the good and bad of crossdressing

[Julieanne]

I live alone (with my dog) since my wife died seven years ago and my kids live elsewhere. This is not a complaint – I had a wonderful 33 year marriage, am very close to my kids and grandkids, and I have a job I love. But I wonder what my life would have been like if I were not a crossdresser.

Don’t get me wrong, I long ago came to terms with this expression of my being transgendered, my wonderful wife was supportive, and dressing relaxes me and makes me feel whole (I also have no problem dressing male, and I don’t underdress nor go out as Julieanne).

But being a crossdresser does limit me in many ways. If I have someone over I need to spend considerable time removing obvious traces of Julieanne around the house – lipstick on my wine glass, a pair of shoes left out, that sort of thing. So I don’t tend to have many people over. I am wary of trying to start a relationship because if things were to get serious I would need to be upfront about my crossdressing, and I live in a conservative part of the country and on and on.

The answer is not to become more open about who I am. In Iowa there is a well supported hate campaign going on against gays and I suspect the idiots who are doing this would lump together gay, transgendered, transsexual, crossdresser and who knows what else. It could cause great problems at work (I am a teacher) and with some of my neighbors.

So what would my life had been like if I weren’t a crossdresser? I know I didn’t really have a choice, but do the benefits of crossdressing outweigh the problems it entails? Any thoughts?

Julieanne

[CherryZips]

I know its tempting to play what ifs. But that person who is not a crossdresser isn't you and can't be compared. Better to be a better you than wonder about other people that don't exist. You can't play weigh up the problems like that as good and bad. Well thats my take on these things.

[Rogina B]

Just enjoy your"hobby" and leave it at that!!

[AnnaCalliope]

The way I see it, being a CD/TG opens your mind to things you would have otherwise thought completely bizarre. Not being transgender, its possible you could have ended up in that same group of "idiots" you just mentioned, being narrow-mindedly conservative and chasing all the gays out of town with torches and pitchforks.

Granted, its absence might have made your life easier socially, but would you still be a better person had you not gone through life with the experiences it brought you? I know a lot of people would say, "I'd be a good person even if I wasn't TG", but how do you know that? How do you know if growing up from childhood through puberty and college and into adulthood you would have ended up a kind and compassionate, open-minded soul had you not been dealt the TG card?

I prefer to avoid that type of thinking, because I know in my heart there is no other path but this one. As rocky and muddy as it may seem at times, I will find true happiness at the end. And I have a lot people around me to balance my thinking should the ground become uneven.

[herwannabe]

Julieanne, My life is a near picture of your description, mine was divorce though I also tend to not have ppl over and have to clean up when they do drop by I have been single now for 5 yrs and have been on 2 dates inthe time and that was 2 yrs ago so I ca relate with you 100% As for myself I just go to work and come home and am happy dressing everyday in the confides my house I wish I had an answer for you I do keep searching though I have not giving up on finding another SO if it happens it happens

Michelle

[TGMarla]

I think that many of us, if not most, have had similar reflective moments in our lives. What would it have been like had we not....... I'd certainly have gotten a whole lot more done around the house, that's for sure. I don't do a whole lot of physical activity when I'm dressed. I don't have any problems putting stuff away and inviting people over, but there have been times when I've begged off a social situation in order to have the time alone to persue my feminine endeavors. I'm sure it's one more source of stress and anxiety I could have done without.

[KrystalA]

The good part of being a crossdresser is being a crossdresser, but yeah, havng to hide it from everyone (or most everyone) can be a pain in the neck. I live in an area where everyone tries to know everything about everyone (busybodies), and they love to gossip. Needless to say, I can't venture from home en femme, but I spend a lot of time dressed that way behind closed doors. I figure what they don't know can't hurt me. Enjoy what you have, and have what you enjoy.

[GingerLeigh]

I'd probably be an overweight couch potato with all the goodies like farting, belching, beer swilling, sports nut. I may have also been more aggressive in relationships and sex, so I probably would have been stuck with some high maintenance bimbo instead of my pragmatic and wonderfully intelligent wife.

I have no doubt that crossdressing made me more aware of my appearance and health and made me choosier about who I dated.

It may be stressful to live a secret life, but I believe that it has a positive effect on my life. I think so anyhow, but I have never known anything else. Who would I really be without it? I like who I am now, would I be someone I wouldn't like if I were "normal"?

Ginger

[Rachel Morley]

So what would my life had been like if I weren’t a crossdresser? I know I didn’t really have a choice, but do the benefits of crossdressing outweigh the problems it entails? Any thoughts?

I think the benefiits outweigh the problems. It's true, in a situation like yours I can see how, if you want to hide it (and I think most of us would want to), crossdressing can make our lives more complicated. I too have situations in my life that really bug me because I can't (or rather don't want to be) open about what is really going on. It's not the dressing itself that is restrictive, it's the close-minded reactions of others when they find out that's the problem. My point is the "issue" doesn't lie with you, it's with them.

The other thing I want to say is "what-ifs" in my case really minimize the joy I can experience with my current blessings. They can turn satisfaction into un-satisfaction. Wishing life your life was different is OK at times, but I think we all have to be careful that it does not make us ungrateful for the good things we have today. Half empty, half full, hey ... as long as I have something to drink, I'm OK. Life is an amazing gift, and I should receive it in the spirit in which it has been given.

[suzy1]

I have always thought being a C.D. gives me an extra part to my life. I would not change it even if I could.
But the thing to always remember is if you can’t change something in your life then you must make the best of it.
On a lighter note. I also live alone and when I am going to get visits from family or friends I do what I call a systematic search. I take each room and search it starting from the door and working round the room until I get back to the door again.

SUZY

[suchacutie]

I have a bit of perspective on this question since I was not a crossdresser until I was 55. I've been married since 1973, but since 1995 my wife and I have had some amazing conversations about what it is like to grow up as a girl, what it's like to be a woman, the differences in psychology, the differences in socialization, the differences in speech...the list is endless. I have grown to find a part of me that I had never been able to identify. It was a part the confused me and at times embarrassed me. Now that we have been slowly allowing Tina to learn how to become her own person I have learned an immense amount about myself and how my two internal genders interacted for all those years. The realization of who one really is can be just astounding and an incredible revelation!

So, I know what my life was like before Tina, and my only wish is that we hadn't waited so long to figure out that she existed!

tina

[Sarah Doepner]

Before I was able to share my crossdressing with my wife I would have put the negative up front, probably 70% of my thoughts would have been cursing my desire. Since I was fortunate enough to have her accept this part of my life and since I've been able to expand out a little more in a support group, it's become a much more positive world for me. I am able to enjoy the experience in more ways and more often than ever before without the constant fear of discovery. I've learned so much more about myself, developed new skills and attitudes by exploring my crossdressing. There is no way that can all be seen as a negative. Yes, there have been times I've had to hide it or can't share knowledge with other people I care about and that is the negative. Still I can share so much else with them, this is a small part of my world of relationships.

We are a social animal and there may be a tendency to focus on the negative when we can not share something that is important to us. It may not be necessary, but the fear of being exposed will color the entire experience to some extent, at least that's how it worked for me. This isn't to say that I need to share my crossdressing with the rest of the world. I'm still thinking that one over and it will probably get out a little more one way or another. In the meantime, there are places in my house that are off limits to visitors and I do an extra look in the mirror for eyeliner and an extra scrub to remove signs of nail polish after I've dressed and put things away.

[Julieanne]

Ladies, thank you for all your thoughtful responses. It helps a lot. I'm still going over them and will respond with more specific thanks when I can. Thanks for caring.

Hugs, Julieanne

[linnea]

Julieanne, I agree with others who have said that the benefits outweigh the deficits. Although I have gone through times of doubt and frustration, I have found that my CDing has opened my mind to many things that I would not otherwise have seen or experienced--all good, I think.
I don't think that there is anything wrong with reflecting on the "what ifs," and I have done it too. But for the most part, I am just glad that I have had the female facets of my life. And now, I am on the road to expressing them even more fully.