Gender Identity Disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_identity_disorder). Your need to Cross-dress appears to be solely based around sex, or a need to masturbate and nothing else...
...So how would you really feel with no desire to have sex or masturbate? I believe this is what separates the cross-dressers from transsexuals...

While I would agree with Melody that it is probable someone would be diagnosed like this, we certainly don't know enough about you to make that assumption.
Additionally, I feel that in my life, dressing was the only time I felt comfortable enough in my own skin to even consider myself sexually viable. It was a coping mechanism for the suppression I suffered through daily for so many years. As time goes on, and I begin to accept myself, those desires have faded from the foreground, and I am left with the desire to simply be myself. Regardless of the manual, or others convictions, I think that transvestic fetishism can be a resting point on the path to transexualism.
I don't want to travel down the road here too far, but there is plenty of (painfully slowly) emerging science to support the theory that our brains are constructed differently than a males brain, and logically this seems to fall into place with alot of our similiar action and reactions to life situations. Just becasue some "doctors" can't fit you into the manual, and you lack the physical markers to show what you are, doesn't mean you aren't.
It's easy to stay mired in the weight of everday life, and the consequences of your decisions. Accept yourself for what and who you are Karen, and you will find the answers you need will come to you without distress.:hugs:


When I looked at myself in the mirror, the image I seen of myself as a male use to make me feel very angry because it didn't match up with how I seen myself on the inside. Whereas when I dressed as a female, I then felt happy & content within myself and that this is truly who I am meant to be.

This cuts to the heart of the matter, and I would hope that anyone in this forum can identify with this statement!:thumbsup::)

[Melody Moore]

While I would agree with Melody that it is probable someone would be diagnosed like this, we certainly don't know enough about you to make that assumption.
Where did I ever make any assumptions about Anne & Karen?

I was simply pointing out some of the differences between a transsexual & a cross-dresser based
around their need to dress as a female. This was nothing but my personal opinion, so this is why a
therapist is invaluable in helping anyone else with such issues to come to such a final conclusion.