How would you deal with your SO crossdressing?

[DaphneGrey]

So here is my question. If your wife or girlfriend started crossdressing would you be supportive?

I have no reason to ask other than my own curiosity as I think about trying to understand my supportive wife and what she goes through to be married to someone like me. I wonder if I could do the same thing. I think trying to see this whole thing from her perspective really helps me understand how amazing she is.

And please spare the women get to wear pants all the time and men can't wear aything remotley feminine, bla bla bla line. I mean crossdressing and everything it entails. Forum activity, male name, not shaving , going out etc..

Just wondering.

[Marie-Elise]

I would not mind at all. In fact, she told me she spent a year only dressing in men's clothes when she was in college. I might have an issue with full time because I am attracted to women only. But otherwise, I would be all over it.

[Amy Lynn3]

Like the gg's say....if I knew going into the relationship I would be fine with it. But years into the relationship if the issue came out of the closet I think it might be a problem, but I don't know, as I have not been there. I might be like the gg's and take it in stride. I would think I would, especially if the relationship was healthy anyway.

[Bethany38]

My wife really does not crossdress and if she did I do not think it would be an issue. I fell in love with her not the clothes on her back. A small side note when I quit wearing my boxer briefs and started to wear panties full time, she started wearing my old boxer briefs, and stopped wearing her panties. Go figure

[linnea]

Yes. If that is what she wants to do, I'm all for it. I would expect the same standards of behavior to apply to her as I apply to myself: consideration for each other's ideas and feelings, monogamy with each other, openness and honesty, support and acceptance.

[Joanne f]

I would not mind any of it apart from being very hairy as i do not like very hairy people :shush: and the going out would depend on what it was for .

[ninapuella]

I would not bother as long as she doesnt do it because she is lazy. A lazy girl that goes into a "male-style" is not hot at all.

[Mackenzie]

That's a great question that I have thought about and talked with my precious wife about.

If she wanted to "crossdress", female to male, I would have fun with it. I would buy her male underwear, some male clothing, a nice ball cap or something to hide her very beautiful hair, etc. Whatever name she would like to be called, that's how I'd address her. I would find out how she wanted to express her masculinity and we would do it. It would be fun and something very "us" that we would do together.

If she decided not to shave the legs and underarms, to me it's no big deal. It would be part of her wanting to express her masculinity. Again, I would support it.

She is very supportive of me so I would certainly have fun with her.

Mackenzie

[Misty G]

I wouldn't have any problem with it. what ever makes them happy is ok by me.

[ikthys]

I will answer this honestly and let the nay sayers say their nay.
Of course taking into consideration that there is no good parallel due to the whole "women wear pants all the time, bla, bla, bla", if she was actually trying to express a "masculine" image and manifestation, I should think I'd be turned off and grossed out. I married a woman, and I would be very concerned if she wanted to pretend to be the opposite. It's one thing to be a woman who has hair, or a woman who wears loose fitting clothes, etc. It's a whole other thing for her to be trying intentionally to personify a man and "manliness". Of course, I'd really have no other option but to work through it with her honestly and with deep emphathy :)

[linda allen]

That's a great question that I have thought about and talked with my precious wife about.

If she wanted to "crossdress", female to male, I would have fun with it. I would buy her male underwear, some male clothing, a nice ball cap or something to hide her very beautiful hair, etc. Whatever name she would like to be called, that's how I'd address her. I would find out how she wanted to express her masculinity and we would do it. It would be fun and something very "us" that we would do together.

If she decided not to shave the legs and underarms, to me it's no big deal. It would be part of her wanting to express her masculinity. Again, I would support it.

She is very supportive of me so I would certainly have fun with her.

Mackenzie
But what if she started wearing prosthetic male genitals? Sort of like us wearing forms and "tucking".

[ikthys]

But what if she started wearing prosthetic male genitals? Sort of like us wearing forms and "tucking".

Exactly- yuck!

[linda allen]

I will answer this honestly and let the nay sayers say their nay.
Of course taking into consideration that there is no good parallel due to the whole "women wear pants all the time, bla, bla, bla", if she was actually trying to express a "masculine" image and manifestation, I should think I'd be turned off and grossed out. I married a woman, and I would be very concerned if she wanted to pretend to be the opposite. It's one thing to be a woman who has hair, or a woman who wears loose fitting clothes, etc. It's a whole other thing for her to be trying intentionally to personify a man and "manliness".

I would be fine with that providing it's just occasionally and I was dressed as a female at the same time. Sort of a role reversal. She would be the male, I would be the female. Actually, I would be more than fine with it. :heehee:

[ReineD]

I would buy her male underwear, some male clothing, a nice ball cap or something to hide her very beautiful hair, etc.

But what if she decided to get a man's haircut?

[JustWendy]

Wow, this is not as easy a question to respond to as I thought it would be. As a TG male, the easy response would be that I hope I would be as accepting of her as I want people to be of me. But to truly understand what we ask of our SOs, I have to ask myself the question, “what if I were a non-TG hetero male, and I fall in love with a woman. I not only admire and love the person she is, but I’m crazy about her looks – the smooth hairless curves of her body, the smell of her perfume, the way her earrings sparkle in the light as I brush her hair to the side as we kiss. Then one day she comes to me and says she really needs to explore her masculine side. She prefers the scent of Old Spice, she hates wearing jewelry, she wants to stop shaving, and asks how I would feel if she started wearing a men’s styled wig when we were at home. Can I truthfully say this wouldn’t be a deal breaker? I could see where it could be.

[darla_g]

You know asking this question puts ones own crossdressing in a new light. If i were to ask my GF she would say she doesn't mind the crossdressing, but it's not her hobby not mine and she likes seeing the masculine side of me too more.

If you flip it around and she wanted to crossdress I suppose I would be supportive, but i must confess I'm not really into masculine trends (eg. wingtip shoes flat) making their way into female styles. I guess that comes off as a bit of a double standard. But if you consider it from a female perspective thats how a bunch of women tend to view their partner's crossdressing.

[ikthys]

Wow, this is not as easy a question to respond to as I thought it would be. As a TG male, the easy response would be that I hope I would be as accepting of her as I want people to be of me. But to truly understand what we ask of our SOs, I have to ask myself the question, “what if I were a non-TG hetero male, and I fall in love with a woman. I not only admire and love the person she is, but I’m crazy about her looks – the smooth hairless curves of her body, the smell of her perfume, the way her earrings sparkle in the light as I brush her hair to the side as we kiss. Then one day she comes to me and says she really needs to explore her masculine side. She prefers the scent of Old Spice, she hates wearing jewelry, she wants to stop shaving, and asks how I would feel if she started wearing a men’s styled wig when we were at home. Can I truthfully say this wouldn’t be a deal breaker? I could see where it could be.

This almost brought me to tears thinking about how much I must have crushed my sweet wife's innocent and natural feelings for me at first. Thanks for exploring it from "their" side like this.

[Pythos]

If my female SO popped on me she wanted to be male, it would really depend on how she acted. If her behavior in male mode was one that mocked men, and exhibited those qualities of men that I despise, then we would be over. Pure and simple.

If she just liked the male style and wanted nothing to do with female styles, I would accept her clothing that she is abandoning:)

If she was hypocritical however and said that I could not wear "feminine" stuff, but she could wear masculine styles. Then our relationship would be damaged.

There are many factors, but the bottom line with me is, I would not care what she wore, as long as she remained the person I loved, and was not a hypocrite. If she went out fully as a male, then she would not balk at me going out with her completely en fem.

[Mackenzie]

Maybe I need to clarify. No, I would not want my beautiful wife to get her hair cut any more than she would want me to grow long hair. I would not want her to have fake genitals any more than she would want me to have mine removed and for me to grow breasts.

But my point is that I would extend to her the same understanding and kindness that she so lovingly extends to me.

I am a man and want to remain a man. I do manly things. I get rough, I hunt, I would fight for my family at the drop of a hat.

But also, like the rest on the forum, we "slip into" our femme side and have fun for a bit, then revert back. That's what I would allow her to do if she so wished. Slip into "male mode" but then get back to my beautiful and ever-so-feminine bride of 31 years.

Mackenzie

[suchacutie]

Looking at the situation from the reversal of roles is, or course, fascinating. It looks like my wife and I have been more careful about this than we knew at the time, though it's likely my wife is simply brilliant and has seen the issues in the clear light of day.

With that preamble, all I would ask is that the agreements that we have cut both ways. We married as a heterosexual couple and we both agree that this original attraction must be maintained as we are not interested in others of our biological genders. Since Tina is her girlfriend, Tina would continue to be her girlfriend regardless of gender presentation, and I would be her boyfriend. The rules about "she gets her man when she wants him" would also apply in reverse.

With us, Tina is an adventure in trying to understand who this feminine creature is and what part she plays in my life. I would presume that the same would be true in reverse, leading to all manner of discussions of "how to be masculine", some of which we have already had as comparisons of how to be feminine, including growing up in the particular genders, psychology, socialization, and the like. In fact, it would be a bit of a hoot to help her work through her masculinity just as I'm working through my femininity.

Can one buy crewcut wigs? Which issues would be harder FTM as compared to MTF?

The key would be that we much continue to work on this together as a part of our relationship.

tina

[linda allen]

........ I would not want her to have fake genitals any more than she would want me to have mine removed and for me to grow breasts ............
That's not the same thing. If you can wear "fake breasts", why couldn't she wear fake genitals?

My wife doesn't know I CD but if she came to me and said she wanted to dress up like a male from time to time, I would say "OK, then I'll dress up as a female." Genitals would be fine.

I am not one who wants to become a female or feels I was born in the wrong body, I just like to pretend from time to time that I am a female. What better way to do it than to have a trusted "pretend male" to do it with?


......... Can one buy crewcut wigs? Which issues would be harder FTM as compared to MTF?


Hiding the breasts might be an issue depending on their size. "Bald" wigs are available but I don't know if they would cover long female hair. Beards, mustach, etc. are available. Male genitals are available as flacid and erect (I hope I'm not going too far into no-no land here).

[Tina B.]

For over thirty five years my wife has put up with me dressing up like a woman, and lately I mean a lot. I have not presented as a man in over a week now. So just how could I tell her she could not do the same. In all honesty, do to health issues, the sex life is pretty much over anyway, and with me dressed most of the time, we have become girlfriends more than anything else. If she decided to cross dress, then the differences would not be that much different. She only wears pants now, and the style of tops wouldn't even change that much, other than the buttons being on the other side, and maybe a different fabric. She has very short hair and wears in what I would have to call a gender neutral style. Hairy legs and genitals really would have no effect on me. Then we could be boyfriend girlfriend again, but I get to be the girl, hey I love this idea!
Tina B.

[meri]

I wouldn't like it very much, I married a female, not a male.

Now, I will say this, fully CDing women (hairy legs, full "drab" clothing, etc.) seem to be less frequent that CDing men. I believe this is because women have the latitude in their normal dress to include masculine looking things freely. For instance, jeans... I have known women who have gone from jeans, plaid shirt, pencil holders by day to a pretty dress, makeup, nails etc., by night. Women have earned the right to this wide range of choice over the past century.

I believe that one of the reasons men fully dress as a female is because we don't have the latitude to wear any female looking clothing at all. Hence, you need to adopt a fully female look to be able to wear anything female in nature.

I believe that if we as men had the full range of clothing choices available to us as women do, the incidence of fully crossdressing men would be much lower.

I practice what I preach, I am truly a "skirt" aficionado. I just plain "like them". I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be permitted to wear them (tastefully), so I do. Most of us are living in a country where they don't "stone" you or cut your hands off for such infractions. Hence, despite the numerous odd looks, I proudly go forth with my skirts. I am trying to achieve the same "balance" that women have already earned. I guess, I am earning my way too....

[Abbyru1]

My wife would still be my wife. I married her for better or worse in sickness or health etc.
When I said those words , I accepted who she is. This wouldn't change anything at all.
I don't expect it to happen but if it does so be it. I don't see me kicking her out of my life
for something as small as this.

[Holly]

Oh, I would support her/him. Of course s/he would have to abide by my boundaries. Under-dressing in boxers would probably be okay... except in the bedroom. S/he could fully dress one afternoon/evening a week and I would be happy to help pick out which dirty jeans and torn shirt would be least compatible. And I would be extra observant as I watched her/him cut the grass, trim the trees and shrubs, pull weeds, apply fertilizer, etc. Perhaps one day, when I am more comfortable, I will accompany him/her to the auto parts store while s/he gets the parts needed to repair my car. On our anniversary, I would get him/her something that would let her/him know that I accept and love the masculine side of her/him as well... maybe a nice nail gun or a box of cigars. Maybe in a few years, I will be comfortable enough to accompany her/him to the menswear store and go shopping together. I could hold different things up and ask, "Do you think 'Bob' would like this?"

Okay, so here is the real deal. I married my wife for the total person she is... warts and all. If she decided that she, as a person, was more comfortable presenting as the male of the species, how could I deny her that?

Here's an unspoken truth; none of us are the same persons we were when we met our partners. It's the basic nature of living... we change, we grow, we discover. Ah, but love, love is different. It's constant. It's that point where our relationships are anchored (or should be). Love reaches past the physical and into the heart. Love allows us to live so that we can change, we can grow, we can discover. If we truly love our partners, how could we deny them?

[Marilyn Beck]

So here is my question. If your wife or girlfriend started crossdressing would you be supportive?

I have no reason to ask other than my own curiosity as I think about trying to understand my supportive wife and what she goes through to be married to someone like me. ...

If you are asking this question to understand what your non-crossdressing wife is going through, I think you are asking the wrong group of people (crossdressers). Naturally, crossdressing men have more empathy for other crossdressers than do non-crossdressing men. If you want objective, non-biased feedback, perhaps you should bring this up on a forum that attracts a more typical cross-section of heterosexual men.

Having said that, my (mostly irrelevant) reply to the question would be that I would be very supportive, even enthusiastic, about having a crossdressing wife. I think it would be a lot of fun to dress up together, reversing our male/female roles. However, I would want our crossdressing to be a private activity. Just as my wife does not want me to reveal my crossdressing to friends, family, neighbors, coworkers and other acquaintances, I would not want my wife to reveal to others that she is a crossdresser.

Just speculating, I think I would have a very difficult time accepting my wife's crossdressing if I were a 'normal' heterosexual male. I think it would be a big sexual turnoff for me and I would cringe at the thought of her having a 'butch' appearance. Nonetheless, it would not necessarily be a marriage breaker and I would try to understand and support her.

[KristaE]

If she was doing because that is how she felt good about herself, I would support it. If she was doing it to "get back" at me, then we would have to have a serious talk.

[Emily Ann Brown]

My Ex worn male jeans, male socks, male t-shirts and male sweater. Only dressed up female sometimes for church or a SPECIAL party. Her hair half the time was a male style. It was what it was.


Em

[MiamiMarie]

I've seen this question asked on the forum before, and while I think its good to remind ourselves to treat others how we wish to be treated, I don't think that most of the CDs on this board can look at this the way most hetero, non-CDing men would.

But as much as I know how you CDs all REALLY love your accepting wives and hope to be as good to her as she is to you, can you honestly say you would be? If you are born biologically male, then wouldn't that mean you are still very visual and sexual creatures? Far more than women are? Women crave intimacy far more than sex and we aren't as invested in how our men look. Perhaps hetero/non-CD women are better equipped to accept CDing than even you guys are. Maybe in saying you can really accept her CDing, you want to be kind and match acceptance levels, but if you really think about it - could you really?

What if your woman took things to the level that many of you guys do? What if she shaved her head, wore men's cologne, slapped on a fake mustache, lowered her voice, glued on chest hair, grew out the rest of her hair, and strapped on a d*ldo. What if this was carried on into the bedroom, and the only hope you had of completing the act of sex was to make her feel as manly as possible? Do you really think you are capable of doing that? What if she took on a more male libido and chased you around for her manly sex alot? What if you found her masturbating to Buck Angel porn? Sorry if I am graphic, but this is the level of what many GGs face.


If my female SO popped on me she wanted to be male, it would really depend on how she acted. If her behavior in male mode was one that mocked men, and exhibited those qualities of men that I despise, then we would be over. Pure and simple.


I appreciate your honesty, but in fairness, many GGs have to put up with exactly that sort of thing. Many CDs when pretending to be women act like a prostitute, a diva, a Disney princess, or a little teenage girl when they begin creating a more feminine identity. If I had to start pretending to be a man right now, I would probably burp, fart, scratch, pound beer, and tell my husband to make me a sandwich while I watch football.

[CherryZips]

What if your woman took things to the level that many of you guys do? What if she shaved her head, wore men's cologne, slapped on a fake mustache, lowered her voice, glued on chest hair, grew out the rest of her hair, and strapped on a d*ldo. What if this was carried on into the bedroom, and the only hope you had of completing the act of sex was to make her feel as manly as possible? Do you really think you are capable of doing that? What if she took on a more male libido and chased you around for her manly sex alot? What if you found her masturbating to Buck Angel porn? Sorry if I am graphic, but this is the level of what many GGs face.

Actually that sounds like an awesome sex game to play out with a woman. I guess I might get bored of it. But I like aggressive women, I don't think thats such a rare thing in the CD community. Going with a real man isn't kinky to me.

I like being a straight guy dressed as a woman. It feels more wrong.

[Margot]

I'm in Tina B's corner. Exact situation.

[Tanya C]

There is no question that I would accept my wife's crossdressing. I say this because I personally know what it is to be TG and I have accepted the fact that dressing is what I need to do to express my female side. Knowing that, how I could I possibly be so cruel as to deny her TG expression? Not to mention the futility in trying to make her quit.
You see, it's a lot easier for me to accept because I have the advantage of being a cder. She has accepted on blind faith that dressing is necessary in a cder's life.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Okay, so here is the real deal. I married my wife for the total person she is... warts and all. If she decided that she, as a person, was more comfortable presenting as the male of the species, how could I deny her that?

Here's an unspoken truth; none of us are the same persons we were when we met our partners. It's the basic nature of living... we change, we grow, we discover. Ah, but love, love is different. It's constant. It's that point where our relationships are anchored (or should be). Love reaches past the physical and into the heart. Love allows us to live so that we can change, we can grow, we can discover. If we truly love our partners, how could we deny them?

Couldn't have said it better!

[Kate Simmons]

As long as it doesn't change who she is as a person, there would be no problem.:)

[DaphneGrey]

Marilyn Beck Thanks for your response:

Thanks for the response but you have completely missed my point. I would like to tell you and everyone that I would be 100% supportive and be able to live with the changes that she had made as she lives with mine in her support of me. I would try and try my best, but ultimately I wouldn't be able to do it. If she got a crew cut, Stopped waxing and shaving, etc.. it is not something I would be able to live with. But she does live with the very same thing in me. She married a man who dresses, grooms and acts like a woman. So I try and think if the roles were reversed would I be as strong? would I be able to meet her needs the way she has met mine? I doubt it quite frankly, and that realization helps me keep in perspective just how incredible she really is.

It is hard to answer a hypothetical question especially when you thought it up in the first place.

Thanks for the Post Miami Marie! I will be honest and say no, in that case it wouldn't work for us. I would still support "Him" as I understand what it is like to feel that way. But our marriage would be over. And before anyone flames me and says I am a terrible partner. I should point out that when I came out to her and put all the cards on the table I made it clear that if she chose to leave I would give her everything. The house, car, etc. I understood she didn't sign on for this and I wasn't going to try and make her stay if she didn't want to. It would have killed me to loose her. Thankfully we worked things out and are very happy today. In fact happier than we have ever been. But I do believe if we had divorced we would still be best friends.

I hope nobody judges me to harshly.

[linda allen]

............ I do believe if we had divorced we would still be best friends.

As many times as I've heard people say that, I've never seen it happen.

[DaphneGrey]

As many times as I've heard people say that, I've never seen it happen.

Oh thanks for the comment, not:eek:

[RachelZ]

I wouldn't have a problem in the world with it. She lets me borrow her cloths, so I'd gladly let her borrow mine

[ikthys]

I was realizing yesterday that I think it is more likely for a hetero mtf cd to have more natural revulsion (to say nothing of the fact that they may have far more cause to want to try to show empathetic support) to a ftm cd SO than even a non-cd hetero male. For me, cd interest has everything to do with the fact that, while I love being a man, I am quite obsessed with the attractiveness of the "feminine" look, and generally repulsed by a "masculine" one. This makes me all the more upset when my wife- a natural women- lucky thing- would try to get away from that look and don what I often wish I didn't have to.

[KristaE]

MiamiMarie - Point well taken. I do appreciate my wife's femininity and I suppose it is my certainty of her femininity that doesn't make this scenario too worrisome to me. But at the same time, if she took it to the level that I take it to, I think I would be fine with it (even maybe a bit turned on)... and perhaps other CDers feel the same way... regardless of what "level" it is, they would feel comfortable with the reciprocal level in their SO. But maybe not.

I cannot speak for the other CDers here, only for myself. I do not dress 24/7 and I do not underdress all the time either. So if my wife wanted the same level as me, I'd be OK with it. If my wife wanted to go farther, then I might have a problem with it. I'd have to see it to know, though.

[GingerLeigh]

Oh man, my wife as a dude. We could be the perfect couple! What a hoot!

She has long luxurious hair, I'd be sadly disappointed if she were to cut it all off.

Ginger

[Stephanie47]

This is an interesting question. Some of the women in my family wear guy jeans because they have pockets to put keys and a slim wallet or billfold in it. They really hate carrying around a clunky 'trash bag,' my word for it. I see many women with short hair cuts. They like flannel shirts and tee shirts. Sometimes they wear shoes bought in the men's department out of comfort. I've never seen a female to male cross-dresser. I've seen female lesbians who present as males. I think there is a big difference between dressing in male clothing for comfort and functionality and a female lesbian presenting as a male. I cannot envision my wife wearing male business or semi-business attire, but, if she did I'd probably ask her why. She has asked me about why I cross-dress, and, I really cannot give her an answer. I don't know why. It so easy for a woman to accommodate male attire into her wardrobe without raising an eyebrow. Guys just can't do it without raising an eyebrow. As long as she was tasteful, stylish and clean, I'd be ok with it. But, no mustache- I use to hate when my aged grandmother tried to kiss me on the lips with the bristles above her lip

[Dannigirl]

Mine does crossdress, she wears jeans, boyshorts underwear, t-shirts, socks and hiking boots. All of which used to be just for men many years ago. So I love her anyway as I am dressed right now as she is cooking dinner !

[Kaz]

My SO (wife for those who are not PC limited) and my daughters wear and present however they want.. they have that freedom of expression and it is 100% accepted by society. Women have worked hard to earn this.

[Lorileah]

I am not seeing exactly what this would entail. Growing facial hair? Wearing a compression garment? It seems so nebulous here. Many women wear "men's hair cuts and they have been stylish.

Truth is, I really would not care if she would. You see, I am stuck on who a person is not what they wear. Most men (and women) have seen their spouse morph overtime. Luckily, at least for me, I don't have a great long term memory and I really don't remember details so I see the "everyday".

[MonicaTC]

My SO is planning on doing CD and I love it.

[ronniew]

i don't really think gender has really that much to do with accepting. whether it's mtf or ftm, sometimes it's hard on the SO and sometimes it's exciting and arousing and fun. it all has to do with being able to accept our SO as they are, be it masculine, feminine, fluid, queer, tg, tv, or all of the above. if we can't accept the CD part of someone, we really are only accepting half of who that person we love really is. love is acceptance .. of everything. even when we have to have visitation rights to that special black lace shirt, or the green button down dress shirt, being able to talk and share is the key. and heaven forbid if your SO does start to CD and she wares the same size you do!

[Olivia2]

MiamiMarie-I agree with you in that I believe most GG's are more fluid with regard to the physical presentation of their love interests than are most genetic males (exceptions exist of course). I dated a gg for a short time and I recall kissing her goodnight and looking down at her legs which had as much hair on them as mine did and I was not sexually turned on by that at all. Having said that, I would hope that I would be as accepting of a gg who wished to CD at the same level as I have done most of my life-absent of any cosmetic body changes-that is just the clothes primarily and maybe any other accoutrement that could be easily reversed in a few minutes or with makeup remover, etc. and not necessarily an everyday sort of thing. I do think in that case it might spice things up in the intimacy department from time to time.

[joan658]

Don't mean to be rude, but this is sort of a silly question ... women have been "cross dressing" for close to a century now. They started wearing pants in the early part of the last century - once the exclusive realm of men. Today, a woman has the option of going into the office in a dress or skirt ... or she can wear a very masculine cut suit (with pants & even including a tie), but add a blouse with ruffles, earrings, pumps, and make up and she'll come off looking very feminine. Whereas, a man appearing in the office in a dress or skirt would be immediately fired and hustled out the door. So ... come on ... women cross dress every day! She can wear the same outfit as her SO to the mall (jeans and a t-shirt) and no one gives her a second look. Try that the other way around and all heads will turn ... unless of course you can "pass" ... heaven knows I sure can't.

[DaphneGrey]

Don't mean to be rude, but this is sort of a silly question ... women have been "cross dressing" for close to a century now. They started wearing pants in the early part of the last century - once the exclusive realm of men. Today, a woman has the option of going into the office in a dress or skirt ... or she can wear a very masculine cut suit (with pants & even including a tie), but add a blouse with ruffles, earrings, pumps, and make up and she'll come off looking very feminine. Whereas, a man appearing in the office in a dress or skirt would be immediately fired and hustled out the door. So ... come on ... women cross dress every day! She can wear the same outfit as her SO to the mall (jeans and a t-shirt) and no one gives her a second look. Try that the other way around and all heads will turn ... unless of course you can "pass" ... heaven knows I sure can't.

How true Joan she can. But the question is really a hypothetical about a SO genetic woman presenting as a man. My wife has a short boyish hair cut and wears pants sneakers all the time but she is still a girl. As a mater of fact I dress way more feminine than she does and nobody would confuse who was born male or female.

[ReineD]

So ... come on ... women cross dress every day! She can wear the same outfit as her SO to the mall (jeans and a t-shirt) and no one gives her a second look.

Welcome to the forum, Joan! :)

I'm amazed by the number of CDs who continue to believe that women who don't dress 50's style are CDing. Lol. I wear jeans and I certainly don't try to present male. My jeans are made for a woman's butt and waist. :) As for Tshirts, I don't bind my breasts so I don't think that people seeing me will mistake me for a male.

Back to Daphne's point. You said you don't think you'd support your wife as easily as she supports you. I think that someone's ability to tolerate gender variance in a romantic relationship has to do with the level at which they are flexible in terms of sexual preference. There are many people who are not purely hereto. I'm not saying that all wives who support their CDing husbands are bi, just that their preferences might be slightly more elastic than wives who cannot tolerate the CDing.

Another point is, there are wives who continue to see their TG husbands as being fundamentally male, no matter the presentation. These wives don't see themselves in relationships with women.

[Lorileah]

I have tried to make this point many times. The reason we "can't" is because the majority of men don't want to. So that said, I believe the that the Op asked not to get into "she can why can't I?" we will just say "Given women can dress in many different styles that tend to blur gender lines"

It is concept. There are many males here who can and do make up well and are pretty. Then they say things like "I can never pass." Then don't pass. The women who dress more masculine don't try and pass, they just "are". And many women can pull off a more masculine look and still be who they are. Two cases I can think are Ellen De Generes and Rachael Maddow. But they aren't trying to be guys (I don't think).

To be specific if my SO wanted to grow a beard, I would not care for it to start, but then I just don't like facial hair on anyone. But, I would get over it I am sure. If she decided to go "packing" to bars, other than the fact that I would like to go along and have fun too... it would not be a big deal. Hairy chest...again don't like it. Other than surgical changes she would want to make I don't see it as an issue. Even if she decided to have surgery, I don't think I would complain. I may not have the intimacy to start with, but I would bet that would change to what it was also.

Now I will add the caveat that I have been around, I have realized that it isn't the shell but the contents (the coconut is rough outside but sweet inside), I don't find males repulsive (another thread), I have walked a mile in MY shoes and know that dressing is just a part of who you are, and I love the person, their personality, their humor, their quirks, everything that makes them...them. So my perspective here is not the majority. 35 years ago??? Appearance was more important. Not the end all by any means because I didn't fit the ideal of what women wanted in men either so I was already looking deeper than a great body (that in itself is subjective). Now, appearance may be the initial draw (you can't see personality from across the bar with beer goggles on....that would be assuming I was looking across the bar and not at the ball game on the TV) but if you only look at "looks" then things get rather boring rapidly. And on that note, if she decided to dress more like a man...it would be a new experience and could add to our relationship.

Now sweats....no one should live in sweats

[Proteus]

It sounds hypocritical, but it's only natural for us to be oriented towards femininity. On the other hand it would be much easier for us to understand.

[Kaz]

We should be able to understand it better than a non CD partner. However, the posts still show some interesting responses!

It may be my age, or the length of our relationship, but I will support my SO in whatever choices she wants to make. I have thought about this general area for many years. To me it is important that she feels free within the context of our relationship to follow whatever paths she wants to. If I think she could do damage to herself or others, I am prepared to offer my thoughts. But she is a mature adult, and someone who I have absolute respect for. I will be 100% there for her forever.

[ronniew]

To Joan, and I'm sorry if I come off rude :) (cause i sometimes can without meaning too) I think though, being a new FTM CD, that there is a huge difference between cross dressing and waring pants and a tie. I have worn a suit and tie to work and had very short hair. However, I was still a girl and looked like a girl and acted like a girl. Women who ware men's clothes are just women waring men's clothes. A FTM CD is about how we feel inside, how the clothes make us feel, how putting a fake phallas in our pants makes us feel more manly, how adding a beard and darker eyebrows makes the face more masculine, how learning to lower our voices and being more monotone to sound like a man, learning to swagger instead of glide across the room, how to sit with our legs uncrossed and knees open wide, and on and on. Sounds like a MTF CD doesn't it? Let's rephrase the last sentence: A MTF CD is about how you feel on the inside, how the clothes make you feel, how putting on fake breast makes you feel more feminine, how adding a wig and make up makes your face more feminine, how learning to talk with a higher pitch and putting an inflection at the end of sentence to sound more like a woman, learning to glide across the room instead of swagger, learning to sit cross legged instead of stretching the legs out, and on and on. You can't really compare the fact that women ware men's clothes as cross dressing. IT'S NOT! Not any more than a man waring a kilt is cross dressing (and yes I have seen men ware them in public for no reason but to ware them). If you look at history, men wore dresses just as much as women did. Or a form of them anyways (I can almost hear Monica correcting me.. she's a history buff). So please don't confuse the fact that women ware jeans and say they cross dress. It's pretty demeaning to me to say that my cross dressing is just what women do when in fact it is just the opposite. I take my cross dressing just as seriously as many of you wonderful ladies. When I am waring my jeans and a tee shirt and have my hair in a pony tail, I am a girl (albeit a butch lesbian )in jeans, tee shirt and pony tail. But when I cross dress, I will be Ronnie. He will be in jeans, tee shirt, and pony tail.

[Pythos]

Reading some responses I the term "being your own worst enemy" is running through my mind. I actually read ON THIS FORUM. "I married a woman, not a man". OMG.

If you want the freedom to cross dress, then you better well offer your wife the same latitude. That quote mind you was from a guy similar to myself that just wants the freedom to dress and look how we wish, and certainly feel that most CDers only take on the full on fem look (fake breasts, hips, and butt, along with tucking), so that they can wear the clothing styles they like.

But, there were many posts by CDs here that their response had the Jist of that quote.

Ronniew. There is a difference. However, a man wearing a skirt as man IS STILL CONSIDERED A CROSS DRESSER in our wonderfully ignorant society. Look at how too many view men in kilts.

I think Jive Turkey will vouch for this. I know I get considered a crossdresser when I only wear a skirt and hose, and other wise appear entirely male. (no wig, no makeup.)