Emily_3
01-17-2011, 07:10 AM
Hiya peeps....
I haven't posted here in a while... had some time off to re-evaluate my situation, as some would put it "taking a step back" or "looking at the bigger picture"
I've been going to my therapy sessions regular as clockwork, every week, however something came up that really got my attention, as we were talking about how I was feeling and how life is at the moment, my technical brain just kept "kicking in" all the time, not letting me speak.
My therapist thinks that this is an automated response to awkward situations and conversations, like a "firewall" blocking how I really feel, by preventing me talking about it.
I do regret having technical knowledge, nor do I "hate" it, but there is a time and place to use it. Using it as a shield to block emotion is not helping, as a result I'm literally falling apart, getting frustrated, shouting at everyone and generally making home life bad.
There is a light at the end of this though, because with the help of therapy, I will find a way to co-exist with the technician that's in me, so in essence I found that no matter what I'm wearing or doing, there is no femme mode or male mode, it's just me.... Emily_3...
The biggest mistake I made was trying to change who I was, about as good as trying to change the weather, all it led to was disappointment on my half because, I knew what I wanted to say, but couldn't say it, lots of miss-information going round, which led me round in circles too, so here I am now going backwards and forwards to appointments, not really progressing, but if somehow I can break through that "firewall", things will start looking up.
hopefully I'll keep on top of this and let you know how I'm progressing...
as my friend said "it's a long winding road and you're in for a bumpy ride too"
:)
I haven't posted here in a while... had some time off to re-evaluate my situation, as some would put it "taking a step back" or "looking at the bigger picture"
I've been going to my therapy sessions regular as clockwork, every week, however something came up that really got my attention, as we were talking about how I was feeling and how life is at the moment, my technical brain just kept "kicking in" all the time, not letting me speak.
My therapist thinks that this is an automated response to awkward situations and conversations, like a "firewall" blocking how I really feel, by preventing me talking about it.
I do regret having technical knowledge, nor do I "hate" it, but there is a time and place to use it. Using it as a shield to block emotion is not helping, as a result I'm literally falling apart, getting frustrated, shouting at everyone and generally making home life bad.
There is a light at the end of this though, because with the help of therapy, I will find a way to co-exist with the technician that's in me, so in essence I found that no matter what I'm wearing or doing, there is no femme mode or male mode, it's just me.... Emily_3...
The biggest mistake I made was trying to change who I was, about as good as trying to change the weather, all it led to was disappointment on my half because, I knew what I wanted to say, but couldn't say it, lots of miss-information going round, which led me round in circles too, so here I am now going backwards and forwards to appointments, not really progressing, but if somehow I can break through that "firewall", things will start looking up.
hopefully I'll keep on top of this and let you know how I'm progressing...
as my friend said "it's a long winding road and you're in for a bumpy ride too"
:)