She Thinks I'm Hot!!!

[Annaliese2010]

A GG friend who I have been & am absolutely crazy about now knows about EVerything. Always have been strictly honest with her about things in general. When we were on bad terms recently I thought..."Ok fc it!" And pix messaged her many photo's from my pic album & a couple taken that day. It was a "Here! This'll shock ya & get you outta my life forever..." sort of thingy - cuz we were really mad at each other. I fully expected her to freak but...amazingly, she relented and assumed some responsibility regarding the nature of our current discontent AND is quite intrigued and turned-on to me by her discovery of my transgendered self. I mean... like suddenly her whole tude has changed - in a Positive manner. I'm like looking around when she talks to me thinking she must be addressing someone else, so different is her demeanor and personality!

What a shock. I thought she'd laugh or run or put me down. Nah uh. It's like she has respect and excitement and...who knows!!! Woohoo! ;)

Anybody else experience such an abrupt and positive reversal of fortune with a GG friend? I'm wondering if this is a wild exception or what?! My friend is 27 y/o - dunno if generation or age is a factor or not. We have a significant comparative age diff too (I'm the older one, duh.. lol). Maybe that factors in as well.

YIPPIE! :battingeyelashes:

[Leslie Langford]

Annaliese, sounds as if what you did was a total crap shot on your part with no expectations of winning - and lo and behold! - you walked away with all the money, so to speak. Not something I would recommend for everyone, thought. The odds of that happening to someone else with an equally positive outcome are probably along the lines of lightning striking the same place twice.

[Chari]

It is great to hear your GG friend has changed her "tude " towards you in a positive manner! Perhaps she is excited about the possibilities & challenges of helping you become more feminine. Go slow, ask her for ideas, suggestions, and help with your clothing, makeup, hairstyles, etc. Soon she may consider you her "new secret GF"! Enjoy.

[KrystalA]

Wow, Annaliese! Good for you!! Just don't force things if she seems a bit hesitant about helping you out. As Chaii said, go slow. And good luck.

[darla_g]

Bold move. Are you happy then with the result? Do you really want a relationship with this girl?

[Pythos]

Hmmm. Ideas spinning webs.....gears in my head.

[Christina Horton]

When I read your title I thought of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer saying "I"M CUTE I'M CUTE...SHE THINKS I'M CUUUUUTTTTTEEEEE!!!!!"

I can't say that has happened to me like that but.... I'm a trucker and I met a wonderfull women (trucker too) and I after a while I told her I'm a CDer and say 2 months ago she was in my town so I said I will get all dolled out and come over to see her. And I did and she loved my look. Plus she confided in me that she was very turn on and attracted to me dress as Christina. So it does happen and when is does if feels soooooo good.

I hope thing go good with you and her just remember.....DON'T PUSH HER INTO SOMETHING TO QUICK. Or you could screw it up!

[KarenCDFL]

This just proves that sometimes you just have to "Go For It"!

I am so glad it worked out for you, but most of all you were able to rekindle a friendship.

[annabellejorden]

That is so cool.

[Debra Russell]

My thoughts.. hummm..... kind of depends on what the problem was in the first place as to what difference this will make in your over all relationship...just a thought

[RADER]

It is great that she came around for you. But call me crazy, I smell a rat. Maybe, and I hope
for you I am wrong, that she is luring you into some trap to tell the world about your dressing.
Please, do not take it the wrong way, But anything can happen. It is the old Murphy's Law thing
Best of luck. Rader

[KristaE]

I don't know if it is a "trap", but I would definitely not think too much of this... let me explain...

This may be a situation where she's not really seriously "turned on" to you, but turned onto the idea of CDing. It may be she is just playing around with the idea of a "girly man". I would be more concerned that she will use you, then lose you, when the novelty has worn off.

The only reason I'm saying this is because she wasn't interested at all until you came out to her. Makes me question her motives a bit.

[Emily Ann Brown]

So times you just have to roll the dices and and say **** it.

Glad it worked for you.

My current GF was a similar story. Took her out for dinner (first date) and "kick all the ** off the truck" and paid the bill and went home. She called 3 days later and asked if we could do it again..and when could she meet Em.

That was 13 months back. Still enjoying her company.


Em

[Julogden]

It is great that she came around for you. But call me crazy, I smell a rat. Maybe, and I hope
for you I am wrong, that she is luring you into some trap to tell the world about your dressing.
Please, do not take it the wrong way, But anything can happen. It is the old Murphy's Law thing
Best of luck. Rader

This occurred to me too. It's a possibility. Since the two of you were locking horns and she suddenly did an about-face for no real reason, this is a REAL possibility.

Carol

[docrobbysherry]

Annaliese,
The GOOD news is: She's excited about your fem side for the moment! (What r u waiting for, girl!?)

The BAD news is: She's excited about your fem side for the moment!

[linda allen]

It is great that she came around for you. But call me crazy, I smell a rat. Maybe, and I hope
for you I am wrong, that she is luring you into some trap to tell the world about your dressing.
Please, do not take it the wrong way, But anything can happen. It is the old Murphy's Law thing
Best of luck. Rader

That would be my concern. Photos can be used for blackmail or revenge so easily.

[Annaliese2010]

UPDATE: She called me a crossdressing faggot yesterday so...um... ok. Whatever!!!

[Vickie_CDTV]

As the old saying goes, don't supply the rope for others to hang you with (especially when they are loony to begin with.) She could use this information and threaten to out you to others.

[cordgrass]

what a bitch! :angry:

There are some women out there like the women here, there just aren't a lot of us. Good for you for taking a chance, and sorry she turned out to be a loser.

[Annaliese2010]

Aw...thnx Cordgrass. I still love her tho, can't help it :/

[necta]

That is a shame. I admire you for trying though.

[kimdl93]

I took a leap of faith in revelaing myself (figuraatively speaking) to my GF. We've been married happilly for 11 years now.


Aw...thnx Cordgrass. I still love her tho, can't help it :/

sounds like she has some anger issues - the nasty comment is reflective of that. So, maybe that's the issue to confront, rather than her attitude towards you.

[DeeDee1974]

One night I was out dressed before I was full time and on a whim stopped by my best female friend's place unannounced. She had no clue about DeeDee. She is a woman I really look up to. I will never forget her reaction. "Wow,wow,wow. I had no idea. You look fantastic. Are you wearing panties? I have a million questions for you".

We spoke for about 2 hours that night and she ended it by saying I could always talk to her, we will always be friends. This June I am a bridesmaid in her wedding.

[Jill Devine]

UPDATE: She called me a crossdressing faggot yesterday so...um... ok. Whatever!!!
What a nasty, angry and confused woman she is. One day she hates you, then she's all giddy and then she hates you again. Trust me, it sounds like she is the one with issues.

I am assuming that you don't believe that she can use the pics to blackmail you - otherwise you wouldn't have emailed them.

[Annaliese2010]

Thanks for all the thoughts comments advice and sharing. I love the diversity of opinion and experiences provided by all of You who, if I may take the liberty, consider..


151799


Regardless of her on-again off-again feelings about me, and even her seeming bigotry with respect to alternative gendered people, I believe she has a very good heart and simply lacks a larger perspective of the world and the ppl in it - which would otherwise enlighten her and make her more tolerant and accepting. My feelings for her are strong and real. She had a tough time growing up in an underprivileged famly, was apparently physically abused as a kid (though she never went into specifics about that), is intelligent but never had the opportunity to go to college and thus encounter ppl from other places with other backgrounds and viewpoints i.e. she never had the opportunity to overcome her parochial upbringing or formulate her own ideas about the world and her place in it. She had a baby at an early age with a guy whose a real bad actor...and consequently is ensnared in a seeming unending struggle with the court system regarding his lack of support and decidedly bad influence on her lil boy. A real mess. Plus...I mean she's only 28 so...mix that all together and I can hardly blame her for her anti-transgen tude.

Be that as it may...I KNOW she thinks I'm hot and is def attracted to me, though due to her intolerant Catholic upbringing and all the rest...her initial attraction and arousal becomes quelled and subsequently transformed to revulsion. That's my theory anyways. I lashed out at her and put her in her place during a text message-war of words recently which...I'm glad and I'm not glad happened. Now she wont talk to me, not even txt me...so I called and apologized by voice mail...and since it's Valentines Day I promised her I'm not going against my word and still getting her the 4ct diamond tennis bracelet (on 18kt yellow gold; blue nile) I promised for Xmas - but dint have enough $ to buy at the time. I still don't actually but when I do, I will. I made certain to underscore the fact that it's a Friendship thingy...nothing romantic or lovey-dovey.

I also apologized and told her I'm not really into it (being a girl) - and that it was just a phase and something to do...a kind of auto-erotic thing during a long period of time I had been (still am) without p***y in my life. I believe my rather apologetic voice mail message went something like..."ya know...a guy tends to get into wild & crazy things if he goes too long without. We invariably find a sort of substitute that replaces or takes our mind off the physical intimacy we're currently lacking with a girl...blah blah blah". I know I shouldn't have caved like that but...what can I say? I'm absolutely crazy about her, think we're really a good match and that a real relationship wld Work between us! I just Know it would! Plus...I truly believe that if it did...because I strongly suspect she has, for want of a better word, a 'kinky' side to herself...and given how much I DO care about her, and how safe & comfortable I believe she'd feel with me (never have worries again of the sort that presently weigh so heavily on her..aww)... that she would accept me and even Welcome the infinite bedroom possibilities afforded by the fluid nature of my gender identity.

151805

That's the plan anyways...what else can I do?? God, to me she's so worth the risk, though I realize I could be all wrong as well. To avoid the great fall if I AM wrong about her, and just to add balance in my life, I am also hoping to find a really good M2F T-lez girlfriend. I don't see why I can't as long as she's on the fence. I wouldn't lie to her about my other friendship(s) if asked, though I'm not gna volunteer anything either. Likewise, I wouldn't lie to my trans gf(s) either but would explain my interest in my GG friend and how trans-lez physical intimacy tween (among) us would have to stop if/when my GG gf decided to become intimate - though we cld still be non-physical M2F gendered friends if that happened.


151803


It's tough being a Scorpio - especially a transgendered one - and nothing short of insanity to fall for a Gemini GG girl - since our celestial personalities are about the worst astrological pairing possible, an assessment that seems to be shared by all who are experts at such things! Ahh but..too late now cuz while the maxim is true... Only fools tread where wise-men never dare... it is also true that: (1) I'm not just a 'man' and (2) though she doesn't see it yet, I do! That is to say...our neuroses match. Perfectly!


151798


PLEASE NOTE: Shortly after starting this thread I received many supportive (and some not so supportive yet well intentioned) PM's. I haven't been a good lil girl wrt clearing my box of quite dated incoming PM's...and when it filled...and when I subsequently realized I should delete extremely old messages...I inadvertently deleted EV-rything!! :( As a result it was impossible to respond to all the most recent PM's I had received from the girls who went out of their way to offer such well thought out and obviously heart-felt advice (plus some PM's from other girlfriends re other topics). I feel HORRIBLE about this - and fear I may be judged as callous or unsocial! Please forgive and know...the time you spent and the things you have said were useful, appreciated and in many instances...touching. Aww... Thank You! - Liese xox

[Marissa]

Liese, I only took in the basis of what you are posting about, but did not read all the comments and for that I apologize for that. What I will comment on is the very last portion of your last post. Yes, its difficult JUST being a Scorpio..and mix it up with a Gemini..WOW!! I will say that was the exact mix of my own first marriage. The sexual chemistry was there..but in the long run..hmmm I was set in my ways as a scorpio..and she varied as a gemini will :) Some charished moments in our lives, to never be forgotten. So if you find what you want in her, enjoy..as much as possible. :)

Hugs,
Marissa

[Annaliese2010]

Wow Marissa you understand! As a sister Scorpio yes, you would know! Oh girrrrl...I DO know what you are referring to!!! Aren't they im-POSSIBLE! LOL.. I mean...talk about superficiality and lack of emotional depth! I just don't get-it! LOL.. But...she challenges me by her very nature...pulls me out of myself...makes me a lil less Scorpio...more sociable... or at least tending towards becoming less serious and more back-seat "oh whatever" about some things in life. LOL

Didn't you feel...sort of...above her in a way? I don't mean to sound arrogant or superior...please don't take my question as such. But nevertheless...dint you sometimes roll your eyes and feel like you were dealing with a child...a lil girl that never quite grew up? LOL... And one who doesn't even KNOW that? And with that, there's a sort of pure innocence to her character - even when she's doing wrong or scheming? LOL... AS IF we don't see right through it all! As if we can't read ppl, especially Gem's like an open book! Capable we are of straight vision into the human heart - and soul - this being both our strength AND weakness.

Does any of that seem familiar to you? I find my lil Gemini sometimes maddening, insulting, arrogant, unappreciative and downright cold & dismissive. But she's so innocent even when naughty. But it's simply her nature to be what appears to me to be all those things that irk me...yet to her nothing of the sort! LOL... Such is the perspective of the social butterfly who never dives too deep vs. we who absolutely dwell in the depths of both earthly and celestial realms! We are hot, passionate, knowing, loyal and domineering; too easily hurt, too easily betrayed - the price paid for x-ray vision; for knowing too much; feeling too much; that fiery passion only possible for someone who is intimate with that which lies deep...deep in the heart of hearts of everyone we meet! Helluva thing to be cursed AND blessed under the constellation where the Scorpion reigns supreme!

All my LOL's are an endearing sort of giggle...such is the feeling she evokes in me... in SPITE of herself! Lol... In me I have this sort of continuous non-stop mushy "Awww..." since the 1st moment I saw her across a crowded room :)

Thanks for sharing! -Liese xx

[Jill Devine]

Anna... I'm going to be straight up with you: she obviously knows you are crazy about her and that she is your weakness. I hope I am wrong, but all the excuses you are putting up for her is fuel for her fire. Be prepared to get used.
Do not spend your life trying change, educate and convince a SO. You are not married and there are no kids. I would move on based on what you have reported.

She holds the balance of POWER in the relationship. That's why you were apologizing after she called you a faggot.

[Melissa Jill]

Ive been through something sort of similar. I thought I loved a female friend of mine, we would talk for ages and had a deep friendship. But thats as far as it ever went. I was a fool and I wasted a lot of time on her.

It always makes me giggle to think of this phrase when on this site, but you have to "man-up" and ditch her. Shes not worth your time or effort and the relationship is going to go nowhere. Im not going to lie and say theres 0 chance with her. Obviously stranger things have happened, but should something happen, it won't have been worth your time pursuing her, you could easily have found a dozen much better girls in that time.

[CaitlynRenee]

Years ago, before there was much 'a do' about the 'alternative' life style, I had a buddy who said he pretended to be gay because of all the women he met who really DID want to 'convert him back to normalcy' and were willing to 'give themselves up' in order to do so.

I think he was bi myself.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Annaliese, Lucky girl!!

[Marissa]

Liese, to clarify some of the confusion :) Yes, I am a Scorpio..and my 1st wife was a Gemini..my 2nd wife was borderline Scorpio as her b-day was on the start of the Scorpio period. I say borderline as she carried alot of the characteristics but could see she lacked some of those 'quailities' that scorpions have..okay..maybe curses..:heehee:

Quote modified for specifics:


Wow Marissa you understand! As a sister Scorpio yes, you would know! Oh girrrrl...I DO know what you are referring to!!! Aren't they im-POSSIBLE! LOL.. I mean...talk about superficiality and lack of emotional depth! I just don't get-it! LOL.. But...she challenges me by her very nature...pulls me out of myself...makes me a lil less Scorpio...more sociable... or at least tending towards becoming less serious and more back-seat "oh whatever" about some things in life. LOL

LOL, can't say its just due to astrological nature, but agree that some do try to make us less Scorpio and that can be frustrating. Can't count how many times I heard "lighten up, don't take it so serious"..and then complain about not being so passionate about something else..lol.. felt like pulling two different directions.

Didn't you feel...sort of...above her in a way? I don't mean to sound arrogant or superior...please don't take my question as such. But nevertheless...dint you sometimes roll your eyes and feel like you were dealing with a child...a lil girl that never quite grew up? LOL... And one who doesn't even KNOW that? And with that, there's a sort of pure innocence to her character - even when she's doing wrong or scheming? LOL... AS IF we don't see right through it all! As if we can't read ppl, especially Gem's like an open book! Capable we are of straight vision into the human heart - and soul - this being both our strength AND weakness.

"Sometimes when you talk to me, you make me feel stupid"..okay..that sounds harsh, but I have been told that..arrogant? above others?..no..I don't think so but to the person or in general, my reply to that statement has been "No, you just have given me the opportunity to make you feel stupid"

Ouch!.. Due to my nature of taking things seriously, I do the best I can until all options (as far as I know) are exhausted. While many, will just drop their head and say "I can't"..and not even show any signs of exhaustion.

Then again, it could be that generation gap, as I had just finished reading an article of the PA teacher who was suspended for blogging about students. She spoke some honesty as to what our generations are becoming.. that or I'm just getting old :(

Does any of that seem familiar to you? I find my lil Gemini sometimes maddening, insulting, arrogant, unappreciative and downright cold & dismissive. But she's so innocent even when naughty. But it's simply her nature to be what appears to me to be all those things that irk me...yet to her nothing of the sort! LOL... Such is the perspective of the social butterfly who never dives too deep vs. we who absolutely dwell in the depths of both earthly and celestial realms!

Can't say much about my 1st wife, but my 2nd sure had those qualities and it mostly had to do with being bi-polar..and then add self-centered :) But she was a scorpio too so that threw me for a loop..

We are hot, passionate, knowing, loyal and domineering; too easily hurt, too easily betrayed - the price paid for x-ray vision; for knowing too much; feeling too much; that fiery passion only possible for someone who is intimate with that which lies deep...deep in the heart of hearts of everyone we meet! Helluva thing to be cursed AND blessed under the constellation where the Scorpion reigns supreme!

And maybe that is what is wrong with US :) maybe we can be too much.. suffocating perhaps, with emotions that change quick if we don't get the reaction we wanted..

All my LOL's are an endearing sort of giggle...such is the feeling she evokes in me... in SPITE of herself! Lol... In me I have this sort of continuous non-stop mushy "Awww..." since the 1st moment I saw her across a crowded room :)

Thanks for sharing! -Liese xx

Now to your issue at hand..you are getting some responses to just move on.. listen good to them.. As I saw alot of signs that said move on..and twice I did..I was even a bit happier without her (my 2nd to be) but still gave in to what I thought was something grand. I fooled myself..as I even had a hint that things would not go as I wanted them to.

So if you are getting the brush off at times, harsh name calling at times, non-acceptance..then it would be a wise choice to move on..even if it feels like the last thing you want to do.. Trust me, I'm right there with my ex, it was time to walk away as it was doing me no good..it would never be what she or I want.

Maybe she can be just a friend and not much more, if you can handle that..

Wish you the best in what you decide..

Hugs,
Marissa

[SamanthaS]

Glad to hear it worked out for you :)

[Annaliese2010]

Glad to hear it worked out for you :) Thanks but...it didn't and looks like it never will. :sad:

I just tried to call her...couldn't...she changed her phone number! Why, I don't know but since my last post she stopped texting me... Now it looks like she disappeared for good and ALL that time was COMPLETELY wasted! This is what 2 & 1/2 yrs and 60K gets ya. Fc the $...it's the TIME that can never be replaced...so MUCH time... wasted! I wanna fcn cry!!! There's an emotional investment that happens over time - that can't be helped. Just happens!

It feels like all the air has left the room. I don't wanna think about it right now! I feel like I'm gnna get dizzy... Gotta lie down awhile... watch a good movie or somethin intense...take my mind off this. OMG! I feel like such a gd fool!!! OMG...

Edit 0221112115: Yoh-kay...I'm better now. Guess I didn't think she was good for me anyway. She was quite a black-hearted selfish person actually. The most dismissive assuming ruthless GG girl I've ever come across! So much so I doubt I'll ever date another Gemini. I just think Gems & Scorpio's are fundamentally incompatible - extremely so. Doesn't mean Gemini's are 'bad' in a general sense, just very different and adverse to my essential nature.

Oh well. Ya live & learn - crash & burn. I was an idiot. Never do that again! You would not be-LEAVE what she put me through. OMG I could write a book! Instead...probably forget her dumb a## in a week. Whatever... Her loss...not mine. I don't lose, I win. Even when it looks like I'm losing it all comes out good in the end! I must say...sometimes it seems I live a charmed life when I look back at things. Really! It's like I can't lose for trying. For instance...can you imagine how miserable I'd be had things 'turned out' and I became really entwined with a character like THAT? IMO I dodged a bullet and consider myself LUCKY!

I do wanna thank everyone for all their thoughtful advice. Everybody's right to some extent and everybody's wrong as well...including me of course. Especially me actually. And yet...who can calculate predict or understand the workings of the human heart? No one. It's a mystery. One thing's for sure: you can never give up on yourself, think you're 'bad' feel guilty or 'sorry'. There's a million stories in the Naked City...this was just ONE of them....(yaaawn). There are also 300 million people in the US and 6 billion on planet earth. I'm not worried...there's a very high probability I will find my soul mate yet! And I...won't settle... for anyone... less.

Yoo-hoo...where are you??? Soul mate? Where the fc ARE you?!

LOL...

God...that sounds kinda creepy when I re-read it. Isn't though... I'm not in the hunt... not looking for a 'relationship'... right now could give a flying fc. Good enough to get immersed in work and forget about EV-rything else. Sooner or later it all comes down to money anyways. No you can't buy friendships. No you can't buy love. No you can't buy happiness but...you can sure chase away a whole lotta misery. Fat stacks piled a mile high s'what I'm gonna try n earn. Screw 'love'. Who needs it! Women are waaay too non-rational & unfathomable! At this point...last thing I wanna do is be one of em. Christ!

*rips off blouse, bra, skirt, nylons, panties, earrings, bracelet...wipes off lipstick, mascara, eye shadow, nail polish, perfume... puts on pj's & goes to bed early.*

Edit 0221112207: Marissa...you were right. I dint see your long post 'til today, sorry to say. Thanks so much for all the energy you gave me by responding so. And OMG I'm relieved to find out you ARE a Scorpio - you had to be - you're too hot not to be! LOL. I know it sounds like I'm crazy-into astrology...I'm not really. But it seems to me there are SOME salient astrological attributes that attach to most people depending on their sign - people I've met anyways. It's not very scientific...I may be kidding myself...but...I dunno... Guess a date with you would go far in answering that. Too bad we aren't the girl-next-door to each other. Then again...maybe it's good we aren't huh? ;)

[Annie D]

I apologize, in advance, for being such a cynic but I think that people are who they are. Although most of us feel different when we are dressed, in stressful situations and times when we are put to the test we become who we are and can't hide it with the clothing we wear. In the heat of an argument when we say things we wished we hadn't, those words may be hurtful but oftentimes are the truth. Please be on your guard; I hope that I am wrong but someone's attitude does not change as fast as turning on the light switch. There could be an other reason why she so suddenly changed her attitude about you.

Now disregard everything I have said and enjoy your new "relationship" !

[Jill Devine]

Some advice: it's not a Gemini thing, it's a people thing. Some people (regardless of when they were born) are simply nasty self-absorbed people. I am married to a Gemini GG and she is very soft and kind; she thinks of others before herself. She's not materialistic. She's honest and faithful. Wouldnt hurt a fly.

See what I mean?

Know something else? I'm also a Gemini. LOL.

Seriously though, judge people based on who they are, content of heart and where they are heading (not where they are from). Good luck.

[Fab Karen]

$60k? Sounds like she saw you coming.