I guess I'm still just not there yet

[TGMarla]

I should have put a signed FedEx door tag on the door. I should have known they would show up today.

I was expecting a delivery, and it would have been nice to accept delivery today. But Saturday mornings are usually girl time for me. I was snapping a few shots on the ol' camera. Saturdays are my time to do it up to the nines, with full makeup, fingernails, the whole works. And I was really enjoying myself, wearing my very favorite dress, hosiery, heels, everything.

150142

I hadn't looked at the tracking numbers, or I'd have known they were coming beforehand. But wouldn't you know it, There went the doorbell! They came while I was all dressed up, and I hadn't put a door tag on the door. I'm pretty sure they knew someone was home, too, as the TV was going and my car was in the driveway.

Now, I've read all your stories about answering the door while en femme. And truthfully, except for my hands (big, hairy ugly things!), I think I do pretty well with my female emulation. I could have just answered the door and signed for the items, which now will not get here until Tuesday.

But I just couldn't. I....just couldn't do it. I've been out a few times, but for the most part, I just keep my femme activities to the home. And although I think I looked pretty good, I just couldn't open that door. And I feel bad that I'm making the delivery guy have to come back.

Sigh....I guess I'm just not there yet.

[Melissa Jill]

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, you'll get there in the end.
Besides, you were caught offguard with no time to prepare, that adrenaline rush from hearing the doorbell whilst dressed up would have heavily affected you mentally.
Also, you did look gorgeous.

[anna kate]

Everything in the picture looks fine to me, I probably would have answered the door. Really like the outfit too.

[AnnaCalliope]

I've been dressing en femme for over a decade now, and I'm still just breaking the surface when it comes to going out by myself. I've been out dressed with friends more times than I can count. While I'm mostly passable (except for voice) and pretty much over my fear of being read, I'm still working on going out without the safety net of having friends nearby.

I've had an experience just like yours many times last year. Up until about a month ago I used to live in the more northern country part of Georgia, where the redneck concentration is reaching critical levels. A place where being out of the closet was almost impossible for me. All my neighbors were really great people, as long as they assumed I was just a normal heterosexual male. Thus I was forced to spend all my time inside, and I'm en femme practically all the time. Doorbells or knocking would make me freeze, and I'd hide in the kitchen or garage until one of my roommates answered it and found out who it was.

[Raychel]

I feel for you Marla, But you certainly do look good enough, You should have just answered the door.

[Sara Jessica]

It's not that you're not "there" Marla. Nor does "yet" apply because that implies that you have someplace to go. All that matters is that you have your own little slice of heaven within a comfort zone that works with your situation. Not answering the door was the right decision without question. Even though you probably could have had no problem in doing so with 99% certainty, imagine that small 1% chance of the whole thing really blowing up on you. I'm thinking your wife wouldn't have been too happy.

FWIW, I wouldn't have answered the door either as it would have been outside of my comfort zone as well.

[SamanthaS]

You look great. I'd go out with you anytime hon and you should have answered the door. :)

[NathalieX66]

Marla,
First you look beautiful.

Answering the door to greet the FedEx guy while en femme would be something I live for.
Two and a half years ago, this would have been impossible for me to do such a thing. Yes, it takes a lot of nerve. I cannot even believe that I'm often in public places in full view of everyone nowadays. But that's just me. I assure you that overcoming this fear was not easy initially, and nor did it happen overnight. I took many baby steps to get to where I am now. I can also say that staying home dressed was not satisfying enough for me either. I really wanted to make Nathalie a public person.

I might suggest you join a support group that meets at least once a month such as Tri-Ess, You meet other girls like yourself. There are other support groups too. Typically, they have dressing rooms if you need them ( in case you can't get out your front door dressed up). Usually these meetings are in a discreet locations where you you can just be yourself and let your hair down.
Once you get to a comfort level, join some of the other girls and go out for a dinner at a restaurant or a shopping trip. Having the sense of being around people will help build confidence, and make Marla a real person, not some secret closeted entity dying to get out.
I hope this helps.

[TGMarla]

I appreciate the nice words, ladies. I was just a little gutless. Thanks, SJ....You rock. Nathalie, I'd join a local group, and indeed, I've been out with them once before. But my wife is not real crazy about the fact that I crossdress, and getting all dolled up once or twice a month to go out parading around like a woman would not go down well with her. I'm fortunate for the situation I have, and I don't want to upset it in any way, lest it upset her, too. She didn't sign up for this, so I do my best to keep it separate from her.

But there is a part of me, also, that really would have liked to answer that door.

[Michelle 51]

Marla
You look good enough to answer the door dear.You'd be surprised what that delivery boy has seen anyway.You can't surprise them boys.They've seen it all before.

[Rogina B]

Shave the hair off those Gorilla hands AND answer the door next time...You want what the delivery guy has..don't you???

[sandra-leigh]

I've answered the door in female sleepwear (i.e., dress) or skirts, even a real dress sometime (I think.) The people who come by are delivery people or charity or religious people or politicians; it is quite uncommon for friends or neighbours to come by (and the neighbour most likely to come by has seen me fully dressed several times.) I don't worry about it. It's my house and I wear what I want.

I do have a story related to that which is one of those big question-mark incidents. One day round about September or so, I answered the door, and it was our regular mail carrier with a small packet. He mentioned that it was his last delivery -- his very last item to deliver before he retired effective the next day. We chatted a bit about things like pension plans, and as he left, he shook my hand and thanked me, and was marveling (slightly teary-eyed) that of all the places possible, that his last delivery had been to me. Since then I have been puzzling about why ending at me was so special; the strongest speculation I've been able to come up with was that perhaps he too is a cross-dresser ??

[Kelly Blaine]

I do understand the stress. I was dressed and the UPS delivery woman came to the door. I look out the window and saw the truck. Took off my girl stuf quickly and ran down to the truck. Barefooted of course and forgot I had very red toenails. I came up to my apartment and started to laugh.

[Presh GG]

Marla,
I'm sorry for society. I'm truly sorry you had to live that dilema.
I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful in that dress. I hope your wife comes to see that. Until then, it's so sweet you respect her wishes as you do.

Best wishes,
Presh GG

[shesadvl]

Marla you looked great thought you would pass anywhere ....shouldve answered the door, wouldve been a good test, be just one person to see.... as for your hands

not sure if you get this up there called NADS its hair removal creme...(or any hair removal creme)... you can buy the one that you dont need to heat up , take it off with that,.. shavinging will make it
grow back thicker n harder to remove next time... or if you cant do it... go to a hair removal beautician they do it, my son in law has his back arms n chest done, and hes straight, and very hetro....

most men today do these things and beauticians dont blink believe me. Down here they dont lol...

:battingeyelashes:

[Missy Tanya]

I hear you loud and clear girl.. I too have been out of the house many times. But always in the next big town. No way my small town neighbors or the Delivery person is going to put two and two together and have my home know at the one with the ugly woman answering the door. Now if I looked as good as you, and was house sitting in another state, Why the heck not!!!

Tanya

[Christy_M]

Well I agree with everyone else who has said you look good. You should not fear opening the door for the FedEx delivery. Of course it is easier saying that than actually doing it but you certainly don't have to fear the way you look.

[docrobbysherry]

Marla, I think MOST closet CDs will understand your hesitance! CDs that go out r more used to others seeing their fem alter ego. We're NOT!

When we r involved in dressing in private, we're just NOT prepared for interruptions! I'm NOT anyway!
I was dressing last week and the phone rang. Normally, I won't answer it when I'm becoming Sherry. Because I don't want to change my concentration and switch back to Robert's perspective!

For that reason ALONE, I wouldn't have answered my door, either!

By the way, your knit dress looks GREAT, Marla!

[Chickhe]

I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do. It all depends on your situation. All I can tell you, generally if I am dressed at home and the doorbell rings, I run the other way... not because I'm scared of the UPS guy, but more like not wanting the neighbors to see me.

[sandra-leigh]

the doorbell rings, I run the other way... not because I'm scared of the UPS guy, but more like not wanting the neighbors to see me.

Chickie, do you go out in public? If so, "only out of town", or "in town but only a distance from home" or "in town but not in the immediate neighbourhood"?

I'm in the "Get dressed and go outside and wait for the taxi in plain sight" category myself. Oddly, I was that way even before I was ready to go dressed to the corner store or a couple of other places around that "know me" and know my wife. And I wasn't ready to do steady yard work in the front yard in a skirt until after a dear neighbour passed on -- but I could wait for the taxi because that was limited duration and with the angle that neighbour was unlikely to see me from out of the window.

[lauraabdl]

Marla you looked stunning to me. Loved the outfit and everything, just answer the door next time. The fed ex man won't mind and he sure as h@#l won't say anything. They are always polite and well mannered, besides you looked stunning, you could have taken his breath away.
I find that moment like this are wonderful and the experience is great. Try it sometime girl, the sudden rush of femme is well worth it.

[Sara Jessica]

These are examples of cheerleading...


Marla
You look good enough to answer the door dear.You'd be surprised what that delivery boy has seen anyway.You can't surprise them boys.They've seen it all before.

Just because she looks good enough to answer the door doesn't mean she should.


Shave the hair off those Gorilla hands AND answer the door next time...You want what the delivery guy has..don't you???

Even if one doesn't know Marla from her posts here over the years, you can still infer from what she describes in this thread in that she has limits as to what she can do. Some of these may not seem ideal from Marla's POV but they do help to keep harmony with respect to her marriage. Hair removal on the hands sounds like one of those limits which Marla respects.


Marla you looked great thought you would pass anywhere ....shouldve answered the door, wouldve been a good test, be just one person to see.... as for your hands

not sure if you get this up there called NADS its hair removal creme...(or any hair removal creme)... you can buy the one that you dont need to heat up , take it off with that,.. shavinging will make it
grow back thicker n harder to remove next time... or if you cant do it... go to a hair removal beautician they do it, my son in law has his back arms n chest done, and hes straight, and very hetro....

most men today do these things and beauticians dont blink believe me. Down here they dont lol...

:battingeyelashes:

See my second reply above. Same thing. The issue isn't how to remove hair, I'm sure Marla knows that very well. Nor it is whether most men do these things these days (most don't, btw). It's whether Marla should have answered the door. Recognizing her parameters, she made the right choice.


Well I agree with everyone else who has said you look good. You should not fear opening the door for the FedEx delivery.

Correct, nothing to fear per se when it comes to delivery guy. However, fear comes in in the off chance a neighbor were to see what was going on. Or if somehow the wife were to find out.


Marla you looked stunning to me. Loved the outfit and everything, just answer the door next time. The fed ex man won't mind and he sure as h@#l won't say anything. They are always polite and well mannered, besides you looked stunning, you could have taken his breath away.
I find that moment like this are wonderful and the experience is great. Try it sometime girl, the sudden rush of femme is well worth it.

The sudden rush of femme (aka Pink Fog) is not well worth it if it breaks a set boundary that has been established. This would be equivalent to breaking trust.

...and these replies show support, understanding and empathy for Marla's situation...


I do understand the stress.


Marla,
I'm sorry for society. I'm truly sorry you had to live that dilema.
I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful in that dress. I hope your wife comes to see that. Until then, it's so sweet you respect her wishes as you do.

Best wishes,
Presh GG


I hear you loud and clear girl.. I too have been out of the house many times. But always in the next big town. No way my small town neighbors or the Delivery person is going to put two and two together and have my home know at the one with the ugly woman answering the door. Now if I looked as good as you, and was house sitting in another state, Why the heck not!!!

Tanya


Marla, I think MOST closet CDs will understand your hesitance!


I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do. It all depends on your situation. All I can tell you, generally if I am dressed at home and the doorbell rings, I run the other way... not because I'm scared of the UPS guy, but more like not wanting the neighbors to see me.

Right on!!!

And Marla, please stop beating yourself up over this. You are far from gutless. You show 100% respect for your wife's wishes when it comes to this whole thing, something that I wish I could say I was as good at as you. You say you would have liked to have answered the door. I think all of us who don't normally walk out the front door in girl mode would say the same thing. But it's not worth feeling anything remotely negative about. You should be commended for respecting boundaries, simple as that.

[Miranda09]

I know exactly how you feel Marla. The same has happened to me several times and I just don't answer the door!!! It may or may not come to you but it doesn't really matter. You still look great and I really think the delivery guy wouldn't notice anything anyway. ;)

[Joan Lea]

Maria
I would never answer the door enfemm. You are at least beginning to take the step toward doing it. In those wonderful flowing dresses you look very fem. Nonoe would notice. I am sure when you are ready you will take that step. Good luck.

Joan Lea

[TGMarla]

You really sum it up nicely, Sara J. And I really appreciate the support, everyone. I am flattered that you all think I look good enough to just go ahead and open the door, but those are just pictures. Were you to see me in person, especially if you interacted with me (like signing for packages), you'd figure out that I was a guy in about two seconds flat. Sara is also correct about the hairy hands. I don't shave them simply because my wife would notice it and start asking questions about it. We have this "Don't ask, don't tell" thing going on, which works fine for us provided I don't push the boundaries too far.

Rogina....I "want what the delivery guy has....." Nice double entendre. If you're referring to the packages, yes. Anything else....not so much.

[suchacutie]

First of all, everyone is right: shave the hands and you look terrific. You wouldn't like even ruffle that delivery person's day. You do understand how fast they travel from place to place, and you won't even slow them down.

I also won't and can't possible tell you what you might/should have done, but I thought about what I might do if Tina was surprised by a doorbell. My guess is that I would do just what you did, and the reason, I think, is because it was a surprise. I wonder: the next time the transformation to Marla is just about complete, what if you right then and there expect that there will be a delivery? If you plan for it so that it's not a surprise, would you answer the door?

:)

tina

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm with you Marla. I've been out quite a bit, but mostly when out of town or to a safe location in my hometown. It is very different to be out in public where there is nothing to tie you to where you are totally safe. Once the delivery guy sees you, even if he never says a thing to anyone, it changes the level the security YOU feel at home, your safe place.

The other aspect is how that action would impact the feelings of your wife, who is borderline supportive/non-supportive as it is. She needs to feel confidence that you are not going to do anything on your own that will violate her understanding of your crossdressing. It's not just about our personal growth, but our relationships as well. I'm not trying to use that as an excuse to not be more comfortable with my own crossdressing, but there are others in our lives who need to feel comfort as well. I'd have waited until he was gone and then carefully picked the note off the door and smiled knowing that I'd have something else wonderful to wear next Saturday.

[Jorja]

Just quickly open the door and give the delivery guy a big wet sloppy kiss. He will be so stunned he won't know the difference. :D

[Heathersgams]

"being there" is a BIG thing. You weren't in a hotel 200 miles away and your real name would be on the package. You were right, then again you look fab in the pics so have faith when you do head out:)

[JohnH]

Marla, you really looked great! You should have answered the door.

Go ahead and shave your hands. No one has ever commented about my shaving my hands, not even my wife.

I always answer the door no matter what I wear. One Sunday afternoon I was wearing a dress, and I answered the door. There were three Mormon "sisters" outside, which I politely declined discussion with them.

Johanna

[theresa]

Your confidence was the only thing in your way. You look totally feminine and you would have passed without any difficulty.