What was starting this lifestyle like for you? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

thechic

01-19-2011, 10:44 PM

Well I just had to start this lifestyle or i was going to die, stress lies upon lies and everything was getting to much and that depression thing that use to rear its ugly head.
So at the beginning of last year made the descition to come out of the closet,went to the TG Therapist.
I now feel more relaxed, not so stressed.It was sometimes nerve racking doing some of the firsts But im now OK with it.
I can now do what i want,go to shops that i like,look the way i want i can be my true self.
most of my family and friends a supportive,but of cause there are some that are not now don't have much to do with them now,You certainly find out who are your true friends.do sometimes have issues at work and customers wanting to know what sex are you are you gay and so on.

Karren H

01-19-2011, 10:50 PM

Welcome!! This question sounds vaguely familiar... Lol.... For me I was 7 and I can't remember what It was like back then. Much except its something I had to do... Driven to do... Still is....

NathalieX66

01-19-2011, 11:07 PM

First, The word "lifestyle" is a term conjured up by Christian fundamentalists who assail gays...as in the gay lifestyle, when in actuality they are referring to a lifestyle of sin, like divorce or fornication. A lifestyle of not seeking repentance, and not accepting Jesus Christ, or whatever.

Secondly, knowing that this is the transsexual forum, I can't entirely relate since I'm a middle-pather (half-this-half that), and I'm not born in the wrong body, as I've heard some here say. I just have a feminine side that needs to be expressed.

FYI, I honestly believe that there is some physiological brain chemistry that occurs during adolescent development in the case of some transsexuals.

For me, much of it was in the closet until I went out into public places last year. Now my guy facebook page has a couple of pics of me, and I have recieved dozens of comments (all good & amusing), and dozens more "likes", and no negative comments or friends dropped. I'm sure this may have freaked out or offended someone, but I do not care at this point. The Pandora's box is now open, and no going back.

Stephanie Anne

01-19-2011, 11:37 PM

Lifestyle is such a poor choice of wording for a transsexual. I equate that word with such things as being goth, vegan, or republican. Those are all things you choose to do and can not do at any time it no longer suits you. Perhaps crossdressing can be deemed a lifestyle for some but as a trans woman, I never had a choice to have this be a part of me. My only choice was to transition or continue to live a miserable self destructive life.

But since you are asking this as a honest question, I'll answer.

I gave up anonymity and apathy about myself and others. I now am a person who is both conscious about the equality of my fellow person and more aware of my own appearance and how I relate to the world at large.

I am now the outgoing, social, and gregarious person I was afraid to be for fear of being found as weak or a misfit. I think about how to better benefit myself and those I care about without having to stop short due to self doubts and depression. As far as intimacy and arousal, I am far more in touch with sensations I neglected or never felt.

This is as personal as I can think. Whenever I would do anything to pleasure myself it would always do what I equate to as self rape. I hated my body and any thoughts of sexual pleasure. Now, I am able to fully enjoy my body and for the first time in my life have toe curling pleasure.

As far as my sexual appetite, I was always awkward and embarrassed of my attraction to men. I hide myself away in a facade of heterosexual relationships and lack there in with women. For the first time in my life, I get really turned on by other people and find myself attracted to men for the sake of pleasure instead of having frustration with women when younger and men when older. I can finally feel good about wanting to date, have relationships, and sex. Something I have never allowed myself to feel my entire post pubescent life.

I hated my image growing up and pictures of myself repulsed me. Since accepting myself as trans, I can now look back and enjoy pictures of my past and taking pictures of my present. I like myself and enjoy how I look and my image.

I gained weight as an adult to try and hide being trans. I would fluctuate wildly from 160 to 260 pounds. I finally am aware of my body and am getting into shape for me and not as a way to ignore myself.

I now care about my appearance, love fashion, cosmetics, my hair and nails. I do this because it makes me feel good inside and out and not because I think it is the only way to be perceived as a woman. While I now feel naked without makeup on, I no longer have the feeling I need it to "pass".

Some thing I did give up was like I mentioned, the ability to hide in public. I would do anything I could to make myself invisible. As a kid I would wish I could just disappear. As an adult I avoided anything that would draw attention to myself. I built up a very sarcastic external image to compensate for my hatred of my own "defects"

My biggest change I would say is the abandonment of my skeleton in the closet. I built up a lifetime of defense and anxiety over being trans. Now that I have nothing to hide, I am finding it difficult yet rewarding to undo 20+ years of self defeat. I honestly do not know how to act sometimes. I have nothing left to hide and I am not sure what to do sometimes.

I can say that I have been happier the last 3 months than the past 20 years combined. The mania and anxiety has disolved away and a calming clear head has taken the place of it. I did feel and express the idea that it sucks to be trans but I have to say, once you cross the threshold and accept yourself, it is really a blessing to undergo the journey.

AnnaCalliope

01-20-2011, 12:01 AM

I knew something was off at age 4 when I had this overwhelming urge to try on another girl's shoes after nap time. I never did, but everyday I wanted to. That's my earliest memory of being TG.

It took me 13 more years to come out of the closet to my friends and realize that I wasn't going to hell for being different. Another year went by before I went out for the first time. At 22, after cutting my hair (all 28 inches) and purging 80% of my female wardrobe, I realized it wasn't going to stop and finally began to embrace my feminine side.

Now I'm 28. I dress en femme almost daily. I've been out dressed well over 100 times. My wardrobe is limited, but still very workable. I own more pairs of shoes than pants. I plan on starting HRT by age 30.

Its been a very interesting journey thus far, and we're not even halfway there yet.

Wow. My hundredth post and Stephanie is at 777. Quick, go buy a lotto ticket!

Melody Moore

01-20-2011, 01:51 AM

Lifestyle is such a poor choice of wording for a transsexual. I equate that word with such things as being goth, vegan, or republican. Those are all things you choose to do and can not do at any time it no longer suits you. Perhaps crossdressing can be deemed a lifestyle for some but as a trans woman, I never had a choice to have this be a part of me. My only choice was to transition or continue to live a miserable self destructive life.

I agree, I don't believe being transsexual is a lifestyle that you ever choose, it is about the necessity
to live your life as your true self, so I also think that this was a very bad choice of wording.

Deciding to transition was an extremely hard decision to make with many hurdles to overcome and it took many years to understand who I was and accept myself as my true self then finally be strong enough to cope with everything I faced with coming out. Fear of losing family & friends & worry about what others would say & think about me become my biggest of demons that I actually created for myself. to understand why I decided to transition you really need to understand how life was me before I started living as my true self.

As a child I was very shy & timid, was lonely & felt very lost. I was also was bullied a lot. However got more confident by learning martial arts to defend myself & act tough. I made myself appear tougher with tattoos & by working out, engaging in dangerous & risky ultra-masculine activities & occupations etc. I had a sub-conscience death-wish & really didn't care if I lived or died.

However later on in life I started feeling really guilty because I had become everything that deep-down I despised. No matter how hard I tried to see & accept myself as a male, I knew that all that I was as a male was just an act & a mask I wore which amounted to me living my life as one big huge lie. I felt really embarrassed & lots of shame about what I was doing because this was not who I truly was, or ever wanted to be.

Deep down I was this soft, gentle & caring soul, but my exterior was very hard & cold not something I ever wanted to become. When I realised this, I started to tear away everything that I become as a male. but the problem with doing that was I regressed back into that timid & shy reclusive child who was lonely & lost. So there was also lots of anxiety, depression & darkness I went though before I finally accepted who I was and started to transition.

Once I destroyed all my demons & overcome my fears, I found myself & started to live full-time as a female. This is when I really do feel like I finally set myself free from my prison. I had a genuine reason to be happy after I found tremendous acceptance & support. So I found inner peace & happiness even before I started on hormone therapy. However hormones have also helped to bring me even more peace & happiness because now my body is changing to what it should have always been. So I have a very good reason to smile now & be really happy. Now I feel more positive & confident and so much stronger than I ever was before. But I really don't think that is was just the hormones that brought about this change, it was how I dealt with my fears and overcome my issues. This is a far cry to how I was as a timid & shy reclusive, lonely & lost child.

So deciding to transition has given me freedom from the shame & guilt I went through for so many years, I have more friends than ever and friends that accept me for who I truly am & without having to wear a mask or act like some tough guy in order to be accepted & fit in with my peers. The freedom I have found is the most valuable thing I have gained from living as my true self.

Frances

01-20-2011, 08:40 AM

Please do not refer to being trans as a lifestyle.

karenhunni

01-20-2011, 03:03 PM

stephanie , so very well written and expresed , so very articulate .

Deborah_UK

01-20-2011, 03:15 PM

stephanie , so very well written and expresed , so very articulate .

I believe Frances expressed it equally as well, and equally as articulately

Please do not refer to being trans as a lifestyle.

tanyalynn51

01-20-2011, 03:32 PM

This isnt a lifestyle, it is about being who you are, as Frances, Stephanie, and others have stated so well. But, I have only recently decided to be true to who I am. Theyve been small steps, but Im not letting myself just stop when setbacks come along. And, although due to my job, I have to spend a couple of days as a man, it is now just a mask that comes off more easily when Im done when I am away from work and can be me.

DeeDee1974

01-20-2011, 03:48 PM

When I went full time it was a huge relief. The daily stress and depression of hiding was over. Once I said to my loved ones this is who I am, love me or leave me alone, my life changed forever. It is nice to wake up being myself and feeling happy.

Traci Elizabeth

01-20-2011, 04:11 PM

Lifestyle! "Oh yes, I remember it well" as Maurice Chevalier would say.

It use to be a show on the Travel Channel I think..."Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous." :lol2::lol2:

Hope

01-20-2011, 05:26 PM

Please do not refer to being trans as a lifestyle.

Lets all be nice to the new girl and not pile on when she makes a simple, nonjudgmental, innocent, slip-up of a word choice - one she was likely very ignorant of it causing any offense - she very obviously came her for help, and not to troll. There are real issues we face, and real issues the OP asked about - this petty BS about the term "lifestyle" is not one of them. If we are really going to be a bunch of catty bitches, lets at least be catty bitches for a reason.

To get back on the bus to on-topic-land:

When I first started out - I was terrified of all of the things any one of us would / was terrified of. I was worried about repercussions. I was worried about my wife leaving me. I was worried about being a freak. I was worried about what my friends would say. I was worried about what it would cost. I worried about things going horribly, spectacularly wrong. I was worried about the unknown.

But the truth is that almost none of those things have come to fruition. My wife hasn't left me, she is my biggest supporter. I am not a freak (well...). Most of my friends are awesome, and those who aren't aren't my friends.

On the plus side, I have honestly learned to be joyful. I am more happy now than I have ever been in my entire life. There is something about not hiding a big part of who you are that frees up a lot of resources for use elsewhere. Imagine that.

But I have lost things too. Things I didn't even realize I enjoyed. Male privilege is the one that comes to mind...

Frances

01-20-2011, 05:36 PM

Lets all be nice to the new girl and not pile on when she makes a simple, nonjudgmental, innocent, slip-up of a word choice - one she was likely very ignorant of it causing any offense - she very obviously came her for help, and not to troll. There are real issues we face, and real issues the OP asked about - this petty BS about the term "lifestyle" is not one of them. If we are really going to be a bunch of catty bitches, lets at least be catty bitches for a reason.

I said please.

Rianna Humble

01-20-2011, 05:57 PM

hey ladies,
I'm new, both to this website and lifestyle...I'm going though a lot of confusing things at the moment and i just wanted to ask a question for those who have gone though it. What was starting this lifestyle like for you? What new things did you get to love, and what did you have to lose to make the change?. I know this is very personal, thank you for any responses.
-me

We all seem so eager to jump on a newbie for using the wrong word! I have news for the other posters in this thread - we weren't all born knowing the right word for every situation. qqkachoo is new around here, why can't we just cut her a little slack for a while and answer the question behind the words rather than the unintentionally offensive word?

I could place my starting point at either of two periods in my life:

1 When I realised I was not a boy in the same sense as the others (my earliest recollections of that are about 47 or 48 years ago so a little sketchy)

2 When I became so desperate that I decided the only thing to do was to accept who I am and live in consequence

If we use the second starting point, then it was like being released form a straight-jacket. Fighting my nature had taken a toll on my physical and mental well-being and I was at the point where I had to choose to accept who I am and live or do the other thing.

Around 2 years ago, I bought a skirt with the thought that I might be able to shame myself out of being transgender. From the moment that I put it on, I knew that there would be no going back. Walking home from the shop wearing my new skirt and a teeshirt (albeit with men's underwear, socks and shoes) just felt so right for me.

I was still conflicted and half didn't want to admit that I would need to transition (after all I had spent decades lying to myself that I could never be accepted as a woman), but I knew then that I could finally live at peace with myself.

The only really significant part of my life that I have had to give up in order to transition is my involvement in active politics. I have to say that I really enjoyed making a difference to peoples lives by representing them onthe local council. Not so much the interminable meetingitis, but being able to intervene on someone's behalf to get something changed. My depression made me less good at that in the last year I was on the council so I decided to step aside, but I have not lost my interest in politics and have received indications from my community that they might want me back once I have got far enough in my transition.

When I was pretending to be a man, I had to hide my feelings and always be the stoical one - I don't miss having to do that. On that score though not everything has changed, I still give friendship and trust freely until it is abused and I still don't give second chances after I have had my trust thrown back in my face.

On the positive side, I love the look and the feel of my clothes and the fact that I no longer look like a fat slob an an ill-fitting man's suit. Now I don't have any men's clothes at all.

I love the interaction at work with the other women in the office in a way that I never had with the men when I was pretending to be one of them. I also adore the thrill of finding a bargain in the sales.

I'm less thrilled by the hard work and self-discipline I will need to realign my voice, but I know that I cannot go on being a woman with a man's voice :sad:

qqkachoo

01-21-2011, 07:57 AM

Thank you all so much for sharing with me, i knew these were very personal questions but honestly your answers have helped me, thank you. I've noticed a lot of things i can relate to my own situation and all of them are just helping confirm that what i've been feeling is real.
I'm truely sorry about using the word lifestyle, I didn't mean to offend anyone or be derogatory in any way. I know this isn't a choice, not becuase you all have told me but becuase i know i would never have chosen this for myself...but i'm here. I only came to the realization that i might be female a month ago, and after fighting it for almost a month i came here to try and resolve all the conflict that's been going on in my head and to figure out what i need to change in my life so that i can really just be happy being me. I'm new to all of this and didn't even consider the possibility that that term was offensive. I don't want to make any enimies or offend anyone and.. i'm sorry.

qqkachoo

01-21-2011, 08:12 AM

Oh, and just putting it out there rianna and hope...love you both, thank you for saving me

Melody Moore

01-21-2011, 08:14 AM

I only came to the realization that i might be female a month ago, and after fighting it for almost a month i came here to try and resolve all the conflict that's been going on in my head and to figure out what i need to change in my life so that i can really just be happy being me. [/B]
Only been fighting with a month? thats not long at all, many of us have been fighting with it in various ways all our lives. I would really like to know more about you & your whole story. I am sure others will also understand & can support you better as well if we know more about you. So please don't be afraid to share your story with us. We would love to hear more about you.

Hugs Melody :hugs:

qqkachoo

01-21-2011, 09:04 AM

Only been fighting with a month? thats not long at all, many of us have been fighting with it in various ways all our lives. I would really like to know more about you & your whole story. I am sure others will also understand & can support you better as well if we know more about you. So please don't be afraid to share your story with us. We would love to hear more about you.

Hugs Melody :hugs:

The first night i came here i was searching for help trying to figure myself out, the first thing i figure'd i would do was write an intro...Most intro's are 3-4 lines and i'd planned to make mine like that but when i started to talk about myself i'd been thinking so much about this lately i ended up zoning out and typing pretty much everything leading up to me getting here. Its about a page and ahalf long single spaced so its a bit read...sorry...but if you want to, here's a link to it...if you have any questions feel free to ask, i'm an open book.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?147209-The-longest-not-exactly-an-intro-ever-written-san-diego

Melody Moore

01-21-2011, 10:29 AM

The first night i came here i was searching for help trying to figure myself out, the first thing i figure'd i would do was write an intro
Hi Nick

I read your intro and a few things concern me after reading it. First of all you are very young & you are obviously still trying to find out who you are & where you fit in the world and Kudos for you for doing that, but PLEASE don't try & rush this because you don't really come across as someone who is transsexual. but just because I said that, it is not to say that you are not a transsexual, but it is not for me or anyone else here to decide.

Everyone else here will tell you that you really need to be talking to a therapist because you have lots to work out. We can help you & guide you, but we cannot help you really to figure yourself out. Only you & a proper pyschologist can do that for you. You obviously think that you might be transsexual because you have come to this forum. But most of us have known that we have had an a gender identity issue for most of our lives. A sense of being born into the wrong body. With you, it seems that your cross-dressing behaviour was brought about by a sexual encounter. So I am hesitant now to try and advise you in anyway without you being under a therapist. However we will help out in anyway that we can.

Hugs Melody :hugs:

Stephanie Heplby

01-21-2011, 11:35 AM

Hi Nick, I, too, just read your intro post and first would like to say that I really appreciated the honest and descriptive writing.

More importantly, I want to respectfully disagree with Melody; I did not read your intro and conclude that "you don't really come across as someone who is transsexual". I worry that a statement like that might be problematic for someone trying to figure out who they are. That said, I strongly agree with Melody that such a determination "is not for [...] anyone [...] here to decide", and so I applaud your efforts to find yourself.

What I read in your intro was the natural confluence of sexuality and gender in a young person. Often, we want to separate these things for some reason, but (pardoning me for a philosophical digression) this is an unrealistic artifact of Cartesian dualism... ahem. Which is to say, we are sexual beings, so sexuality will be important and have significant intersections with gender identity. (Yes, I know that sexuality, sexual orientation, and gender identity are different, but they have impacts on and intersections with each other.)

The pivotal encounter you describe was most non-sexual, which seems important to me, so your questioning seems completely reasonable.

In my own experience, I cannot say that I truly had a grip on my gender problems until my 30s or 40s. It has been a theme throughout my life, but I never identified it until I was a full-fledged adult who finally had the emotional space and tools to examine my self-identity in this way. Hence, I am not one of those people who have always known. In truth, I had no idea -- I merely knew I didn't fit in and had "unusual" thoughts that I didn't understand and didn't share with anyone.

Finally, let me agree strongly with everyone else (including Melody): seek out a good therapist, preferrably one who has significant gender experience. You can often find these types of people via local support groups or some judicious web searches. If you have money troubles, talk with the therapist because many (in my own experience) are willing to "negotiate" in order to help; they recognize the seriousness of the issue.

Melody Moore

01-21-2011, 04:20 PM

More importantly, I want to respectfully disagree with Melody; I did not read your intro and conclude that "you don't really come across as someone who is transsexual". I worry that a statement like that might be problematic for someone trying to figure out who they are. That said, I strongly agree with Melody that such a determination "is not for [...] anyone [...] here to decide", and so I applaud your efforts to find yourself.
What I was trying to point out here Stephanie is that Nick does not show the same typical pattern to those who I know who have suffered a life time of issues relating to gender identity disorder & are now transsexual. I also did say that I was not ruling out the fact that she might be transsexual. I said this is not for me or anyone else here to try & determine this for Nick. I had a sense of belonging more with other females as peers rather than boys from a really young age & also dressed as a girl from a young age which was an expression of my true gender identity. The first time Nick put on girls clothes was during a gay sexual encounter when she was asked to do so by another male which hardly fits in with the typical behaviour of someone who suffers from gender identity disorder. Transvestic Fetishism can occur among young gay men who are trying to find themselves. So this is why I urged caution here and why I also strongly urged Nick to find a therapist to get proper help before ever making a life altering decision to start feminisation treatments such as hormone therapy. The affects of hormone treatment are very much permanent.

Kaz

01-21-2011, 04:22 PM

I am sorry, this was never a lifestyle choice? Not sure what you mean by that?

Vickie_CDTV

01-25-2011, 05:22 AM

I wonder how common TVF is in gay men? From what I have read, and based on personal experience, it seems to be an almost exclusively heterosexual phenomenon.

It doesn't sound like Nick is a TVF either, since the first time they had worn women's clothes was at the urging of a partner and the clothing by itself was not a turn on. His partner may have a fetish for women's clothing in some capacity, since he introduced it; I wonder if the partner also wore women's clothing himself.

Of course, only a qualified therapist can help Nick and diagnose what is going on. In my opinion, based on what he has said it sounds like Nick is a gay man who just happens to crossdress because others want him to, not a TVF or a TS.

Allyson Michelle

01-25-2011, 05:36 AM

I never really started. my earliest childhood memory is when I was 3 and I was trying on my mom's lipstick. Ive been at it since birth!

Jennifer Marie P.

01-27-2011, 10:09 AM

I knew since I was 6 that this was the lifestyle for me and never looked back and pleased with the results transforming into the woman I wanted to be.

Frances

01-27-2011, 10:34 AM

Which part of my trans experience is a lifestyle exactly? I get up, feed the cats, take a shower, get dressed and go to work. I slave in a cubicle translating meaningless stuff deemed super important by the client. I go home, have dinner, watch TV and fall asleep. On weekends, I try to be more active by going shopping or cleaning my apartment. I sometimes play some guitar and sometimes play Spider (the Windows Solitaire game) while watching YouTube videos. Whenever I can, I spend time with my girlfriend who, also trans, is very busy taking care of a difficult child.

Which part of this is a lifestyle exactly? When I do groceries? Pay the rent? Walk to work in Canadian gooey winter slush? Stare at a computer until I cannot see anymore? It is interesting that the men working around me pretty much have the same lifestyle as me. Are they transsexuals too?

I am sorry, but being trans is no more fun than being cis, and it is the SAME lifestyle by all appearances.

Rianna Humble

01-27-2011, 03:27 PM

Which part of my trans experience is a lifestyle exactly?

Are you so wrapped up in semantics, you can't even remember what it was like to be a newbie on a forum and maybe use a term that the denizens would not approve of? Is it so hard to look beyond an unfortunate choice of words for which the OP has already apologised and try to answer the underlying question?

Frances

01-27-2011, 03:32 PM

Are you so wrapped up in semantics, you can't even remember what it was like to be a newbie on a forum and maybe use a term that the denizens would not approve of? Is it so hard to look beyond an unfortunate choice of words for which the OP has already apologised and try to answer the underlying question?

I am not wrapped up in anything. I reacted to Jennifer Marie P. post who has 1,875 posts. She is hardly a newbie. As far as the OP is concerned, I asked her politely to not refer to our lives as lifestyles (I said please to the OP didn't I?).

Laura_Stephens

01-28-2011, 10:08 AM

Without regards to terminology, I knew I was "different" from my earliest memories. I have always been this way and, consequently, I don't know of any other way. Because of that, it is difficult to guage how life would have been different had I not been bord who I am.

Danni Bear

01-29-2011, 07:33 PM

Rhinna and Frances,

Yes, the use of the word lifestyle is unfortunate but it is understandable for Nick to use it. He/she is very new to this whole life and the issues that we have all faced over a span of years. The life we lead is and has always been a choice for each of us. It is one that each has to make in their own time and circumstances. Whether to live a lie and continue to spiral down a road of self distruction or to accept ourself as who we are. This is a very hard choice for anybody and one that cannot be made alone. The O.P. was asking for help in understanding in the thoughts raging through her mind and seeking help from those of us that have been through them before her.

danni

Rianna Humble

01-30-2011, 01:04 AM

The O.P. was asking for help in understanding in the thoughts raging through her mind and seeking help from those of us that have been through them before her.

Ah yes, unlike what I wrote here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?147327-What-was-starting-this-lifestyle-like-for-you&p=2386518&highlight=#post2386518)

sarac

01-31-2011, 06:54 PM

I read all the replies and I was at first just going to move on. I also am new here and who here had NO IDEA what she meant. My gosh we all did. I find for me at least its most of the same girls here talking. I dont want to single any one out because i run the risk of being jumped on as well. Maybe some of you had no problem in transition, I am also in transition, and yes its not all that easy. And yes for me its what I must do for myself. She asked for advice and all you girls heard was lifestle shame on you. We do the same as a guy needs to do and more. Its what we must do, to move on and also there are other things for fun like dining out movies, clubs to go dancing. So my answer to her is yes its worth it. Now why dont you consider others feelings before you jump. It is so catty ( B..chy). Thank you
Sara

Stephenie S

02-08-2011, 09:54 PM

I think that Francis is trying to make an important point here.

That point is NOT just a semantic difference. The point is that what she experiences as she lives is LIFE, not a life "style". I don't think she ever intended to jump on the newbie.

What happens when one transitions is that life goes on, just as before. You still have to get up, get breakfast, feed the cat, go to work, go shopping, go out to dinner with your boyfriend. There is nothing different about it. It's all just the same.

So what IS different? Why transition at all if it's just the same? What's different is internal. It's that old saw, "It's not what's between your legs, it's what's between your ears". What's different is not what you wear, it's who you are. The OP was asking about being trans on the basis of wearing some women's clothes (no, not even women's clothes, it was women's underwear) and wondering about this "lifestyle".

Francis merely pointed out (she even said "please"), that it wasn't a lifestyle, it was LIFE.

This is a pretty important distinction.

Stephenie

Aprilrain

02-09-2011, 02:26 AM

My advice is to get used to the bitchiness because its probably not going to go away. Don't take it personally or eles you may find your self one of the bitches!
Read your intro, great read by the way I was getting all caught up in the moment on your date. Do you still see him? Don't let that one get away!
when I was young (shorter than the ironing board) I told my mom I was going to grow up to be like her. she informed me that I would grow up to be like my dad. I only remember feeling that that was wrong but don't remember what I said if anything. I definitely wasn't an ultra femme sissy boy, I avoided fights but didnt really let other kids walk all over me either. I played with mine and my sisters toys (theirs when they weren't around) I had male friends and we played in the woods and rode bikes. I detested sports but loved the tree house I built, and always had a mild fascination with guns. Other than my moms shoes, stockings and lipstick I don't remember voluntarily wearing girl clothes (sisters dressed me up sometimes) until I was 10-12. After puberty it took on a decidedly sexual bent, i was always the girl in my head, which was intoxicating but always left me feeling guilty and perverted. By high school i was mostly hanging out with girls. I could never quite figure out if i wanted to sleep with them, be their friends or be them! All of the above, I was probably 19 when I bought my own girl clothes and they were strictly for the bed room. I told my girlfriend and she didn't care but I did. I have always wanted to come out but as soon as I'd start I'd freakout and crawl back in the closet. It wasn't until my late twenties that I started to lose control of the dressing (doing things seemingly to get caught) by 30 I had to do something about it. I found this website and came out to my wife as a cross dresser but suspected more. It all went back in the closet again for another 4 years. A rocky marriage forced me to move out and the TG thing exploded on the scene again. That was 5 months ago. Since then I've told my sisters And most of my friends. I have a therapist and a support group Ill go almost anywhere presenting in my preferred gender with confidence and comfort. I'm ill at ease in male mode. I look forward to starting hormones as I hop this will have psychological and emotional benefits as well as or because of the physical changes.
Good luck on your journey

gennee

02-09-2011, 01:54 PM

I'm living life as my true self. I came out six years ago at age fifty-six. I'm sixty-two and have never been happier.

Gennee

ReneeT

02-09-2011, 06:22 PM

No, this was not a lifestyle choice for me. If it was a choice, i would never choose something that would bring those that i love so much pain, jeopardize all that i have worked for professionally, subject me to peronal ridicule, and make life generally difficult. I am not a masochist ( no judgement here, its just not me)

No, i did not choose t be a transexual. It chose me, and i really had no say in the matter. Did anyone ask you if you wanted blue/brown/hazel eyes? So, we deal with it as best as we know how. Some of us supress it, some overcomensate, some turn to substance abuse, and some accept it. Some even embrace it! I, personally, am guilty of all of the above!

What has it been like? Have you ever ridden a roller coaster? Well, that's it. One day feeling on top of the world because you are at peace with who you really are, the next day wallowing in self-loathing for not being the "man" everyone expects you to be. Do i drink more now than i used to? Absolutely. Am i happy with it? Absolutey not.

So, it is not, from my perspective a choice. A curse? Maybe.

That's all i have to say about that........