How has it affected your whole life?

[TessaGirl]

Just would like to hear how much/in what ways you think your life would have been different/better overall, if you had been born female (for transgender men) or male (for females like that)? Of course there are downsides to both. Especially the bias against women in some parts of society, horrible things that happen to them in some primitive parts of the world.

Nonetheless, I`ve never really identified with/understood that much about the way men are supposed to operate in general. So on balance I do think my life would probably have been quite different as a biological female, and possibly better. Think that the fact I hav`nt managed to move out of my parents house, have never had even a brief relationship with the opposite sex etc, is at least partly due to being the wrong gender, not being able to live much more like a women. Dont think my male name looks right on facebook somehow!

Now have largely lost interest in dating because don`t think I could play the role of a boyfriend for a girl, it`s just not me. With no disrespect to gay people, It does NOT have anything to do with that. On the other hand, any thoughts of trying to go with genital reconstruction etc seem awfully drastic really. :) :sad:

[BreenaDion]

I wouldnt be so depressed for so many decades. I would of at least been happier within. I would of live A life that was suppose to be mine.
Breena

[Stephanie Anne]

Honestly I have no idea because I never had a childhood I was content with so I don't have any reference on how growing up complete would have been. If it would have been anything like i feel now in transition, I would wish such a thing.

Since I don't live with what if's, I guess my best answer is I am going through a rebirth now so in a philosophical way, I am getting my second chance now to live whole and content.

[jennifer easton]

I don't rally have a clue, I've lived a male with low selfesteam, have grown up ashamed at how I felt inside, thinking there must be something wrong with me, never had a chance to be female until 6 years ago when I came out to my GF, and shes been amasing I've been outa work for 2 years( seams no one wants to hire a guy thats 61) and I've been able to live female 24/7 if I wanted too, but who knows maybe if I had been Born a girl , I would have wanted to be male, growing up female seams to have a lot of pit falls, maybe more than growing up male, always looks greener on the other side of the fence. I guess the answer is that I would have like to have had the chance. Jenni

[Aprilrain]

Correct me if I'm wrong but it kinda sounds like your doing some wishful thinking. I do this all the time "god I wish I'd just been born female" but the cold hard fact for me is that I was born in to a male body. The other relevant fact is that today right now I have medical options that no other generation of humanity has ever enjoyed.
One thing I read repeatedly on this site and hear at my support group meetings is that transition does not change who you are. If your shy you will still be shy if your an extrovert you will still be an extrovert etc.
I know for me that coming clean to myself about what I am and what I want has reduced a lot of the angst I was feeling, I am hoping that hormones will also help with that.
SRS is the period at the end of the sentence that is transition, there is so much more to it that is far more life altering. Consider that once a person tells all their friends and family that they feel they are the wrong gender and they plan to start living their life as the opposite gender, surgery or no surgery that person has permanently altered their life. Even if that person decideds they made a mistake and goes back to living as their birth gender they have already committed social suicide in most cases.
Good luck in your TG journey.

[Areyan]

i can say that i do get this line of thinking. i'm going to agree with Aprilrain above me though in stating that i think its unhealthy to focus too much on this "what if" stuff. i do hear you though. even though i'm on the other side of the fence (FTM), i grew up with similar feelings about feeling wrong around my female peers and sometimes even resenting guys for having some kind of "ease" i interpreted them to have about being born male and enjoying their natal genders. over the years my jealousy was further fueled by misandry and unbelievable life experiences which did not quickly lead to all my answers. i had to work hard to see "the light" for myself. nowadays it's something i try not to think about too much, indeed it gets me down quickly if i do.

i have to quote something Aprilrain wrote which i agree with wholeheartedly and i think is so true but we all hate talking about it:


Consider that once a person tells all their friends and family that they feel they are the wrong gender and they plan to start living their life as the opposite gender, surgery or no surgery that person has permanently altered their life. Even if that person decides they made a mistake and goes back to living as their birth gender they have already committed social suicide in most cases. (any corrections were mine, lol).

and this is one truth right there about how big this really is. however you deal with yourself whether transsexual or cissexual is your own path. i also wish you luck. this is not a journey anyone really wants to take, but i do understand how sometimes we have tried everything else and this is the only path that still makes sense.

take care. :hugs:

[PortiaHoney]

I hate to nitpick - but a transgender man was born female. I am a transgender woman and I was born male.

It really doesn't matter whether or not we think our lives could have been different or maybe better. It didn't happen. Who is to say that if we were born in our preferred gender, that the circumstances may have influenced our brains in the opposite direction and the boot ending up on the other foot.

We have to work with what we have and make the effort to do the best we can. "If only" is for dreamers.

[Melody Moore]

I am fully aware of the disadvantages women do go through in life but I have no idea really about how any of that would have affected me personally. I do know about being a victim of sexual abuse as well as domestic violence & abuse & I felt very sorry for what I seen my mother go through. I was an easy target for my abusers & was also bullied a lot because I was so shy, repressed & reclusive because I never felt that I belonged with either males or females - I was caught in a place in between. I felt threatened & unsafe around male peers & a deep sense that I didn't belong. I tried to gravitate towards female peers, however was rejected by girls & segregated by others such as teachers because I had the body of a male. The only advantage I think I might have had if I was born in a female body was knowing that I felt right within myself & may have been allowed to fit in & have a chance to be accepted by other females.

[JohnH]

I don't rally have a clue, I've lived a male with low selfesteam, have grown up ashamed at how I felt inside, thinking there must be something wrong with me, never had a chance to be female until 6 years ago when I came out to my GF, and shes been amasing I've been outa work for 2 years( seams no one wants to hire a guy thats 61) and I've been able to live female 24/7 if I wanted too, but who knows maybe if I had been Born a girl , I would have wanted to be male, growing up female seams to have a lot of pit falls, maybe more than growing up male, always looks greener on the other side of the fence. I guess the answer is that I would have like to have had the chance. Jenni

Your life's experience in a lot of ways mirrors mine. I have been out of work over a year and a half, and when one is 58 year of age it's tough to find work. When I was growing up I had low self esteem.

I am a lot happier since I have accepted that I have a feminine side. It's really bad in this society that men are expected to suppress their feminine sides. Thank goodness it is becoming acceptable for a man to weep.

I don't think so much that I am a woman trapped in a man's body; rather I think of myself as a feminine man. I waver in my desire of wanting MtF HRT but if I could afford it I would go for breast augmentation.

I think things would have been easier if I were born female simply because there is a much wider latitude of acceptable ways of behavior and dress for women than there is for men

[Added section]
A man is expected to have a masculine side and have no feminine side. If he has a feminine side it is something that he is to be ashamed of and to be suppressed.
A woman has a feminine side and it is not only accepted by our society but admired for her to have a masculine side.
[/Added section]

If the social constraints for men were not so rigid I would feel much better and might not be contemplating MtF HRT.

There is so much more activity of Male to Female crossdressing and transexual discussions on this forum as compared to Female to Male that it appears the social conventions expected of men and women are extremely unbalanced.

Johanna

[Rianna Humble]

Hard to answer that question even with 20/20 hindsight. I like to hope that had I been born in the right body, I would not have gone through four and a half decades of self-hate and social ineptitude, but is that true - who knows? One thing I can be fairly sure about, if I had been born a cisgendered female I would not have come to the brink of suicide because of being in the wrong body.

However rather than to dwell on that which I cannot change, I prefer to say in the imortal words of Charles Dumont (as sung by Piaf)
No, I will have no regrets - neither the good that was done for me nor the bad
..
For my life and my joy starts today

[Jorja]

I would be about $80,000 to $100,000 richer and would not have suffered mental and physical abuse as a child because I was different. I would not have tried to commit suicide 3 times.

That being said, Life is what YOU make it. Today I am a happy well adjusted woman who loves life and everything that goes with it. Issues? I don't have issues, I have subscriptions!:)

[noeleena]

Hi.

April Ill pick up on this, The if ? .

If your shy ,a introvert,& ill take it futher .

No social skils, shy hide was more like it, no selfesteem a total introvert. did not get on with people failed to learn , school was a total dead loss, till the last year, dyslexic magor. & theres a lot more.

Okay i still have to deal with some of those details tho many were there for 50 years & some are still there. . was this because i could not express my self as my self or am i still the same in all aspects of my life. . oh i was seen as a male tho that was not quite right. i saw my self as a mix of both male & woman. so there is no if , i did not change from male to female & nore could i because of ,i am both .

Now the changes are .
I can stand in front of 1000 s of people & talk to them , Im very self assured , have self confidence , know who i am , not because of H R T or surgery ,

Yet was & able to express my self , as , to who i am , with out fear, many of those details in my life that i strugged with are not there because that part of who i am can express what i am about ,& being a woman . Of cause not for getting my back ground & where iv come from . that part of me as male not 100 % more like 6o % . the disphora detail that many have was never a part of my life . tho i had other things to deal with & that was hard. as a woman i go between 60 to 80 % , & i know i cant clam being a male or a woman in the true sence , yet im happy where i am . i cant do the if ? because of how my mind is wired .

The best way i can think it ,
is to say wheres my womb . women know what that means every thing in side you is geared to have children & when you cant...... oh dear thats hard.. when you get that you know the realality of i cant .......ill leave that there.

The changes for me have been so far out of any thing i could have wished for. If you had known me before & come out with me now & over the last 4 years youd say i was lieing about my self& was making all of this up. not so this is what has happened.

...noeleena...

[TessaGirl]

Yes noeleena I too have some shy/introvert tendencies, so it may well have affected my social confidence to some extent. Can also understand the social suicide idea. It`s kind of depressing/infuriating that once when I was in a nightclub (incidentally very very rare for me now), a plain-clothes policewoman or similar appeared to think I was a thief just because I was carrying a female kind of handbag! Have had one or two other nastier incidents like that as well.

Mostly, though, at least in a large city like London, people seem too busy and preoccupied with themselves to really notice your clothes etc. Sure I also sometimes got teased/bullied about not being enough man at school/university. Have had major misunderstandings/arguments with family members about these kinds of issues as well.

Of course there very probably is some wishful thinking, you can never tell how things would have turned out otherwise. But I think you can instinctively have a fairly good idea that things would have been different though.

[Melody Moore]

If your shy you will still be shy if your an extrovert you will still be an extrovert etc.
I have to disagree, I was very shy & timid & felt lost as a child & was bullied alot. However got more confident by learning martial arts to defend myself & act tough. I made myself appear tougher with tattoos & by working out, engaging in dangerous & risky ultra-masculine activities & occupations etc. I had a sub-conscience death-wish & really didn't care if I lived or died.

However later on in life I started feeling really guilty because I had become everything that deep-down I despised. No matter how hard I tried to see & accept myself as a male, I knew that all that I was as a male was just an act & a mask I wore which amounted to me living my life as one big huge lie. I felt really embarrassed & lots of shame about what I was doing because this was not who I truly was, or ever wanted to be.

Deep down I was this soft, gentle & caring soul, but my exterior was very hard & cold not something I ever wanted to become. When I realised this, I started to tear away everything that I become as a male. but the problem with doing that was I regressed back into that timid & shy reclusive child who was lonely & lost. So there was also lots of anxiety, depression & darkness I went though before I finally accepted who I was and started to transition.

Once I destroyed all my demons & overcome my fears, I found myself & started to live full-time as a female. This is when I really do feel like I finally set myself free from my prison. I had a genuine reason to be happy after I found tremendous acceptance & support. So I found inner peace & happiness even before I started on hormone therapy. However hormones have also helped to bring me even more peace & happiness because now my body is changing to what it should have always been. So I have a very good reason to smile now & be really happy. Now I feel more positive & confident and so much stronger than I ever was before. But I really don't think that is was just the hormones that brought about this change, it was how I dealt with my fears and overcome my issues. This is a far cry to how I was as a timid & shy reclusive, lonely & lost child.